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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)
- Thread starter Mr Zoat
- Start date
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- self insert young justice
Mr Zoat
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[Breathes in]
[Looks at Rule 8]
[Breathes out]
"Skaven has mutant if you have warpstone-coin."Honestly, not one of the prettier aspects of Skaven biology.Sorry, folks, the hot rat-chick market isn't open here.
Time reduced? The Empire doesn't use imprisonment as punishment. The stocks, beatings, fines, maiming and hanging are the options. In Altdorf for example theft is punished by the removal of an ear lobe. Out of ear lobes? They hang you. Three strikes.
They weren't keen on being in the room with a magical orange beastman.
Thank you, corrected.
No, that's correct. 'Which isn't unreasonable, but… But this is getting to be.'
Thank you, corrected.
"No, he fed himself his own head. It's his brain that's damaged; his arms are fine."
As far as I can tell, he's bipolar. The SI caught him in the manic part of his cycle. He's not doing this because he thinks it's normal behaviour, he's doing it because he thinks it's funny.
iamnuff
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Duke Long
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Eh, they're babies, which means they're already barely people, and then on top of that they're skaven. I think the morality of killing them is pretty reasonable, and he hasn't lost an irretrievable opportunity because he can just get more from a different place.
Tzeentch
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TECLIS: Ah, naturally. What of the courtiers? Were they appalled, or did they stoically accept the proceedings with all the grace of those accustomed to the madness of others?
PAOL: They were a bit disquieted, judging from their expressions, but I think they were mostly impressed that I actually managed to fulfill their liege lord's insane request.
Ganurath
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That still leaves the question of how he's the Elector Count unresolved. AU element born of imperfect memory?
Tzeentch
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Consequences of his madness aside, apparently he's an astonishingly effective at his job, on top of being a superb warrior and strategist to boot, so much so that Karl Franz vouches for him, even after Marius tried to slaughter the halflings of The Moot.
Speaking of, as The Moot tends to frown on ANYONE building on their territory, I wonder what Paol could possibly do for them, or say, to get Hisme Stoutheart and the Halflings to agree to the Waystone Network project.
Mr Zoat
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The Turmoil of 2512 appears to have entered canon in 2020, while Marcus entered canon a good two decades before that.
crazygrox
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It does occur to me that if this man isn't completely incoherent, and was the more 'method to his madness' kind of insane, this request would both be a decent test of Paol's ability to accomplish the impossible(with the 'paving over the realm of chaos' thing showing that he has a decent understanding of Paol's goals, and an understanding that succeeding might require accomplishing the impossible), and would provide amazing bragging rights.
ie. I survived getting my head cut off, and then I ate the head purely to freak out the guy who cut it off.
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Coda
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War Mastered (part 11)
Mr Zoat
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9th Sigmarzeit 2512
Evening
I flop back onto the sofa.
"Jesus Christ how is the Empire still functioning?"
Lady Richilde checks for observers, and then flops down next to me.
"Hard work by my uncle."
"Really?"
"He is a highly capable negotiator and diplomat." She sighs. "Though habit probably plays a part. And having an elected monarch."
"The one thing worse than those people in charge of an electoral province is them being in charge of all of them. It's actually quite an eye-opener for me. My home country is a democracy, so I've spent my whole life seeing the worst excesses of democracy, and after a while you can't help but think: 'were things really so bad before we could elect our leaders?'. And now I know."
"I did not think that Graf Todbringer was so bad."
"And I respect your loyalty to your brother's soon-to-be family. Did you not see how vacant he looked? He basically let his courtiers do all the talking until I got him onto the subject of beastmen."
"That is a valid technique. Sometimes it is better not to let people know what you think."
"For a dedicated Ulrician? I'm not playing to stereotypes here, but don't they value directness and assertiveness even more than Sigmarites, who aren't exactly shy and retiring themselves?"
"He has a lot on his mind."
"Like what?"
"His heir is unwell."
I open my eyes and turn my head towards her. "He could have led with that. There's no mortal disease that I can't cure."
"No, not a.. disease. He was born with… Difficulties."
Ah. I think I can work out what she's talking about.
"Has anything I've said to you given you cause to believe that I understand circuitous speech? Do you mean that he's a mutant, or has-"
"No! No. Not that."
"-some sort of deformity?"
"He has… Troubles of the mind."
"Oh."
"Are you unable to correct those? I was concerned that you might have tried that with Count Marius, and then he was… Much the same as he ever is. Perhaps a little more exuberant."
"All he wanted was a head. That was weird, yes, but not all that difficult."
She finally turns her head towards me, frowning. "I cannot understand how you did it."
I shrug. "The human body is made of matter. The ring can reshape matter. For mundane purposes there's nothing really special about a… Neck. I can take a piece of wood, reshape its material to match a section of his neck and then replace it."
"With wood?"
"It wouldn't be wood after I changed it, that's what I'm saying. In material terms it would be exactly the same as human flesh." I shrug. "In my world, our chirurgeons can remove failing organs from a person's body and replace them. It's not a completely safe procedure, but the majority of people who undergo it survive."
"Where do the organs come from?"
"People will them to medicine. The chirurgery needs to be carried out quickly, so people carry cards with them indicating that if they get injured and can't be saved they want their organs removed and used to heal the sick and injured."
"That is… Disturbing. I… Understand that it is intended as a final act of generosity… But taking parts out and putting them in someone else… I cannot help but think of necromancy or the foul deeds of Nurgle-worshippers."
"Dead organs aren't any good. And wouldn't Nurgle worshippers implant failing organs rather than healthy ones?"
"But if the person they're taken from is dead, how are the organs not dead?"
"It takes a while for the body to decay after death. Reducing the temperature extends that further. You still don't have more than a day or so..."
"But what of the mind? The brain?"
"Oh, we can't transplant those."
"No, with Count Marius-. The head was not alive, surely?"
"No, no. I left his brain in his head and created a copy for the head." I frown. That's not a great sentence, but I think that she understands. "It didn't have any… Activity. Ah, honestly, given the complexity of the human brain I doubt that I could create one. I don't know enough about how it records memories."
She lays there, giving her attention to the ceiling.
"Who is Jesus Christ?"
"Hm?"
"You said 'Jesus Christ' as an exclamation. Is that the name of the god of your people?"
"Ah. Sort of. He's the.. prophet whose teachings the main religion of my home country is based on. I'm not actually… A practitioner, I just got a bit… Frustrated."
"At least the Elder of the Moot asked for something practical."
"Yeah. I'll have to pop back and see how they get on with greenhouses. I could build them here but I didn't think it was worth it."
The Moot may be a tiny area, but we need a road built there anyway, which means that we needed to deal with him as well as the ten Elector Counts. And the Moot's existing roads are so terrible that wagoners charge extra if they're employed to travel there, so I'm not holding out much hope that they'll be able to do the work themselves.
But everyone agreed. Everyone agreed, and if this was anything to go by work will start in a year or two. Or three.
"Does the Empire just not do infrastructure projects?"
"Not on this scale. It will be a first."
"If it works. And we've still got to talk to the Tzar. Have you met him?"
"No. I thought that you had."
"Yes, I went daemon-hunting and we sort of bumped into each other, but he's been doing a lot of reforming Kislevite society and I'm not sure that he's got the cash for a major road-building program as well. And I don't know how the Ice Witches will feel about the imposition of hysh on their land, which is going to be a big issue because the Crown Princess is one and if she doesn't like it then it's not going to happen."
"I will speak to our ambassador and the ambassador of the Tzar concerning the…" She yawns, covering her mouth with her right hand. "Excuse me. Concerning how best to convince him."
"Yeah, that sounds like a plan."
I flop a little further. It was difficult getting a piece of furniture like this made, and the material it's cushioned with will need replacing well before the modern equivalent, but in the mean.. time…
"…with your clothes on?"
Whu-?
10th Sigmarzeit 2512
Morning
I blink at Aranei as-. Richilde stirs next to me and then jerks upright!
Aranei shakes her head. "If I must tolerate a human as a co-consort, you should at least do the job properly. Remove your clothes, and I will begin your instruction."
Evening
I flop back onto the sofa.
"Jesus Christ how is the Empire still functioning?"
Lady Richilde checks for observers, and then flops down next to me.
"Hard work by my uncle."
"Really?"
"He is a highly capable negotiator and diplomat." She sighs. "Though habit probably plays a part. And having an elected monarch."
"The one thing worse than those people in charge of an electoral province is them being in charge of all of them. It's actually quite an eye-opener for me. My home country is a democracy, so I've spent my whole life seeing the worst excesses of democracy, and after a while you can't help but think: 'were things really so bad before we could elect our leaders?'. And now I know."
"I did not think that Graf Todbringer was so bad."
"And I respect your loyalty to your brother's soon-to-be family. Did you not see how vacant he looked? He basically let his courtiers do all the talking until I got him onto the subject of beastmen."
"That is a valid technique. Sometimes it is better not to let people know what you think."
"For a dedicated Ulrician? I'm not playing to stereotypes here, but don't they value directness and assertiveness even more than Sigmarites, who aren't exactly shy and retiring themselves?"
"He has a lot on his mind."
"Like what?"
"His heir is unwell."
I open my eyes and turn my head towards her. "He could have led with that. There's no mortal disease that I can't cure."
"No, not a.. disease. He was born with… Difficulties."
Ah. I think I can work out what she's talking about.
"Has anything I've said to you given you cause to believe that I understand circuitous speech? Do you mean that he's a mutant, or has-"
"No! No. Not that."
"-some sort of deformity?"
"He has… Troubles of the mind."
"Oh."
"Are you unable to correct those? I was concerned that you might have tried that with Count Marius, and then he was… Much the same as he ever is. Perhaps a little more exuberant."
"All he wanted was a head. That was weird, yes, but not all that difficult."
She finally turns her head towards me, frowning. "I cannot understand how you did it."
I shrug. "The human body is made of matter. The ring can reshape matter. For mundane purposes there's nothing really special about a… Neck. I can take a piece of wood, reshape its material to match a section of his neck and then replace it."
"With wood?"
"It wouldn't be wood after I changed it, that's what I'm saying. In material terms it would be exactly the same as human flesh." I shrug. "In my world, our chirurgeons can remove failing organs from a person's body and replace them. It's not a completely safe procedure, but the majority of people who undergo it survive."
"Where do the organs come from?"
"People will them to medicine. The chirurgery needs to be carried out quickly, so people carry cards with them indicating that if they get injured and can't be saved they want their organs removed and used to heal the sick and injured."
"That is… Disturbing. I… Understand that it is intended as a final act of generosity… But taking parts out and putting them in someone else… I cannot help but think of necromancy or the foul deeds of Nurgle-worshippers."
"Dead organs aren't any good. And wouldn't Nurgle worshippers implant failing organs rather than healthy ones?"
"But if the person they're taken from is dead, how are the organs not dead?"
"It takes a while for the body to decay after death. Reducing the temperature extends that further. You still don't have more than a day or so..."
"But what of the mind? The brain?"
"Oh, we can't transplant those."
"No, with Count Marius-. The head was not alive, surely?"
"No, no. I left his brain in his head and created a copy for the head." I frown. That's not a great sentence, but I think that she understands. "It didn't have any… Activity. Ah, honestly, given the complexity of the human brain I doubt that I could create one. I don't know enough about how it records memories."
She lays there, giving her attention to the ceiling.
"Who is Jesus Christ?"
"Hm?"
"You said 'Jesus Christ' as an exclamation. Is that the name of the god of your people?"
"Ah. Sort of. He's the.. prophet whose teachings the main religion of my home country is based on. I'm not actually… A practitioner, I just got a bit… Frustrated."
"At least the Elder of the Moot asked for something practical."
"Yeah. I'll have to pop back and see how they get on with greenhouses. I could build them here but I didn't think it was worth it."
The Moot may be a tiny area, but we need a road built there anyway, which means that we needed to deal with him as well as the ten Elector Counts. And the Moot's existing roads are so terrible that wagoners charge extra if they're employed to travel there, so I'm not holding out much hope that they'll be able to do the work themselves.
But everyone agreed. Everyone agreed, and if this was anything to go by work will start in a year or two. Or three.
"Does the Empire just not do infrastructure projects?"
"Not on this scale. It will be a first."
"If it works. And we've still got to talk to the Tzar. Have you met him?"
"No. I thought that you had."
"Yes, I went daemon-hunting and we sort of bumped into each other, but he's been doing a lot of reforming Kislevite society and I'm not sure that he's got the cash for a major road-building program as well. And I don't know how the Ice Witches will feel about the imposition of hysh on their land, which is going to be a big issue because the Crown Princess is one and if she doesn't like it then it's not going to happen."
"I will speak to our ambassador and the ambassador of the Tzar concerning the…" She yawns, covering her mouth with her right hand. "Excuse me. Concerning how best to convince him."
"Yeah, that sounds like a plan."
I flop a little further. It was difficult getting a piece of furniture like this made, and the material it's cushioned with will need replacing well before the modern equivalent, but in the mean.. time…
"…with your clothes on?"
Whu-?
10th Sigmarzeit 2512
Morning
I blink at Aranei as-. Richilde stirs next to me and then jerks upright!
Aranei shakes her head. "If I must tolerate a human as a co-consort, you should at least do the job properly. Remove your clothes, and I will begin your instruction."
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Mr Zoat
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Thank you, corrected.
Darko
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"but think"
Chojin Patriarch
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Poorly. It operates more like loosely affiliated kingdoms. Not a little unlike ancient Europe, really. Honestly, the only thing some bits of it have in common where that they were conquered by Sigmar Heldenhammer way back when...
He must also be very talented at herding cats.
In other words, someone to pass the buck on to with your people concerning less popular directive from the Crown.
Honestly, monarchies tended to be a bit of a raffle, though. One king might be energetic, intelligent and driven, the next might be a slovenly defective more focused on getting his rocks off.
'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.'
Besides putting his boot up Beastman backsides? Managing the positively quarrelsome peoples of the North?
'Unwell' as in merely ill, as in 'ill in a way you don't speak of in polite company' or...
Ah, one of the other results of the lottery of state: The cripples. Often caused by rabid inbreeding amongst the upper class.
And more than in the 'has one extra toe' aspect, or in the 'some chaos entity is quietly giggling somewhere at the jest?'
There's more than a few members of European royalty who should never have bred...
Ah. Thick as two short planks, eh? Couldn't find his own arse with both hands?
Well, Marius, his court knows how to work around. Sometimes, all a ruler has to do is sit there looking pretty. And if he occasionally giggles to himself for odd reasons, well...
Now, working with the vital energies of the soul, that's a little trickier.
Though it did take a while to get right.
Which more people should do, really.
And isn't there a pastiche of Victor Frankenstein out there somewhere? Probably in Sylvania... Never mind what the Skaven of Clan Moulder get up to.
And if they have any kind of poison or damage... Well...
...Not yet. Mostly because science is still quite leery of that sort of tomfoolery.
Imagine a lump of meat weighing several pounds. Not particularly tasty meat, but meat all the same.
Danger, Paol, danger!
Just say it's... Complicated?
True, a lot of 'blasphemous' words have devolved into cursewords.
You know, taking the Lord's name in vain and all that...So not quite Hobbiton, you know. The Moot is much more... Warhammer-y.
Pfft! What world do you think you're living in, Paol?
Ah, Kislev. Much-abused bastion of the far North-East. And prime punching bag for Chaos Marauder warbands coming to the Empire.
Ah, yes, the future Tzarina Katarina. Iron of will and of spine. I doubt she'll brook any tomfoolery.
But that can wait until morning.
...Well, that's a rude awakening!
Sloppy, Paol. I can't imagine how awkward this will be.
As nice as that sounds, I doubt this will end in anything but Richilde punching Aranei...
A whirlwind tour of the Empire, then, mostly off-screen. Not that there's that much about other Elector counts in the lore, anyway. And I suspect the endless parade of nutters would wear thin fast. Still, that's a hell of a thing to wake up: Your Dark Elf companion looming over you, scowling disapprovingly at what must be a very embarrassing arrangement of bodies...
crazygrox
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Don't they have problems with Praag still suffering bizzarre unreal chaos phenomena? If they think an infrastructure project could actually fix that then they must be tempted.
They're also fairly sure to have more external problems for Paol to target for favors.
And if they've got no money I wonder if he could asteroid mine/conventionally mine via ring power, enough gold to just pay for much of this construction project.
Cuchulin
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King Richard vs his brother John comes to mind, for all that he gets the short end of the stick John at least was on the thrown trying to be King unlike his brother Richard who only saw England as a piggy bank take money out of so he could go galivanting around the Near East and the Middle East crusading. Also rulers like Queen Elizabeth the first, Frederick the Great and Peter the Great as opposed many of the monarchs that came after them.
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Tzeentch
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Given there's a Ice Witch prophecy that states a male practitioner of Magic will "taint the pristine flows of Ice Magic, changing it forever", (which doesn't specify HOW he'd do it), naturally the Ice Witches are sure to assume this could mean Paol himself is the one whom is fated to bring this event about.... despite the fact he doesn't actually wield Magic, let alone their own traditional practice.
In that case, it might require Ursun himself and the other Kislevite gods to voice THEIR opinion on the matter if Paol wants to make ANY progress in Kislev.
Meanwhile, the Ungol Wise Women and Hag Witches/Mothers, in contrast to their rivals, the Ice Witches, would undoubtedly be very, VERY interested in the proposed "Hysh Roads", as they'd likely have an EXCELLENT cleansing/calming effect on the myriad spirits that exist throughout Kislev, with whom they regularly utilize and bargain with in their spellcraft. And due to Kislev's proximity to the Wastes, those spirits can be pretty f@#$ing capricious, if not downright NASTY.
ForeverShogo
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Again, like the HRE that inspired Warhammer's creators, the Empire is just too damn decentralized. It'd be so much better off with greater centralization. Make it less of a disjointed mess because of the dumb Elector Count system.
That'd be the fun project. Clear the way for more sweeping infrastructure improvements and the like.
That'd be the fun project. Clear the way for more sweeping infrastructure improvements and the like.
Duke Long
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'Ulrican'?
I was actually just learning about this yesterday. Apparently long-term memory has to do with the formation (or sometimes removal) of synapses between engram neurons and increased sensitivity to neurotransmitters in synapses. Exactly how these structural changes manage to encode memories is still a mystery.
And of course it might be even more of a mystery in a setting where souls actually exist and interfere with cognition.
RichardWhereat
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onetwothreeINPRAISEOFEROS! No take backs!
Mr Zoat
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Thank you, corrected.
Ah. Well, sort of, but with King Erik in charge, it's really more Norse warbands, some of which worship Chaos.
I don't think it would. Travel and communication are just too slow for effective central control.
While that's correct, the SI doesn't know that.
DAT_NOOB
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Didn't Paol already purge the Drakwald?
This was my reaction aswell.
ForeverShogo
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I don't see why it would be too slow from what I've seen of the tech/civilization level of the Empire. The Empire doesn't seem particularly massive. If anything, it might even be slightly smaller than the actual HRE despite being based on it.
Mr Zoat
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No, the Reikwald.
DAT_NOOB
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Mr Zoat
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How many forests does one Empire even need?
Patrick Holt
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I laughed my head off.
And as long as she is taking her clothes of while doing it, Aranei will see that as foreplay.
FreeGod
If you see a God on the road fuck it!
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Looking at the maps the Empire is mostly forests. Really the Empire doesn't actually control most the land within it's own borders.
BrotherofaStudio
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I do believe that this is the Paul with the most amount of love interests. Khalida, Aranei and now Richilde. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think there are any other Pauls that have managed 3. Unless there are any planed alternate Pauls that will defy that.