Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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Thank you, corrected.
This is not how they usually treat interns. Far too expensive.
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Thank you, corrected.
This is not how they usually treat interns. Far too expensive.
Ah, they're definitely not having this conversation in front of Mitchell. Not that that stops him from listening in, of course, unless they went far enough to set up a white noise generator or something...April 27th, 2013
09:59 EST
"Otis, what the h-?" Miss Teschmacher bites down whatever she was going to say. "What was that?"
"Oh, you don't need to worry-"
"I got chased around by a killer farming robot, I think I-"
Excuse you? What, is Lexcorp Security taking a leaf out of the medical industry?
Yeah, money is not the issue here."You don't need to worry about the billing. They were previous generation missiles we had in inventory. Not good enough for rich countries and not cheap or simple enough for poor ones. They were already written off, so there's no need for internal billing."
"I wasn't worried about the billing, Otis. I was worried about dying!"
No thought to check why they went rogue, or do you know exactly why they did it?"Sure, you were worried about dying. That's natural. But you didn't die. The robots which tried to kill you got destroyed, and we're loading them up for full decommissioning now."
She sighs. "And I'll have to talk to the police…"
Not quite the power they used to be, but what is after the Anti-Life?"Ah, why?"
"For insurance. And because someone took a swing at LexCorp and we don't have the resources we used to so we can't be sure we can find them better than the police can. It's not like we're doing anything illegal here."
Gee, it's like Lexcorp has secret divisions or something..."Ah…"
"Are we?"
"I mean, I don't think so? I do security, not farming law. Do you wanna talk to Legal?"
Yes, let's not leave any ambiguity. You two really don't seem to part of the same conversation here.
Ah, that bad, eh? Not surprising, given recent events."Why aren't we telling the police?"
"Because we know who did it. And you know Mister Luthor says that the insurance companies are held together with paper and rainbows these days."
Oh, joy, more economical mayhem."So we're just not claiming-? We know who did it?"
"Sure. It's not complicated. And yeah, whole classes of assets lost insurance during the Anti-Life thing because there were too many claims to pay out. Most LexCorp stuff isn't financially insured."
It's totally not their style, after all. For one thing, leaguers won't go through agents. If they want to mess with you, they will do it in your face."It can't have been the Justice League. He's Wonder Woman's son."
"Of course it wasn't the Justice League. The medic checked you out, right? You didn't get hit on the head? Concussion can be-."
Never mind minor ear damage from the booms of the rockets..."I didn't get hit on the head."
"Now, you say that, but concussion can interfere with your short term memory, and… I don't want to have to insist, but-."
...Oh, goddammit, Otis..."Fine, I'll get checked out. So who was it?"
"Normal procedure. For recuiting-."
Because of course that's a thing Lexcorp does to closeted metahumans."Who are-? No. Otis, do not tell me you were trying to do a Wounded Gazelle Gambit?"
"Technically, no. It's really more of a heroic honeypot saviour complex thing. The idea is-."
That seems rather predatory, and more than a little creepy."I know what the idea is! It's basically the only reason why Janet in reception still has a job!"
"Right. So, we put the potential recruit who's been keeping their powers quiet somewhere with someone, and they reveal those powers to them in order to keep them safe. Psychologically, it reinforces-."
She's just gobsmacked that you tried it with a League-affiliated young superhuman. Who you aren't even sure is powered."I just said I know what the idea is."
"But you're acting like you don't, so-."
Otis... He has a wholly different base level for his standard of feminine beauty."That plan calls for using an attractive woman close to the target's age. He lives with Wonder Woman, and a island full of Amazons."
"Heh, yeah. I don't see the problem."
That's because when it happens, most teenage guys stop thinking with the head on their shoulders."Ah-. O-kay… Thank you..?
"Most teenaged guys aren't really that fussy about secondary stuff when it comes to short term attraction. A positive response from an attractive woman as more or less the same effect, regardless of relative attractiveness."
Wrong kind of cut, Otis.
...Wait, 'again'?"With the robot's circular saw. He was bleeding. Did we power the robots with kryptonite again? Because from a farming point of view, that's a really problematic independent variable."
"No? There shouldn't be anything here powerful enough to hurt him."
So is it just Lexcorp policy that Superman doesn't get talked about as 'Superman'?"Something was."
"Uh… We never.. did find out how the Alien stabilised his brain. I suppose they… Might have induced some sort of extra weakness, based on Project K-R's physiology."
Yes, now you see the issue? You're honestly lucky Mitchell is easy-going enough to consider rampaging farming robots as 'just another day'."Are you kidding me right now? Those robots aren't cheap, Otis! We didn't check if he even has powers?!"
"… Huh."
I'm sure you'll look good in the coffin Lex buries you in when you fuck up this badly."What exactly was the plan if I got cut in half? What was the plan if he got cut in half?"
"I've got a funeral suit."
Well, that explains the quick response time, at least."That's it?! So the robots attacked us, and if he couldn't fight them off or just decided that I wasn't worth losing his secret identity over, we died?!"
"No, of course not. I was on overwatch, and Enginehead could take control at any point. I just couldn't come close in case he heard the rotor blades."
Missing the point again, Otis."At any point?"
"Well, okay, there'd be a slight delay; the system isn't really designed for that sort of control. But-"
...Huh, remarkably astute of him."Geee-zus!"
"-I don't think that would have happened. Did you actually see the cut?"
Ah, of course. I assume that's what's in the fake blood capsules Mitchell has. Or at least a more advanced form of it."W-? Ye-. No, not the actual cut, but I saw blood!"
"The Alien has used jam, ketchup and red ink mixed with P.V.A. to fake wounds before. You shouldn't assume he got hurt unless you say it with your own eyes."
Neatly summed up, really. And it was a good showing for him, if you didn't take that tack."So you think..? He was always safe, and the only reason it looked like we were in danger is that he doesn't want to use powers in front of me?"
"Yeh."
Good grief. Otis really grabbed the wrong end of the stick, didn't he?"Are you sure Lex signed off on this?"
"I was right there when he said it. Normal procedure."
Assuming Mitchell doesn't just claim 'divine blessing' or something like that. I mean, how public is Superboy's blessing from Helios?"We can't do the same thing again. He might call on his friends and family to investigate."
"That's a good point. Hm. I'll need to review the tapes and see if he was using his powers just a little. If we can spot that, you could talk to him about that in 'confidence'."
Counting from the time he was 'completed' in production, or from the time he was decanted? Either way, quite the surprise for her."As long as you don't expect me to actually honeypot him."
"He's three years old, Eve. I don't think-."
"He's three!?"
Probably not the best attitude to take, Mitchell. Bad idea to get into that headspace, especially if the next time is real.I give my head a small shake, returning my hearing to focusing on my immediate environment: the sky way above the farm complex, high enough that I can't be seen from the ground. It's a.. shame, but… I guess compared to some things LexCorp's done it's not that bad. I'll just have to keep in mind that next time they try, it's a fake.
Miss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.If they know he's a Kryptonian how did they not realise Mitchell would hear them?
What about it? They first send a guy then a girlMiss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.
What I want to know is, do they have an equivalent procedure for suspected female heroes? And what if the suspected hero isn't straight?
She is aware of Metallo.
They assume that he went home. Kryptonians can't hear everything anywhere.If they know he's a Kryptonian how did they not realise Mitchell would hear them?
Hah. Reminds me of a story about a British diplomat in the Middle East during the Cold War. He was at a bar when he was approached by an improbably attractive young woman. He thinks 'yeah, right' and politely tells her to sling her hook. That happens a couple more times and he does the same thing each time.Miss T is a bit panicked and irrational right now, and Otis is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. Or possibly neurodivergent. Or both.
What I want to know is, do they have an equivalent procedure for suspected female heroes? And what if the suspected hero isn't straight?
EDIT: also I was wondering if someone would have this exact misunderstanding when Lex said "give him the usual".
Admittedly, it'd be really funny if they tried that and he filed a complaint for sexual harassment in the workplace.I'm a little concerned what would happen if it turns out that they double down and think "he's naive and hormonal, we just need to honeypot him harder."
I mean, he's WW's son and "The Alien's" Clone, he would have access to some prime data if they could turn him.
Something something stranger danger something something M'Gann is not a role model?
If it's good enough for Solid Snake it's good enough for the Man of Steel.I don't know whats funnier.
The fact that superman has repeatedly used ketchup and jam to feign injury, or the fact that he's been caught doing this.
I don't know whats funnier.
The fact that superman has repeatedly used ketchup and jam to feign injury, or the fact that he's been caught doing this.
Yesss, Goa'uld, generally speaking, fully intend to live forever and so are not very big on the whole 'heirs' thing. Bit of a slip there, though its hard to say what exactly Bastet is thinking."Create a mindless creature to serve to keep the Jaffa healthy, something like our ancient ancestors before they achieved apotheosis. And create a smaller number of true prim'ta to raise as our heirs."
She nods slowly. "Why, Lord Mammon. That sounds like a very 'human' solution."
"A System Lord who complains about her Underlords being too intelligent will swiftly find themselves surrounded by Underlords who are not. Do you believe that I would be interested in Underlords who are not intelligent
"If they do not want to be here then I do not want them here. They will simply create unwelcome disruption in the long run
Ah, a place where she can relax, safe in the knowledge that only those she trusts will be allowed here. Though I see she's not foolish enough to go completely unprotected even here. No doubt packing some potent little personal force-field generators in her jewellery.22nd November 1999
10:23 GMT
Hmn. Never been in here before.
System Lord Bastet is… Not.. plainly dressed, precisely, but she's dressed down by goa'uld standards. Less jewellery, and what she has is concealing pieces of goa'uld technology rather than displaying her wealth. Her private… Study? Lounge? Is richly decorated but… Less… Fiddly, then some other places I've seen. This isn't an audience chamber where treasures are displayed to overawe the visitors.
Presumably founding loyalty by giving them a taste of her 'power' by serving as a host, then letting them dangle knowing that if needed, she may call upon them again. After all, who wouldn't want to live forever, even as the host of a 'God'?Bastet herself is sitting in a decidedly unimperious manner, lounging on a fainting couch. High Priestess Tey is sitting in a more upright position in the chair next to her. Tey's job is… More or less internal intelligence and public relations. She tells everyone about all of the wonderful stuff Bastet does for them… Or rather, her subordinate priestesses do, while at the same time she monitors the population for signs of unrest and feeds back to Bastet on potential problems. Or deals with them herself. And 'deals with' isn't a euphemism for 'kills them'-. Not usually. A small act of charity or access to 'divine magic' can go along way to convince the people that their goddess is on their side. Tey looks about… Fifty? And is essentially the highest ranked human in Bastet's domain. Most goa'uld have Jaffa priests, but since being Bastet's host for a while is a requirement for the position Bastet uses humans instead.
Trying to set an informal tone for the meeting, I see. But with troops close by if he should be foolish.Bastet's First Prime -a female Jaffa named Huy- is sitting ramrod straight on a chair on Bastet's other side. She's at least as old as Tey, but thanks to the regenerative properties of her prim'ta she looks young enough to be her daughter. She's wearing armour, but it's light armour and her headdress is off. And… She's not armed. Oh, there are armed Jaffa a shout away outside of the room, but this is unusual.
Still, it shows his deep respect for you, doesn't it? To be formal with you even in intimate moments like this?I bow to Lord Bastet, and wait for-.
"You've made it this far, Lord Mammon. Bowing in private is a waste of time."
Ah. Well, it didn't take long for her to find out, then.I straighten up. "Then I will not do so, System Lord Bastet. How may I serve?"
"You may start by telling me what happened to Lady Heset."
I suspect she's thinking you're about to get yourself deleted, and loose all the wonderful new toys she could have had."We.. had.. a.. minor disagreement, which I believe that we have resolved. I didn't think it worth drawing to your attention."
Huy is.. glaring at me. I'm not sure why. I haven't really spoken to her, but Abrax mentioned that she was interested in the weapons we developed.
I'm sure she appreciates not having to get caught up in little squabbles like that.Baset raises her eyebrows. "No?"
"While I like to think that I can reach a mutually beneficial agreement with most of my fellow Underlords, there is sometimes a little friction. I prefer to avoid… Putting everything before you because it suggests that we're bickering children rather than ancient and knowledgeable beings in our own right. I'm sure that our relationship will improve as we continue to work together."
So, she knew about that too. Interestign that she didn't take action, though. Then again, if she killed Heset, the Tok'ra would just try a different tack."As it did with Lord Mahes."
"Just so."
She frowns. "I am curious as to what common cause you will make with a Tok'Ra spy. Perhaps you could explain it to me?"
No doubt some well-hidden chemical sensors in the meeting room, I'll wager.I'm unable to stop my eyes widening. "You knew about the perfume."
"I did. When did you learn of it?"
It automatically makes anyone Heset has interacted with suspect, after all. Who knows how potent the effects are, and how long those affected remain influenced..."I noticed the odd smell a while ago, I assume when she decided that it was worth trying to influence me. I only realised what it was during her most recent visit to Syrania."
"Do I need to be worried?"
That just makes you sound cocky, Mammon. The System Lords have been trying to deal with the Tok'ra for centuries, and you'll 'win them over'?I shake my head. "The Tok'Ra are fools. I believe that I will be able to win her over through rational persuasion."
"'Win over' the Tok'Ra?"
This way, they can feed her information that lets them manipulate the Tok'ra operations. A hint that a System Lord is overextending there, suggesting a point of weakness there..."They believe that goa'uld are a blight upon the universe. They hate us, and so they hate themselves. They commit themselves to overturning our order with no concept of what to replace it with. They are fools, but not idiots. They recognise that they have no real goal state. I believe that by demonstrating human flourishing under your rule, I can convince Lady Heset to remain inactive indefinitely. And it's better to have a spy you know that a spy that you don't."
Spitting Wisdom. Better to have a functional society than a bunch of power-hungry thugs wrestling over the slightest bone.."It was, then you detected her."
A-h. "I… Apologise if I have made your life harder. I did not know that you knew."
"A System Lord who complains about her Underlords being too intelligent will swiftly find themselves surrounded by Underlords who are not. Do you believe that I would be interested in Underlords who are not intelligent?"
True. None of them seem to have any ambition. And what is a Goa'uld without ambition? A lowly worm."No, though… If I may make an observation?" She gives a very slight shrug. "I have notice that your Underlords appear to be… Content, with their place in the universe. There is significantly less infighting than in the domains of most other System Lords. Even System Lord Kali has to slap sense into her subordinates every so often. If I had only seen your domain I would have guessed that it was a matter of Darwinism; only those who got a clue survived. But once I take the others into account, that simply can't be it."
But having the back-up of the perfume encouraging their cooperation can't hurt, right?"You told Lady Heset that you intended to use her perfume to convert gods with no interest in participating in this great war to my side. Hear now the voice of experience: the perfume is unnecessary. Those gods seeking a safe haven do not have to like me in order to recognise that I am remaining above they fray."
To be fair, she does have millennia of dealing with Goa'uld character. Maybe she knows what she's talking about."But it may perhaps speed things along?"
"If they do not want to be here then I do not want them here. They will simply create unwelcome disruption in the long run."
After all, there are ways to kill even the most paranoid Goa'uld.I bow my head in obeisance. "Then I shall abandon the idea. And… Lady Heset?"
"You are free to attempt to convert her. I already have her under observation. She will not be a problem in any case."
Oh-ho? Could Bastet have had a little interest in the first place?"Then I will do so. I apologise for the disruption."
"She went to Syrania to gain control of you. You had little choice." She glances at Tey, and… They maintain eye contact for a moment, but I don't know the High Priestess well enough to interpret her expression. "What did you think of her offer?"
...She has a point. Sounds like his little paranoid bout of preparation might well pay off in the short term."Given that she is a Tok'Ra agent, I doubt that she was authorised to speak on your behalf. If the offer were genuine, I would have expected a member of your court to inform me, or to be…" Um. "Summoned."
"As you have been."
In a purely hypothetical sense, of course..."Yes, but I assumed that you merely wanted to confirm the nature of my discussion with Lady Heset."
She smiles, and waves her right hand. "Assume that I do desire you."
Ooh, that is a good point. Imagine the reactions of her longer-serving underlords. This little upstart comes out of nowhere, and suddenly she's making him her consort because he made fancier weapons? 'How unfair, I should kill him for that!'"I… Suppose that it would depend on what… Exactly you wanted. While it would be a great honour, I do not have the renown to be your consort. Perhaps… In a few years, if the other Underlords see a significant material benefit to my work, but not yet. As for… Creating the conditions necessary for the generation of a new generation of prim'ta-"
More likely for aesthetic reasons, I bet.Tey bites her hip, her mouth shaking as she tries not to laugh.
"-that would be a privilege, but… I believed that you preferred the female form?"
Bet she keeps that under her nemes so that her more masculine underlings don't get ideas, eh?"It is perhaps not common knowledge, but I prefer male partners for that process."
"Ah. I would… Er."
Careful, there, Mammon. That's an unusual qualm for a Goa'uld to have."Does the fact that I do not find your host so appealing dissuade you?"
"It is more… The winnowing. I realise that it is not practical to have a great many new gods elevated with every generation, but I am still disquieted at the notion of eating my own offspring."
Ooh, burn."It is a common practice with a long history."
"I apologise for my bluntness, System Lord, but so have being driven mad by our own sarcophagi. The fact that it has been done for a long time does not mean that it is a good idea."
Dammit, Mammon, don't give her good ideas like that. The limited number of larval Goa'uld is a limiting factor on full Jaffa. A plan that lets her field far more troops, if slightly weaker? That's not great."Oh?" She looks mildly curious. "Then what would you do instead?"
"Create a mindless creature to serve to keep the Jaffa healthy, something like our ancient ancestors before they achieved apotheosis. And create a smaller number of true prim'ta to raise as our heirs."
How's that sandal leather tasting right now, Mammon?She nods slowly. "Why, Lord Mammon. That sounds like a very 'human' solution."
Oh, heck.
How closely is Paul being watched? Or did Heset blab? Either way he isn't being paranoid enough.You told Lady Heset that you intended to use her perfume to convert gods with no interest in participating in this great war to my side
Anubis will likely be a major threat due to his stolen Ascended knowledge if nothing else, though his poor understanding of tactics will hold him back somewhat even if he does still manage to create the Kull, as it did in canon.Good grief. Mammon just can't stop 'winning', can't he? It's like he can't help but blurt out ideas that nudge Bastet into a more efficient route. At this rate, by the time any of the real final bosses of 'Stargate' start showing up, Bastet will be a contender for the title. Better weapons, more soldiers, smarter loyal flunkies... She's going to be a real threat before long...
Thank you, corrected.Me said:
Maybe mentioning Darwin was a mistake?How closely is Paul being watched? Or did Heset blab? Either way he isn't being paranoid enough.
I'm assuming they were speaking Goa'uld, so that was whatever the Goa'uld translation of the concept of Darwinism was. Otherwise the reference probably wouldn't have made any sense to Baset. Unlike what the show depicted, in private the Goa'uld probably don't speak modern American English with random Goa'uld words sprinkled in at dramatic times.Maybe mentioning Darwin was a mistake?
Unless there is a famous System Lord Darwin?
No, she heard a conceptual translation.Maybe mentioning Darwin was a mistake?
Unless there is a famous System Lord Darwin?
Now that is some impressive flexibility.Tey bites her hip, her mouth shaking as she tries not to laugh.
She frowns. "I am curious as to what common cause you will make with a Tok'Ra spy. Perhaps you could explain it to me?"
I'm unable to stop my eyes widening. "You knew about the perfume."
And to the great shock of Mammon the ancient and not currently insane politician is in fact quite smart.She nods slowly. "Why, Lord Mammon. That sounds like a very 'human' solution."
Oh, heck.
Everything Anubis has, is or knows is just something for Mammon to steal.
"It is perhaps not common knowledge, but I prefer male partners for that process."
"Ah. I would… Er."
"Does the fact that I do not find your host so appealing dissuade you?"
"It is more… The winnowing. I realise that it is not practical to have a great many new gods elevated with every generation, but I am still disquieted at the notion of eating my own offspring."
Not at her time of life.
I'll edit it. But for Bastet's purpose it doesn't really matter what his face looks like.This part has me confused, at first it looks like she is coming onto him only to say she doesn't find Paul host appealing?
Did the Ring rebuild/deage Paul to his ideal (it was arguably triggered by his realization of what the ring was and how he wouldn't fit among the Olympian bodies of DC characters) and Bastet actually likes how he looks as a idealized man or I am completely missing the point?
Dunno if Zoat if following the Stargate time line closely, but Sokar shows up and then dies in 1999. And it is currently late November 1999. I wonder when / if he'll show up, and if Mammon gets to deal with him if he attacks Bastet' Domain.
Although I guess in series he focused on Heur'er and Apophis, so he might just get off screened without Mammon knowing he exists.
and throw! I take a few breaths as the Mekkanoid flies away at more than its escape velocity. Well. Okay, a quick ring-calculation shows that it would crash back down on Earth eventually, but-.
My view of the outside world darkens as the ring compensates for the sudden brightness. I watch and wait for a few moments, then dart forwards to grab the largest pieces before they can fall on anything. Right. Back to Shiruta.