With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Ardy · Sep 9, 2023

Can someone remind me why he's doing this? He's trying to get to Erebos and thought he could get there through the other world, why is he bothering with this guy and helping him rescue his sister instead of asking Cornwall senior to guide him?

RoninSword · Sep 9, 2023

Ardy said:
Can someone remind me why he's doing this? He's trying to get to Erebos and thought he could get there through the other world, why is he bothering with this guy and helping him rescue his sister instead of asking Cornwall senior to guide him?

Cornwall Senior said he doesn't have the time to help with an Erebos portal until the missing people are safe and not Anti-Lifed. So do this for him and they get sent on their way.

Handlewithcare · Sep 10, 2023

I love it when things get metaphysical in this fic. Zoat is really good at writing this stuff.

Xelloss · Sep 10, 2023

No update today ?

_The_Bomb · Sep 10, 2023

Xelloss said:
No update today ?

Site was down and just reopened.

Rafin · Sep 10, 2023

Does QQ have something like a Twitter account where they update people when the site is down for longer?

Mr Zoat · Sep 10, 2023

17th February 2013
14:48 GMT

Blinding, blinding bright! It's the sun and the light and burning! I can feel my face melting-!

Back up, back up, back away until my 'zone' and his aren't overlapping any longer!

"What-?"

Two beams of fire strafe the landscape, melting statues and-. Block! Shield!

"Kon, turn it down!"

"I don't know how!"

The beam of sunfire slams into my shield and starts melting it, orange light… Dripping..? Onto the sandy ground.

"Try pushing the feeling away a little!"

Lord Aker, I pray to you, in the name of Teth Adom, please help my teammate turn down his sun.

"I-! Ah. I think-."

The beam cuts out, and I breathe a sigh of relief as Kon does the-.

"Aagh!"

Flames roar out in all directions as his aura expands! I strengthen my shield as the ground melts into glass, the superheated pseudo-air pushing me back! I see the ground beneath the statues sag and cause them to tilt towards him as the flames cut out, and beneath them I get a momentary glimpse of a Kon-shaped mass of brilliant white sun fire.

"Kon, try to-!"

"Ah, a new sun."

I half-turn to see a pair of male lions approaching us. They look identical to each other and move in synchronicity with the same gait. But more than the feline outline I see yesterday and tomorrow, and… They're either Aker's body or his servants.

Duaj looks at me. "He's making quite a mess. Bast will not be impressed."

"Then we will make our apologies when we see her. Please, help him."

Sefer tilts his head to the right a little. "They can hardly repay us if they're dead."

"Aghwgh!"

Kon flares again, waves of flames shooting into the sky! The moment they dim, Kon curling up on himself in the foetal position in the middle of a glass pit, they dash forwards, stopping on either side of Kon and-.

And the sun goes down. It's still there, but it's… Only weakly visible. Kon looks left and right, smiling at them.

"Ah, thanks."

Duaj looks away dismissively. "You are in our debt. And Bast will want those statues rebuilt. This place is precious to her."

Ah, yes. The newer parts of the statues have survived just fine, but the older parts are wrecked. Several are partially submerged in the cooling glass while others are broken and thrown back. Some of the oldest have exploded, sending red hot stone fragments in all directions.

"Oh."

Except… No. The statues are… Echoes of monuments in the real world, magic energy forced into shape by the echoes of the devotion of mortal worshippers. I move closer, encompassing one pile of rubble in my domain bubble. Yes, I can see the strands of desire that were binding it together. With a little effort…

It doesn't move back into position. The statue parts don't melt down and flow back into each other. Instead, the pieces are pieces one moment and whole the next. Large pieces one moment and a restored statue a moment later. Can't do anything about the sand, as that doesn't have any particular desire-associations. But the first statue, the second… I go down the line of Kon's swath of destruction, pulling them out of the glass and making them…

The ones I restore don't maintain the damage they had when I first got here. Curious, and something which means that Bast shouldn't have any grounds for faulting me.

When they're all back in place I turn to the lions.

"Good enough?"

Sefer tosses his mane. "Good enough for us."

Duaj regards me levelly. "Whether it's good enough for Bast is another matter."

"Cernunnos, in your-"

I look around and can't see him. Kon's burning… Sunset orange… Huh, we nearly match. Walks over, keeping just far enough away that we don't overlap again. He looks around too. Then I try detecting the trail of his desires-. Yeah, Cernunnos isn't a big god. I guess that the sort of power someone like Helios can throw around would actually be a threat to him. But his trail goes there and then…

Cernunnos emerges from his own domain, shining with the concept of 'burrowing' and 'hiding'. He looks at Kon warily, then nods at the lions.

"-opinion, how irritated will Bast be?"

He takes a moment to check what we've done with the place.

"I doubt that she will be angry at all. You've made the place more whole. She might ask you to repeat what you did in other places."

I don't mind fixing the place up a little. I'd do that just to thank them for sponsoring Adom. I turn to the lions.

"Please take us to her."

They look at each other and then turn and head off down an avenue lined with statues. We fall in behind them, Cernunnos keeping his distance slightly while I perform a visual check on Kon.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I feel.. weaker, but that's probably a good thing."

"What happened?"

"I just thought more was good? And then I didn't know how to turn it off." He raises his right arm slightly, looking at it. "But I couldn't-. It wasn't too much exactly, it was just-. I didn't know what to do with it. Did you get hurt?"

I shake my head, which is a much bigger motion for a snake. "No, that was fine. Do you have time for extra magic-related training?"

"Not right now. And after we deal with the Anti-Life I'm gunna have classes to catch up on."

"Fair enough. But this is probably something we should include in future training schemes. You never know when you're going to have to enter the realm of the gods."

He nods, and in the distance I can see the outer wall of the city we're approaching. Duaj turns his head towards me.

"Welcome to Bubastis. Try not to make a mess."

I consider my history to date.

"No guarantees."

Mr Zoat · Sep 10, 2023

Darko said:
Zoat, the previous chapter listed the time as being 12:38, but now it says 14:24.

Maybe change the second one to 14:44.

Thank you, corrected.

RoninSword said:
Cornwall Senior said he doesn't have the time to help with an Erebos portal until the missing people are safe and not Anti-Lifed. So do this for him and they get sent on their way.

Also, heroism. People are in need.

Xelloss said:
No update today ?

I got up late and the site was down. Any idea why that's been happening lately?

Ngamer11 · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Kon flares again, waves of flames shooting into the sky! The moment they dim, Kon curling up on himself the dash forwards, stopping on either side of Kon and-.

That should say 'they'.

Mr Zoat said:
Cernunnos emerges from his own domain, shining with the concept of 'burrowing' and 'hiding'. He looks at Kon warily, then nods at the lions.

Mr Zoat said:
They look at each other and then turn and head off down an avenue lined with statues. We fall in behind them, Cernunnos keeping his distance slightly while I perform a visual check on Kon.

I was expecting Paul to be the one to cause Cernunnos to feel fear due to a display of raw power. It's nice that Kon is also getting the chance to accidentally intimidate a god.

Mr Zoat said:
"Welcome to Bubastis. Try not to make a mess."

I consider my history to date.

"No guarantees."

I can't wait to see what Paul does next in Bubastis. Hopefully he'll get an in with Bast so that he can get her help in the future if he ever needs it.

Bud-E · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
"Welcome to Bubastis. Try not to make a mess."

I consider my history to date.

"No guarantees."

Well at least Paul's self aware

Khettien · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
"Welcome to Bubastis. Try not to make a mess."

He said to Cake Man. Heh.

Silveraith · Sep 10, 2023

The forum is trying to update to better software and the host isn't providing the server with enough storage space. Two things hitting simultaneously. The issue presents itself during the nightly back-up.

There's a thread about it on the main page.

https://forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/daily-crashing-of-qq.23632/

iamnuff · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Also, heroism. People are in need.

There is such a thing a triage.

If Paul's plan can really remove the Anti-life from earth, then it should be the 100% priority.

After thats done, most other Anti-life problems will either take care of themselves or become much more manageable.

To say nothing of the suffering of billions every second this is delayed.

BartlettMagic · Sep 10, 2023

this mystical magical action is the kind of shit i love

Galler · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
I got up late and the site was down. Any idea why that's been happening lately?

Thank you for the update! Here is a relevant quote on the 503 error QQ has been having

Student of Zelretch said:
There's a number of things going on, but one of the main issues is that due to the XF2 build in addition to the live site, the partition that QQ is currently on is substantially more full than usual, to the point the daily server backup kicks things in the head and offlines the site. This would ordinarily be a fairly simple fix… except we identified our current host as being behind the email service issues that QQ has been having a couple weeks back, which means it's currently in-progress to look for new hosting to fix the email issues. The admins cleaned out some old junk data that hopefully will allow the server backups to not offline the site… we'll see at 900 UTC. Not a long term solution, but hopefully it works till we determine if we're going to switch server hosts.

There is also more info and discussion here: What's with recent 502 errors?

Chojin Patriarch · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
17th February 2013
14:48 GMT

Blinding, blinding bright! It's the sun and the light and burning! I can feel my face melting-!

Back up, back up, back away until my 'zone' and his aren't overlapping any longer!

And ironically, as I type this up, it's the middle of the night.

Hopefully OL won't return to flesh with a tan. ...Or maybe third-degree burns, given the heat. I wouldn't be surprised if Kon's skin doesn't look too unlike the surface of the sun right now...

"What-?"

Two beams of fire strafe the landscape, melting statues and-. Block! Shield!

Oooh, solar plasma at close range. That's messy.

"Kon, turn it down!"

"I don't know how!"

At least now you can commiserate with Superman about heat vision-related mishaps.

The beam of sunfire slams into my shield and starts melting it, orange light… Dripping..? Onto the sandy ground.

"Try pushing the feeling away a little!"

Strange but entirely logical. Hot things melt other things...

Lord Aker, I pray to you, in the name of Teth Adom, please help my team mate turn down his sun.

"I-! Ah. I think-."

And such a prayer in a place like this might get a personal visitation by the deity himself. If only to see what prompted such an unusually worded request.

The beam cuts out, and I breath a sigh of relief and I Kon doing the-.

"Aagh!"

No, no, noo...

Let me guess: Fire breath?

Flames roar out in all directions as his aura expands! I strengthen my shield as the ground melts into glass, the superheated pseudo-air pushing me back! I see the ground beneath the statues sag and cause them to tilt towards him as the flames cut out, and beneath them I get a momentary glimpse of a Kon-shaped mass of brilliant white sun fire.

"Kon, try to-!"

Oh, well... I guess Bast needed a new temple anyway. This one's a write-off.

"Ah, a new sun."

I half-turn to see a pair of male lions approaching us. They look identical to each other and move in synchronicity with the same gait. But more than the feline outline I see yesterday and tomorrow, and… They're either Aker's body or his servants.

Aker being the god of horizons, that including the east and west that symbolise Dawn and Dusk, past and future... An appropriate person to call for help with a young sun.

Duaj looks at me. "He's making quite a mess. Bast will not be impressed."

"Then we will make our apologies when we see her. Please, help him."

Many apologies. Many heartfelt apologies, possibly with foot massages. And gift baskets of mice.

Sefer tilts his head to the right a little. "They can hardly repay us if they're dead."

"Aghwgh!"

How mercenary a response. "What's in it for us, then?"

Kon flares again, waves of flames shooting into the sky! The moment they dim, Kon curling up on himself they dash forwards, stopping on either side of Kon and-.

And the sun goes down. It's still there, but it's… Only weakly visible. Kon looks left and right, smiling at them.

Adding a little metaphorical distance, eh? Or more suppressing the light and heat with their own auras of sunrise and sunset...

"Ah, thanks."

Duaj looks away dismissively. "You are in our debt. And Bast will want those statues rebuilt. This place is precious to her."

Right, not unexpected. Get onto that, OL.

Ah, yes. The newer parts of the statues have survived just fine, but the older parts are wrecked. Several are partially submerged in the cooling glass while others are broken and thrown back. Some of the oldest have exploded, sending red hot stone fragments in all directions.

"Oh."

Don't worry, Kon. I'm sure every guy with powers of heat or flame have their own 'oops' moments. At least this one didn't hurt any actual people.

Except… No. The statues are… Echoes of monuments in the real world, magic energy forced into shape by the echoes of the devotion of mortal worshippers. I move closer, encompassing one pile of rubble in my domain bubble. Yes, I can see the strands of desire that were binding it together. With a little effort…

And with a little nudge of his own desire to set it right and make the place tidy...

It doesn't move back into position. The statue parts don't melt down and flow back into each other. Instead, the pieces are pieces one moment and whole the next. Large pieces one moment and a restored statue a moment later. Can't do anything about the sand, as that doesn't have any particular desire-associations. But the first statue, the second… I go down the line of Kon's swath of destruction, pulling them out of the glass and making them…

Eh, I'm sure Bast won't mind having to sort that out. Floor is floor, after all. Even a slippery one.

The ones I restore don't maintain the damage they had when I first got here. Curious, and something which means that Bast shouldn't have any grounds for faulting me.

When they're all back in place I turn to the lions.

So perhaps you fixed up what I bet were her favourite scratching posts.

"Good enough?"

Sefer tosses his mane. "Good enough for us."

...But it isn't your temple, is it?

Duaj regards me levelly. "Whether it's good enough for Bast is another matter."

"Cernunnos, in your-"

Best to ask for a second opinion, right?

I look around and can't see him. Kon's burning… Sunset orange… Huh, we nearly match. Walks over, keeping just far enough away that we don't overlap again. He looks around too. Then I try detecting the trail of his desires-. Yeah, Cernunnos isn't a big god. I guess that the sort of power someone like Helios can throw around would actually be a threat to him. But his trail goes there and then…

...So he took off like a deer fleeing a forest fire?

Cernunnos emerges from his own domain, shining with the concept of 'burrowing' and 'hiding'. He looks at Kon warily, then nods at the lions.

"-opinion, how irritated will Bast be?"

Bet it's been a while since he felt the part of the small, helpless prey...

He takes a moment to check what we've done with the place.

"I doubt that she will be angry at all. You've made the place more whole. She might ask you to repeat what you did in other places."

...Fair enough, I suppose. Maybe he might find himself being asked by some of the others to give their territories a spring-cleaning too.

I don't mind fixing the place up a little. I'd do that just to thank them for sponsoring Adom. I turn to the lions.

"Please take us to her."

Nice, we get to meet the god-queen of kitties after all.

They look at each other and then turn and head off down an avenue lined with statues. We fall in behind them, Cernunnos keeping his distance slightly while I perform a visual check on Kon.

"Are you feeling alright?"

Hopefully he's managing to keep it down to 'warm summer's day sunshine' than 'annihilating plasma bubble.'

"I feel.. weaker, but that's probably a good thing."

"What happened?"

And is it likely to repeat itself if you get distracted?

"I just thought more was good? And then I didn't know how to turn it off." He raises his right arm slightly, looking at it. "But I couldn't-. It wasn't too much exactly, it was just-. I didn't know what to do with it. Did you get hurt?"

I shake my head, which is a much bigger motion for a snake. "No, that was fine. Do you have time for extra magic-related training?"

Because he might need it after that display... Especially if he can replicate this in the real world.

"Not right now. And after we deal with the Anti-Life I'm gunna have classes to catch up on."

"Fair enough. But this is probably we should include in future training schemes. You never know when you're going to have to enter the realm of the gods."

...Only when you're involved in things, OL... Then again, given some of the JLA's more curious cases...

He nods, and in the distance I can see the outer wall of the city we're approaching. Duaj turns his head towards me.

"Welcome to Bubastis. Try not to make a mess."

Bit of an ask, really.

I consider my history to date.

"No guarantees."

"That's reasonable."

Well, that escalated rapidly. But matters seems to be under control again. And getting to meet Bast might speed up the process of finding a pathway into Erebus from here. If nothing else, she could call a local deity of the Underworld for a consultation for them. Hopefully we'll see soon, assuming QQ doesn't have a meltdown again tomorrow.

...and I breath a sigh of relief and I Kon doing the-.

Extraneous 'I' there.

WereDragon · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
"Not right now. And after we deal with the Anti-Life I'm gunna have classes to catch up on."

I'm pretty sure he only went to classes for the social interaction experience. And it isn't like anyone will be collecting homework for a long time to come. What does he expect to be catching up on?

Khornelius · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
I got up late and the site was down. Any idea why that's been happening lately?

Well I think a Solar flare was suppose to hit sometime this weekend. If not that. Then it might depend where your internet is and/or where the server is and what kind of weather phenomenon is going on in that area.

Darko · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Kon curling up on himself the dash forwards, stopping on either side of Kon and-

"Kon is curling up on himself and they dash"

Mr Zoat said:
But this is probably we should include

"something we should include"

Duke Long · Sep 10, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Lord Aker, I pray to you, in the name of Teth Adom, please help my team mate turn down his sun.

'teammate'?

Mr Zoat said:
The beam cuts out, and I breath a sigh of relief and I Kon doing the-.

'breathe'
Latter part of the sentence is a bit strange.

Mr Zoat · Sep 10, 2023

Ngamer11 said:
That should say 'they'.

Chojin Patriarch said:
Extraneous 'I' there.

Darko said:
"Kon is curling up on himself and they dash"
"something we should include"

Duke Long said:
'teammate'?

'breathe'
Latter part of the sentence is a bit strange.

Thank you, corrected.

Vaermina · Sep 10, 2023

WereDragon said:
I'm pretty sure he only went to classes for the social interaction experience. And it isn't like anyone will be collecting homework for a long time to come. What does he expect to be catching up on?

Maybe he thinks the Angel's will show up and bring all the people killed back to life like they did last time?

DAT_NOOB · Sep 11, 2023

Is Eris gonna be jealous that Paul is worshipping other pantheons?

Mr Zoat · Sep 11, 2023

4th Sigmarzeit 2512
Early morning

"You just want a jug?"

My early morning visit to Yousuf's coffee house in Zandri has attracted a small crowd. I've been here a few times, but not enough to be known above the level of rumour. Being so far from the polar gates, Arabyan magicians making use of bound elementals are a common enough sight, but they don't usually glow orange and they certainly don't have my complexion.

Yousuf just takes it in his stride as I nod, and starts pouring freshly brewed coffee into a jug. The crowd on the other hand are keeping back a little, just in case.

"How are things going with the honoured dead?"

"Pretty good, thank you for asking. The canal continues to widen, though it'll probably be a couple of months before you see a significant increase in shipping here."

"That will be nice. Do they drink coffee?"

"The Tomb Kings? Ah, not yet, but we're working on giving them a sense of taste. At the moment, the best we can do is have someone else drink for them and transfer the sensation over to them with magic."

"Is this for them?"

"No, we've been limiting them to relatively tasteless food. Crackers, ship's biscuits, things like that. It's been such a long time that anything with actual flavour might… Have regrettable results. But so soon as we know it's safe, I'll bring a few guests here."

"Thank you, sir. I've never served a dead customer before." He turns towards the kitchen area. "Zurafa!"

"I have them, father!"

A young woman emerges, a small bag of coffee beans under each arm. She then lays them on the counter next to the lidded jug.

"Excellent, thank you."

As this is a port city which pays host to travellers from just about everywhere, just about every currency is accepted locally. Old World currencies haven't undergone decimalisation, and the Empire has a weird conversion of 12 pennies to 1 shilling, and then 20 shillings to 1 crown. A peasant earns about a crown a month before taxes or expenses, which puts an interesting spin on the earnings of an adventurer in Warhammer Quest where a single goblin spearman paid out 20 gold if you killed it and even a mid-level magic item would be twenty times that.

Nice work if you can survive doing it.

I put down two silvers for the counter and slide them over. Yousuf picks them up and taps them against each other, listening to the sound they make. Then he smiles, sliding them into his apron.

"Thank you, sir! Come again soon!"

I smile back, grasping the bags and jug with construct hands and walking towards the exit. Everyone gives the crazy foreign wizard plenty of space as I exit the building and then fly upwards. There aren't many flying monsters in this part of the world -it's far too hot- but the local sultan employs a small number of carpet riders and most viziers maintain a powerful bound spirit in case of emergencies. None of them have taken a special interest in me before, but it's always worth keeping an eye out in case things change.

And now, north.

A little later

"Good morning, Esteban."

Esteban nods calmly as I appear at the gate to his farm, gesturing to the bag of oranges and jug of milk leaning against the wall with his walking stick. He's long since handed off running the orange grove to his son, but he seems to find my visits amusing. I get another nod as I float one of the coffee sacks over to his chair, and take the oranges in their place.

"Same time next week."

Another nod, and then homeward bound, cooling the milk and cleaning the fruit as I go. The sack of oranges go next to the juicing machine. Dwarfs don't actually need a plan approved by the Guildmasters for everything. For mechanical devices, it's enough that the general principles are approved and no part of what they're making is disapproved. A simple hopper and mechanical crusher was basically just a smaller version of what they use for crushing ore in the mountains, and so didn't present a challenge at all. My coffee paraphernalia… Well, if anyone likes the drink then I'll buy something.

Coffee on the table with ceramic mugs, pitcher of water, bread… Is done, so I take that out of the oven. Bowls of dried fruit, nuts and honey join them, and… Well, there are eggs and bacon in the cold room. No sense in getting it out unless someone wants it. The Empire is a few centuries away from developing the microwave or freezer, but dwarfs aren't foolish enough to try burning wood or coal underground for any purpose where it's not strictly required and I purchased a rune oven early on.

"Good morning, Sir Paol!" Sir Mallobaude strides in, his hair still wet from his post morning exercise shower. "Ah, peasant fare again! Martrud of Montfort surely smiles upon us from the Lady's realm!"

"You're welcome to get something else if you want it."

I walk over to the porridge pot and ladle out a scoop. Setting it down on the table and turn my attention to the juicer. "Orange juice?"

He frowns as he lifts the lid on the coffee pot and takes a sniff. "Ah. You think that we should drink poison, to train our bodies to resist it. Wise indeed."

"It's called coffee. It's from Araby. I assure you, it's not poisonous."

"What is not-?" Lady Richilde walks in from the direction of the guest room, stopping as she sees Sir Mallobaude. "Poisonous?"

"Fresh coffee, direct from Araby. There's milk and honey if you want to dilute it." I pull three oranges out of the sack and load them into the hopper. "Orange juice?"

She's still staring at Sir Mallobaude. Right, no tabard.

"Sorry, it's usually-" I deposit a smock on him from subspace. "-just the three of us."

"Will Lady Aranei be joining us?"

"No, she's abjuring my bed at present."

Sir Mallobaude shakes his head. "You give that filly too much rein. I tell you, she wanted you to demonstrate the strength of your ardour after she felt threatened by the presence of Lady Richilde. Letting her leave indicates a truly heartless callousness."

I crank the orange-crushing handle, feeding the oranges into the mechanism as the juice begins to flow through the spigot and into my glass. Lady Richilde watches the process curiously, clearly finding it more interesting than Mallobaude's chest now that it's covered by a layer of wool. The gearing makes it easy to use but slow to fill a glass, the skins of the oranges making quiet plopping sounds as they fall into the pig swill hopper.

"I don't like treating people like petulant children, even if they're behaving like petulant children. Lady-."

"Sir Paol the Heartless, the bards shall name you! Lady Richilde, you know the minds of women better than he, tell him that I speak the truth!"

Lady Richilde pours herself a mug of coffee, takes a small test-sip and then adds a small spoonful of honey. "Were I in his place, I would be more concerned for the feelings of my betrothed."

Glass filled, I cease cranking the machine and wait for the last of the juice to run out.

"In Queen Khalida's country, it would be perfectly normal for a nobleman to have several concubines. And possibly even junior wives, if the situation warranted it."

I don't think the fact that the same technique that has allowed her to taste for the first time in millennia can also be used to share other sensations is really a topic for the breakfast table.

"Where is her country?"

"Nehekhara. She rules the city of Lybaras."

"That's where you began the canal. Your betrothal gift?"

"Not how I originally intended it. I thought she'd be interested in a ceremonial marriage with.. a suitably armigerous second son. But it seems that I was the outstanding candidate. Oh and.. we're… Ah, I'm not a skeleton fetishist, we're-."

Her face falls. "I had assumed it was a ceremonial…"

"We're planning to restore them to life, but no. Not ceremonial."

"I think it might be best if we spend the day going through all of your plans, so that I can properly… Summarise them for my uncle."

"Sure thing. Orange juice?"

LiamOfOrmonde · Sep 11, 2023

For some reason, Paol constantly asking people if they want orange juice reminds me of that scene Tom 'Brother, Where Art Thou' when the guy keeps offering his friends cooked gopher at the end of every one of his sentences.

Cuchulin · Sep 11, 2023

LiamOfOrmonde said:
For some reason, Paol constantly asking people if they want orange juice reminds me of that scene Tom 'Brother, Where Art Thou' when the guy keeps offering his friends cooked gopher at the end of every one of his sentences.

Reminds me of the Fourth Doctor who was always offering people Jelly babies.

PepeTheFrog · Sep 11, 2023

LiamOfOrmonde said:
For some reason, Paol constantly asking people if they want orange juice reminds me of that scene Tom 'Brother, Where Art Thou' when the guy keeps offering his friends cooked gopher at the end of every one of his sentences.

It makes me think of Nakor from The Magician books offering people oranges constantly because he's got a magic bag that lets him nick them from a grocer.

ForeverShogo · Sep 11, 2023

Ah. Ophelia. An excellent choice. Wouldn't mind another Dragon Commander, even if I absolutely hate the ending.

But it just goes to show, a skeleton waifu is fine too if you figure out how to give her back her flesh.

Chojin Patriarch · Sep 11, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
4th Sigmarzeit 2512
Early morning

"You just want a jug?"

My early morning visit to Yousuf's coffee house in Zandri has attracted a small crowd. I've been here a few times, but not enough to be known above the level of rumour. Being so far from the polar gates, Arabian magicians making use of bound elementals are a common enough sight, but they don't usually glow orange and they certainly don't have my complexion.

Heh. Paol's morning routine, eh? Travelling the world to gather ingredients for a decent modern-style breakfast. Including fresh-ground coffee from the Middle East. I wonder what his new guest will make of it?

Yousuf just takes it in his stride as I nod, and starts pouring freshly brewed coffee into a jug. The crowd on the other hand a keeping back a little, just in case.

"How are things going with the honoured dead?"

Because of course the funny flying pale-skinned man draws a big crowd waiting to see what happens.

People gonna sticky-beak no matter what world it is.

"Pretty good, thank you for asking. The canal continues to widen, though it'll probably be a couple of months before you see a significant increase in shipping here."

"That will be nice. Do they drink coffee?"

And no doubt Yousef will be itching to made a killing with his advance knowledge.

"The Tomb Kings? Ah, not yet, but we're working on giving them a sense of taste. At the moment, the best we can do is have someone else drink for them and transfer the sensation over to them with magic."

"Is this for them?"

Sensible. Ease them back into the benefits of being flesh once more.

"No, we've been limiting them to relatively tasteless food. Crackers, ship's biscuits, things like that. It's been such a long time that anything with actual flavour might… Have regrettable results. But so soon as we know it's safe, I'll bring a few guests here."

"Thank you, sir. I've never served a dead customer before." He turns towards the kitchen area. "Zurafa!"

And now I'm picturing a Tomb King who becomes obsessed with gourmet food, even though he gains no nutritional benefit.

"I have them, father!"

A young woman emerges, a small bag of coffee beans under each arm. She then lays the on the counter next to the lidded jug.

"Excellent, thank you."

Ah, a little trading stock. No doubt roasted to kill the seeds.

As this is a port city which pays host to travellers from just about everywhere, just about every currency is accepted locally. Old World currencies haven't undergone decimalisation, and the Empire has a weird conversion of 12 pennies to 1 shilling, and then 20 shillings to 1 crown. A peasant earns about a crown a month before taxes or expenses, which puts an interesting spin on the earnings of an adventurer in Warhammer Quest where a single goblin spearman paid out 20 gold if you killed it and even a mid-level magic item would be twenty times that.

Just like old English pre-decimal money. And of course adventurer economics is screwy. Would it feel so satisfying to gain treasure if they were only copper coins?

Nice work if you can survive doing it.

I put down two silvers for the counter and slide them over. Yousuf picks them up and taps them against each other, listening to the sound they make. Then he smiles, sliding them into his apron.

"Thank you, sir! Come again soon!"

Though adventuring is dangerous work, I suspect some would attempt it just to escape the doldrums of normal village life. The huge paychecks would be a bonus.

I smile back, grasping the bags and jug with construct hands and walking towards the exit. Everyone gives the crazy foreign wizard plenty of space as I exit the building and then fly upwards. There aren't many flying monsters in this part of the world -it's far too hot- but the local sultan employs a small number of carpet riders and most viziers maintain a powerful bound spirit in case of emergencies. None of them have taken a special interest in me before, but it's always worth keeping an eye out in case things change.

Would be embarrassing to crash into someone because you ascended without due care and attention.

And now, north.

A little later

"Good morning, Esteban."

And now... Tilea? Or Estalia?

Esteban nods calmly as I appear at the gate to his farm, gesturing to the bag of oranges and jug of milk leaning against the wall with his walking stick. He's long since handed off running the orange grove to his son, but he seems to find my visits amusing. I get another nod as I float one of the coffee sacks over to his chair, and take the oranges in their place.

"Same time next week."

Heh. The coffee beans are probably worth far more than the produce he's receiving.

Another nod, and then homeward bound, cooling the milk and cleaning the fruit as I go. The sack of oranges go next to the juicing machine. Dwarfs don't actually need a plan approved by the Guildmasters for everything. For mechanical devices, it's enough that the general principles are approved and no part of what they're making is disapproved. A simple hopper and mechanical crusher was basically just a smaller version of what they use for crushing ore in the mountains, and so didn't present a challenge at all. My coffee paraphernalia… Well, if anyone likes the drink then I'll buy something.

Since you don't want to tread on any grudgesome toes by making your own designs. Or selling a dwarvish one without paying proper due.

Coffee on the table with ceramic mugs, pitcher of water, bread… Is done, so I take that out of the oven. Bowls of dried fruit, nuts and honey join them, and… Well, there are eggs and bacon in the cold room. No sense in getting it out unless someone wants it. The Empire is a few centuries away from developing the microwave or freezer, but dwarfs aren't foolish enough to try burning wood or coal underground for any purpose where it's not strictly required and I purchased a rune oven early on.

And a much safer way to capture magical energy than all that hand-waving the Humans and knife-ears do.

"Good morning, Sir Paol!" Sir Mallobaude strides in, his hair still wet from his post morning exercise shower. "Ah, peasant fare again! Martrud of Montfort surely smiles upon us from the Lady's realm!"

"You're welcome to get something else if you want it."

Just because Paol feels no need to go hunt partridge or something so you can have a small feast for breakfast... Though the eye-candy is appreciated.

I walk over to the porridge pot and ladle out a scoop. Setting it down on the table and turn my attention to the juicer. "Orange Juice?"

He frowns as he lifts the lid on the coffee pot and takes a sniff. "Ah. You think that we should drink poison, to train our bodies to resist it. Wise indeed."

...He's not wrong. Coffee isn't exactly super-healthy. In large quantities, anyway.

"It's called coffee. It's from Araby. I assure you, it's not poisonous."

"What is not-?" Lady Richilde walks in from the direction of the guest room, stopping as she sees Sir Mallobaude. "Poisonous?"

...Mal's not wearing pants, is he?

Awkward.

"Fresh coffee, direct from Araby. There's milk and honey if you want to dilute it." I pull three oranges out of the sack and load them into the hopper. "Orange juice?"

She's still staring at Sir Mallobaude. Right, no tabard.

I'll note she's not shy about looking, though. How scandalous of her.

"Sorry, it's usually-" I deposit a smock on him from subspace. "-just the three of us."

"Will Lady Aranei be joining us?"

In other words, are you in danger of being stabbed?

"No, she's abjuring my bed at present."

Sir Mallobaude shakes his head. "You give that filly too much rein. I tell you, she wanted you to demonstrate the strength of your ardour after she felt threatened by the presence of Lady Richilde. Letting her leave indicates a truly heartless callousness."

I get the feeling Aranei wanted bed-breaking sex, if I decoded that flowery language right. And Paol didn't oblige?

I crank the orange-crushing handle, feeding the oranges into the mechanism as the juice begins to flow through the spigot and into my glass. Lady Richilde watches the process curiously, clearly finding it more interesting than Mallobaude's chest now that it's covered by a layer of wool. The gearing makes it easy to use but slow to fill a glass, the skins of the oranges making quiet plopping sounds as they fall into the pig swill hopper.

"I don't like treating people like petulant children, even if they're behaving like petulant children. Lady-."

Hmm. Has the lady not had fresh-squeezed juice before? I suppose imports would be a little over-ripe by the time they arrived.

"Sir Paol the Heartless, the bards shall name you! Lady Richilde, you know the minds of women better than he, tell him that I speak the truth!"

Lady Richilde pours herself a mug of coffee, takes a small test-sip and then adds a small spoonful of honey. "Where I in his place, I would be more concerned for the feelings of my betrothed."

Now, now. I'm sure Khalida doesn't consider their relationship to be that important. ...Or monoamorous.

Glass filled, I cease cranking the machine and wait for the last of the juice to run out.

"In Queen Khalida's country, it would be perfectly normal for a nobleman to have several concubines. And possibly even junior wives, if the situation warranted it."

And such things were sometimes more a display of 'see how rich and powerful I am that I can have so many wives!' than any kind of romance.

I don't think that I should mention that the same technique that has allowed her to taste for the first time in millennia can also be used to share other sensations is really a topic for the breakfast table.

"Where is her country?"

...Oh, my. </takei> Imagine having to be the fleshy person involved in that experiment...

"Nehekhara. She rules the city of Lybaras."

"That's where you began the canal. Your betrothal gift?"

Probably also a convenient spot to begin.

"Not how I originally intended it. I thought she'd be interested in a ceremonial marriage with.. a suitably armigerous second son. But it seems that I was the outstanding candidate. Oh and.. we're… Ah, I'm not a skeleton fetishist, we're-."

Her face falls. "I had assumed it was a ceremonial…"

He likes his ladies with more meat on their bones. Preferably a non-zero amount, at least.

"We're planning to restore them to life, but no. Not ceremonial."

"I think it might be best if we spend the day going through all of you plans, so that I can properly… Summarise them for my uncle."

"Sure thing. Orange juice?"

Ideally in ways that won't have him thinking Paol is some manner of deviant, eh?

A surprisingly homey little scene, given how he's been globe-trotting just to get a nice selection of ingredients. I suppose a full English Breakfast is still a ways away, though. And while Mal may lament the lack of fine food, it's probably healthier for him in the long run. Though just imagine the Nehekharans getting to taste that. They may go mad from the pleasure.

The crowd on the other hand a keeping back a little, just in case.

The crowd on the other hand are keeping back a little, just in case.

She then lays the on the counter next to the lidded jug.

She then lays them on the counter next to the lidded jug.

crazygrox · Sep 11, 2023

Mr Zoat said:
Her face falls. "I had assumed it was a ceremonial…"

This paul is stuck in an ever-expanding love dodecahedron.

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