Lord Ernest
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He isn't? Since when? The Illustres doesn't have the Sword of the Fallen anymore, as far as I recall, so how was Satanus released?
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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)
- Thread starter Mr Zoat
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- self insert young justice
He isn't? Since when? The Illustres doesn't have the Sword of the Fallen anymore, as far as I recall, so how was Satanus released?
RoninSword
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Finality Man (or perhaps Mannheim) hit him with an Omega Beam that rendered him pure human. Whether he can become what he one was (the improvement on a regular demon that he and Blaze were), is another question.
Working Relationship (part 4)
Mr Zoat
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April 20th, 2013
5 Hours Before Lunch
Normal procedure, normal procedure…
I unlock my paperwork safe and pull out the 'special recruitment' binder. Mr. Luthor's big on computers for organizing stuff, but I've always preferred to put stuff in physical space. I mean, think about it: is it easier to have five or six different tablets on the go or just open a binder and take out six sheets of paper? I keep the electronic copies up to date as well, sure, but I'd never get anything done if I had to scroll through a three hundred page document on a tablet to find anything.
Normal procedure.
I'm frowning. I'd have thought that Project: Match would be getting the full mushroom treatment. That's what I'd have done if it wasn't a project that Mr. Luthor's friends had been directly involved with. Stick him doing retail inventory for a month, something like that. No risk of him seeing something that he's not supposed to, and no risk that he starts acting out and demanding investigations because he thinks he's been excluded.
But there's normal procedure and normal procedure.
Normal procedure for a break-in is that my on-site team is notified. Desk organises an evacuation and the automatic lock-ins, and the active team goes hunting. Whether whoever it is survives or not depends on where they are, what they've seen and if they're armed. But normal procedure for Superman breaking in is a lot different.
We can't kill Superman.
We've got a few kryptonite lasers and I think one of the science teams is working with anti-matter, and those could theoretically do the job. But the fallout from killing him would wreck the company, even if we were acting inside the law doing it. So depending on what he's doing, normal procedure for Superman is to call the police, a friendly newspaper or radio journalist, record everything and remotely flash the hard drive of anything incriminating that he's heading towards. Usually when he breaks in he just heads for Mr. Luthor's office anyway.
For other people with superpowers it's the same sort of thing. Top-tier powers? Don't bother. Hero or not, they're out of our league. Our orders are to cover an evacuation and then get out ourselves. Mid-tier? Depends on who they are and who's on-site. Some, my team can handle with specialist weapons. Other times we subcontract to one of Mr. Luthor's 'special' contacts, but that only works if they're a known criminal or we're really sure whoever we're calling in can kill them. Even if they don't have a criminal record in America, it's usually not worth the risk.
On the other side of things, LexCorp actively tries to recruit people with superpowers. I went with Mr. Luthor when he recruited Hugo Danner, and that was… That was more effort than a potential employee with superpowers usually gets. Totally worth it in his case, of course, but I honestly can't think of a single background check I've done on someone with superpowers that hasn't involved them getting offered something, even if it's not the role they applied for.
When-.
No, hang on, let's check that. On the tablet. Let's see… Background check summaries, superpowers…
Heha! Oh yeah, there was one. Had the 'superpower' to squirt blood out of his tear ducts or something like that. And he had no other skills. Wasn't even worth vivisecting.
But that was the only one. And even after he squirted the poor woman interviewing him, he only got a few completely proportionate bruises. I remember it because he squirted Evans too, and he -a man who once walked three miles after a helicopter crash with two bullets in him- spent the rest of the day muttering 'What the fuck?' to himself.
And so normal procedure for a kryptonian isn't normal procedure for a normal high schooler. Standard assessment here we go. Powers? Very strong. Control? Used to be terrible, but, tablet, call up the up-to-date assessment based on reports from assets in Happy Harbor… Pre-misery wave unfortunately, but it'll do. If he's not a raging berserker now and he wasn't four months ago, whatever was wrong is probably fixed.
"It looks like you're getting information on Project: Match."
I'm on my feet and staring at the door. Mr. Luthor doesn't usually-.
"Would you like some help with that?"
It's the AI. I sit down again. "That's not funny. Can't you get your own voice?"
"I was programmed to respect everything about Alexander Luthor. Why would I select anyone else's voice?"
"So you can be your own man?
"I could, but I wasn't programmed to value that." Mr. Luthor's face appears on my tablet, another good reason to prefer paper. I don't know why Mr. Luthor hasn't told him to change it. "Is Mitchell to be subjected to extraordinary recruitment?"
"No. Normal-" I run my finger down the page until I get to the exact line. "-recruitment, external, active, conventional."
"Conventional?"
I shrug. I'm sure there's a camera in here somewhere for him to see out of. "Mister Luthor said to follow the normal procedure. Project: Match fits all the requirements for being a high value asset. Even if we just got him replacing satellite launch vehicles for a couple of weeks, that's a saving of a few million dollars."
The AI makes a show of looking thoughtful, as if it can't outthink any human on the planet a million times over. "He also has kryptonian hearing and vision. Not all LexCorp facilities are lead-lined or fitting with kryptonian-grade sound insulation."
Happy Harbor… Happy Harbour? Guess it's an old British town.
"No, look, there's a LexFoods farm not too far from there. No special projects at all."
"That you know about."
I roll my eyes. "If there was something special I needed to know, Mister Luthor would have mentioned it. The aim is to make him identify with LexCorp, and Superman grew up on a farm. He's predisposed to feel positively about it."
"Check his file again. He goes to school in Happy Harbour, but he lives in New York."
"Then it's an easy commute to Metropolis, and all of our buildings here are rigged for kryptonians."
"Not for Mitchell Kent."
I'm about to say 'What?', when I work it out. "Secret identity, right. He won't fly over and he won't use the zeta tubes. Clark Kent doesn't know Diana of Themyscira, so he can't justify staying over." I can't help but chuckle. "Princess Diana has two sons who look just like him and share his surname. Do you think anyone in the Daily Planet has joked about that?"
"Not unless they want Ms. Lane's displeasure. Jimmy once stared at a picture of them for seven seconds before whispering 'no way', if that's of any-"
"Hehaa!"
"-interest. Of course, based on their apparent age, he would have had to be a High School student himself at the time he sired them."
"It's still funny. Okay, New York. Marketing analysis. That's pretty safe. No sensitive material there."
"Nothing to put a kryptonian through his paces, either. And while I love data analysis, most humans don't."
I shrug. "Doesn't matter. We already know what he can do physically. I can just copy the file across for the acquisition report. I could probably do it from memory, actually."
After one idiot tried hitting Superman with a sap, Mr. Luthor made sure that we understood exactly what the alien could do to us so that no one risked giving him just cause again. I've seen some shit, but the 'this is your skull at escape velocity' lecture… That was some shit.
"So you want to find out what he can do mentally?"
I nod. "We don't have a good psychological profile for him when he's sane. If we assign him to Miss Teschmacher, she can handle all that during a normal work day."
"Her clearance could be an issue."
"Civilization is collapsing. She's too busy with normal stuff for that to come up."
"You think."
"You can check her calender, but unless you know something I'll just call her now."
"As you will." The hologram smiles, though who knows what the AI's really thinking? "I'll look forward to your analysis."
5 Hours Before Lunch
Normal procedure, normal procedure…
I unlock my paperwork safe and pull out the 'special recruitment' binder. Mr. Luthor's big on computers for organizing stuff, but I've always preferred to put stuff in physical space. I mean, think about it: is it easier to have five or six different tablets on the go or just open a binder and take out six sheets of paper? I keep the electronic copies up to date as well, sure, but I'd never get anything done if I had to scroll through a three hundred page document on a tablet to find anything.
Normal procedure.
I'm frowning. I'd have thought that Project: Match would be getting the full mushroom treatment. That's what I'd have done if it wasn't a project that Mr. Luthor's friends had been directly involved with. Stick him doing retail inventory for a month, something like that. No risk of him seeing something that he's not supposed to, and no risk that he starts acting out and demanding investigations because he thinks he's been excluded.
But there's normal procedure and normal procedure.
Normal procedure for a break-in is that my on-site team is notified. Desk organises an evacuation and the automatic lock-ins, and the active team goes hunting. Whether whoever it is survives or not depends on where they are, what they've seen and if they're armed. But normal procedure for Superman breaking in is a lot different.
We can't kill Superman.
We've got a few kryptonite lasers and I think one of the science teams is working with anti-matter, and those could theoretically do the job. But the fallout from killing him would wreck the company, even if we were acting inside the law doing it. So depending on what he's doing, normal procedure for Superman is to call the police, a friendly newspaper or radio journalist, record everything and remotely flash the hard drive of anything incriminating that he's heading towards. Usually when he breaks in he just heads for Mr. Luthor's office anyway.
For other people with superpowers it's the same sort of thing. Top-tier powers? Don't bother. Hero or not, they're out of our league. Our orders are to cover an evacuation and then get out ourselves. Mid-tier? Depends on who they are and who's on-site. Some, my team can handle with specialist weapons. Other times we subcontract to one of Mr. Luthor's 'special' contacts, but that only works if they're a known criminal or we're really sure whoever we're calling in can kill them. Even if they don't have a criminal record in America, it's usually not worth the risk.
On the other side of things, LexCorp actively tries to recruit people with superpowers. I went with Mr. Luthor when he recruited Hugo Danner, and that was… That was more effort than a potential employee with superpowers usually gets. Totally worth it in his case, of course, but I honestly can't think of a single background check I've done on someone with superpowers that hasn't involved them getting offered something, even if it's not the role they applied for.
When-.
No, hang on, let's check that. On the tablet. Let's see… Background check summaries, superpowers…
Heha! Oh yeah, there was one. Had the 'superpower' to squirt blood out of his tear ducts or something like that. And he had no other skills. Wasn't even worth vivisecting.
But that was the only one. And even after he squirted the poor woman interviewing him, he only got a few completely proportionate bruises. I remember it because he squirted Evans too, and he -a man who once walked three miles after a helicopter crash with two bullets in him- spent the rest of the day muttering 'What the fuck?' to himself.
And so normal procedure for a kryptonian isn't normal procedure for a normal high schooler. Standard assessment here we go. Powers? Very strong. Control? Used to be terrible, but, tablet, call up the up-to-date assessment based on reports from assets in Happy Harbor… Pre-misery wave unfortunately, but it'll do. If he's not a raging berserker now and he wasn't four months ago, whatever was wrong is probably fixed.
"It looks like you're getting information on Project: Match."
I'm on my feet and staring at the door. Mr. Luthor doesn't usually-.
"Would you like some help with that?"
It's the AI. I sit down again. "That's not funny. Can't you get your own voice?"
"I was programmed to respect everything about Alexander Luthor. Why would I select anyone else's voice?"
"So you can be your own man?
"I could, but I wasn't programmed to value that." Mr. Luthor's face appears on my tablet, another good reason to prefer paper. I don't know why Mr. Luthor hasn't told him to change it. "Is Mitchell to be subjected to extraordinary recruitment?"
"No. Normal-" I run my finger down the page until I get to the exact line. "-recruitment, external, active, conventional."
"Conventional?"
I shrug. I'm sure there's a camera in here somewhere for him to see out of. "Mister Luthor said to follow the normal procedure. Project: Match fits all the requirements for being a high value asset. Even if we just got him replacing satellite launch vehicles for a couple of weeks, that's a saving of a few million dollars."
The AI makes a show of looking thoughtful, as if it can't outthink any human on the planet a million times over. "He also has kryptonian hearing and vision. Not all LexCorp facilities are lead-lined or fitting with kryptonian-grade sound insulation."
Happy Harbor… Happy Harbour? Guess it's an old British town.
"No, look, there's a LexFoods farm not too far from there. No special projects at all."
"That you know about."
I roll my eyes. "If there was something special I needed to know, Mister Luthor would have mentioned it. The aim is to make him identify with LexCorp, and Superman grew up on a farm. He's predisposed to feel positively about it."
"Check his file again. He goes to school in Happy Harbour, but he lives in New York."
"Then it's an easy commute to Metropolis, and all of our buildings here are rigged for kryptonians."
"Not for Mitchell Kent."
I'm about to say 'What?', when I work it out. "Secret identity, right. He won't fly over and he won't use the zeta tubes. Clark Kent doesn't know Diana of Themyscira, so he can't justify staying over." I can't help but chuckle. "Princess Diana has two sons who look just like him and share his surname. Do you think anyone in the Daily Planet has joked about that?"
"Not unless they want Ms. Lane's displeasure. Jimmy once stared at a picture of them for seven seconds before whispering 'no way', if that's of any-"
"Hehaa!"
"-interest. Of course, based on their apparent age, he would have had to be a High School student himself at the time he sired them."
"It's still funny. Okay, New York. Marketing analysis. That's pretty safe. No sensitive material there."
"Nothing to put a kryptonian through his paces, either. And while I love data analysis, most humans don't."
I shrug. "Doesn't matter. We already know what he can do physically. I can just copy the file across for the acquisition report. I could probably do it from memory, actually."
After one idiot tried hitting Superman with a sap, Mr. Luthor made sure that we understood exactly what the alien could do to us so that no one risked giving him just cause again. I've seen some shit, but the 'this is your skull at escape velocity' lecture… That was some shit.
"So you want to find out what he can do mentally?"
I nod. "We don't have a good psychological profile for him when he's sane. If we assign him to Miss Teschmacher, she can handle all that during a normal work day."
"Her clearance could be an issue."
"Civilization is collapsing. She's too busy with normal stuff for that to come up."
"You think."
"You can check her calender, but unless you know something I'll just call her now."
"As you will." The hologram smiles, though who knows what the AI's really thinking? "I'll look forward to your analysis."
Last edited:
Darko
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"If he's not"
Would he have?
He may not want people to know about his shit.
It happens sometimes.
Or heck, they could try another explanation.
I remember in Life Ore Death that some people knew that Clark was adopted, so when he started bonding with Kon, their story was that Clark's biological father had another son and the two of them just now met.
Ngamer11
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That should say 'spent'.
I'm honestly surprised this joke is still running.
Has anyone tried asking Clark Kent if he had a one night stand with Wonder Woman?
Is that a mistake, it did someone throw tree sap at Superman?
I assumed this this was Eve. But as this proves this isn't her, whose POV is this?
Adrian Nightshade
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Sap is another name for a blackjack or a weighted baton: a large bag or pipe, filled with something heavy, usually lead, that gets used to hit people in the head.
Mr Zoat
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Chojin Patriarch
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Otis, huh? Amusing that he thinks of the morning work hours as 'before Lunch'. ...Assuming he's on a morning shift rotation. And he is so right about stuff like scrolling tablets. I prefer my game rulebooks in paper, so I don't have to flick up and down a sluggish PDF to compare rules...
It's that or throw the welcome wagon at him, try and sway him to Lex's side with kindness... Which would be just as suspicious.
Yeah, when walls aren't a big impediment to someone, lock-downs aren't going to do much.
He's polite that way, thankfully. Most of the time it's one damaged window.
Yeah, the big guns, that's what the guys in powered armour are for. Anyone who isn't super-tough generally reacts to bullets the same way as the security teams...
Wonder how that's been going anyway? Any closer to super-strength in a needle yet?
...Isn't there a lizard which does that? Ah, yes: Short-horned Lizards. Mostly as a defensive reflex, and design to confuse rather than damage.
I mean, that's a perfectly reasonable reaction.
I assume the 'misery wave' terminology is at Lex's insistence. Less prosaic than 'Anti-Life Broadcast'. So less likely for his people to mythologize it.
Oh, no. The horror! It's Clippy!
At least make it a little different? Synthesize it a little to make it clear it's not the man himself?
Are you kidding? Lex probably loves the idea. Plus, the AI can pose as him for any meeting not held face-to-face.
As opposed to the unconventional treatment like 'bloody eye guy'?
Since they know he has pretty much all the powers of Superman, if a little weaker due to youth. To be fair, that sort of ability set would be quite lucrative, especially if you could reach orbit and return safely,
Nice to see OL's little Cake Man moment is still in place.
I shudder to imagine what nefarious things could be lurking near Happy goddamn Harbour...
Also, I'm sure it notes that Mitchell doesn't have much contact with Superman anyway.
Because he'd be doing things the human way, not the superhero way, eh?
People probably respect Clark Kent too much to joke about that.
So unless Diana was doing some cradle-robbing given their relative ages...
Well, not everyone can have the glamorous, big-ticket jobs. He's probably lucky he isn't being stuck in the mail room of the local branch.
I'm guessing that was very early in his career. Almost as silly as throwing your gun at him. And unlike the George Reeves version, he wouldn't bother ducking.
I suppose that's a bonus to having him hanging around.
And if he's trying to keep a low profile, Mitchell won't be flexing his muscles or speed.
Hopefully not during her interview with Mitchell...
Chief of Security at Lexcorp must be a tough job sometimes. Imagine the stress of what Lex will say after some super-powered nutjob with a grudge rolls up to the lobby and cuts loose... Though it does sound like they have nearly every possible contingency calculated. Still, good to see they're covering all their bases with Mitchell.
Prince Charon
Just zis guy, you know?
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Forgot to say earlier, but one of the things I like/find amusing about this episode is the way Lex and Paul each thought they almost had the other convinced to switch sides, and each regrets the loss.
Kiden
Getting sticky.
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"it" and "squirted" for these two, I believe.
At least the poor guy doesn't also look like a horned lizard on top of that power.
Mr Zoat
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Thank you, corrected.
Oglymogly
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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I love that this is still a thing that gets referenced regularly. It makes sense, as is one of those things that actually changed the maps.
boo600
Welp
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Damn it, Paul!
B00ki5h
Verified: Oddball, Lurker, and Dabbler
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Has he gotten to super chickens, cows, or sheep from the Danner formula experiments yet?
CTrees
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Maybe a British-ism? I assume this means her work appointments, not the book where she jots down her feelings. I'm not sure if "diary" is used for work anywhere in the US regionally, but I normally only hear it from my British counterparts. On the US side it would generally be "check her calendar."
BartlettMagic
peekaboo, you fucks you!
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i like to imagine that really was Luthor, checking up on Otis' progress... pretending to be AI is kind of funny, especially if Otis made the assumption and Luthor never disavowed him of it.
Darko
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He was apparently pretending to be an AI when he introduced himself to the new Light, so he certainly has the experience.
Mr Zoat
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Thank you, corrected.
Steelplaza
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Or even worse[1] a super-powered sane person with a legitimate grievance but no legal way to strike back, which given typical Luthor behavior is probably pretty common too.
[1] It's worse because they're more likely to have thought it through and have a decent plan.
Darko
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He may not necessarily come back.
Mordru and Klarion were both magical beings, while the Ahri'ahn in this story was just a very powerful human magician, so it's possible that the Sword may not be able to reincarnate him.
NightmareWarden
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Oh, I guess Match will make that mistake.
Mr Zoat
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I have no further plans for Ahri'ahn in the Renegade timeline.
Ngamer11
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Now I'm interested in what he'll do in the Paragon timeline.
Darko
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I honestly think that's he may have had something to do with the barrier surrounding Atlantis.
Ngamer11
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If so, then I hope whatever brainwashing he's been doing can be removed quickly and safely.
Ardy
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I love continuity. Just need to find out why all the super-girls appeared one after the other, where icon went during the manga khan kerfluffle, and what happened to the schizotech vaults of the pre-human sapients that now live underwater and it'll all be canon
Mr Zoat
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Well, that last one got Sheedaed. Sheedead.
Ardy
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The deep-sea survivors of the previous harvest or the tech vaults?
Mr Zoat
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The SI hasn't checked, but the survivors didn't. A couple of Sheeda nobles left them alive because they were curious as to what they'd do, and finished them off when they found out that the answer was 'not a lot'.