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Trials of the God-Harem King [Highschool DxD/Exalted] (CLOSED)

Reader mode
Ok I like it. but I think the last paragraph of smuts was just a little bit better.
 
I liked the old version1 better especially this line
She is not your possession you pathetic worm!"

though smuts latest is growing on me.
 
noahgab1133 said:
I liked the old version1 better especially this line
She is not your possession you pathetic worm!"

though smuts latest is growing on me.
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Excellent point on the worm line. I've added it back in. Change in Red

Channel-Charisma: OO + Presence: OOOO + Defying the Established Social Order (Presence) OOO
Max Presence 1st Excellency + Enemy-Castigating Solar Judgment + Irresistible Salesman Spirit + Channel Compassion

Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.

"Your words ring hollow, Raiser Phenex. You speak of lost glories of your houses and bemoan the travesty of their ending but mere minutes ago you complained of Rias's own accomplishments. Her actions show how capable she is, how worthy she is of leading House Gremory however she chooses, yet all you could think of was how much longer you had to wait to reduce her to a pretty trinket hanging off your arm! For her unforgivable offense of having her own desires, for finding people willing to aid and support her causes you came here ready to butcher her peerage, taking her back to act as nothing more than a broodmare. Did you not tell me in your own words, 'Her role will be to be my docile and devoted wife'.

You seethe in fury, but remembering Rias brings an errant thought to mind; this must be "that matter" that she wanted to handle by herself. You'll have to apologize later, you seem to be stealing one of her kills.

You and your kind disgust me, Raiser! You pretend to be upset about the loss of your bloodlines but then you turn around and tear down the ones who show the greatest promise, whether it's locking Rias away in a gilded cage or threatening to murder her peerage! Don't think I'll ever forgive you for treating their lives like something you can throw away when you lose interest. You aren't worthy of the title of Pheonix! Your two-faced cowardice is the mark of a lowly worm, not worthy to crawl on the heels of her boots!
 
Okay. This is my last submission, complete with stunt text. I guess I'm pitting this one against megris's version, which I agree is way too formal for a righteously pissed-off Issei.

***

[X] Max Presence 1st Excellency + Enemy-Castigating Solar Judgment + Irresistible Salesman Spirit + Channel Compassion

There's no reason to think about it. You know the smell of bullshit and Raiser is serving up a metric ton of it. Your anger explodes once more.

"That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard you grilled chicken shithead! Not five minutes ago you were telling me how much you wanted Rias as your pet brood mare! Don't talk to me about the glory of your houses when you just got done complaining that your fiancee is being too successful for you!"

You seethe in fury, but remembering Rias brings an errant thought to mind; this must be "that matter" that she wanted to handle by herself. You'll have to apologize later, you seem to be stealing one of her kills. Looking over at the gathered devils you see that your words have not gone unheard; Rias's face is set in a stony mask, and Akeno has stopped smiling. The others are some variety of disturbed or disgusted, none more so than Sona -- when did she get here? -- despite her attempts to stay composed. You catch Rias's eye for a moment before turning back to your victim.

"Actually I take it back, you're not even fit to be called grilled chicken! You pretend to be upset about the loss of your bloodlines but then you turn around and tear down the ones who show the greatest promise, whether it's locking Rias away in a gilded cage or threatening to slaughter her peerage! Don't think I'll ever forgive you for treating their lives like something you can throw away when you don't want it anymore! That kind of two-faced cowardice is the behavior of a worm!"

Your anima seethes into totemic brilliance and all the grass around you flash-burns to ash. You'll have to apologize to Sona when you're not pissed off to the point of having tunnel vision anymore.

"Take this message back to your allies, Raiser Phenex: those who trample on the rights and happiness of others will find themselves judged by the Unconquered Sun, and no amount of blood purity will save those found guilty. That's a promise."

You fold your wings against your back and your arms against your chest.

"Now get out of my sight. I've wasted enough time and energy dealing with you."
 
maybe
slaughter her peerage.
instead of murder, because slaughter

also smut, i think the grilled chicken thing might be just a bit to hammy for this
 
Not bad Smuthunter. But that Insult is the insult of a pottymouthed 9 year old. Add some scenery changes.

Maybe change load of crap in to a single word.

Bullshit! You could maybe add an anima flare for emphasis and have is char the surroundings.

You arrogany turkey. Not five minutes ago you mooned about wanting Rias as your pet. You don't get to talk about the glory of your houses after whing about Rias being too successful for you.

Maybe puppy sympathy tail slam?

Match insults. Whether it's trying.

And I'll burn it Maybe. Get the implication that you will fight to defend your word.

Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.

Ya know If I'm understanding Gromweld and Sojiko and the tutorial this part alone warrant a 3 die Stunt. The story teller would then write the whole speech.
 
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Larekko12 said:
Not bad Smuthunter. But that Insult is the insult of a pottymouthed 9 year old.
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That's deliberate. Issei is too grievously pissed off to come up with witty insults and flowery language.
 
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Because I like the tone and for a number or reasons, I think Megs is writing a speech for a character with Charisma 3-5 while Issei has Charisma 2 and makes up for it with Compassion 5 (GUTS) and Presence 5 (MORE GUTS), plus its going against the norm for Japan's social mores as well as what I understand of Devil Society so the Speciality should work as well, I'd stick around just in case Megs writes one with the same sort of Blunt approach, but I need to feed my sister monsters *dogs, ick* and then crash

[X] Plan Smuthunter
 
Smuthunter said:
That's deliberate. Issei is too grievously pissed off to come up with witty insults and flowery language.
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Than make him sound his age instead of half it. Chicken Shit. Shithead. Get some serious swear words up in here.


[X]Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.
 
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Channel-Charisma: OO + Presence: OOOO + Defying the Established Social Order (Presence) OOO
Max Presence 1st Excellency + Enemy-Castigating Solar Judgment + Irresistible Salesman Spirit + Channel Compassion

Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.

"Your lies seem sweet and honeyed, Raiser Phenex, but they taste of rot & filth. You bemoan the tragedy of your houses ending, but not five minutes ago you could only whine about how Rias's accomplishments meant you had wait until as you put it make her nothing more than your 'docile and devoted wife'. And for the unforgivable sin of inconveniencing you, you came here ready to butcher her peerage, taking her back to act as nothing more than a broodmare.

You seethe in fury, but remembering Rias brings an errant thought to mind; this must be "that matter" that she wanted to handle by herself.

You and your kind disgust me, Raiser! You pretend to be upset about the loss of your bloodlines but then you turn around and tear down the ones who show the greatest promise, whether it's locking Rias away in a gilded cage or threatening to slaughter her peerage! Don't think I'll ever forgive you for treating their lives like something you can throw away when you lose interest. You aren't worthy of the title of Pheonix! Your two-faced cowardice is the mark of a lowly worm, not worthy to crawl on her bootheels!

Your anima seethes into totemic brilliance and all the grass around you flash-burns to ash. You'll have to apologize to Sona when you're not pissed off to the point of having tunnel vision anymore.

"Take this message back to your allies, Raiser Phenex: those who trample on the rights and happiness of others will find themselves judged by the Unconquered Sun, and no amount of blood purity will save those found guilty. That's a promise."

You fold your wings against your back and your arms against your chest.
 
Made some changes. Take another look if you want.

Larekko12 said:
Than make him sound his age instead of half it. Chicken Shit. Shithead. Get some serious swear words up in here.
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No. I've got Issei's voice ringing in my head now. I know what he sounds like and I'm not going to let your whining dictate how my writing comes out.
 
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Larekko12 said:
Than make him sound his age instead of half it. Chicken Shit. Shithead. Get some serious swear words up in here.


[X]Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.
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Click to shrink...
You stop it with your bullshit. Don't you dare whine and moan and then insult people when you don't get your way.
megrisvernin said:
Channel-Charisma: OO + Presence: OOOO + Defying the Established Social Order (Presence) OOO
Max Presence 1st Excellency + Enemy-Castigating Solar Judgment + Irresistible Salesman Spirit + Channel Compassion

Disgusted with Raiser's excuses, your gaze shifts to the Devil onlookers noting their shocked & awed expressions your form and earlier battle inspired, as your attention passes over Rias and her peerage your anger flares as your remember Raiser's earlier threats. But you bite down on your burning rage, chaining it down with your iron will. Turning back to the arrogant pureblood Raiser flinches under your weight of your steely gaze and the tension in the air becomes palpable as you begin your reply, cold seething contempt hanging from every word.

"Your lies seem sweet and honeyed, Raiser Phenex, but they taste of rot & filth. You bemoan the tragedy of your houses ending, but not five minutes ago you could only whine about how Rias's accomplishments meant you had wait until as you put it make her nothing more than your 'docile and devoted wife'. And for the unforgivable sin of inconveniencing you, you came here ready to butcher her peerage, taking her back to act as nothing more than a broodmare.

You seethe in fury, but remembering Rias brings an errant thought to mind; this must be "that matter" that she wanted to handle by herself.

You and your kind disgust me, Raiser! You pretend to be upset about the loss of your bloodlines but then you turn around and tear down the ones who show the greatest promise, whether it's locking Rias away in a gilded cage or threatening to slaughter her peerage! Don't think I'll ever forgive you for treating their lives like something you can throw away when you lose interest. You aren't worthy of the title of Pheonix! Your two-faced cowardice is the mark of a lowly worm, not worthy to crawl on her bootheels!
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Click to shrink...

Dude that is way to formal.
 
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[X] Plan Smuthunter

I like this version better than the other vote. The other one is a bit flowery with words and I did not think Issei is capable of it at this point.
 
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staplesdex2 said:
[X] Plan Smuthunter

I like this version better than the other vote. The other one is a bit flowery with words and I did not think Issei is capable of it at this point.
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He is. Just when he's not pissed off to hell and back.
 
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[X] Plan Smuthunter.

Although I don't see Raiser taking it too well and going for the final blind rage attack, so probably add Issei taking the kid gloves off and utterly dominating him through one overpowered technique, the more contempt behind the blow, the better.
 
sill like the old version better megr My vote remains unchanged.
 
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TheInnerHollow said:
[X] Plan Smuthunter.

Although I don't see Raiser taking it too well and going for the final blind rage attack, so probably add Issei taking the kid gloves off and utterly dominating him through one overpowered technique, the more contempt behind the blow, the better.
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It's a social attack. It combined with his regeneration slowing down is probably enough to get him to fuck right off.
 
[X] Plan Smuthunter
 
noahgab1133 said:
sill like the old version better megr My vote remains unchanged.
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How's this noah?

"Your lies sicken me. You moan & whine about the ending of your houses, but not five minutes ago you could only complain about how Rias's accomplishments meant you had to wait to marry her. And for the unforgivable sin of inconveniencing you, you came here ready to slaughter her peerage, and take her back to act as nothing more than a broodmare.

You seethe in fury, but remembering Rias brings an errant thought to mind; this must be "that matter" that she wanted to handle by herself. You'll have to apologize later, you seem to be stealing one of her kills. Looking over at the gathered devils you see that your words have not gone unheard; Rias's face is set in a stony mask, and Akeno has stopped smiling. The others are some variety of disturbed or disgusted, none more so than Sona -- when did she get here? -- despite her attempts to stay composed. You catch Rias's eye for a moment before turning back to your victim.

You and your kind disgust me, Raiser! You pretend to be upset about the loss of your bloodlines but then you turn around and tear down the ones who show the greatest promise, whether it's locking Rias away in a gilded cage or threatening to slaughter her peerage! Don't think I'll ever forgive you for treating their lives like something you can throw away when you lose interest. You aren't worthy of the title of Pheonix! Your two-faced cowardice is the mark of a lowly worm, not worthy to crawl on her bootheels!

Your anima seethes into totemic brilliance and all the grass around you flash-burns to ash. You'll have to apologize to Sona when you're not pissed off to the point of having tunnel vision anymore.

"Take this message back to your allies, Raiser Phenex: those who trample on the rights and happiness of others will find themselves judged by the Unconquered Sun, and no amount of blood purity will save those found guilty. That's a promise."

You fold your wings against your back and your arms against your chest.
 
Please stop it with all the stunts. There's been enough submitted.
 
Ok yea thats the best in my opinion
[X] megrisvernin's writeup
 
Also it's still to formal. Issei is pissed beyond belief. Smut's catchs that tone perfectly.
 
nightblade said:
Please stop it with all the stunts. There's been enough submitted.
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True, but a lot of them are revisions and refinements.

I suppose I'll change my vote to Smuthunter's latest, even if I technically prefer his original a bit.

For any vote-counters:

[x] Smuthunter's latest
 
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