25th June 2015
08:36 GMT
I smile as a gaggle of convention-goers gawp at me, waving cheerfully as I stride past them in search of my wandering companion. Kevin the Human Cowboy has come a long way since I began working my Apokoliptian-sufficiently-advanced-technology on his mildly demon-gnawed brain, but he still has a worrisome tendency to get a little
distracted. This
is supposed to be a working event for him, after all.
Once that nonsense with the government's abortive attempt to put together a superhero team blew over, there was still quite a bit of interest from various parties in trying to work out how be to utilise those who came down with a sudden dose of superpowers. Being a Booth Dude for the Leeds Animated Festival and Anime Convention is at the low risk low reward end of the spectrum, but given the difficulty Kevin's physical alterations make holding down a normal job I felt that this was the way to go.
"Um, excuse me?"
I look down at the young woman who worked up the courage to speak to me, wearing… Looks like something from Avatar: the Last Airbender. I'm wearing a costume myself, but unlike the fanciful designs rendered in cloth and plastic worn by the convention-goers I'm dressed in an
extremely functional
Keldon outfit which shows off my impressive musculature and inhuman nature to best advantage.
"Yes? How can I help you?"
"Are you.. a superhero?"
"Not at the moment. I applied for that government team, but…" I shrug. "I was unsuccessful. I knew that putting Batman down as a reference was a mistake." I pause. "He never liked me."
The joke appears to fail.
"But you have superpowers? Like the Mole Man?"
With superpowers being a bit more… Strange here than back on Earth 16, some real… 'Odd' characters have managed to rise to an unusual degree of prominence. Including a man who's power allows him to burrow through the ground at surprising speed and who
really has it in for people who don't pick up their dog's excrement.
"No, I have
useful powers. Here." I slide a steel bar out of my costume and hold it out to her. "Test it."
She takes it and has a quick go at bending it before passing it back.
"Okay, so-."
I grip one end with my right hand and use my left to wrap it around my right fist, the metal screeching in protest the whole way. Her eyes
widen.
"My colleague and I are doing a demonstration just after lunch today, if you're interested. He's the minotaur? I don't suppose you've seen him around, have-?"
"Oi, Gravy-mate!"
"You…"
I'm undone as much of the damage from his traumatic brain injury and negligent intuitive magic use as possible, but the man was born north of Watford. There are some things I just can't change. That said, Kevin… He's turning out okay. Despite his huge size -he's just about the only semi-conventionally organic intelligent creature on the planet who's larger than me- and at best average intelligence, he's never been violent. No criminal record at all, beyond a couple of incidents of accidental damage. And for some reason, despite me pointing out all of the disadvantages, he still wants to try and become a superhero.
And unfortunately, I think he's going to get his chance
well before he's ready.
"Kevin!"
I smile and saunter across the hotel lobby to greet him. The shape of his mouth doesn't really allow him to smile, but I can generally tell when he's in good cheer. Like today.
"Smelt summat weird out of ma window, mate."
"Something weird?" His lexicon is improving by leaps and bounds as well, but… It's a muscle that he isn't used to exercising. I'm not exactly certain how 'super' his sense of smell is, but I've rather got the impression that he's not entirely limited to airborne chemicals. "Can you narrow it down?"
"Like fire, and cleanin' stuff and petrol and that." His happiness vanishes and he looks concerned. "Think it's a crash or summat? Think we should go help?"
The closest thing we've done to superheroing to date is helping the emergency services when they need some unusually resilient muscle. Pulling apart a wrecked car to free those trapped within is something which someone with super strength can do without too much training. But in central Leeds, I'm sure that the police will be on top of things. Still…
"Can't hurt to have a look. Let's have a quick…"
A member of hotel staff briefly tries to intercept a group of convention-goers who are intent on leaving the hotel, and is swiftly bypassed by the mass.
"Look. Come on."
I stroll over to the tail end of the early-riser crowd as the hotelier trudges back to the front desk.
"Excuse me, what's.. that about?"
She looks around and
up, a slight intake of breath as Kevin and I fill her vision. I smile in a way which I hope is disarming, and Kevin-.
"
Mooooo."
…
Yes. I guess it's not offensive if a minotaur does it.
"Ah, there's some sort of police emergency; they're shutting down the whole city centre."
I look out through the front doors at the mob of convention-goers ambling across the car park.
This…
I
arm up, Apokoliptian armour I haven't touched for months replacing the
Keldon leathers covering my body, daiklave appearing on my back and goggles appearing over my
oh dear.
I'm half-way to the exit before I'm consciously aware of it and I
accelerate, the doors
exploding outwards from the force of my shoulder-barge. Being security glass they don't shatter, but being made of mundane materials they're still torn from their hinges.
"Kevin! Hero time!"
"Fookin' hell fire!"
The mage-knights on their monster steeds are barely visible at the far end of the road but the wave of magic hits us, clawing at our minds and senses. I'm fine, Kevin just snorts and one of the locals appears to go into a trance but everyone else
collapses and I feel magic…
The
cameras are targeting people-.
I
get a dome shield in place just in time to block the transmutation rays coming from the CCTV cameras. What the
fuck are they-? No.
"Kevin, get people back inside the hotel."
He's looking down the road at the… Unicorn riders?
"… The fook 're
they?"
"Supervillains, and we'll be dealing with them presently but right now
I need you to rescue people."
"Right, cap'n!"
He grabs recumbent cosplayers with his right hand and loads them into the crook of his left before dashing back into cover. The knights… Yes, they've seen me and they're accelerating into a charge. I.. was not prepared for this.
But that's okay. Days like this are why the Source invented
beam singularity projectors.
