Realigned (part 6)
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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6th February
11:43 GMT
"Megatron."
"Megatron."
Best Starscream voice. "That's all I ever hear! After today no one will need to use that name again!"
Guy squints. "Huh?"
"When I was little, I had a cassette with a Transformers story on it. At one point Starscream throws a classic hissy fit and shouts 'Megatron! Megatron! That's all I ever hear…"
Guy leans back, shrugging. "I didn't really watch th' show."
"So… Do you actually know who Megatron is?"
From the pilot's seat, Xor grunts. "No."
Guy looks mildly offended. "Sure I know who Megatron is, but that's 'cause of… Cultural osmosis, or whatever. How tha Hell is Megatron your inspiration?"
"As well as that cassette, I had a tape with two episodes of the animated series on it. The first one was set after the film, with Starscream's ghost collecting city transformer eyes for Unicron-"
Guy shrugs and shakes his head. Damn casual.
"-the planet eater… Never mind. The second episode has the Decepticons build a machine which lets them share their special abilities with Megatron. He then challenges Optimus Prime to a fight and kicks his arse. And it might sound silly now, but when I was little that was a big shock. The hero of the story flat out losing because the villain was better prepared."
At the pilot's station, Xor's ring starts glowing. Why-? Ah, he's asking it to explain Transformers to him. Good luck with that.
"So you grab all the powers you can, because that way you can beat up Optimus Prime."
I lean back in my chair. "I was at an impressionable age. It made a big impact. Oh, and the other part of the story had the Constructicons digging into the Autobots' fortified mountain base while they were all out watching the fight, so the whole thing is double relevant to me."
Guy thinks about that for a moment. "Kinda… Kinda think I took the hard road as far as childhood motives goes."
"I…" Urghhh… "I can't.. joke about that."
Guy turns to look straight in front of us, at the main view screen. "Sure you can. I've got the piss-tasting beer to remind me he's gone, haven't I?"
"Fine: I got productive kleptomania out of my childhood trauma and all you got was a lousy haircut."
"See? Not so hard." He shifts in his seat. "'course, if I'd had VHS tapes I liked watchin', pa woulda smashed them up." He shrugs. "Maybe burned them while I watched."
"A…" … "A…"
Guy turns his eyes my way and the git starts smiling.
Xor looks around. "Giant robots? You are talking about giant robots?"
Guy holds up his right hand and generates a passable Generation 1 Megatron construct.
"No. Made up giant robots. If they'd been real giant robots this would be a sensible thing ta talk about."
Xor stares blankly at me. "You are motivated by your desire to beat a fictional giant robot you remember from your childhood?"
"No, it's the principle. A comedically evil character wins because he's studied his enemy and built up his own power. In the core of my nature is an abhorrence of that."
"Evil don't get to win when Orange is around."
"I-."
"Which makes me kinda curious about what happened yesterday."
"I thought my report was fairly thorough. I don't really like what happened, but it was the best I could come up with in the time I was prepared to spend there."
He dismisses his construct. "Givin' Megatron a do-over?"
"There was a story where Shockwave managed to unify Cybertron under his leadership after millions of years of war by creating and controlling a reliable fuel supply. Look, you've seen enough of the really evil civilisations which exist in the universe to know that a criminal network on Earth isn't actually that bad in the general scheme of things. Heck, I made a deal with the Spider Guild last year. They eat people."
He jerks his head in my direction. "They still eatin' people?"
"They didn't specifically promise to stop…" … "I'll visit Vega once we're finished here."
Guy frowns at me. "Yeah, you do that. And how come we've got another Star Sapphire?"
"Guy, now that you're in a long term relationship with Tora, are you happier or less happy than you were before?"
"Hal was happier when he was with our Carol. Love's… Great. That ain't the point. Our Carol was a rookie. You gave a crystal we know makes people crazy to a goddamn vet."
"A veteran who's used the violet light without going crazy for years, yes. That's like comparing me to Larfleeze." I lean towards him. "Look, the way I see it, it was only a matter of time before the Zamarons make a nuisance of themselves. But Maltusian society prizes the ability to exert influence. If she flies up to them with a template for, A, letting mortals use the violet light without going crazy and, B, making a Corps of their own, I strongly suspect that they'll go for it."
"And if they don't?"
"Then they've got-"
"We are arriving."
"-one extra Lantern."
Normal space reappears, an unimportant system outside the nominal borders of Alignment space. And in the distance I feel our contact, Lantern Canar.
Guy pulls himself out of his chair.
"Alright then. Let the shit storm commence."
11:43 GMT
"Megatron."
"Megatron."
Best Starscream voice. "That's all I ever hear! After today no one will need to use that name again!"
Guy squints. "Huh?"
"When I was little, I had a cassette with a Transformers story on it. At one point Starscream throws a classic hissy fit and shouts 'Megatron! Megatron! That's all I ever hear…"
Guy leans back, shrugging. "I didn't really watch th' show."
"So… Do you actually know who Megatron is?"
From the pilot's seat, Xor grunts. "No."
Guy looks mildly offended. "Sure I know who Megatron is, but that's 'cause of… Cultural osmosis, or whatever. How tha Hell is Megatron your inspiration?"
"As well as that cassette, I had a tape with two episodes of the animated series on it. The first one was set after the film, with Starscream's ghost collecting city transformer eyes for Unicron-"
Guy shrugs and shakes his head. Damn casual.
"-the planet eater… Never mind. The second episode has the Decepticons build a machine which lets them share their special abilities with Megatron. He then challenges Optimus Prime to a fight and kicks his arse. And it might sound silly now, but when I was little that was a big shock. The hero of the story flat out losing because the villain was better prepared."
At the pilot's station, Xor's ring starts glowing. Why-? Ah, he's asking it to explain Transformers to him. Good luck with that.
"So you grab all the powers you can, because that way you can beat up Optimus Prime."
I lean back in my chair. "I was at an impressionable age. It made a big impact. Oh, and the other part of the story had the Constructicons digging into the Autobots' fortified mountain base while they were all out watching the fight, so the whole thing is double relevant to me."
Guy thinks about that for a moment. "Kinda… Kinda think I took the hard road as far as childhood motives goes."
"I…" Urghhh… "I can't.. joke about that."
Guy turns to look straight in front of us, at the main view screen. "Sure you can. I've got the piss-tasting beer to remind me he's gone, haven't I?"
"Fine: I got productive kleptomania out of my childhood trauma and all you got was a lousy haircut."
"See? Not so hard." He shifts in his seat. "'course, if I'd had VHS tapes I liked watchin', pa woulda smashed them up." He shrugs. "Maybe burned them while I watched."
"A…" … "A…"
Guy turns his eyes my way and the git starts smiling.
Xor looks around. "Giant robots? You are talking about giant robots?"
Guy holds up his right hand and generates a passable Generation 1 Megatron construct.
"No. Made up giant robots. If they'd been real giant robots this would be a sensible thing ta talk about."
Xor stares blankly at me. "You are motivated by your desire to beat a fictional giant robot you remember from your childhood?"
"No, it's the principle. A comedically evil character wins because he's studied his enemy and built up his own power. In the core of my nature is an abhorrence of that."
"Evil don't get to win when Orange is around."
"I-."
"Which makes me kinda curious about what happened yesterday."
"I thought my report was fairly thorough. I don't really like what happened, but it was the best I could come up with in the time I was prepared to spend there."
He dismisses his construct. "Givin' Megatron a do-over?"
"There was a story where Shockwave managed to unify Cybertron under his leadership after millions of years of war by creating and controlling a reliable fuel supply. Look, you've seen enough of the really evil civilisations which exist in the universe to know that a criminal network on Earth isn't actually that bad in the general scheme of things. Heck, I made a deal with the Spider Guild last year. They eat people."
He jerks his head in my direction. "They still eatin' people?"
"They didn't specifically promise to stop…" … "I'll visit Vega once we're finished here."
Guy frowns at me. "Yeah, you do that. And how come we've got another Star Sapphire?"
"Guy, now that you're in a long term relationship with Tora, are you happier or less happy than you were before?"
"Hal was happier when he was with our Carol. Love's… Great. That ain't the point. Our Carol was a rookie. You gave a crystal we know makes people crazy to a goddamn vet."
"A veteran who's used the violet light without going crazy for years, yes. That's like comparing me to Larfleeze." I lean towards him. "Look, the way I see it, it was only a matter of time before the Zamarons make a nuisance of themselves. But Maltusian society prizes the ability to exert influence. If she flies up to them with a template for, A, letting mortals use the violet light without going crazy and, B, making a Corps of their own, I strongly suspect that they'll go for it."
"And if they don't?"
"Then they've got-"
"We are arriving."
"-one extra Lantern."
Normal space reappears, an unimportant system outside the nominal borders of Alignment space. And in the distance I feel our contact, Lantern Canar.
Guy pulls himself out of his chair.
"Alright then. Let the shit storm commence."
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