-the reading room off the library of Queen Triskele's domain.
Hm.
I doubt there's much pornographic material, though. The ladies probably get enough of that sort of thing when they're working. Maybe some technical manuals, hmm?
The man in front of me has pale skin and black hair, slightly receding. He's wearing a well-tailored black suit, jacket open and showing a white silk shirt beneath. He's holding…
Ah.
...Oh, dear. Something that close to human-baseline is either very old, very
powerful, or both. Take care, Renegade, I think you've gotten the attention of someone
very high in rank.
"Yes. That one."
"It's a good read." He closes it and looks at the front cover. The other books on the bookcase next to him don't look disturbed. He knew what he was looking for in advance. "'The Expunged Memories of Children?' That's not something that most demons would trouble themselves with."
...And he knows why you're here. That's even worse, because now he has
leverage.
"Oh, how clever you are. Clearly it has some particular value to me." He raises his eyebrows very slightly. "I'm not in the mood for messing about. What do you want in exchange?"
"Direct." He looks mildly upset, and walks away from the bookshelf where their mother hid their memories and sits behind a desk decorated with the spine of a snake, bones wrapped around the edge of the upper surface. He lays the book under his right hand, fingers drumming on the leather. His left rests on what looks like a human skull. "I was hoping for something a little more thought-provoking."
Ah, the unique aesthetics of Hell... A subtle reminder of who nominally rules this demense, eh?
"I've been here for five days. Nothing about Hell recommends it to me and I really just want to get this over with."
"It's not really supposed to recommend itself to you. If it does then we're doing something wrong."
...I hate to say it but he
does have a point. It would take a truly cracked mind to
enjoy this place.
I nod. "True. So?"
He tightens his grip on the skull, tilting it and then tapping the jaw against the table three times. "What do you know about demon society?"
I'd be wary of him trying to subtly cast a spell, but he can no doubt feel the fortress-like nature of the Renegade's metaphysique.
"It's a brutal bastardocracy with as much order as the people with the most power choose to impose. There appear to be certain built-in limitations on the locals -the no lying on contractual issues thing is mildly surprising- but that's a matter of the structure of the demons own magic rather than a sign of actual morals."
"But what's it all for, do you think?"
Honestly, that implies it
was made. For a purpose, rather than simply growing up from a crack in the universe where a certain
someone landed.
"Hell? Demons? Let's see…" I frown. "As the New God of Conquest, I'd say that the realm is monstrously inefficient at achieving any purpose. As such, what it's for cannot be any particular end. As an educational example of how not to do things, it fails because few people can actually see what goes on and are instead forced to rely on rumours and ancient texts of dubious authenticity. I am aware that demons are alleged to like the setup and find beauty in it, so I suppose it could be an installation art piece where the audience are the participants. And of course the dull option of a place of punishment for the souls that have done something to offend the Source. Or perhaps it doesn't really have one and the people confined to it are just doing whatever."
As if the whole place were some sort of gigantic role-playing game session?
Damnation, the MMORPG that will consume your soul!
Something about that provokes a smile.
"Inefficient?"
To be fair, having it be
efficient would probably attract reprisals from its enemies, such as the Silver City. Sort of a 'if it's running
well, it's too
dangerous!'
"Souls don't last, torn apart for parts or just falling apart when overstressed. Demons are inevitably short-sighted people more dependent on mortal stupidity than really being capable of corrupting someone who wasn't heading that way anyway, and they both love and hate the place by turns If it was up to me I'd just tear the whole place down."
"It's been tried. Hell was reopened by popular demand."
You mean when Lucifer cast away the key and it went to
Remiel and
Duma? No, that was just him being
dramatic.
"Turfing everyone out isn't tearing it down, it's inflicting it on other people. No, no, if you've decided that the point is to tempt the souls you don't want in Heaven into disqualifying themselves, don't keep them around to slowly break them into parts. Just get rid of them."
"Render them down straight away?"
Especially since they may end up gaining redemption before they crumble. And then all you've done is waste your time and theirs.
"What are you making machines for? Making artefacts for? Home improvements? In Hell? Please. Frankly, it looks like Hell is over-staffed to me. There aren't so many summoners that you really need more than… What, a few thousand Succubae? And they're the popular sort of demons. Half that many financial specialists, and then a mere handful of other classes, focusing on the most powerful and flexible. Everything else can just be expunged from the universe at essentially no loss."
Unless someone is building an
army, in which case, their unit selection is rather haphazard. Like they're stuck rolling on random tables or opening Gacha packs.
"I see you've got plenty of ideas."
"Oh, and communications. If you want to let anyone who feels like getting damned get damned then you need to get the word out. As it is, most of the people who would take a deal can't make direct contact."
I'm sure if you learned to take advantage of more modern methods than
books, you'd have plenty of takers.
"The sort of people who would make a deal would be coming here anyway."
"Right, but they might wise up as time goes on. Better to get things on paper. And speaking of paper, have you finished with that book?"
Yes, pleasant little discussion, but I rather imagine the Renegade wants to get
home.
"This?" He picks it up one-handed. "How would you like to make a deal?"
"I would like to make a trade, but I suspect that you're talking about something more complex."
...And exploitably
long-term. Best to make sure whatever he offers, you get the book in
advance, Renegade.
"Humans can be impressive innovators. I've never had a New God down here. Are you as creative as they are?"
"Within my domain, no. I'm not creative, I just do it right. Outside of my domain, it varies. Are you going somewhere with this?"
Ah, is someone looking for an outside perspective to find new options?
"Have you heard of 'outsourcing'?"
"In theory, it means a company contracting specialists to deal with a subject outside of their core competency. The idea is that a company that has focused on something can do a better job than someone for whom it's only a part of their job."
Though it does have its risks, specialising like that. For instance, if your field of expertise is invalidated suddenly, by a technological upheaval or something...
"You disagree?"
"It's a question of motivation. If they make a mess of things and your company collapses, then can shrug, walk away and say 'got your money'. Someone who works for your company directly can't. Or, at least, can't as easily."
I mean, you could offer a percentage as payment. The better they do, the better their pay. It does encourage
competence.
He nods. "Are you a gambling man?"
"No."
Not with
important things, anyway.
"Alright." He lays the book down and pushes it slightly towards me. "A deal, then. I will give you this right now. You can even use it on your children if you want. No payment up front."
"That sounds pretty darn dodgy."
Yeah, find out what the catch is, because this sounds like so much
bait...
"In return, you become Hell's efficiency consultant."
"No."
Yeah, no way in Hell, if you'll pardon the phrasing. That's a poisoned chalice large enough to drown Galactus.
"You should hear me out."
"I have a job and a life and my nature won't let me deliberately half-arse it. You're trying to give me an job that is probably literally impossible."
You know the phrase about herding cats? That's
doable. Herding Demons? Who will look for every opportunity to stab you in the back?
Madness.
"But you'd take it for a time."
Hm. Would I?"
Make sure you have clear and
obtainable exit conditions. No open-ended commitments, no 'when it's done' clauses.
"I'd want to see a written contract, with deliverables and end point clearly stated. But yes, I think I would. If the Source had an actual problem with this place existing, then it wouldn't exist."
He smiles, and offers me his right hand. "Then we have a deal."
Huh. How stupid do you think he
is, mister?
"Written. Contract. Oh, First of the Fallen."
"Glad to see that you're on the ball." He pulls his hand back but leaves the book in place. "I think you'll fit in fine."
Ah, it figures. A God messing about in his domain would
definitely get his attention.
