Cuchulin
Versed in the lewd.
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2019
- Messages
- 2,417
Senator Robert Kelly, Henry Gyrich, Agent Hill....those ones might need some more work.
I'd add Raven Darkhölme to that list as she is about as morally ambigous as Magneto.
Senator Robert Kelly, Henry Gyrich, Agent Hill....those ones might need some more work.
I smile. "Mister Chandler! Are you finally cashing in that free trip
"Yes. I'll have to do it myself then. It's just… Tact isn't my strongest skill
"Yes. I mean, it's kind of what the Reformation was about. I mean, I ended up in Heaven and the angels actually killed me
Really, it's… Surprising that more people don't ask that sort of thing
Or that… No one has started some sort of necromancy company or something.
I raise my hand to greet Ted Grant, Diana… Apparently showing him around. My eyes are… Sliding off her, something about her actively interfering with my exotic abilities
"I've got a job that requires tact and subtlety, so I thought that it would be a good idea to get some advice."
She nods.
"So it seems that I'm not the only one who can learn
She needs to date a magic eater. Seriously. That's messed up.Pretty much. The full story is in issue 5, with important parts not mentioned until issue 7. Basically, an arms trader bribed some poorly paid Eternian guards to let him move a shipment. One of them, a guy called Nolar Blok, took the money and informed his superior what was happening. As a result, He-Man got the arms dealer and the other guards. However, those guards had friends and Blok got discharged. A while after that, Evelyn 'accentually' bumped into him in disguise and -after a little horizontal persuasion- convinced him that if he helped her get a magic gem, she'd be able to get away from that horrid Keldor and they could start a life together.
Canonically, that went about as well as you'd think.
It's nice to see Diana is tapping more into her esoteric abilities. Mr Zoat, does this mean she is slowly growing into her role as a goddess? Also, can she do Diana 666's trick of returning into the Earth in order to heal/cleanse herself?I raise my hand to greet Ted Grant, Diana… Apparently showing him around. My eyes are… Sliding off her, something about her actively interfering with my exotic abilities.
"Mister Grant. Diana, I… Don't know what that is, but-" I smile. "-well done for getting it."
"There are only so many times you can comment on my lack of defences before I correct it. What brings you here?"
It's nice to see Diana is tapping more into her esoteric abilities. Mr Zoat, does this mean she is slowly growing into her role as a goddess? Also, can she do Diana 666's trick of returning into the Earth in order to heal/cleanse herself?
20th October 2012
14:53 GMT -5
I raise my left hand to my ear.
"Orange Lantern Two Eight One four?"
Ah, Chas. Constantine's regular driver, old buddy and rare survivor of some of his cases."Er, hello."
I smile. "Mister Chandler! Are you finally cashing in that free trip?"
If they went there, I suspect Renee would kill him for other reasons. If you know what I mean?"Oh. Ah, no. Renee'd kill me if I tried taking the family anywhere. What with the Sheeda and that."
"We're pretty sure we got them all. And Greece has got literal demigoddesses providing security on the beaches and tourist sites."
Ah, OL, you grow wise in the ways of relationships at last: You don't argue with the missus' decisions."Yeah, heard about that. But it's gunna take a lot more than good sense to convince Renee."
"Alright. Can't productively argue with that. What can I do for you, then?"
Should think it's be pretty close to number one by now. And long overdue."You haven't found John yet, have you?"
"No, but that-. That's just about worked its way to the top of my 'to do' list. I'll keep you informed. Though I…"
Ah, yes. This will be interesting."What?"
"Bit awkward, but I found a young man who looks a lot like him in Africa last month. Adopted at birth."
A reminder: Cheryl Masters. Can't remember if we've seen her in story yet, but it probably would have been during the Split. I remember OL checking in on Gemma... And gaining his second Construct Lantern.There's a quiet intake of breath. "Is he-? John's? I mean, I wouldn't be all that surprised-."
"No, I-." Scan. "His sister's. She wouldn't have been very old. Do you know her at all? I'm not really sure how to bring it up."
Yeah, when in doubt, call backup."Nah. I've met her a few times. I mean, she knows who I am, but I don't really know her, know what I mean?"
"Yes. I'll have to do it myself then. It's just… Tact isn't my strongest skill. I'll.. just run it by Diana first. So, yes, if that was why you were phoning, I don't-."
It'd be a rare human who didn't lose someone related to them during the Sheeda thing."No. It wasn't." I hear him sigh. "It's stupid really, with all the people the Sheeda killed."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Have you suffered a bereavement?"
Said mother is the reason John even met Chas - she ran a hotel he stayed at for a time, and was a black witch."Yeah, yeah. My uncle Tom. Dad's side of the family."
Meaning not related by blood to his maleficious mother. But with both his parents and his brother dead, I… That's that generation of the family gone.
You bet your bippy your experience is atypical."He was a good bloke, and I-. You know about what happens next, right? When someone dies?"
"I've died twice myself, but I think my experience was atypical. What do you want to know?"
I don't say 'how honest do you want me to be', because that's something I'm going to have to feel out for myself.
"I just… Like you said, you've done this. You know the truth, not that bollocks the vicars an' all tell us. Is my uncle Tom in a better place?"
Not likely, given the criteria are pretty hard to hit. Sometimes. Things are really inconsistent on that front.
More notably, did he have a chance to repent his sins, or the like? I assume he was Protestant..."It doesn't have to be heaven. I know the angels don't really like you."
"No, we got that-." Not the point. "Was your uncle particularly religious? Or.. not particularly religious, but did he believe in God?"
Vague, but slightly reassuring. About as good as you can manage, OL. Points for trying."I don't think so. Is… That it, then?"
"I don't think he would specifically go to the Christian heaven. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't go somewhere nice."
Sounds unlikely, on the Celtic front... More likely he got snatched up by the Silver City... Or the other place."Doesn't it? What happens to souls with nowhere to go?"
"They.. might be drawn into the dominant mythos, either… The Celtic otherworld, which is… I wouldn't say that it's 'better', but it's okay. Or gone to heaven anyway for living a good Christian life informally."
Best to generalise on the non-Christian front. I don't think Chas is in the mood for lessons on comparative mythology/religion."Does that happen?"
"Yes. I mean, it's kind of what the Reformation was about. I mean, I ended up in Heaven and the angels actually killed me. And there were a few people every year who ended up in Ereb-. The Greek afterlife, because they liked the old stories and didn't practice any particular religion."
Just don't go trying necromancy, you know how the Angels are about that."So you don't know where he is."
"It might be possible to work it out for sure, but it would be kind of difficult."
Kind of hard to sugar-coat that you basically own a Lord of Hell. Especially if Chas knows what that means from Johnny-boy."But he wouldn't have gone to hell."
"Honesty compels me to say that I can't completely rule it out, but it seems unlikely. And the outermost circle of Hell is run by an…" Er. "Ally of mine. He's trying to make it a less horrible place to exist. If he went there, then depending on his general state of health before he died, that could be an improvement."
Saying 'yeah, he's okay... For a Lord of Hell.' Is kind of awkward, huh?"Yeah?"
"Mammon is a purely self-interested demon lord. Once I demonstrated that it was in his interests to have good relations with his damned, he was willing to give it a go. So, yeah, 'better' might be pushing it, but I doubt that he'll have gone anywhere particularly bad."
Not that they know him beyond 'The Cake Man', I guess."Okay. Cheers. That's… That's a weight off."
"Happy to help. My regards to Renee and Geraldine."
It's better to not know and hope, than ask and have those hopes dashed.I let him ring off before lowering my hand.
Huh.
Really, it's… Surprising that more people don't ask that sort of thing. Or that… No one has started some sort of necromancy company or something.
Should you be more worried about that, or...Ah well.
I step out and appear inside the Themysciran embassy, close to the portal. I couldn't feel Diana, so I'm assuming-.
...Huh, she's actually found something to foil Empathic Vision? I'm guessing it applies to other mental interactions too. No doubt Manhunter has an exception written in."Oh, here's the little card shark now!"
I raise my hand to greet Ted Grant, Diana… Apparently showing him around. My eyes are… Sliding off her, something about her actively interfering with my exotic abilities.
Holy shit, someone actually took OL's advice without a world-ending crisis or near-fatal change of heart?"Mister Grant. Diana, I… Don't know what that is, but-" I smile. "-well done for getting it."
"There are only so many times you can comment on my lack of defences before I correct it. What brings you here?"
Ha! Good thing OL has a Power Ring, or he'd need some cream for that burn."I've got a job that requires tact and subtlety, so I thought that it would be a good idea to get some advice."
She nods.
"So it seems that I'm not the only one who can learn."
But understatement is near the top of the list.
I just realized. Shouldn't that say Illustres? Or is he using what people on Earth would be more likely to remember? Also, if that's not a mistake, 'four' should be capitalized.I raise my left hand to my ear.
"Orange Lantern Two Eight One four?"
I believe we first saw her in Episode 110: Maladaptive, when Paul goes to pick up Gemma so that they can meet the mysterious person, later revealed to be Richard Simpson, who said he know where her uncle John was.A reminder: Cheryl Masters. Can't remember if we've seen her in story yet, but it probably would have been during the Split. I remember OL checking in on Gemma... And gaining his second Construct Lantern.
That seems a bit much. I'd say they're more allies of convenience than a superior and subordinate position. Paul mentioned that if he tried to make Mammon do something he really wouldn't want to do that the demon could undo the alterations put on his, I'm not sure what to call it. Would it be 'soul', or something else since he's a naturally formed demon? Metaphysique I guess?Kind of hard to sugar-coat that you basically own a Lord of Hell. Especially if Chas knows what that means from Johnny-boy.
No, they know him more than that. Though they probably see him as someone to avoid if they don't need him, similar to John.
Quite rare for OL to get a phone call, isn't it? Presumably a mundane acquaintance, since those he considers allies would have other ways of getting in touch. Or else he's about to give one hell of a phone interview, again
Ah, Chas. Constantine's regular driver, old buddy and rare survivor of some of his cases
If they went there, I suspect Renee would kill him for other reasons. If you know what I mean
reminder: Cheryl Masters. Can't remember if we've seen her in story yet, but it probably would have been during the Split. I remember OL checking in on Gemma... And gaining his second Construct Lantern
Wait, OL recognising he might be a bit too blunt for his own good? Are we looking at an alternate universe
Kind of hard to sugar-coat that you basically own a Lord of Hell. Especially if Chas knows what that means from Johnny-boy
I'm sorry?Plus with magic becoming more abs mire accepted, it's likely that some dorms would become illegal due to their dangers.
A small amount of absolute blackness.
She's actively exploring her arcane abilities. She could probably do it, but that's the sort of thing you don't want to leave to chance.It's nice to see Diana is tapping more into her esoteric abilities. Mr Zoat, does this mean she is slowly growing into her role as a goddess? Also, can she do Diana 666's trick of returning into the Earth in order to heal/cleanse herself?
Thank you, corrected.I just realized. Shouldn't that say Illustres? Or is he using what people on Earth would be more likely to remember? Also, if that's not a mistake, 'four' should be capitalized.
Not in All His Engines.
Mr Zoat are there any actual laws regarding magic? or are they all still being worked on?
Yes, lots. Some of them even make sense. Most of them aren't up to date.
It's nice to see Diana is tapping more into her esoteric abilities. Mr Zoat, does this mean she is slowly growing into her role as a goddess? Also, can she do Diana 666's trick of returning into the Earth in order to heal/cleanse herself?
Diana's not a goddess, she's a Titan. Kronos' youngest sister.
Diana's not a goddess, she's a Titan. Kronos' youngest sister.
Titans were described as being more primordial, with the proper birth of one having devastating effects on the world they are born on. Since I can't think of Diana being like that, I assume she will become something akin to a goddess.
Titans were described as being more primordial, with the proper birth of one having devastating effects on the world they are born on. Since I can't think of Diana being like that, I assume she will become something akin to a goddess.
If I recall correctly, Diana thought of herself more as an empowered Amazon than a demigoddess. Mr Zoat, when did she start admitting to herself that's she is one? And is this part of why she can now use more esoteric abilities?"The building is warded, but I'm a demigoddess. I take certain magic easier than bricks and mortar."
I'm uncertain how things are going to progress now. I wonder if this will be another opportunity for Paul to reveal knowledge he's dug up and not told anyone. I'd be happy to see him give exposition on what's happening, to the surprise of his audience, if that's the case.A woman -oh no- wearing a long leather coat strides out of the mist like some sort of Matrix extra, two handguns rising up and aiming despite the red blindfold across her eyes. Crimson Avenger 2, whose name I don't know-
Scan doesn't work so I can't find out.
-and who I remember from the comic tried to kill Ted for falsifying evidence which led to a man being executed for a crime he didn't commit. Or rather, did kill him several times, which he survived due to having eight extra lives.
Ours doesn't have that.
Diana steps forward, interposing herself between the armed woman she doesn't recognise and…
Oh. A little harsh, but mostly fair.
Me, because she doesn't want me killing whoever this is.
"I am Diana, Princess of-."
The guns come up and fire!
I will point out, Paragon knows this isn't true, and its kind of amazing that Diana isn't calling him out on it given SHE WAS ACTUALLY THERE."-to your physically active youth? In Heaven, you're literally put out to pasture until you rise above all of your base instincts and fully unify with the Source. In Erebos, you-."
Thank you, corrected.
It's been a gradual process.If I recall correctly, Diana thought of herself more as an empowered Amazon than a demigoddess. Mr Zoat, when did she start admitting to herself that's she is one? And is this part of why she can now use more esoteric abilities?
Then please do inform us of what actually happened.I will point out, Paragon knows this isn't true, and its kind of amazing that Diana isn't calling him out on it given SHE WAS ACTUALLY THERE.
She had a baby, ate it, and let the baby break their way out of her skull instead of puking them out like a Titan would.
Ha! Despite Batman's deepest wish, that'll never happen. Though I wonder what brought them to visit Ted Grant. On the other hand, 'grump' is a good description of his usually behaviour, at least in the modern age. Joy of being in his 90s.20th October 2012
15:06 GMT -5
"Really?" I frown. "Because Gotham's so safe that no one feels the need to learn self-defence any more?"
Ted Grant grumps.
No doubt he's refused any offer. Wildcat always struck me as one to not try and stretch things beyond 'his fair shake.'"No. Just boxing. Kids are all about 'mixed martial arts' and 'krav manga' these days."
I don't laugh, because this is important to him, and he's very old without any rejuvenation effects.
Indeed. Way back at the turn of the 1900s, boxing was a bare-knuckle affair. But authorities got sick of people dying. Yes, I know, people argue over whether gloves are safer... Let's not work that punching bag, shall we?"Last time I checked, the classes were oversubscribed. And not with henchmen; half of the new people are either from the Alliance or the Congregation. They're keeping all the exercise equipment, but the boxing ring's getting thrown out. It's just not my gym anymore."
"Ted, way back when you started boxing, were there people in your neighbourhood who were critical of you for putting on padded gloves before you punched people?"
...Ehhh. Not with the popularity of UFC-style competitions..."Aaaaaaah..?" He looks a little uncertain, but rallies quickly. "Not if they wanted to keep all their teeth."
"Look, fashions change. Just be happy that the gym's still going, and… Maybe when fashion changes again, it'll go back to incorporating more traditional boxing."
Oh, that'd be pleasant. Having a ghostly Ted hanging around grousing about people's striking technique."Sure, but I'm not gunna see that, am I?"
"Should I just nod and smile, or do you actually want to talk about how to bind your soul to the gym?"
Bet she hasn't missed that in the time since she last worked with him.Diana theatrically mantles her eyes with her right hand.
"Paul."
Please, don't tell me OL has a brochure..."Everyone has a right to their preferred afterlife service provider. I don't see the appeal, but I'm not Mister Grant."
"My choice, huh?" He shrugs. "What are my other options?"
Surely he'd deserve the Hero package. ...The good hero, not the asshole hero pack."I highly recommend Erebos. You're guaranteed to have your full mental faculties preserved, and that's not a service most entry level afterlives offer."
"'Entry level? Who do you think I am?!"
Unfortunately, unless you get into the bit of Heaven comics Green Arrow spent time in until 'Quiver', it's not all lounging on clouds and ogling cute angels."Someone who hasn't paid particular homage to any pagan gods at any point during his life. At this point you're almost certainly bound for Heaven, which… I've been, I don't recommend it, but I'm not you."
"I don't know. I could do with some peace and tranquillity."
True, he hardly needs anyone doting on him. Because that's what that word basically actually means: Caring for the old or infirm..."Could you? Would you honestly say that you prefer your peaceful dotage-"
His eyes narrow. "Watch it."
I suspect OL is a bit biased, because of his unpleasant personal experience..."-to your physically active youth? In Heaven, you're literally put out to pasture until you rise above all of your base instincts and fully unify with the Source. In Erebos, you-."
Ah…
Because there's only so many Judges to go around. And I doubt Hades has that many candidates to train up new ones."At the moment, you'd join the back of a very long queue, before eventually-."
"Sounds like poor service provision to me. Why not just open more lanes?"
...If it were any other God, I might think he's taking a personal interest in the blondes. But I'm guessing it was a regional thing."Because the Greek divines have gotten used to no one needing them for anything, and need substantial retraining in order to bring them up to the skill level required."
I don't know why Lord Hades instituted a separate judge for blondes, but they can now join the unified queue system like everyone else. That reform also got rid of the fast track for mortal heroes, but I don't think that will be a selling point here.
Hey, I'm sure anything that gets a good word in with Hades..."But full sophoncy would be restored prior to judgement, and you would be free to converse with others in the queue, or with duly licensed necromancers."
He smiles. "Are you getting commission on this?"
"I'm not just an employee, I'm also a client!" Though this is hardly the Hair Club For Men..."I tried dating the owners' daughter once. Also, I'm a service-user myself."
"Oh, that's how it is."
To be honest, if OL ever dies permanently, it will likely be a long, long time from now. And it's not likely to mean he'll stay that way."I wouldn't try and sell a product I wasn't prepared to use myself. Ultimately, I will receive exactly the same service provision as you, though I might benefit from the… Ah."
"Time gap?"
Ah, well... I'm sure you've heard of a few of them. Tantalus... Sisyphus... Pirithous... Well, that last one isn't as well known. Thank you, Overly Sarcastic productions!"Greater degree of service-provision experience the judges will have acquired by then."
"Hm. Go back to the judgement bit. What sort of sentences do they hand down?"
And why he has once-mortal judges for the little people."The laws of the Greek Gods are mostly self-absorbed. The most serious punishments are dolled out to people who've really gotten on their bad side."
Which is why I think that Hades will 'forget' about my case for as long as he can get away with.
...You might be the only guy to think of it that way. Not so much fun if there's a Fury or similar behind you lashing you to work."Which means that your comparative lack of interaction is actually to your advantage; none of them have any reason to dislike you. Furthermore, punishments are guaranteed to be finite in duration and clearly explained to the punishee."
"Pushing a rock up a hill is probably pretty good exercise."
I'm sure the name is more stylish in the original Attican Hellenic, but... Being a Chtonic deity means a lot of Hades' cult is a Mystery, forgotten today."They don't do that one anymore. Too many loopholes. And whatever happens in the Punishment Fields-"
"That's what they call it?"
Minus the screaming drill sergeants. Maybe?"-since you don't have a corporeal body any longer, there's no real lasting consequence. Plus, it's a bonding activity. Everyone who's in Erebos has been through it."
"Oh. Like boot camp. That's just-."
Oh, this looks familiar...Red mist surges up from the ground about three metres away from us-
I frown at Diana as the three of us rise, medium armour appearing around my body. "You warded yourself and not the building?"
And if they don't play nice... Well, I'm sure Best Snek will enjoy the meal."The building is warded, but I'm a demigoddess. I take certain magic easier than bricks and mortar."
Dozen of magic users use various 'mists' as part of their transportation spells, and if this is a Lord of Chaos then I-. Diana's here. I'll talk to them, but it will be the Ophidian and me doing the talking together.
One of the few women to bear the name...A woman -oh no- wearing a long leather coat strides out of the mist like some sort of Matrix extra, two handguns rising up and aiming despite the red blindfold across her eyes. Crimson Avenger 2, whose name I don't know-
Scan doesn't work so I can't find out.
...That you know of? I mean, a guy's got to have some secrets after 90 years...-and who I remember from the comic tried to kill Ted for falsifying evidence which led to a man being executed for a crime he didn't commit. Or rather, did kill him several times, which he survived due to having eight extra lives.
Ours doesn't have that.
Well, you do have a lot of blood red in your ledger. And I doubt that gets wiped clean each time you revive.Diana steps forward, interposing herself between the armed woman she doesn't recognise and…
Oh. A little harsh, but mostly fair.
Notably, she bears the cursed handguns which symbolise the name. They have no trigger, and hunger for the deaths of those involved inMe, because she doesn't want me killing whoever this is.
"I am Diana, Princess of-."
The guns come up and fire!
The most serious punishments are doled out to people...
Indeed. Way back at the turn of the 1900s, boxing was a bare-knuckle affair. But authorities got sick of people dying. Yes, I know, people argue over whether gloves are safer... Let's not work that punching bag, shall we?
Bet she hasn't missed that in the time since she last worked with him.
Surely he'd deserve the Hero package. ...The good hero, not the asshole hero pack.
Unfortunately, unless you get into the bit of Heaven comics Green Arrow spent time in until 'Quiver', it's not all lounging on clouds and ogling cute angels.
.If it were any other God, I might think he's taking a personal interest in the blondes. But I'm guessing it was a regional thing
Notably, she bears the cursed handguns which symbolise the name. They have no trigger, and hunger for the deaths of those involved in the deaths of the innocent
Oh, boy. This can't bode well. The big question, is who is she here for? Yes, Ted technically has blood on his hands, but so do Diana and OL