OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

"Agggggh!" screamed Rin. "I don't want to hear about thiiiiiiis!"

"Wow, you still suck at understanding hot women," Mordred opined, looking faintly amused.

"I understood Guinevere rather well, it is just that our issues could not be solved through all of the understanding in the world," her father defended herself, the two of them and Shirou standing in the living room of Tohsaka's house along Sakura, Monster and Vigilante.

Tohsaka was now walking from one side to another, ranting. "Why didn't Kirei tell me about this?! Wait, Kirei, stupid question. Why didn't Yvette tell me about this?! Professor Velvet must have known! That two-faced bitch…!"

"Why don't you just call her?" Sakura said patiently, extending a cellphone over to her. "She can't be that busy right now, at most she's only fighting a card and not a real Servant."

Yvette winced as the Rider card, looking much rather Rider herself but sporting a crazed evil grin, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her over and over against a lamppost. "Goddamn!" the Card Captor in Saber gear gasped. "Damn! This is much harder than I thought! Ruby! Do something…!"

Rin looked at the cellphone with squinting eyes. "Sakura, you know I can't use that thing!"

Mordred blinked. "You don't know how…? I know how to, and that didn't come with my modern knowledge package, it only took a quick explanation from the old man! It's easy! I think I'm starting to understand why you only could summon a duck…"

"Oh, the duck is feeble and weak just because he's small. I'd never heard that one before!" Vigilante huffed, folding his arms and looking aside.

"I don't have anything against small animals, rabbits are real terrifying little bastards, for instance," Mordred made clear. "But everyone knows that rabbits will always beat ducks, no matter what…"

"Uuuh," Fran said in defense of her friend.

Someone rang at the door.

Shirou sighed and went over to answer. "That must be Rider. I'll go check—"

Artoria had effortlessly outpaced him and opened the door instead before he could finish covering the distance. "I see you got our call," she blandly told Rider, who stood at the doorstep with a shy looking, small, thin and frail black haired teenager in a white shirt and black pants and shoes. "You didn't need to bring your Master, however…"

"I wasn't going to leave him alone, what if you were pulling me apart from him so your Assassin ally ambushed him at home?" Rider argued, walking in as the boy followed her.

"My Assassin ally? I don't even know who Assassin is supposed to be!" Saber said, closing after them.

"That's what you say," Rider said. She materialized her chain and hooks in her hands. "You have allied yourself with so many Servants already that I wouldn't discard this being a massive conspiracy against us before you start turning on each other."

"That is rich, coming from someone who conspired with Matou to kidnap me and lure Oneesama into a trap," Sakura reminisced dryly.

Rider didn't seem offended by the remark. "We did what we felt had to be done. I wouldn't even resent this being a trap, but I will have to stand alert regardless…"

"Rider, please, no," her companion sighed. He looked at Mordred, who stood there regarding him silently in her full armor. "Um, good evening, Sir, my name is Ikari Shinji and I'm Rider's Master…"

"Okay," Mordred said without any emotion. "Hadn't you said that you were on good terms with Lancer's Master? Won't they be coming as well?" she asked the other Saber.

"Relative good terms," her father said. "She is a professional magus, so she will not be walking into what, for all she knows, could be a trap unless she deems it absolutely necessary."

Rider and Shinji sweated a small drop each. So we are idiots here, just for coming when you called...?

"I see," Mordred said. "So, except for that woman and probably the Masters who remain unknown, this Grail War is nothing but a bundle of children who somehow bungled into summoning Servants?"

"I'd like to protest against that observation, but seeing the present company, I suppose that I can't deny your point," Rin sighed.

"Tohsaka..." Shirou grumbled.

"What about your Master?" Artoria asked her spawn. "Can he be called a man of honor when he isn't here with us for a reunion this important? Or is he one of those unscrupulous Masters who stick to the shadows plotting horrible moves based on murder and deceit, like some people whose names I will not mention to avoid offending their offspring?"

"You already have done that regardless, you know!" Emiya observed.

"What's wrong with that kind of people?" Mordred asked. "You never had any issue with You-Know-Who in our ranks."

"Oh, so you two have a history together," Rider smiled.

"That's not important right now!" Artoria said, raising her hands in a 'Stop that train of ideas already' gesture.

"My Master is outside right now, overseeing this house with a sniper rifle and several explosive charges from a safe vantage point," Mordred confided them. "So in the event any of you is plotting any funny stuff... You'd better forget it, because he'll get you even if you slipped past me."

Her father scowled. "So he is that kind of man too..."

"Gathering intelligence, even through questionable means, and being prepared for any eventuality, are also important parts of strategy, Saber," Rin lectured King Arthur even when she had no grounds for doing so. "And speaking of that..."

She gestured at Sakura, who sighed and pulled her cellphone out. "Negi-sensei?" the youngest Tohsaka asked. "Oneesama would like to know how is your surveillance going... Yes, yes, I see... That is... good, I suppose? Sorry to bother you this way... You're too kind... Very well, then, bye."

She cut the call and told her sister, "No, they are checking on Kuzuki-sensei again and he still doesn't seem to have summoned anyone. Of course, they can't get too close, but Chachamaru-san's sensors have good range, and yet..."

"What is all of this about?" Mordred inquired.

"There is a teacher in Mahora who we have reasons to believe might be Caster's Master," Shirou explained, recalling what Ala Alba had been told in Kyoto, "but apparently it isn't so. This is bad, how can we move onto a foreign War without taking care of the one here first?"

"You just leave that to me, it's what I was called for," Mordred said. "All I want is proof on the Grail being cursed, because if it is so, then the copies made from it would be as well."

"Copies?" Shinji echoed.

"Besides the one in Europe, the American magi are supposed to be developing one as well," the new Saber confided.

"Oh, for the love of-!" Rin facepalmed. "This never ends, or does it?"

The front door went open then, and all of the Servants pulled their weapons out, startled. Then they saw a young woman, badly bruised and beaten and wearing a tattered copy of Saber's battle gown, stumbling into the house. She looked at Rider with the eye not covered by a patch, and smiled weak and nervously.

"Ah ha ha ha, oh wow, you came all the way here for me..." Yvette stuttered, and then fainted, dropping on her face as Shinji shrieked.

"Miss!" Shirou gasped, rushing to her side to aid.

Rider blinked visibly under the blindfold. "Um, I have no idea what is she talking about. This is the first time I have ever seen this person."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't hold it against you anyway," Rin deadpanned.

"Woo, I'm beat!" Ruby said, floating towards the kitchen with two bandages crossed on its tip, as Mordred looked at her with puzzled curiosity. "Sakura-chan, massage me a little after putting ice on me, will you? Thank you, you're a dearie...!"

 

[OverMaster]

There was a castle in the woods, high up the mountains surrounding the Mahora District. The Mahora Einzbern Castle, one of several such fortresses built by the Einzberns close to Japan's most important leylines, was not as great and large as the ruins of the one near Fuyuki that had once housed Saber and Irisviel, but it still was gigantic enough as to keep most locals away, scared by rumors of ghosts haunting its halls.

In truth, there were no ghosts of any kind in the building, since Illya and Sayoko were the first people to actually live there after shaking a lot of spider webs and dust off. But it had done an excellent job of preventing unwanted visits until today.

"You have got a lot of nerve, coming here," Illya told Negi, Chisame, Asuna, Ayaka and Chamo as they were brought before her presence by Sayoko.

The small albino, in slippers and a wine-purple gown, rested lazily on a large throne-like chair at the end of an otherwise empty room, eating ice cream from a huge bucket and with a PFP resting by her side. Chisame was having strong Evangeline-Skuld vibes already. How old was this brat anyway, if the other two were any indication?

"We felt we had to speak with you," Negi said respectfully. "We have been informed by Shirou-san that there may be another Grail War brewing in Europe as we speak."

"So?" Illya said. "Did you come for information on that? Why should you care, you aren't even a Master anyway. Or have you manifested Seals already?"

"How… How long have you known?" Ayaka blinked, surprised.

"That was a concern of Grandfather since before sending me here, apparently the Magus Association was looking for alternatives to what they deem the Japanese Problem," Illya told them.

"And you never thought it necessary to tell your own brothers?!" Ayaka demanded.

"Since I originally came here to kill said brothers, no, why should I have?" Illya asked back matter of factly. "How did you learn anyway? Did Tohsaka tell you?"

"She was as surprised as we were," Negi said.

Illya chuckled. "No wonder! Heh, her family's fallen so hard, that they didn't even care about informing her…"

"Well, your family isn't involved either," Asuna said. "So it's not like you guys have much of an advantage…"

"Who says we aren't? Grandfather likes covering all angles," Illya said. "He said he was sending someone there just in case, it's not hard for him since as a founder of the System he can just graft Seals on any homunculus he creates…"

She paused, looking at the surprise on her visitors' faces. "What? He's got a cold heart. For him, I am replaceable, and he wouldn't ever place all of his hopes on me, even if I happen to own Heracles. That's the kind of man he is." Then she added, "Before I deign to share any more information, I demand for an answer to my question. Who did tell you?"

"A second Saber just showed up out of nowhere and told Saber-san about that," Matoi said.

Sayoko and Illya recoiled, surprised by her presence. "Ah!" the latter said. "You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded. "But she only mentioned it taking place on Europe, not exactly where…"

Illya sighed. "Transylvania," she said. "A rogue group of magi known as the Yggdmillennia have fortified themselves there and have secured the lands gestating the second Grail."

"Transylvania? The land of Count Dracula?" Asuna blinked.

"Oh, so you aren't that ignorant after all!" Illya said condescendingly. "Then again, I have to assume you know that only from movies and cartoons."

Asuna pouted. "What matters is that I got it right!"

"This second agent of your clan, who would it happen to be?" Ayaka asked warily, a subtle, looming image of an evilly grinning Kuro-san beginning to emerge from the back of her mind, and making the skin on the back of her neck crawl. "Have you met her or him? What kind of person would they be?"

"I make a point of not interacting with the labor homunculi unless absolutely necessary, that is why I chose coming with Sayoko instead," Illya sneered, pointing at the black haired maid, who smiled softly. "I don't know, I think Grandfather was creating that person when I was sent here. Since I follow the same template as my mother and our Third War representative, I suppose this person also does. Probably cloned from me using the genetic material Grandfather keeps in storage…"

Chisame, Ayaka and Asuna all repressed a quiet urge to scream, the Kuro image now hugely looming over all three of them and giggling nastily.

"I see, thank you, that is very helpful," Negi breathed out. "In return, I will tell you that we have managed to contact the Rider."

"And you surely haven't taken the chance to kill them or their Master," Illya scoffed.

"Illya," Negi said. "It's for the best if everyone makes a common front here, rather than doing what the Grail wants and unleashing a bloodbath on Mahora…"

"Yeah," Matoi said blandly. "That's why we want you to help us find the Caster, Archer and Assassin and complete the set." A beat. "Preferably without having your jolly gray giant killing them."

"You make a lot of demands to someone whose property you have just intruded into," Illya chided them, coming off the seat. "But I might be persuaded to play along for the time being, if only because I'm curious exactly what do you plan to do. If nothing else, seeing you fail before Heracles plows through all of those inferior Servants in a sweep will make for a spectacular endgame, and it'll be convenient having them all in a single place for it."

"Confident of herself, isn't she," Asuna said, as Illya gestured at them to follow her, which they did, down a narrow corridor further into the fortress. Chisame kept on mumbling something about traps between her teeth.

"She should, if the other Servants are the same as Kuro-chan told us, then she's got a clear edge over everyone," Chamo answered in a low voice. "But those other Servants, who knows, Kuro-chan never said anything about that…"

Illya had stopped before a large indoors pool, and undid her gown, letting it drop around her feet. Negi and the girls gasped as she stepped out of her slippers and into the water, clad only in white panties. "We will discuss our terms over a soak, this country is too hot for my tastes and I need refreshing. Don't worry, you are allowed to come in your undergarments or nude if you prefer it so…"

Negi made a long, choked, high pitched sound.

Chamo dropped from Negi's shoulder, falling on his back and crashing against the floor with a loud sound.

Absently, Sayoko kicked the ermine back and out of the room even as she began stripping.

 

[OverMaster]

Going against the wishes of someone who is highly unstable, immature, and holding the reins of Hercules himself is generally not the best of ideas, so after some objections Ala Alba had stripped down to their underwear and joined Illya and Sayoko in the pool.

Chisame tried to tell herself that this was not that different from bathing in swimsuits in Evangeline's resort, and Negi apparently felt more or less the sound, since he looked more at ease now, after his earlier embarrassment. Ayaka, though, seemed hypnotized by Negi's bared chest, and simply sat there with unblinking fixed eyes, a small red stain on her nose.

"We have reasons to believe that the Caster might be Medea, the Greek sorceress of myth, the disciple of Circe," Negi was telling Illya. "However, the man we thought might be her Master hasn't given any signs of being involved with the Grail War, and we have kept tabs on him for nearly two weeks now."

"Oh, yes?" Illya asked. "And how did you come to suspect of that man, and about Medea being the Servant you are looking for?"

"I... I'm not sure you will believe me..." Negi said.

"You have to tell me regardless," the albino replied.

He breathed deeply. "It was told to us by a dimensional traveler we met in Kyoto, one who was the sister to your counterpart in a parallel world."

Illya frowned. "Well!" she said indignantly. "I suppose that I brought this answer upon myself!"

"I swear I'm not trying to make-"

Illya raised a hand to impose silence. "I understand! You have your sources, and we have ours! As long as your data is reliable I couldn't care any less about the origins. Medea, huh... A formidable mage like her would secure a proper power source before doing anything else, so your first destination should've been obvious."

"We thought of the World Tree as well," Negi said, "but I have circled it several times and I couldn't feel any disturbance in its magical pulses."

"You're so naive!" his sister said. "A mage from the Age of Gods like Medea could mask her presence from modern magicians easily. If she doesn't want to be detected, she won't show her hand unless another Servant approaches her. You should send Saber there and see if that provokes Caster into acting; Sabers and Casters are sort of natural enemies so it might move the witch into action."

"Why don't you send Berserker there yourself?" Matoi asked.

"Because I'm not interested, you're the ones who want to find Caster so that's on you," Illya sneered. "We don't have an interest on fighting Servants who won't have the galls to come out and fight heads on."

"You aren't going to win the War thinking like that," Tsunetsuki warned. "In a war, there's no such thing as a small enemy."

"Shut up!" Illya said. "The vermin will take care of each other, why should I bother?"

"He... He isn't here right now, is he?" Chisame asked. "Berserker, I mean..."

Illya smirked. "No, he is guarding the perimeter. But I can call him if you want me to!"

"I'll pass, thanks," Chisame grimaced.

"Ah, yes, you're into smaller and younger men, aren't you?" Illya pondered idly. "What about Assassin? Aren't you worried about Assassin?"

"We have reasons to think that we'll find Assassin as soon as we find Caster," Negi informed her.

"Oh, an unholy alliance?" Illya said. "That makes sense, the weaker Servants might need to work together to stand a chance. How about Archer then?"

"Archer... We aren't sure how to find Archer," Negi confessed. "Actually, our sources told us that Tohsaka Rin-san should be the Master of Archer, but... obviously, that is not so."

"Search for all the recent entries in Mahora, any outsiders who may have moved in recently," Illya suggested. "That's your best bet out of waiting and hoping."

"We're doing that, but it's taking time," Negi sighed. "The recent Honnouji exodus is pouring a lot of new arrivals into the Mahora area. That school is growing too unrestiful and conflictful, but we haven't had the time to look into it yet, what with everything else going on."

"Illya," Asuna spoke at last, "if the Grail isn't cursed after all and you happened to win the War, what will you wish for?"

Illya blinked. "Oh? What brought this sudden interest on me?"

"You're Sensei's sister after all," Chisame said dryly. "We aren't that inhuman! We pretty much have to care!"

Illya absorbed these words in wide eyed silence for a moment, before closing her eyes and making a small smile. She shook her head. "You really don't get how the Heaven's Feel works yet, do you? The Grail isn't just going to magically appear out of nowhere when all Servants but one are dead. I mean, yes, it will do that... but it also needs a vessel to manifest itself."

"What kind of vessel?" Negi asked. "Saber and Rider haven't mentioned that..."

"Well, I imagine that it would be a touchy issue for Saber," Illya said. "The vessel needs to be a living entity, a human, or better yet, an improved take on human life. Such as my mother was in the Fourth War. We, the elite Einzbern homunculi, have been created with such a purpose in mind."

Negi and the girls pulled back in stark realization, freezing in shock. Even Ayaka had been snapped from her fascination with Negi's youthful flesh.

Illya laughed weakly and patted the water with a hand. "That's fine. It's what I want, too. Reaching the Root, the Source of all magic, is what any true practicioner should wish for. Personal wants are meaningless, and once I achieve mine by killing you and Shirou, well... after all... that's what I'm meant to do..."

"No," Negi said, standing up, his hands tightening into fists. "NO!"

Illya frowned again. "You won't tell me what to do with my life..."

"NO!" he insisted. "You aren't going to throw your life away! As your brother, I forbid you to!"

"You are the little brother, you do as I say and not the other way around! And besides, this is the opposite of throwing one's life away! It's the best and brightest any magus could ever hope for...!"

He threw himself against her and hugged her tightly. "I haven't even gotten to know you yet! I'm not going to lose you like I lost our father!"

Illya blushed and shivered against him. "L-Let me go! What are you saying, you idiot?! I don't have a choice anyway, as the Servants die, I'll be transforming into the Grail regardless!"

"Then no Servant will die," Negi promised, holding her close. "So you don't have to, either. I don't know how I will do it, but I'll keep you safe, no matter what anyone might say, even you. This, I swear..."

Elsewhere, the Judge patrolled the perimeter of the Mary Magdalene church, cackling to himself. Soon, all sinners and criminals would pay. He could feel it in his bones.

There had been growing reports of more fights between Servants happening across the campus, and it wouldn't be long before they started turning to lethal skirmishes. Dark blood for the cup of Death, which would overflow and wipe all life off. That would be so glorious, so...

He felt a presence approaching the church. "Gilgamesssssh?" he asked, raising his guns.

"No," a mocking voice came from the darkness. "Not exactly, Bro. Sorry! Do I dissssssapoint?"

"Who are you? Sssssshow yourssssself!" the cadaveric monster demanded. Surely that golden idiot was out again, enjoying himself with frivolities. It didn't matter. He'd have this killing all to himself.

Someone stepped into sight, wearing bright yellow, and staring at Judge with bugging, bloodshot eyes. His face was a just as primaru and stark green, with a huge demented grin twisting it upwards.

"Bersssssserker?" Judge asked.

"Ssssssorry, missssed again!" the other Servant cackled, still mocking his accent. "Try Trickssssster! The landlord ssssent me ssssince you're long overdue your rent!"

Judge opened fire madly on the incoming Trickster, who charged at him while laughing loudly. "Trickssssster!? Never heard of you! Doesssssn't matter! Sssssoon you won't be anything but a-!"

The insane intruder, pumped full of holes but never slowing down, grabbed Judge by the helmet and crushed it in his hand. "The veredict issss reached!" he laughed. "Guilty as sssssssin, you heard it here firssssst, ladiessss an' germsssss! And moi? Why, moi, like alwaysssss, issss just plain-"

There was a bloodcurling scream, drowned down by the echoes of that deranged laugh.

"Ssssssmokin'!"

 

[OverMaster]

Yuna and the Haunted Hot Springs is the creation and intellectual property of Miura Tadahiro and Shueisha.

---

Negi Springfield blinked at the unexpected sight of the black haired girl standing on his doorstep. After a moment, he recognized her from the stories of one of his homeroom students.

"Ah, Kuchiki Rukia-san, is that correct?" the red haired noy teacher smiled. "Pleased to meet you, Sayo-san has told me about you. How may I help you?"

The short and slim teenager sighed. "Actually, no, I'm not Rukia-san..."

Negi blinked. "Oh, you aren't? Sorry, then... I'm afraid I have no idea about your identity, in that case..."

"Please let me in," the short haired girl said wearily, walking past him and into the apartment. Satomi was in the laboratories and Chisame was out shopping groceries, but a small albino girl with red eyes stepped out of the bedroom, barefoot and wearing gym shorts and a white shirt.

"Negi?" the little girl asked, frowning at the stranger. "Who is this?"

"Ah, this is my sister Illyasviel, she's staying with us for the time being," Negi introduced the albino to the other female. Chamo, his white ermine familiar, was perched on Illya's shoulder, and he wrinkled his nose, sniffing warily in the newcomer's direction. "And you would be..."

After a moment or two of looking up and down at Illya, the Rukia-san lookalike dropped onto a couch, exhaling. "My name is Kon, and I'm standing for Rukia-san right now."

Negi lifted his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"It's a long story... We haven't even told Sayo-san yet," the black haired young lady said. "You know that Rukia-san actually is a shinigami hunting runaway evil spirits wrecking havoc across this city, don't you? Sayo-san told you that much, right?"

Negi paled a little. "I didn't, actually! Sayo-san only told me that she can see ghosts!"

"Ah, there you go," Kon-san shook her head sadly. "I suppose that Ichigo made her swear secrecy. Anyway, basically, Ichigo is the guy who gave her those shinigami powers to fight ghosts, since she was born human. A few days ago, Ichigo was kidnapped by his old partners in Soul Society... that's the afterlife, by the way... and being so big-hearted, Rukia-san just had to go rescue him, risking her life! Wah! Rukia-saaaaan!" she wailed while Chamo, Negi and Illya blinked in perplexity. "I told you not to go! Now they'll execute you as well...!"

Finally, Negi pulled a handkerchief out of his breast pocket and handed it to her. As she blew her nose off noisily, Negi said, "I must admit I don't understand. You are replacing Rukia-san, who is in turn replacing this Ichigo-san fellow?" he guessed.

Kon nodded, wringing her hands.

"How can that be?" Negi continued. "Are you some manner of shapeshifter?"

"I'm a Mod Soul," Kon said. Negi's eyes widened, as he had learned about that term in his magic studies. Chamo and Illya gave signs of understanding as well. "Normally I have to put up with being stuck in a stupid puppet because of Ichigo, but right now, I'm using this sexy, I mean very cute imitation body so nobody will suspect Rukia-san is away until she comes back! If she does, that is! Waahhhh! My Rukia-san, whyyyyyyy!"

"... this is a whole lot to take in a single sitting," Negi said faintly. "Is this how Chisame feels all the time?"

Illya sighed, then called out. "Sayoko! Prepare some tea, this is going to be one of those days!"

"Yes, Illya-sama...!" a woman's voice replied.

"That's not all, either!" Kon sobbed. "In my Rukia-san's absence, the evil ghosts have started appearing again, noticing the city is lacking a supernatural defender! No doubt you've heard the news, all those incidents being passed as gas leaks..."

"If you mean the second Sakura Lane vampire, we already solved that issue," Illya said flatly, as an image of Rider briefly appeared hovering over her head making an apologetic gesture.

"No, I don't mean those," Kon said a bit more soberly.

"If you mean the old observatory blowing up, that's accounted and taken care of as well," Negi offered.

"No, I don't mean that either!"

"And if you mean that 'devil crab' incident in Ohtori, our friends Asuna-neechan, Konoka-neechan and Setsuna-neechan took care of that one," Chamo spoke.

"That's not it either! Dammit!" Kon slammed a foot down, completely unfazed by the ermine having just spoken.

"Can't the Sailor Senshi handle that, whatever it is, then?" Illya said disdainfully.

"Well, obviously, they haven't done it so far!" Kon grew agitated. "Sayo once said you were some sort of mage or powerful medium, so I decided turning on to you for help! Rukia-san will kill me if the city is left a crater of the undead by her return!"

"Oh, so now you're assuming she'll make it back," Illya said.

Negi breathed deeply. "If I have to be honest, we are extremely busy with several important matters right now, Kuch-- Kon-san, but our numbers are wide enough, so I suppose I can look into that with the assistance of some of our contacts. We'll do everything we can to keep the citizens and students safe..."

To be fair, he didn't need to have bothered. Because right then, as they spoke, a new, powerful hero was striding fearlessly into the trouble ridden city! A courageous, handsome figure! Tall! Strong looking!

A young, muscular black haired young man was marching across the city leading into Academy City, with a large travel bag thrown over his shoulder.

Who is this mysterious outsider? What does he want? What is his secret agenda? Is he friend or foe to--

His stomach growled loudly, ruining all the dramatic tension achieved so far. Thank you so very much, you asshole.

The young man stopped and took a hand to his stomach. "Man, I'm starving...!" he lamented. "I'd better get a job real quick or I'll die in these streets like a damn dog...!"

---

Dead in the (Hot Spring) Water.

---

Chapter One: Cold Hands, Warm Heart.

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intelectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

Crisis on Infinite Girlfriends.

---

Hasegawa Chisame Route.

---


The world used to be steady and stable before the arrival of Negi Springfield.

It used to be that, even in the weirdness of Mahora Academy, everything could be easily explained and justified one way or another. Karakuri Chachamaru was an oddity to be sure, but one explainable by modern science. Boo-sensei acted weird and spoke with an unidentifiable guttural accent that sounded like a giant lizard gargling, but that was to be expected of foreigners. Honnouji attacked regularly with fanatics wearing superpowered uniforms, but once again, there were reasonable explanations behind that, chief among them being Honnouji's power lust.

Negi-sensei's arrival had changed the rules, in that he had destroyed the rules and replaced them with chaos reigning over Chisame's life.

The worst part was that you couldn't even be mad at him about it. That is, you could, and with Chisame being Chisame, she often got mad, but she'd invariably feel bad about that. He still was only a child, after all. Ten years old, with a round smiling face and fair skin topped by a thick mop of unruly dark red hair. Considering how fastidious and formal he was with his clothes, it was peculiar how he had his hair so long, but Chisame already could understand the part about it being so wild.

She had tried combing it, and that had turned out a bitch of a task.

This afternoon, shortly after she'd found his secret and he'd found out hers, they saw in the living room, under the warm fading sunlight falling into the apartment, through a window. Chisame was barefoot and wearing only shorts and a tank top, her hair tied back into the usual light brown ponytail, her large round glasses in place. Negi was in white socks, his white undershirt, and dark green dressing pants.

"Hey, Sensei," she said.

"Hmmm?" Negi said, looking up slightly from the book he was flipping through. "What is it, Hasegawa-san?"

"There's something I just don't get," the female student confessed. "How does being a teacher in Japan help you to become a qualified Western mage? Who says when you've succeeded enough as a teacher? And how does that experience help you at all later, with making potions and all that stuff?"

"Well, as for your second question, Headmaster Konoe will be the judge of that, naturally," the child explained calmly. "After he believes enough time has passed for me to be graded and analyzed properly, he'll send his impressions back to Magus of Merdiana and he'll either approve his results or call me for further questioning. The first and third questions are basically the same, and to that, I can only say that I don't know yet."

"How come?" the pockmarked thin girl asked him.

"Very often, the purposes of a task assigned by the Spirits of Magic won't be obvious immediately. Years may pass before it's seen how the endeavor was related to the mage's later course in life," Negi told her. "That is why we call the Spirits one of the Great Mysteries. They act in forms that we only can understand only after the fact, and as such, there's no point in questioning their decisions."

"Okay, but do you guys have a numeric system to know when you've qualified or not?" Chisame asked. "Exactly what do you need to know you've made it? Do you need to kill a certain amount of dragons or something?"

"Goodness, no, dragons are almost extinct!" Negi laughed. "They're a protected species now. Let's see… the specifics depend a lot on the severity of the evaluator at hand, and the pedigree of the mage's family. Clock Tower, for instance, is very strict on your qualifications for graduation. Overall, one of the first things a mage needs to achieve to merit the Magister Magi title is gaining a partner."

"You mean allying yourself with another mage?" Chisame wanted to know.

"Not exactly," Negi said, "although two mages can become partners to each other. Generally, that is seen as unadvisable since you're meant to become a Magister on your own, and not the Minister to another. The partner, more often than not, is a non-mage, but a person who has knowledge about the world of magic and is able to support their mage in combat."

"Like a martial artist or a swordsman?" Chisame asked.

"Very perceptive," he said, nodding. "Casting magic relies on spells for the most part, and a mage is vulnerable while casting. The partner, then, acts as the mage's human shield until the casting is complete, and also watches their back in battle."

"I see. That makes sense, I suppose…"

Negi smiled. "Many mages end up marrying their partners. On average, a male mage is expected to find himself a cute female companion, and a female mage will search for a strong paladin…"

Chisame frowned. "That sounds like it's just an excuse to romance strong people, then!"

There was a soft, but long drawn gasp coming from right at the front door at that moment, followed by a sharp shushing noise. Chisame and Negi rushed there, hearing new sounds in the form of quickly retreating foot stomps, but predictably, when they got to open the door and peek out, there wasn't anybody in sight, anywhere.

"The Narutaki twins," Chisame said, looking down at several small muddy footprints, fresh all over the hallway's floor. "They must've been on their way back from strolling, and came here to eavesdrop…"

Negi winced. "That's bad. Suppose they heard anything…!"

Chisame threw her hands up and began walking back inside. "Whatever! I'll just tell everyone you were sharing fairy tales from your country. It's the most believable thing after all…!"

"Thank you," Negi said, gulping and closing the door after themselves. "Still, I can't help worrying only a bit…"

The next day, a large group of Mahora female students gathered around their front door.

"Negi-kun...!" Shiina Sakurako said. "Is it true that you're looking for a wife...?!"

"Negi-kun, I heard that you want to take a girl to a ball in a tower!" Sasaki Makie gushed. "I should tell you that I'm a very good dancer!"

"I was told that you are European royalty, Negi-sensei!" Asakura Kazumi said, grinning and holding a microphone up. "Our readers will be highly interested in a confirmation or rebuttal!"

"Hey, boy, are you interested in joining a club of the supernatural?!" Suzumiya Haruhi asked, loudly rapping on the door.

Negi hid under the lunch table, crouched down and with both hands on his head. "Hakase-san! Hasegawa-san! What should I do?!"

"Taking asylum in another country sounds very good right now," Chisame said, typing at her computer. "Wait a sec, I'll tell you how much a plane ticket to Wakanda is costing you now."

 

[OverMaster]

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You is the creation and intellectual property of Nakamura Rikito, Nozawa Yukiko and Shueisha.

All other characters and franchises mentioned in this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.

---

Crappily Ever After.

---

Based on The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You's 'Rentarou's Fairytail Family' extra chapter.

---

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there lived five little adorable creatures, each one as small as a finger. Well, actually, there were four little adorable creatures and a very mean and perverted little creature.

"Oh, shut up, you!" Harulina said.

These five sisters lived in a huge library, reading books all day long, and their names were Harulina, Yuelina, Nodolina, Shizulina and Shiorilina. But they were all so cute, that one day, a large toad stole them away.

"W-Wait a minute!" Yuelina protested. "What was a toad doing in a library to start with?!"

She was reading Kenneth Grahamme, of course, what kind of question is that? Anyway, this ol' toad took the girls to a swamp, intending to marry them to her sons. But a large stag beetle flew by, and found them to be so cute that it stole them away from the toad, flying away with them!

"This is some Bondage Fairies shit, isn't it?" Harulina asked. "I know it is! There are things even I won't do! I draw the line at any small animals that are more repulsive than Chamo!"

That wasn't exactly a low bar to clear, so eventually the five sisters were pushed into marrying five mole brothers, from what I hear.

"I, I don't think I like this fairy tale a whole lot!" Shiorilina sobbed.

---

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there also lived four other sisters, in a cabin in the woods, with their hapless father and their heartless stepmother. Their names were Satsukel, Indexel, Artoriel and Kurutel.

Satsukel was a chubby little angel who cooked remarkably well, and her sisters loved her food and never could have enough of it. But their evil stepmother was on a strict diet, so she abandoned the girls in the woods.

"Fear not, Sisters!" Satsukel said gently. "I brought a large bag of bread," she added, holding an empty bag up, "and left crumbs all the way from home. We only need to follow the trail of crumbs and we'll be back with Father in no time!"

"Oh, so that's why there were delicious crumbs all behind you?" Indexel said, stuffing her mouth. "You should have warned us in advance!"

"I'm afraid that we ate them all. Such a disgrace," Artoriel said, stoically wiping her mouth with the back of a hand. "We apologize most dearly, Beloved Sister."

"Don't you have any seconds? I'm hungry again," Kurutel asked, still munching a last mouthful.

Satsukel blinked, and then, all saintly patience exhausted, threw the empty bag on Kurutel's face.

Kurutel ate the bag down. "Oh, it still had a few crumbs in it!"

So the sisters kept walking down the woods, until they found a house made of gingerbread.

Indexel, Artoriel and Kurutel ate the whole house on the spot. The witch who lived there then tried to kill them, from what I hear. Satsukel offered to bake a new house for her, but the witch didn't have that kind of patience...

"Artoriel, you're good at killing witches, aren't you?!" Indexel cried. "Do something!"

"I cannot! This is Mad Madam Mim! She's got my number since I was naught but a young boy...!"

---

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there also lived four OTHER lovely sisters, who liked to wear red hoods and labcoats of SCIENCE! So everybody called them Little Red Riding Kusuri, Little Red Riding Satomi, Little Red Riding Sawako and Little Red Riding Rika, probably because Little Labcoat Riding Kusuri, Little Labcoat Riding Satomi, Little Labcoat Riding Sawako and Little Labcoat Riding Rika didn't have the same ring to it.

One day, their mother sent the girls to visit their grandmother, who lived in a non-gingerbread cabin in the woods. In their little baskets, they carried udon made by Little Red Riding Sawako's girlfriend, and also meat buns made by Little Red Riding Satomi's girlfriend.

"What?! O-O-Ogata Rizu isn't my girlfriend!" Little Red Riding Sawako protested.

They arrived at Grandma's cabin, finding her in bed and wearing her favorite bedrobe and sleeping bonnet. However, it didn't take a genius to notice something was very wrong with her.

"Granny! What big ears you have, yep yep!" Little Red Riding Kusuri said.

"Yes," Grandma said, "the better to hear you."

"Grandmother!" Little Red Riding Satomi said, adjusting her glasses. "What a large nose you have! Peculiarly similar to that of a Canis lupus!"

"Yes," Grandma said. "The better to smell you."

"Granny! What strong, firm arms you have!" Little Red Riding Rika said, drooling. "Have you been working out?"

"Yes," Grandma said. "The better to hug you!"

"Ooohhhh, Granny...!" Little Red Riding Rika cooed. "You've just awakened a new fetish in Rika...!"

Little Red Riding Sawako gulped. "Grandma... Your mouth... It, it looks just too-"

"Oooh, I see!" Little Red Riding Kusuri said. "You drank a drug to turn you into a lycanthrope, didn't you? What a remarkable invention, Granny!"

Fed up with this by then, the wolf grabbed her and stuffed her down his mouth. And so, the sisters were tricked and gobbled up by him, from what I hear.

"Gwaaaaaakkk!" Little Red Riding Kusuri yelled, only her lower half peeking out of the wolf's mouth. Her skirt was pulled down as her legs kicked around; so her poofy white bloomers were in full sight.

"Ohhhh!" Little Red Riding Rika panted, with large red hearts in her eyes. "Vore...!"

---

To be Continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, in the same far, far away land, there lived two ragged, manly woodsmen. One day, one of them went into the woods—since he was a WOODSman—and lost his axe while napping under a tree.

When he woke up, he looked for it desperately, all around, until he found a gorgeous, big breasted woman holding an axe made of gold. "I'm Hahari, the Fairy of the Woods," she told him. "Tell me, good man, is this the axe you lost?"

"No," he said. "No, I had a perfectly normal axe."

She smiled and handed him the axe made of gold. "This is yours now. Take good care of it."

The man returned home, and his friend asked him about the golden axe. So the first man told him about that now forgotten series of SEGA beat 'em ups programmed for the arcades and Sega Mega Drive/Genesis.

The next day, the second woodsman went into the woods. He threw his axe away, napped under a tree, and when he woke up, the axe was gone.

The same gorgeous woman from the day before appeared to him, holding another golden axe. "I'm Hahari, the Fairy of the Woods! Tell me, good man, is this—"

"Wait a second!" another gorgeous, shapely woman, this one with long blonde hair and mismatched eyes, stormed in, carrying a platinum axe. "I'm Arika, the real Fairy of the Woods! I'm supposed to test wanderers and countrymen, not you!"

"What?! No, that's my job!" said another stunningly beautiful woman, with light brown hair and glasses. "I'm Mari, the Fairy of the Woods! I come to uphold the test of the axe!" she said, hefting a silver axe.

"Silver?!" Fairy Arika said in disbelief. "You can't allow yourself a better axe?!"

"It's not my fault, my worthless son wastes all our money on galge!"

"Ah ha ha ha!" laughed a stunning woman with long black hair and glasses, surrounded by a group of tiny frogs and carrying a diamond-encrusted axe. "I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding! I'm Aki, the Fairy of the Woods, and this is my job…!"

The man bristled, and then pulled out another huge axe he'd brought along. Unfortunately, fairies are weak to metal, as Angelina Jolie's Maleficent movie has taught us, and this axe was made of tempered steel. So all four fairies were successfully attacked with the axe, from what I hear.

"You useless frogs!" Fairy Arika shouted. "You are no help at all!"

---

To be continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, in another town of the same far, far away land, there lived four girls who were good friends. Their names were Ikuren, Mikaren, Himikaren, and Lalatina.

"My name is Darkness!" Lalatina protested.

Ikuren played baseball, although baseball hadn't been invented yet so she was the only girl in her team, and people would wonder why she would keep on throwing balls and hitting them with sticks. Mikaren was a nurse. Lalatina was the oldest of them, a tall and strong blonde. Himikaren was fat and wore glasses.

"What a rude way to describe me!" Himikaren sobbed.

"My name is Darkness!" Lalatina insisted.

These four girls once saw a limited time offer of precious red shoes in a store, and pooled their money together to buy them. They were very proud of these shiny red shoes, and they wore them everywhere. That Sunday, they brought them to the church.

"Hey!" Sister Misora told them. "You can't wear those to hear mass! You must wear black shoes!"

But the girls didn't pay her any attention and walked in, very proud of their pretty red shoes. So God punished them, because He was the God of the Old Testament and that Fellow doesn't mess around. He cursed them to dance forever, day and night, as long as they wore the red shoes.

"Nngghh!" Ikuren growled. "This is some harsh training! I like it!"

"Ahhhh!" Lalatina gushed. "I feel like my feet are bleeding! And I told you to call me Darkness!"

"The shame! The pain!" Mikaren cried while Hiyori pointed and laughed at her. "Ohhhh, it's so despairing…!"

"I only hope Komi-san isn't seeing this…!" Himikaren panted as she danced.

"… guys, seriously," Sister Misora said, sweatdropping. "You only need to take the shoes off."

But they liked it so much that they wore the shoes and danced until they died, from what I hear.

"This crap is really screwed up!" Sister Misora decided, facepalming. Sister Cocone only nodded silently.

---

To be continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

Unequally Rational and Emotional Mahorafest Special.

---

Cosplay and Consequences.

---

"Ah, Chisame, there you are!" Negi said happily, appearing right behind her and Matoi, startling them both. "I was looking for you!"

"Gaahhhh!" Matoi cried, spinning around along the main target of her affection, so they could face him and a curiously blinking Murakami. "Negi-sama! You were here?!"

"Yes, alw- No, sorry, we just arrived," Negi said, laughing a bit, lamely. "Reception seems to be somewhat difficult today across the campus, so I couldn't call you even though I tried..."

"How, how did you find us then?!" Chisame said.

"Well, Hakase-san said we could find you here," Natsumi said. "I never figured you'd have this kind of interests, Chisame-san!" she added, taking another pointed look at the crowd of costumed youngsters gathered all around the gates of the small building decorated with all manners of colorful banners. "Cosplaying, really?"

"I'm not into cosplay, this is Senpai's idea!" Chisame said, throwing the sighing Tsunetsuki under the train. "What, what are you doing with Sensei anyway?! Don't you have a theater play to stage?!"

"That's tomorrow, Chisame-san," Natsumi said, frowning.

"Ah," Chisame blinked. "But even so, what-"

"Is it a date?" Matoi asked, so Chisame would not need to do it herself.

Natsumi's cute frown grew. "What if it is?"

Negi began coughing.

"Uhhh... Nothing, naturally..." Chisame said, unsure of how to react. "But Iinchou might take it personally, and since you're friends with her..."

Natsumi waved a hand. "Iinchou approved this! Not that she would need to, we aren't in the classroom and she isn't Sensei's mother. We both had some spare time and decided to spend it together, that's all."

Chisame was even more confused now. What had Murakami eaten for breakfast today, nails? Then a shadow of suspicion grew into her mind, and she narrowed her eyes at Negi.

The boy shrank a bit, with a nervous smile.

"So, a cosplay contest, then," Natsumi hummed, opening her purse and pulling her credit card out of it. "And they're renting costumes over there... I think I'll give it a try! You'll be coming along, won't you, Sensei?"

"You, seriously?" Matoi asked.

"Sure, why not?" Natsumi glared quietly at her. "This is part of acting as well. Taking the appearance of someone else is the first part of assuming another identity, and I have experience at that. I want to show Sensei before the play."

"Oh ho ho, that's interesting!" Matoi laughed, with a hand and its sleeve covering her mouth briefly. "Chisame-sama will be competing as well!"

Negi blinked. "Oh, so you are entering as well? I thought that you'd said-"

"I'm not! I'm not!" Chisame said. "Senpai is just making crazy talk again!"

"You're in costume, though," Natsumi said calmly, pointing at her classmate's fancy clothes.

"I told you already, this wasn't my idea!" Chisame said, blushing.

"Chisame-sama, may I have some crazy talk in private with you, please?" Matoi asked, grabbing Chisame by an arm and then pulling her towards the bathrooms.

"What? No! I don't want to!" Chisame protested as she was pulled away. "Sensei! Say something...!"

Negi sighed and waved half-heartedly. "I'm sorry, Chisame, but I think you need to discuss this quickly, whatever it is about." As Matoi pulled his roommate into one of the toilet stands, he glared back at Natsumi, rather blandly. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Maybe just a bit," Natsumi admitted with an impish smile. "Come on! After buying my ticket, you'll help me pick a costume, won't you, Sensei?"

---

Matoi put her hands on the wall of the stand, one at each side of the cringing Chisame. All the better to prevent the younger girl from escaping.

"You're entering this contest, Chisame-sama," she told her.

"No, I don't want to! This isn't like online cosplaying!" Chisame whined. "I freeze in the place of actual people!"

"What kind of excuse is that? You never have any problems speaking you mind! You are just yourself in front of Ayaka, Kagurazaka, Kotaro, Emiya-kun, Saber-sama, or even Evangeline-sama!"

"That's the thing! I'm being myself there!" Chisame said. "I'm not Chiu there! I can't be Chiu in front of that many living and breathing people! The screen is my friend! The screen protects me!"

"Just imagine they're all naked!"

"I'm not Haruna, that would only make it worse! Dummy!"

Matoi sighed. "Chisame-sama, you must be brave! It's for Negi-sama's sake! You aren't going to lose to that mouse girl with bad hair, are you?"

Chisame blinked. "Mouse?"

"Chisame-sama, you saw her! She just gained that much of a spine, off a stage, and she's taking Negi-sama on a date! You saw his guilty expression!" Matoi wringed her hands. "She just learned our secret!"

There were a few bangs on the door. "Excuse me, but can you keep carrying on with your secret somewhere else? I need to use the can!" came a loud female voice from outside.

Matoi hissed. "There are some bushes out there! Leave us alone or I cut you up!"

"Bitch, I'd like to see you try!" the voice said while Chisame moaned her angst.

"I'm from Class 3-F!" Matoi roared.

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then the sound of loud steps running away. And then silence again.

Matoi looked back at Chisame, who was doing an extremely mortified expression. "If you give her a finger she'll grab the whole arm!" the older girl said. "We already have too much competition!"

"I don't know what this 'We' business is, and I don't want to do this regardless!" Chisame finally shoved her back. "Let Murakami have her fun, what do I care?! It's not like I am interested on-"

"Chisame-saaaan!" Natsumi's voice called from outside. "Since you were going to register anyway, we took the liberty of entering you while I registered! I hope you don't mind! Now, can you please step out already? There's a long line waiting for their turn, and they are impatient...!"

Chisame clenched her teeth while a vein bulged on her head. "I'm so going to crush this little slut," she murmured.

Matoi smiled beautifully and nodded. "That's the spirit, my precious!"

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, in the Far East of the same far, far away land, there lived an old bamboo cutter who found a precious baby girl inside of a large, shining bamboo stalk.

At least that was the story he told his wife. She honestly thought he was just bringing a love child home, but together, they raised the baby, who grew into a gorgeous blonde they named Naddya.

"Howdy!"

Naddya lived a happy life with the elder couple, rejecting several suitors because they weren't Western enough. But one night, three messengers from a distant Silver kingdom showed up.

"Hey there!" the first visitor greeted, wearing the skin of a jaguar. "We are delegates of the Moon Kingdom of Teachers, looking for our long missing Princess! We've finally found you, Princess Naddya! Gao!"

"Oh my gawd!" Naddya gasped. "So I am... Sailor Moon?!"

"No, that's another Moon Princess," said another of the emissaries, a cold beauty with long pink hair wearing a Playboy bunny suit. "This is Delegate Taiga, I am Delegate Mafuyu, and this is Delegate Shizuna."

"Enchanted to meet you, Princess!" a blonde with glasses and a huge bust waved happily, wearing a cow costume complete with a bell around her neck.

Princess Naddya blinked. "What the fuck? Isn't the Moon supposed to be populated by bunnies? Why are you a tiger and a cow?"

"Jaguar! I'm a Jaguar!" Delegate Taiga slammed a foot down angrily.

"We're trying to be more inclusive nowadays," Delegate Mafuyu said. "Now please come with us, Naddya-hime-sama. Time is of the essence since these segments are meant to be short."

Naddya turned to her mother. "Grande Madre... I'm really sorry..."

"Are you- Are you actually leaving, Naddya-chan?" the old lady sobbed.

"Yeah! I have to leave for the homeland of my heart..."

And she pumped a fist up, shouting thunderously. "I'M GOIN' TO AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!"

"But... But what about the Moon?!" the three emissaries cried.

"Not interested, sorry!"

They had to forcibly drag her back. Much like Poochie, they died on the way back to their home planet, I mean, satellite, from what I hear.

"What about the Inhumans, then?! I can be an Inhuman at least?! An' I get to pal with the Fantastic Four an' Avengers?!"

"That's ANOTHER Moon Kingdom!"

---

Once upon a time, in the same stinking far, far away land, there also lived a little girl named Momice, who loved to massage people more than anything else. She lived with her two big sisters, Lorina Satsuki and Edith Ryuko.

Lorina Charlotte Liddell and Edith Mary Liddell were the sisters to the real life's Alice Pleasance Liddell, so now you know.

There also was a third big sister but she was a psycho bitch so let's not go there.

One warm summer day, Momice wandered off after a white rabbit who was in a great hurry indeed. She chased him down a rabbit hole.

"I must get my hands on that fluffy body!" she was saying, flexing her fingers.

Her two sisters chased after her in turn, and they all fell into a magical wonderland of nonsense and marvel. There they met Fuukadee and Fumikadum, the grinning Cheshire Ermine, Jervis Tetch the Mad Hatter, and many other insane characters. Eventually, Momice made it into a royal croquet game, where she met Chigusa, the Red Queen of Hearts.

Momice took a good, long look up and down at the Queen's curvaceous body, and then began fondling her while burying her head between her breasts.

"Now this is an unruly body in need of relaxation..."

"GAAHAHHHHH!" Chigusa screamed. "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

And so, Momice's sisters waged war on Wonderland. The war raged on for years and thousands died, from what I hear.

Mako sat at home, waiting with home brewed rancid coffee and tasty biscuits made of trash.

"I wonder what's taking Edith Ryuko-chan so long...?"

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, guess fucking where, there also lived a proud kendo master, until he died. He had four lovely strong daughters, all of them apt in the path of the sword. They were Homura, who was tall and busty, Saeko, who was tall and busty, Kishika, who was tall and busty, and Setsuna, who was petite and flat.

"This is so unfair!" Setsuna said.

"It would seem that genetics were just plain cruel to you, Setsuna dearest," Homura said. "Oops, I'm sorry. It would seem I have spoken my mind aloud again."

Like I was saying, the kendo master died, leaving his daughters with nothing but an empty dojo, a blue cat, and a large empty bag.

"Wah!" Kishika cried. "Father is gone! Now, who will pet my head, baby me, and call me his widdle dear sugar doll?!"

"Fear not!" the blue cat said, standing upright. "I'm Happy, the magical cat! Give me that bag and a pair of boots and I'll make your fortune!"

"Oh, no, no, you won't! I read that Fairy Tail oneshot OverMaster also wrote, based on that one omake!" Kishika said. "You'll mess up and ruin everything even further!"

Setsuna blinked. "You read something written by OverMaster?"

"Why would you do that to yourself?" Saeko asked in perplexity.

"That no-good hack only can overstuff his stories with too many characters pulled from everywhere, and he never finishes what he starts... Ah, sorry, I believe I have spoken my mind without meaning to again," Homura said.

"Don't worry, I'm not that Happy!" Happy said. "I'm the Happy from Eden's Zero, not the Fairy Tail one!"

Homura nodded. "I can vouch for that."

That wasn't too comforting either. Regardless, the sisters gave Happy the bag and some old boots of their father.

"Aye!" Happy smiled. "Now I'm Puss in Boots!"

(Happy gained: Equipment Boots x2).

Puss in Boots went to the woods, hunted animals, and threw them into the bag. Then he would take them to King Eishun's castle. "Your Majesty, these are gifts from my masters, the Princesses of Mahora! They are greatly interested on becoming your daughter's lesbian harem!"

"Ooohhh!" the beautiful princess Konoka gushed. "I hope there's a petite and flat one...!"

Then Puss in Boots ran through the fields, screaming at the farmers, "Good fellows, the King and his fair daughter are coming through, to go visit my masters! If you don't tell them you work for the princesses of Mahora, you'll be put to the knife!"

The farmers looked at each other.

"Was that a talking cat?"

"What was he even saying?"

Then he arrived at the castle of Willie the Giant, playing double duty from Jack and the Beanstalk. He walked into the giant's throne room, ready to take over his castle for his masters. "I heard you can turn into any huge animal with your magic!" Puss in Boots told the giant.

"Yes, I can," the giant confirmed.

"But I doubt you can turn yourself into a tiny animal like, let's say, a mouse!" Puss in Boots challenged.

Willie the Giant only looked at Puss in Boots in silence, for a moment.

"Why would I do something so dumb?"

He grabbed Puss in Boots, threw him into his huge open mouth, and ate him.

Then, furious over this, Willie the Giant went on a rampage through the kingdom and ate a lot of people, including King Eishun, Princess Konoka, and the four kendo sisters, from what I hear.

"This was even worse than the first Puss in Boots from this crappy author!" Homura said. "Ahhh, so sorry, I must have spoken my mind aloud once more..."

---

To be continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

"Okay, okay, so let's see what you are wearing!" Chisame growled, stomping as she rejoined Negi and Natsumi outside. "It can't be anything too flashy, that's not your- Aahhhh," she trailed off, coming to a brisk halt.

Natsumi made a coquettish smile, and then hid the lower half of her face behind a large fan with Japan's flag on it. She was wearing an elaborate, exquisitely ornate geisha costume, similar to the one Ayaka had worn in Cinema Town but even more ornate. Her face was delicately powdered white, and her unruly short brown hair was hidden under a convincing silky black wig, nestling around her exposed shoulders. The lower kimono showed some leg to her advantage, but not enough to reveal how actually skinny the leg underneath was.

"Do you like it?" Natsumi asked. "Sensei helped me pick it. It was the most expensive one available, but he insisted on paying for it himself."

"It's... cute," Chisame managed to find her voice, the wind briefly blown out of her. "It... It plays to your strengths."

Then she tensed, distracted by some annoying sound coming from all too close. She looked aside, frowned, and slapped the back of Matoi's head, interrupting her Jiiiiiiiiiiii in process. "Hey!" Chisame said.

Matoi blushed, and blinked several times. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she said. She sounded a lot like Ai. "I don't know what came over to me!"

Natsumi spun around with a charmed smile. Negi couldn't help looking after her, in silence. "Thank you so very much, Sensei! I'll pay you with the prize money!"

"There's... no need for that, really!" Negi gulped. "Consider it my treat... I've barely ever done anything for you, after all..."

Chisame looked helplessly at the black Biblio Roulin Rouge costume she'd picked. She'd figured out that a simple but effective costume based on a cult figure striking the exact balance between not being in vogue enough to avoid copycats and remaining popular enough to stay in everyone's minds would give her an edge, should she decide to actually enter, but after this...

When did this little nobody get so pretty?! Chisame thought frantically. Was she hiding her power level all this time?! Did she look ugly only by standing between Iinchou and Naba?!

"Sensei, I need to tell you something in private for a sec, okay?!" Chisame said, then grabbed Negi by an arm and began pulling him away. "Senpai, stay here with Murakami so nobody harasses her, alright?!"

"'Kay," Matoi said, standing fixed where she was and staring oddly at Natsumi. Jiiiiiiiiiiii...

Natsumi winced.

Negi was taken by Chisame behind the building, to a relatively isolated spot. "I can't believe you'd do this to me!" she said, trying to keep her voice down. "Are you setting me up for a fall?!"

Negi blinked. "Ah? No! I'd never do that to you!"

"Murakami's a real doll when she pretties up!" Hasegawa hissed, pointing around the building. "Not as pretty as Chiu, but Chiu's got extra resources and you know it! I don't have those advantages here!"

"It's just like I've always told you," Negi said evenly. "You are much prettier than Chiu..."

She covered his lips with a hand. "Shut up, you little Casanova, I'm not going to buy your snake oil! We're canceling that inscription right now!"

"But I really want to see you shine on the stage...!" Negi pleaded from between her fingers. "It's just a contest anyway, winning isn't everything!"

"These things aren't done for fun! You don't understand anything!" Chisame rolled her eyes. "You know who's going to judge that contest? Shirogane Tsumugi, the top cosplayer in all of Japan! I can't lose face before a person that important!"

"Chisame, calm down," he tried to negotiate. "You won't be humiliated, your natural beauty will shine through, but even so, it's not like Chisame cares about those things, right? For all everyone knows, Chiu won't be on that stage at any moment, so she won't lose anything!"

Chisame recoiled at this point. She gritted her teeth. "That... That may be right, nobody would expect anything from me... But it's embarrassing all the same!" In the heat of the moment, she failed to notice she was raising her voice more and more by the moment. "Shirogane Tsumugi is a TV and YouTube celebrity, cameras will be recording the whole event! This isn't the tournament after all! I won't be humbled by Murakami of all people in live, whether as Chisame or as Chiu!"

Then a quiet voice hummed, sending chills up the spines of the boy and girl alike.

"Hmmmm... It seems too good to be true. Just running into the famous Chiu, here of all places...?"

They both snapped their heads aside to glare at a small and flat girl standing there, holding her thumbs and pointers up to frame Chisame's face, and squinting her reddish eyes at it. She had very fair skin and very long ebony hair, and wore an all black cat uniform, with a frilly short skirt, false ears, and a long perky tail. Under an eye, she had a small beauty mark. She seemed around the same height as Makie, but her shoes had very thick and tall soles so in reality she was probably closer to Yue's height.

"Yet the face is basically the same," the girl observed with cold and analytical aloofness. "So is the build. The acne can be easily edited out with Photoshock. Who'd have thought it, Kirino was correct for once. Then again, of course her treacherous eyes could capture deception easily..."

"D-Deception?!" Chisame gasped, horrified.

"This isn't what it looks, young lady," Negi said, recomposing himself. "We are just... practicing for Chisame's sketch on stage!"

The short girl chuckled, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "No, no, this one isn't fooled as easily! I shall introduce myself."

She swept a hand up in a grandiose, flourishing gesture. "I am CLAMP Campus' own angel of darkness! Kuroneko, three years champion of the CLAMP cosplay circuit! No doubt you have heard about my exploits!"

"Uh... I only arrived in this country last year, I'm afraid..." Negi said.

"I haven't ever heard about you," Chisame answered truthfully, right before moving into murkier waters by adding, "Why should I? After all, I'm just a normal girl with no knowledge whatsoever of that nerdy world...!"

This 'Kuroneko' jabbed a finger in the air towards her. "I knew it! The voice is the same as well! You change your tone, naturally, but I can tell! Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!"

Chisame growled, lunged ahead, and tightened her hands around the outsider's mouth so nobody else would listen. "Let's... Let's go discuss this somewhere else, all right?!"

 

[OverMaster]

"Murakami, we're back!" Chisame said as she and Negi walked back to Natsumi, with a mildly curious Kuroneko in tow. "Sorry we took so long."

"Ah, ah, no prob, Senpai was... keeping me company!" Natsumi gulped, twitching under Matoi's glare. But then, much to the actress' relief, the stalker's head snapped back, alerted by her DEEP LOVING senses, so the fixed stare fell directly on Kuroneko.

JIIIIIIIIIIII?!

Kuroneko recoiled, hiding her face behind a sleeve. "Ugh! What is this sensation of evil?!"

"3-F student," Chisame said. "You'd understand if you studied here. Murakami, Senpai, this is Gokou Ruri from CLAMP, and she's going to take part in the contest."

"You are to call me Kuroneko, the angel of-"

"Whatever," Chisame said. Before Negi could chastise her, she went on. "These are my classmate Murakami Natsumi, and Tsunetsuki Matoi, my, ah, admirer."

Matoi seemed to loom over the shorter newcomer, making her shudder and back away. "So you are a rival to Chisame-sama *and* Natsumi-sama, hmmmmm?!"

"When, when did I become 'Natsumi-sama'?!" Natsumi protested.

Soon enough, Negi had herded them towards a table by a nearby small cafe, apart enough from the other customers. This last part was accomplished by virtue of Matoi being from 3-F, and locals whispering warnings to outsiders who tried to sit close.

"My friends will be here shortly," Kuroneko said plainly as she put her phone down on the table, by her drink. "Well, my friends and the sister of one of my friends. They have been sightseeing, and that takes a while when you have someone as mule-headed as Kirino in your group."

"I understand," Chisame said. "We have a fair share of mule-heads of our own in our group, too."

"Not nice, Chisame," Negi sighed.

"Then you are the famous child teacher of Mahora," Kuroneko said in a bored tone, resting a cheek on her fist. "Yes, yes, I believe I remember now. Saori-san once mentioned something about you. You are some kind of campus celebrity?"

Negi laughed that off, blushing. "Far from it! It's just the novelty factor of having someone of my age teaching, but that's died down gradually. As you'll see, we aren't being surrounded by fans or anything."

Matoi took advantage of his distraction to stare venomous daggers at several girls hiding behind nearby bushes, spying on them. Akatsutsumi Momoko, Gotokuji Miyako, Matsubara Kaoru, Tomoe Mami and Miki Sayaka all gasped and ducked together, under the line of sight.

Kuroneko raised an eyebrow, having caught a glimpse as this happened behind Negi's back. Chisame groaned. "I see..." the black haired girl said.

Natsumi puffed under her breath while downing her second glass of ice cold lemonade. Now that she thought about it, choosing this kind of costume on such a hot day had been a mistake, perhaps...

Kuroneko chuckled, shaking her own glass in lazy circles. "Never mind, even if you and your lot are popular here, that isn't going to earn you points with the judges, much less with Shirogane-sama. I have previous credentials, unlike both of you, but since you were kind enough to extend this invitation for a drink to me, I shall cast a good luck spell on you, so you win the second and third places!"

"Oh, thank you very much," Chisame said dryly.

Negi looked quietly at Kuroneko. He couldn't feel any magical aptitude in her, so he guessed she had to be what Fujimura-sensei and Itoshiki-sensei called a 'chuuni', pretending to have powers out of a sense of delusion and self importance. Mages were instructed to leave chuunis alone with those pretenses since they made mundanes more eager to reject the reality of magic as a whole.

"Ah, those are my friends and the other person," Kuroneko said coolly, pointing down the street. Negi, Matoi, Chisame and Natsumi followed the finger she was used to point casually, and saw a tall black haired young man, a much shorter girl with long and very light brown hair, and a gangly girl who was easily as tall as Mana or Mana, wearing thick opaque glasses, denim pants, and a green, long sleeved shirt that couldn't be that comfortable in this dark and humid weather. "Over here! There are seats left for three, but Kirino can stand for long periods, so..."

"Don't you start!" warned the shorter of the two incoming girls, getting ahead of the others, and then frowning at Negi and the others. "Um, ah, good afternoon! How do you do, I'm Kosaka Kirino, and these are Saori-chan and my Aniki Kyosuke..."

Natsumi blinked. "Saori?"

The very tall girl seemed to blink as well, stopping by the table and looking down- way down- at Natsumi. For a moment, they just stared at each other, unable to recognize each other.

"Um... Saori-san?" the tall boy rasped after a fair bit of this. "Do you know-"

The mountain of a girl leaned down and pulled her swirly glasses up, blinking at Natsumi. "Is that really you, Natsumi-san?!"

"Makishima Ojou-sama?!" Natsumi gasped back. "Why, why are you dressed like that...?!"

The beautiful, just revealed grayish orbs of the other girl blinked again, this time with some apprehension. "Ah, well, you will see... This, this is my hobby!" she said, pulling up the bags full of otaku goods she'd been carrying, so they'd be squeezed against her generous bosom. The young man, who was carrying even more bags on him, sighed. The Kirino girl, who was carrying no bags at all, hummed to herself, intrigued. "No, not my hobby! My passion! My life! But please don't spread the word around! My parents don't approve of this!"

Matoi, who was sympathetic enough to the plights of strangers who weren't standing in her way yet, remarked this for the bushes with a subtle motion of a knife slicing her own neck. The bushes shook roughly.

Natsumi nodded absently, and then broke into a shaky, nervous smile. "Ahh... Sensei, Chisame-san, Senpai, this is Makis-"

"Pleassse!" Saori said, pressing a hand on Natsumi's mouth. "My name is Saori Bajeena!"

"Bajeena?" Chisame repeated.

"I... I have known Natsumi-chan for a while, since my family is close friends with those of Ayaka and Chizuru!" Saori Bajeena explained in a kind of rush. "And you must be Negi-sensei, Ayaka is always talking about you..."

"No way!" Kirino said, leaning down in a snap to get a closer, very intrusive look at Negi before he could say anything. Natsumi and Chisame winced in disgust, being instantly reminded of Suzumiya Haruhi. Matoi began grinding her teeth. "This is THE Negi Springfield from Mahora, the Maker of a Thousand Shotacons?!"

"Yes, indeed," Kuroneko nodded stoically.

Kirino grinned at her. "And Neko-chan already fell for him! Having cold tea with him and everything! See, Kyosuke, I always told you that- YEOWCH!" she finished as Kuroneko, still as coolly as ever, poked two fingers into her eyes. "Still the same crazy cat as ever, clawing for the eyes!"

Kyosuke and Negi shared a first mutual glance of quiet, subdued and resigned grief.

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

Chigusa Route.

---

"Amagasaki Chigusa?" Konoe Eishun said grimly, appearing on the doorstep of her small cell. "It is time."

The woman was still young and beautiful, well past her teenage years but still well kept, a vision of prim, intellectual attractive even in the dark gray plain kimono she was wearing. Her long black hair ran loose, smoothly over her back, and her usual large round glasses were nestled on her fine nose as ever. With a dry, dignified breath, she stood up from her sitting position on the narrow bed and stepped up to meet the imposing, black haired man.

She was escorted by him and three tall guards armed with long staffs, her hands cuffed behind her back. Everything around them was silence, down the faintly lit halls of the prison complex within the Konoe villa.

They passed another cell, where a fully masked man in red and black tights was packing some luggage. "Hey, Chigusa, guess what!" he called out loudly. "Amanda Waller called and negotiated for my release, so I'm walking out today! Swell of her, huh? All I have ta do is running some errands for- Chigusa?! Hey, Chigusaaaaa?! Where they takin' you?!"

The woman gritted her teeth and closed her eyes briefly. "At the very least, I'll never see him again..."

Next they passed by another cell, where a shirtless black haired boy in black pants did pushups on the floor. He paused, giving her a sympathetic look as she walked by, and bowed his head in silence.

"We aren't going to execute him, of course," Eishun said. "We plan to reform him, giving him a honest job and some actual education."

"I didn't ask," Chigusa said curtly. "What about Tsukuyomi? Did you capture her as well?"

"No," Eishun said. "She escaped with the Joker."

"I'm glad for both of them," Chigusa sneered.

They finally reached the metal door at the end of the hallway.

"I will pay for the mistakes and weakness of your clan," she told Eishun as the guards unlocked the heavy door. "Just like your inaction protecting my family took their lives, now you take mine actively."

"Your own hatred has led you here," the master of the lands said as she was led inside.

Then Chigusa froze in place. Her own dead body was there, on the floor of the execution chamber, wearing the same kimono as her. Its eyes were dull and unfocused, and its mouth was slightly open.

Chigusa gave Eishun, her enemy, a bewildered look.

"A fabrication of Nodoka-san's Create card. A most remarkable gift matching her talent," he said evenly. "But it won't last past dawn. If you are to accept our terms, you must do so before then, or it will be your head that will roll."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Eishun sighed. "I understand your pain. I know that we failed your clan, and that you have legitimate grievance against some Western mages. But the Councils want you dead regardless. I cannot oppose them, and you did kidnap my daughter, the light of my soul. You deserve some manner of punishment."

"Speak your terms freely, since this is your house," she said bitterly, lowering her head.

"You will be transformed and put under the care of someone. That person will take you far from Kyoto and keep me posted on your behavior, while this lifelike puppet is shown to my peers and buried," Eishun said. "That is all I can offer. That is all I should offer after you destroyed my house and threatened all of our lives. If anything, we are being extremely generous. We won't negotiate any further. It is either this or swift death. Choose."

Chigusa bit her tongue, made an anguished, angry sound, and finally said, "Do as you wish."

Eishun, in a single mighty motion before his circle of most trusted men, pulled his blade out and then beheaded the false Chigusa on the floor.

 

[OverMaster]

"Oh, then you are classmates with Paru as well, aren't you? I love Paru!" Kirino said, now sitting at the table as well, along Saori. There was no room for Kyosuke so he stood aside stoically, now holding Kirino's bags and Saori's. "Do you think you could call her here?"

"You know Haruna. Of course you would know Haruna," Chisame deadpanned.

"Everyone in the fandom knows Paru-chan!" Saori said happily after giving the nerdiest laugh imaginable. Natsumi looked at her in shock, still unwilling to believe completely that this was the same perfect Ojou who would drink perfumed tea with Chizu-nee and Iinchou. "She's friends with everybody , goes to all cons, and draws for all major series, and several obscure ones as well!"

"Oh, it's wonderful, I had no idea Haruna was so beloved out of 3-A!" Negi said, genuinely glad.

"Yeah," Matoi said. "Even in our circle of close acquaintances, opinions about her can be... mixed."

"What kind of stick in the mud without a heart could dislike Paru?" Kirino asked. "Ah, and you must be that Deep Love girl Harumi mentioned, then!"

"You know Harumi as well?" Matoi asked.

"Wherever Paru goes, Harumi isn't far behind! They're in the same circle, after all!" Saori said. "That, and she and Kirino-chan have been working together on some secret projects of late..."

Kirino rasped, somewhat uneasily, and strangely tapping on her throat for a moment, because of some reason or another. "That... That's nothing. I write here and there on the side to earn some extra money, but I don't draw..."

Negi thought about this, reflecting on how little he actually knew about Haruna, despite spending so much time with her, and despite how open she was. Come to think about it, he'd had pretty much no contact with the artistic side of her life, and that was so important for her, that he couldn't help but worry that he was distracting her from her true calling...

"Why is he spacing out now?" Kyosuke asked, looking at Negi's concentrated expression.

Chisame sighed. "That's his guilty face. He's blaming himself over some imaginary slight to someone else. He's probably beating himself up over ignoring so much about Haruna's friends outside our classroom."

Negi blinked, snapping back to reality. "Ah? Sorry, I got distracted for a second. Were you saying anything?"

Kuroneko chuckled cagily, leaning back on her chair. "I was about to mention that you also know the famous Chiu..."

"Eeeehhhh?!" Kirino said. "You, you mean that Chiu-sama actually studies in Mahora?!"

Kuroneko nodded. "I have to admit you were right, this once. It turns out that-"

"PAY!" Kirino said, extending a vehement hand towards Kuroneko.

Ruri hissed like a cat and slapped the hand aside. "Away with you! Do you only think about one-upping me?!"

"We made an honest bet! Not my fault you were dumb enough to think Chiu-sama studied in Ohtori!" Kirino growled. "You gonna try and weasel out of our agreement?!"

"Who is Chiu?" Natsumi and Kyosuke asked at the same time.

Kirino gave her brother an irritated back glare. "How can you hang around us this long without learning anything?! Chiu-sama is the biggest cosplay star who hasn't sold herself to companies! The brightest and most beautiful of all Internet idols!" She utterly failed to realize how Chisame's face was heating up at these comments. Kuroneko smirked. "I'd love to shake her hand, so much...!" she cooed, with a large barrage of pink hearts flying out of her. Then she looked at Negi, Chisame and Natsumi again. "Tell me where she is!"

"Um, I'm afraid we don't have her permission to do that," Negi gulped. "Chiu values her privacy too much..."

"Paru-chan doesn't know about her, does she?" Saori asked. "Paru-chan would never hide that from us!"

"No, Chiu-sama's secret identity is only known to herself, Negi-sama, Chisame-sama, me, and three others," Matoi said with a smug smile, while a thought balloon with the faces of Misora, Hakase and Cocone appeared over her. Then a smaller thought balloon appeared at the lower right corner of the big one, with the face of a crying Chamo saying 'I don't count?!' "She has made us swear under our honor, and we will not betray her trust!"

"Oh... Oh, I can get that," Kirino said, deflating. "Right, if everyone knew Chiu-sama's identity, the magic would be lost..."

"Quite! Quite rightly!" Chisame nodded rapidly. Kuroneko snickered to herself.

"But you'll get a good word on us to Chiu-sama, won't you?" Saori asked with childlike enthusiasm.

"We will," Negi promised.

"And you'll get us autographs?" Kirino asked very eagerly.

"I don't think she'll refuse to please her devoted fans, right, Chisame?" Negi asked.

"Why, why are you asking me about that, you know I'm the one of us who sees Chiu the least!" Chisame sputtered.

"That, I can believe," Kyosuke deadpanned, and Natsumi nodded.

"Well. It's been a very entertaining conversation," Kuroneko said, looking at her wristwatch with a goth design, "but it's almost time for the contest. We'll better head back so you can witness my triumph, Kyosuke, Kirino, Saori-san."

"You wish," Kirino sneered. "I bet Natsumi-san and Chisame-san will kick your butt!"

"Actually, about that," Chisame said, taking a hand to her stomach. "Maybe I won't be able to after all.. My stomach hurts a bit..."

"Oh, come on!" Natsumi frowned. "Sensei paid good money for your inscription!"

Kirino laughed and slapped Chisame's shoulder in a way neither Chisame herself nor Matoi appreciated particularly. "C'mon, you don't need to make excuses! It's perfectly normal to feel stage fright! Just imagine that all of us are naked...!"

Kyosuke's eyes snapped hideously wide.

"No, really..." Chisame grinded her teeth. "The stomach ache is genuine..."

Negi looked at her in concern while everyone else just stared blankly at her.

"..." Chisame said. "Fine, what the heck. The sooner I'm done with this the better..."

 

[OverMaster]

"Shirogane-sama is really beautiful, isn't she?" Kirino asked, with small stars in her eyes.

They were behind the stage now, waiting for their turns. Negi, Kyosuke, Saori, Kirino and Matoi had been allowed to stay there as the assistants of the three cosplayers, and because Saori had money to slip discreetly. They watched the bespectacled, light-blue haired, and frankly pretty cosplay superstar smiling and waving at the audience from her spot at the top of the jury. Around her, there were four other jury members, who were generic enough that you are advised to imagine them as faceless NPCs.

Chisame bit on her thumb, also looking at Shirogane from afar. Negi and Kyosuke were just doing small talk, while Natsumi fanned herself bravely trying to endure through the heat. Damn, she is actually pretty without the need for Photoshock! Chisame thought. No wonder they call her the Ultimate Cosplayer...

"Our first contestant! Kitagawa Marin from CLAMP Gakuen, dressed as Shizuku from Slippery Girls 2!"

Hot damn! Chisame bit harder on the thumb, almost making it bleed. Her eyes widened at the sight of a gorgeous girl in lascivious black making her way into the scene confidently and waving happily at the crowd. Talk about starting with the wrong foot! How can I compete with that?!

"Wooooa! Whoooaaaa!" Kirino pumped a fist up and down, blowing steam off her nose. "You already lost, Kuroneko! Just look at that fine piece of-!"

"There's a child present, you philistine!" Kuroneko scoffed, backhanding Kirino's mouth close casually. "Domain of the scene is based on more than mere physical appeal! I have vanquished better looking foes before!"

This midget is too confident, but then again, she's won several contests, so she must know what she's saying, Chisame reflected, shifting over to bite on a pointer finger. Natsumi and Negi had started looking at her with concern. Small flat types always have an audience too, after all! Aaarrrghhh, why did I get a turn so late?! I'm going to look worse the more people come before me!

"Next, Kinomoto Sakura-chan from Mahora!" the announcer said while Marin left the scene, bathed by thunderous applause and cheers. A lovely little girl in Card Captor cosplay entered the stage, smiling nervously and holding a long staff in her hands. "As you can see, she has modeled her appearance after the mysterious Card Captor Magical Girl protecting our city!"

"UUUUOOOOHHH! UOOOOHHHHHH!" several creepy young and old men in the audience chanted.

"SAKURA-CHAN, YOU ALREADY WOOOOON!" shouted a little black haired girl in the front rows of the audience, pumping her fist up while, around her, a few tall women in black suits raised signs reading APPLAUSE OR ELSE for the audience's benefit. Predictably, applauses abounded.

"Rrrghhhh!" Chisame said, pulling a handkerchief out and starting to pull on it with her teeth. Kyosuke joined Natsumi and Negi's silent chorus of worried looks. I, I am too outclassed! I'm five years too old to match this kawaii overload! She looks better than Honya at being Honya!

"Our third charming contestant is Hoshakuji Renge from Ohtori!" the announcer said. Sakura was leaving the scene, laughing nervously as Tomoyo threw kisses her way, and a rather cute blonde in an aristocratic white dress strode in with a poise to match Iinchou's. That's it! Chisame decided. I can't do this, I can't! I'll feign fainting, surely not even the trained actress will notice-

"Ah ha ha ha, we've got some rough competition, don't we, guys?" asked a familiar voice. They turned around and blinked, seeing two girls, one dressed as Sailor V and the other as one of her sidekicks, standing there, also waiting for their turns.

Except because Negi and Chisame knew better. These WERE Sailor Venus and Sailor Mars.

"What, what are you doing here?!" Chisame screamed. "Are you insane?!"

Natsumi blinked. "Chisame? Do you know these people?"

"Oh, we've met occasionally!" Sailor Venus grinned, slapping the shoulder of a groaning Sailor Mars. "I'm Mina Carol from England," she said, keeping a very passable English accent, "and this is my little friend, Chiyo Huit! We studied under Negi-kun back in the Isles, and now we study in, huh, CLAMP!"

"Seriously?" Saori blinked behind the thick glasses. "We're from CLAMP, and I've never seen you in any of our local events..."

"Ah ha ha ha ha, we usually keep out of contests, but we decided to give it a try this time!" said who very obviously, to anyone in the know for both of her appearances, was Aino Minako, faking a careless laugh. "Of course, we had to choose our favorite heroines, the wonderful Sailor V and her loyal sidekick Sailor Mars!"

"I thought Sailor Mars was the tall one with black hair?" Kyosuke said blandly. "Um, sorry, I'm Kosaka Kyosuke, this is my sister Kirino, and these are-"

"Woooww, really high production values for these costumes!" Kirino gushed, pushing him aside and tugging on the edge of Minako's skirt. "You two really nailed the look! You might even have a shot at beating that Kitagawa girl!"

"A chance? We have this in the bag!" Minako said proudly. "But thanks for the praise! It took us a lot of time and effort to get the costumes just right, but knowing that it'll pay off makes all the sweat worthwhile..."

Negi frowned, not amused at all. "Carol-san... I take it you didn't bring your other friend here? The one who could play a convincing Sailor Mercury...?"

"God, no," Shiho groaned bitterly. "She would kill us if she knew we're here."

"Of course she would," Negi said sternly. "Can we please discuss this aside for a moment, please? It's about how... you know that your family would disapprove of this, as well," he added, narrowing his eyes at the duo. "Why, I'm sure even your housecat would be mad at you..."

"Ah ha ha ha, Sensei, as if the cat had any saying on- Hey!" Minako gasped as Negi grabbed her by a wrist and began pulling her away. Shiho sighed and followed them. "Okay, but make it quick! Our turn's almost on! Why, you never were this forceful before, Negi-kun!"

Chisame breathed in and out. Then she started going after them. "Tsunetsuki, keep on looking at Murakami!"

"Yes! Chisame-sama, as you wish!" the stalker nodded, and then went back to staring at Natsumi. Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Natsumi flinched. "Why me?!"

Kuroneko blinked. "Now what was that about?"

Kirino shrugged. "He's probably just worried that some supervillain with revenge in mind will crash the event, thinking that's the real Sailor V. Those things happen!"

"I really think we should leave," Kyosuke opined. "We can always watch the rest of the contest online..."

"NO!" Kuroneko and Kirino said as one.

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, I don't need to tell you where, there lived five maids in a very big mansion. Their names were Mei, Roberta, Fabiola, Siesta and Taeko. But their masters called them Meiderella, Robertella, Fabiella, Siestella and Taekella, because their masters were weird freaks.

One enchanted evening, the masters of the house went to the ball of Prince Lelouch, leaving their maids at home. Their fairy godmother appeared.

"Hello! I'm Najimi, your fairy godfather!" she chirped and winked.

"But... you are a girl," Siestella said.

"Or am I? DUN DUN DUUUN!" the fairy godmother (?) said. "I have an offer you can't refuse!"

She waved her wand (not that one!) and gave them gorgeous dresses and a magical chariot pulled by six magical ponies from Mundus Magicus to attend the ball. "But remember!" she warned. "The spell fizzles at midnight so you need being back at home by then!"

"Why so early?!" the disappointed Fabiella asked.

"Gimme a break, there's five of you and I had to split the magic between you!" Fairy Najimi said. "If there'd been a single Cinderella, the spell would have lasted all night long!"

"Somehow I doubt that," Robertella said.

But they all went to the ball regardless. Taekella danced with Secretary Hanabishi and fell in love with him. Robertella and Fabiella danced with young duke Garcia and fell in love with him, those dirty pedos. Siestella danced with Minister Saito and fell in love with him. And Meiderella danced with Prince Lelouch himself, under the pale moonlight entering through the large windows. Everyone in the nobility watched on, enraptured by the beauty of their dance. And behind the curtains, the Prince's own maid, Sayokella, watched on as well, in silence.

Meiderella, at the climax of the dance, finally opened her large and fascinating beautiful eyes, staring deep into the Prince's...

"I'm leaving," she told her sisters while walking out.

"Eh?!" Taekella whined. "Why's that?! Is it midnight already?!"

"No, but I didn't feel the spark of love when I looked into his eyes," Meiderella said. "Instead, I saw something evil..."

Their chariot exploded in a car bombing midway to home, from what I hear. Who could have done something so horrible, Prince Lelouch wondered in horror?

"Who could possibly know...?" Sayokella said innocently while Princess Nunally gave her a silent thumbs up from the other end of the room.

The masters of the house bought two new maids, Sella and Leysritt, from Mr. Acht's store. They renamed Sella Sella-ella.

---

To be continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

Ayasaki Hayate smiled, holding a large wooden box with several tiny holes on it in his hands. He bowed.

"Springfield-sensei, Kagurazaka-san, Hasegawa-san, Nagase-san," the blue haired young man said. "Pleased to meet you again. You too, of course... Tsunetsuki-san, wasn't it?"

"Ah!" Matoi gasped from behind Chisame. "You saw I was here?"

"Yes, always," Hayate nodded. "Once more, Eishun-sama offers his deepest thanks to all of you."

Negi Springfield smiled back. "Nice to see you too, Hayate-san. Please give our best regards to the elder."

"Konoka sends him this," Asuna said, handing Hayate a big white bag. "Baked goodies for him."

"And for Kouko-sama as well, of course," Hayate said, accepting the bag and hanging it around his left shoulder, while keeping the box well tucked under his right arm. "As expected from Konoka Ojou-chan!"

"For her... Sure thing! Let's go with that," Asuna said.

"Is that it, Hayate-dono?" Kaede asked, pointing at the box.

"Yes," he said, his expression turning grim. Slowly, he put the box in Negi's expecting, small hands. It wasn't heavy at all, but the red haired boy felt something moving inside. "Please be extremely careful. Eishun-sama said that he thinks Setsuna-sama should keep an eye on her at all times."

They stood under a huge tree right outside the Konoe villa, away from curious eyes, on a little hill overlooking the prairies around Kyoto. Asuna loved this place. It was a pity that they couldn't stay there any long.

Negi sighed. "I'm sure that she will. She doesn't need to be told."

The five of them began walking back towards the train station, under a bright sun and a blue sky. Konoemon-sensei had been adamant Konoka couldn't visit Kyoto again so soon after the whole kidnapping fiasco, but he'd insisted for Negi to take Asuna, as her antimagic was invaluable in danger situations, and Nagase, since sending school enforcers like Setsuna or Mana might trigger signs among any spies still watching over the situation from the shadows. Chisame had tagged along because... nobody was too sure, least of all Chisame, but probably had something to do with not trusting Negi enough or something. Bakas Blue and Red had simply smiled and nodded at each other over that.

"She's damn quiet," Chisame said at one point of the long march through the thin field pathway, just to break a silence that was turning unbearable. "Didn't she use to talk and talk when she was human?"

"Can she even talk anymore?" Asuna asked.

"Even so, I expected her to be screaming and shrieking," Chisame answered. "What if she found a way to switch herself with a normal critter?"

Negi raised the box in his hands to his eye level. He squinted through one of the small holes and frowned. "That's her alright."

"How are you so sure?" Kaede asked.

"That hand gesture she is making at me is not something a pure hearted animal would do," Negi said coolly, pulling the box back down. "Not even if trained. Those eyes..."

"Oh, so she has hands!" Asuna said. "I thought they'd turn her into a snake or something like that. Let me see?"

Negi held the box up and let her take a look through another hole.

"Bff bwa ha ha ha ha!" Asuna chortled, slapping herself on a knee. "Beautiful! Eishun-sama is a poet!"

"I hate all of you so much..." came a small, bland voice from inside the box.

"Ah, so you can talk after all," Matoi said. "Funny, your voice hasn't changed that much from what I recall."

"Which one are you?" asked the one in the box. "The ugly psycho stalker, right?"

"There's a river over there," Matoi suggested, pointing aside into the distance. "We can always throw the box there and say we were robbed along the way..."

"Tsunetsuki-dono, no," Kaede said.

The train trip was surprisingly quiet and uneventful.

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, you-know-where, there lived four immortal princesses in the bottom of the sea, Yakuhime, Yukihime, Washuhime and Minahime. Yakuhime might be related to Little Red Riding Kusuri, but she would deny it if you asked her.

"I'm not actually immortal, just very long lived," Yakuhime cautioned.

"Did they have to name me like that for this thing?" Yukihime complained. "I'm not going to marry Touta again, am I?!"

One day, Yakuhime turned into a turtle and traveled to the coast, to see the human world. There, she was saved by a man named Urashima Keitaro, who rescued her from the same brats who were hitting Luna in the first episode of Sailor Moon. Man, those kids are sick in the head. The next day, Washuhime appeared to Urashima in the form of a giant crab, and invited him to their undersea castle as thanks.

Yakuhime's peculiar combination of youth and age fascinated Urashima Keitaro.

"Let us dance as the Tai and the Flounder, yes yes," she invited him.

Keitaro stayed with the princesses for three days, but he got nostalgic and asked to be sent back home, with his girlfriend who would hit him, his other girlfriend who would hit him with a sword, his other girlfriend who swindled him, and his other girlfriend who sicced robots on him. "Very well," Washuhime said as she handed him a box. "Take this with you, but never open it. If you do, you will regret it."

Urashima Keitaro was flung back to the surface, only to see that 12,000 years had passed, all of the good Akamatsu characters had passed away, and now only the Numbers of UQ Holder remained. Angsting about it, he opened the box and he was immediately turned into a bent, gray old man.

"Baka!" said Washuhime's recorded voice from the box. "I told you not to open it! All of your years were here..."

Urashima Keitaro then spent the rest of his life trying to get the immortal sisters cancelled on Twitter, from what I hear.

"Twitter? What is that?" Yakuhime wondered aloud.

"Well, at least they didn't try to kill us, unlike they did to everyone else," Yukihime said.

"I didn't get anything to do!" Minahime complained. "Why didn't they put me in Little Red Riding Kusuri? I just love big sexy wolves!"

---

To be Continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there lived an old spinster named Kobayashi.

"I'm not that old," Kobayashi said.

One night, while stumbling back home drunk from an office party, Kobayashi missed the road that would lead her to a dragon and instead ran into the same fucking kids who bullied Yakuhime, now picking on a crane. Kobayashi beat the kids down with a stick and saved the crane, who flew away.

Two nights after, a beautiful girl with black bangs falling all over her face appeared at Kobayashi's house.

"My name is Omeme, and I will be your wife," she shyly said.

"Okay..." Kobayashi said, not quite sure what to make out of it.

"I will sew a kimono for you, as my thanks for saving me," Omeme said. "But you must promise that no matter what, you will never try to look at my face."

Kobayashi shrugged. "Fine with me..."

Three days and nights straight, Omeme sat at her workshop, sewing the most gorgeous kimono for Kobayashi. But during that time, Kobayashi grew obsessed with the enigmatic mystery of Omeme's face. She wanted to see her eyes, so she approached Omeme from behind and, breaking her promise, brushed the girl's bangs aside, to look at her uncovered features.

"Nooooo!" Omeme cried, mortified. She turned back into a crane and flew away, so Kobayashi never saw her again, from what I hear.

Then Omeme became summonable in Fate Grand Order.

"What a lame take on a traditional tale," Kobayashi said. "This one didn't really have any humor."

---

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there lived a girl named Mimi White. No, she wasn't the Mimi from Digimon.

Mimi White was proclaimed the fairest in all of the kingdom by herself and by a magic mirror, but mostly by herself. Unfortunately, this mirror belonged to Mimi White's conceited, envious stepmother.

Mimi White's stepmother grew obsessed, then, with ending the life of poor Mimi White.

"Hm hmm, naturally!" Mimi White laughed at this. "That is the proof of my superior beauty!" she boasted while fleeing into the woods. "Be as envious as you like!"
In other words, Mimi White did not give a single fucking hoot.

Mimi White found the cabin in the forest of the Seven Dwarves: Sarah, Anya, Mizore, Abigail Williams, Helena Blavatsky, Nursery Rhyme and Jack the Ripper.

"I'm actually taller than Nero, why do I get to be a dwarf?" Abigail wondered.

The dwarves gave Mimi White a place of honor in their house, since she was so pretty. Among them, Mimi White kept on eating a shiny red apple every morning, to better keep her beauty. But one morning, one of the apples was poisoned, and Mimi White keeled over, from what I hear.

"Urgh, naturally!"

The dwarves found her upon arriving back home from their day job of selling crack. "Ah!" Blavastsky gasped. "Horror of horrors! The Evil Queen found her!"

"Um, no, actually, that was me," Anya said, then passed a hand up and down her own, flat chest. "She was making me feel too insecure!"

Blavatasky glared at her. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Jack looked down at Mimi White, and then pulled two large knives out. "This Mum will make for a very pretty place to live in..." she said quietly.

That... That got like really too dark. Moving on...

---

To be continued, from what I hear.

 

[OverMaster]

"What are you thinking?!" Negi demanded angrily, and Chisame had to admit being somewhat impressed by his tone. She hadn't ever seen him this furious outside of battle. But he wasn't mad enough to start demanding answers without casting a cone of silence around them first, and that only after moving as far from everyone else as possible. "You are endangering not only yourselves, but everyone around us!"

"Don't take it out on me, this wasn't my idea!" Shiho said. "I just need the money to buy Oniichan an anniversary gift!"

"You're still going along with it!" Negi said. "And you, Aino-san! As the most veteran of the Senshi, I expected much better from you!"

Minako scowled. "Negi-kun. Youma don't attack in broad daylight unless they're really desperate, that just paints a huge bullseye on them so every superhero and Magical Girl anywhere near comes to pummel them! This is another form of combing the people from all of the schools for clues, since just waiting for the enemy to show their hand time and time again isn't really getting us anywhere. We need to be more proactive!"

"If you don't expect those... things to attack in the open, how will you even get clues on them?" Chisame asked.

Minako smiled and wagged a finger. "It's so simple, Chisame-chan! Anyone showing too much interest in Shiho will be suspicious and worth trailing later on!"

"Eh? Why only me and not you?" Sailor Mars questioned.

"Well, it's just natural that anyone in the audience would put a lot of attention on me..." Minako said, casually running a hand up one of her long and beautiful legs.

"I should have been a Symphogear," Shiho grumbled.

"I still don't know..." Negi mumbled.

"Oh, you aren't telling Saber and Rider that they can't walk around in public because they are Servants and they can draw enemies of their own, are you?" Shiho said. "It's the same principle!"

"Also, if we're attacked behind the scenes, then we've baited an enemy successfully, too," Minako smiled at an unconvinced Chisame and Negi, "but that, we can handle. We're ready for that kind of event!"

"And of course, the purse of the contest won't hurt you either," Chisame said.

Minako nodded. "You said it, Chisame-chan! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll net the third spot! That costume is very lovely..."

"Mina Carol and Chiyo Huit!" the announcer called. "Please come to the stage!"

"Oh, we'll have to continue arguing later, guys!" Minako laughed, grabbing Shiho and running with her to the stage. "Wish us luck, we'll do the same for you!"

Negi sighed. "If I ever have an idea as dumb as that of getting into a public contest under a transparent false name while every villain around is looking for me, then smack me across my big empty head, Chisame."

Chisame nodded and pulled her phone out, leaving a memo in it. "I'll be sure to cash on that when the time comes."

"Oh, your two friends are really good at this!" Kirino said when the two of them walked back with the others. She was clapping at the sight of both Sailor Senshi striding across the stage, posing and shouting heroic catchphrases. "Well the blonde one, mostly. Shorty-chan really sounds like she could use more practice."

"Mina-san has been a long time enthusiast of show business," Negi said with an air of resignation. "Chisame, is your stomach feeling better now?"

Chisame groaned. "Cut the gag, willya? It's my stage fright that isn't getting any better."

Matoi looked at her face for several moments, and then told her softly, "Chisame-sama... I'm sorry if you felt like I was pushing you..."

"I didn't feel it, you WERE doing it!" Chisame growled.

Matoi shrank on herself. "Please forgive me! I only wanted to see your beauty shine under the spotlight! But, if you don't want to do it, you should just walk away now...!"

"Yeah," Kyosuke opined. "Sorry to butt in, but if it's only making you feel bad, then there is no point, right?"

Chisame looked in silence at Minako and Shiho leaving the stage, waving at the crowd clapping and cheering them. "To be honest... I kinda would like to be able to... It's just that... It's too much, too fast..."

"Would you want to do it with me?" Natsumi offered.

"What?" Matoi asked.

"I mean, what if we perform together?!" Natsumi explained. "That way we can support each other! That can be done, right?"

"Yes, but you will have to split the prize money if you land any of the top positions," Kuroneko said.

"I wouldn't mind," Natsumi said. "This isn't about the money for me."

"Thank you, Murakami," Chisame said. "But I can't drag you down with me..."

"Oh, it won't be a problem!" Natsumi said. "I don't even have a script, I'm just going to walk across the scene and strike a few poses!"

"What's the point of having a geisha and a dark magical girl in the same stage at the same time?" Kyosuke asked. "What do those two costumes have to do with each other?"

Kirino hummed, rubbing her chin. "Wellll...! Biblion plots are often like that! Biblio Roulin Rouge will travel into the past to attack an ancient civilization and the Biblion Team will go after her, saving the local damsel in distress. But first, of course, Biblion will have to fight Roulin Rouge's Monster of the Week, which can be a cyclops... or a fishman..."

She grinned in a wicked way and narrowed her eyes at Kuroneko, "... or a monster cat..."

Kuroneko frowned. "I know that I'm not going to like this," she deadpanned. "But that's par for the course, with any of your ideas."

 

[OverMaster]

"Okay, if we're going to do this, we'll need a Biblion-chan!" Kirino had said, very fast and giving no time for anyone to protest. Chisame was reminded again of Suzumiya Haruhi. "Luckily for you, I can play the part in a pinch since I wrote episodes 157 and 173!"

"Wait. You did what?" Natsumi had asked.

"Kirino-chan has had a meteoric career from an amateur writer sending scripts to companies to an up and coming writer for several series, working under a pseudonym!" Saori had said with a smile.

Natsumi had the distinct impression that said 'meteoric rise' might have something to do with someone who was very wealthy and bribing those companies under the table, but she knew better than to mention that.

"Okay," Kuroneko had said, glancing at her Emily the Strange wristwatch. "But the tickets are sold out, so we'd need to convince someone to give up theirs through this lunch break."

They were, indeed, in borrowed time: the first round of contestants was finished and the second one would compete after the jury ate.

Saori had laughed goofily. "No need to worry, Kuro-chan! Just let me have a few minutes with the organizers!"

Now they waited, standing right outside the office of the organizers, who by the way, were not linked to Chao Lingshen. Just so that you know. I mean, how does a cosplay contest even help to break the masquerade? It's not like real magical girls are going to- Never mind... Not even Chao Linghsen can have her fingers stuck in absolutely everything, okay?

"Do you think she can do it?" Negi asked, mildly worried.

Kirino shrugged. "If anyone can, Saori-chan can! She has her way to get things done!"

And then Saori stepped out, closing the door after her and dusting her hands off. "Okay! We've got permission to put an extra player on the stage!"

"You didn't bribe them, did you?" Kyosuke asked.

Saori feigned a scandalized gasp. "Kyosuke-kun! I'd never! A true ally of justice never resorts to underhanded, dishonest means!"

"You threatened them to send paid goons after them and break their legs?" Kirino asked.

"That's only for true emergencies, don't you remember, Kirino-chan?" Saori said. Now Chisame was thinking of a much taller and bustier Konoka for some reason. "In truth, I just waited for them to start doing illicit proposals and revealed that I had my phone recording, threatening to have them Me'Tooed!"

Negi began choking violently in his saliva.

"You... You didn't have to do that for me, really... uhhh..." Chisame said, with a large sweatdrop.

Saori laughed and patted Chisame's shoulder. "It's nothing, they had it coming anyway! Besides, you remind me of someone who is rather likable, even if I can't pin down exactly who... Are you sure you haven't done cosplay before? Modeling? Any seiyuu work?"

"What, what if those men later try to get revenge on you?!" Natsumi said, paling under her heavy makeup.

"Then I call on the armed goons, naturally," Saori said matter of factly. "C'mon, let's not keep waddling! We've got to rent a costume pronto!"

However...

"What?!" Kirino shouted. "You don't have a single one left?!"

"Nope, sorry," said the apathetic pimply-faced young man with an American accent sitting at the costume rental. "Biblion is a popular choice and we ran out of them hours ago..."

"Bummer, then it was all for nothing!" Kirino said, folding her arms. "I'd grown used to the idea of upstaging Kuroneko before everyone, too!"

"My heart bleeds for you," Kuroneko offered, stoically.

Chisame bit on her lower lip. She had several Biblion spares at home, she could send Negi or Kasuga for one and they'd fetch it in no time. But then the others would ask what was she doing with a Biblion costume besides this one, and maybe the black cat girl would say-

"Actually, we've got a single one left," the pimply youngster said, holding a child sized Biblion costume in its perch. "But it won't fit any of you girls, not even Kitty here..."

Negi blinked, stared for several moments at the costume, and then sighed inwardly. The things we do for love...

"We'll take it, thank you very much," he said, and further startled everyone by pulling his wallet out.

 

[OverMaster]

It was the moment of truth, now. Their turn had come at last, and there was no turning back. That, Kosaka Kyosuke was learning, included him as well, for some reason.

"This is nuts, I don't even have a ticket!" the young man was telling his sister as she pushed him towards the stage, from behind the curtains. "I won't be even allowed in!"

"You're not making any cosplay, you're just introducing them!" Kirino said in angry hushing tones. "Stop being such a baby, it's only a few lines! Sensei has it much worse!"

"If it's so easy, why aren't you doing it?!" Kyosuke insisted. "You're pretty, they'll like you much better!"

Kirino paused, blushing brightly at the casual praise and proving that some things don't change no matter the universe, but then she seethed and kept on pushing him. "'Cause the Biblion narrator is male! You know the one! So you'd better make a good impression or else!"

He was shoved onto the stage, all spotlights falling on him, and the audience grew very still and silent suddenly, at this average looking boy in everyday clothing. Before the boos started, he rasped, pulling a note out of his breast pocket and began a strikingly good impression of Washimoto Nario's voice.

"Last week in Biblion, the roguish Roulin Rouge travelled to the past, deadest on taking over Princess Natsumi's kingdom!" he said, emotionally. "Biblion-chan has travelled through time alone, in a last desperate bid to stop her evil plans! However, Roulin Rouge has turned loyal retainer Riri into the twisted cat demon Kuroneko, emissary of perfidy! Can Biblion-chan prevail over the feline of doom?"

The audience pulled back in anticipation as Kyosuke left the stage.

"Woooow!" Saori gushed, glasses fogging up. "Kyosuke-kun has actual voice acting talent!"

Kirino, standing by her side, blushed again and rasped, folding her arms. "A-Aniki has a lot of surprises in him! A few of them are even good!"

Natsumi then entered the scene, staging a pose to better show her kimono off before falling to her knees in a classic tragic heroine in distress position. The crowd cheered wildly.

"Oh, woe is me!" she lamented, entering a cheesy hammy mood rather than the more serious and lifelike acting she preferred. She still excelled at it, judging from the audience's reactions. "All is lost! My country has fallen and I'm a prisoner! Yet… I shall never sign over the succession papers! I would rather perish!"

Kuroneko entered then, with a grand sweep of an arm and a loud malicious cackle. Once again, the crowd cheered among camera flashes and screams of 'Kawaiiii!' "We shall force you yet, O Fair Princess!" Kuroneko said shamelessly, standing over Natsumi. Our forces shall otherwise massacre your peasants with our advanced ships from the future, and your fiance's kingdom shall fall next!"

"No!" Natsumi brought her hands together in a gesture of imploring. "Riri-chan, remember! We are childhood friends! You cannot deliver us to this evil queen of darkness—"

Then she and Kuroneko waited for the arrival of someone who failed to show up.

"—this indecent sovereign of deceit—" Natsumi added, trying to stall for time.

Still nothing else from behind the curtains.

"—this unreliable and duplicitious two-timing harlot…!"

"Who, who are you calling a harlot?!" Chisame said, stomping onto the stage, and then freezing again at the sight of all those eyes on her. "I am not—I am—I mean--!"

She felt herself paling and sweating, terrified to the degree of nailing her soles to the floor. She hiccupped to herself, and felt like wishing for the earth to swallow her. This was even worse than she'd expected! And they'd loved Murakami and the catwoman too, but they were so silent now…!

"Mistress!" Kuroneko fell to a knee before her, lowering her head. "I humbly wait for your command on how to deal with this insolent wench who has insulted you!"

"I…" Chisame said. "I am going to…" She gulped. "You are going to…!"

Natsumi sighed inwardly. Well, like Chizu-nee had taught her so well, sometimes you have to be harsh with those you love… or tolerate, in this case…

Natsumi smiled and raised her voice. "Hah! Virtue once again prevails in the face of evil! My courage and resistance have left you without words, Roulin Rouge! This is why I'll ultimately defeat you! And the Prince will stop being under your thrall, and love me and only me, as Fate intended!

This was said with the kind of glint in the eye directly aimed at her rival's own eye that only two women competing in love can understand, even if one of them is in denial. Chisame seethed, outraged at Murakami's insolence, and raised her scepter at her.

"Foul lowlife!" Chisame shouted. "You dare talking to me like that, when you are so beneath my station?! I will now punish you as God intended! You… You will never take my Prince away from me!"

Seeing how this whole dialogue was taking much longer than they all had agreed for a mere snippet rather than an actual play, the final player in the little drama stepped out.

"Roulin Rouge-chan!" the newcomer said, while the spectators' bated breath turned into gasps and swoons. "Stop doing these evil things, now… You must come back with me, or else!"

Negi stood there, in a Biblion uniform making him look like the most adorable little girl in a wig and wielding a long wand ever imagined. Even Sakura and Tomoyo gasped, briefly overtaken. Kirino's nose exploded in a shower of blood. Saori began droopling quietly from a corner of her mouth, and Kyosuke looked away, abruptly terrified by troubling thoughts.

Chisame smirked and turned on towards him, skirt fluttering up flashing black panties. The crowd whooped and pictures were taken, but she didn't care anymore. "Or else what, you little brat?!" she challenged her teacher, with a strange feral sensuality to her roar.

"AUDIO AEROTICA…!" someone shouted in the audience. Matoi blinked, surprised at realizing that hadn't been her.

Negi made his best attempt at copying a pose he'd seen Sailor Venus doing. Minako herself had to admit it was rather good. Only Shiho looked mildly embarrassed over the whole affair. "Or else I will…" he said, with his best plucky little girl voice, pure Anya in tone and delivery, "… punish you in the name of Love!"

The crowd went truly and fully wild, and Chisame's heart beat savagely. Natsumi squeezed her legs together under the kimono, her eyes turning into small supernovas for a moment.

Kyosuke and Kirino excused themselves for the toilet, and bolted out in opposite directions.

 

[OverMaster]

Shirogane Tsumugi blinked, fascinated.

There was something about one of those girls. The one in the Roulin Rouge costume. Her face, the shape of her features, the general figure of her body. She recognized all of them from somewhere. Oh, the pimples and the smaller bust had thrown her off the scent for a moment, but then it dawned on her, part and parcel of cosplaying was altering your traits to a degree that would make you unrecognizable for most at plain sight. She was an old hat at it herself, after all.

And then the girl spoke, and she recognized the voice, as well. Once again, it was changed, but the villainous delivery was not enough to disguise its core nature. She had listened to that voice too many times to be wrong about it.

"Chiu..." she whispered to herself, starting to breathe slightly faster.

"Excuse me?" one of the secondary judges asked, since the other ones were too busy swooning after the lovable innocent loli who had just appeared onstage.

"N-Nothing!" the blue haired, bespectacled cosplay star said, checking on the list of contestants in her ipod. The loli was one Nelly Silverberg, and the one who had shaken Tsumugi so badly was listed as Hasegawa Chisame. The name, surely, was another clue? Tsumugi smiled nervously. "Oh my..."

Only three contestants came after them, closing the event.

There was a little girl named Utsugi Kotoko, singing nervously in Maizono Sayaka cosplay, eyeing her frowning mother in the crowd. Tsumugi barely paid her any attention. She had met far too many of these token child idols in her opinion, and was hardly impressed by them anymore.

Then there was someone calling himself Usui Kagero, who entered the stage wrapped in bandages and a long brown coat. He removed the bandages, and then... there was nobody there, anymore.

"Oh!" Tsumugi blinked, growing mildly impressed. "What an incredible Invisible Man cosplay! We should grant him second place..."

"Eh?" another of her fellow judges said. "What are you talking about, Shirogane-sama?"

"Well, I mean that boy who was right there, of course..." she answered.

"I'm still here!" Usui shouted, while the crowd and the other contestants shared confused looks, wondering when the next participant would just come out already.

"Which boy?" another judge grumbled. "Ah, Shirogane-sama, such a big kidder! No, this Usui fellow has stood us up. Maybe he got cold feet and ran away..."

"Oh, screw you guys!" Kagero said furiously, throwing his hands up and stomping off the stage.

"Next!" the assembled non-descript chorused, while Tsumugi blinked in stupor.

Finally, a gorgeous, still young, Chinese woman in a red qipao strode confidently onto the stage. She smiled very proudly, whipping her loud purple hair around, and said, "Nihao! Now I will show you the ultimate disguise act!"

Everyone watched on expectantly, as this woman held a large bucket of water up... and then threw it on herself. Immediately, all of her clothes dropped to the floor, and a small cat landed on them, on all four legs. The cat lifted its two upper paws triumphantly and meowed "Ta-da-nyaaaaa!"

Tsumugi frowned and gave a thumbs up. "Disqualified!" she shouted.

The cat looked back at her, bewildered. "Nyaaaaa?!"

"Disqualified!" the other judges shouted too, copying Tsumugi's gesture to the letter.

"Whaaa nyaaaaa?!" Neko-ShanPu protested.

"This is a cosplay contest, not a stage magic contest!" Tsumugi said very seriously, while a stage hand came by, picked the stunned cat up, and carried it away. "ShanPu-san, wherever you are now, show up at the backstage after hours to collect your clothes and your pet! Thanks to the rest of all of you, and now we will vote and proclaim the three prize winners! Please wait just a few minutes, and in the meantime, enjoy a special music number by the fine rising stars of After School Tea Time!"

"Alright!" Tainaka Ritsu grinned as the five members of the all-girl band moved onto the stage, instruments at the ready. "This is our big moment! Our grand Unequally debut! Maybe one of us will get a Pactio and become one of Neg-"

Since fanfiction isn't a medium with sound and this is supposed to be a short chapter, we might as well cut the scene here before moving onto our heroes waiting for the ultimate resolution of the contest.

"Oh, screw you, dude, SERIOUSLY?!" Ritsu screamed.

 

[OverMaster]

After a remarkably short deliberation, the jury announced they were ready to announce the winners, right after After School Tea Time's second song and making Ritsu groan. Back in the crowd, Kirino gripped Kyosuke's hand tightly. "Cross all your fingers!" she told him.

"I can't cross all of them, you are clutching my hand," he said.

"Cross your toes to make up for it, then!" she said.

"Okay, and what do I wish for?" Kyosuke asked, all patience. "For your rival to lose, or for Negi-sensei and the others to win?"

"For Kuroneko to lose AND Nelly-chan and the others to win!" Kirino gulped.

"That's not possible, they are all contesting together!" her brother snapped.

Tsumugi smiled brightly, walking ahead to face the audience, with an envelope in her hands. Kirino and Saori sighed lovingly. "Thanks to everyone for waiting!" the cosplay superstar said, opening the envelope and pulling a piece of paper out. "We'll start by announcing the third place, which goes to Mina Carol-san and Chiyo Huit-san for their cosplay of Sailor V and Sailor Mars!"

Minako blinked wildly. "Third place?!"

Shiho shrugged. "We did better than I expected, actually."

"Third place?!" Minako insisted.

Shiho groaned and shoved her ahead, so they could step forward to receive the prize.

"I bet you that Akira-san would have landed second place," Matoi whispered, leaning onto Chisame's ear. Seeing how the younger girl was shivering and gritting her teeth, she went on to rub her shoulder. "But you're a lock for the first prize, Chisame-sama, there's no need to worry..."

"Akira?" Natsumi asked, managing to overhear that much.

"Whatever you're talking about, keep it quiet," Kuroneko said, waving a hand. "She'll announce the second place now."

"And now, for the winner of the second place prize..." Tsumugi was saying indeed, "we are proud to call Kitagawa Marin-san to receive it!"

Cheers and wolf whistles abounded as the sexy tall blonde came over to accept her envelope with cash, waving happily at everyone. "Thank you, thank you, everyone! You have been an awesome public! But my deepest thanks go to a very dear friend! Gojo-kun, this is your prize...!"

"Those are the eyes of a woman in love," Kuroneko sentenced.

"Pretty much..." Natsumi agreed.

"Are they?" Negi wondered aloud, but then he was distracted by a small and anguished hiccup coming from a few steps away. Looking in that direction, he saw Utsugi Kotoko, clearly afraid and trembling. Her gaze was fixed on a spot in the first rows of the audience, and by following it with his own sight, Negi saw a scowling woman staring back at her, in a cold and hostile silence.

Negi blinked. What in the world-

And then he felt Chisame's hand tightening around his arm. He looked back at her, and saw how pale her face was, as she stared, in a fixed way, at Tsumugi, who was about to announce the first place winner.

"Chisame-sama, I told you to calm down," Matoi said. "Your success is guaranteed. You don't need to-"

"No, you've jinxed it!" Chisame said. "Besides, I overacted too badly, and everyone could see my acne, and, and-!"

"The winners of the first place prize are the talented troupe of Hasegawa Chisame-san, Nelly Silverberg-chan, Murakami Natsumi-san, and 'Kuro Neko'-san!" Tsumugi said, rather happily.

"See?! See?!" Chisame said. "I told you that WHAAAAAT?!"

"O woman of little faith," Kuroneko smirked. "You won from the moment you threw your lot with me!"

"Alright! Alright!" Kirino tossed her arms up, hopping in place. "Nelly-chan won! Nelly-chan, be my imoutooooooo!"

Negi smiled as well, noticing the jarring change in Chisame's expression, from a disbelieving shock to a wide, shaky smile, complete with bright wet eyes stubbornly refusing to cry. His heart warmed up for her, and he gently caressed her hand, which earned him a strong, firm squeeze of his. This made him even happier for some reason, but then he heard quiet sobbing, and his head once again made a brisk turn.

Getting away from everyone, facing away from them and walking towards a corner of the backstage, Utsugi Kotoko was weeping, supporting herself against a wall, planting her hands on it. Negi instinctively looked towards the evil looking woman in the crowd, but she wasn't there anymore. He began making a sound, trying to reach back for the distressed and clearly scared girl, but then he was pulled along towards the stage by Natsumi, Chisame and Ruri.

"Come on, Sensei, they're calling us!" Natsumi said, contented and full of life as they dragged him along. "This is your moment too! Don't worry, nobody will recognize you!"

"N-No, that's not it, I, actually... uhhh..." Negi said helplessly, and then all of the spotlights were on them.

Well, he decided. He always could try to help that poor girl later. For now, he forced a smile and bowed with the others towards the clamoring public.

Kirino kissed a handkerchief and then threw it at him. It landed on his face.

 

[OverMaster]

"You did it! You did it! Despite Kuroneko, you did it!" Kirino said, throwing herself to hug Negi tightly as soon as he, Chisame, Natsumi and Ruri descended from the stage. With the event over, the crowd was scattering for the next few attractions, chatting contentedly. Kyosuke rolled his eyes back and groaned to himself. "What a wonderful Mahou Shoujo Imouto you were, Nelly-chan!"

Matoi frowned, grabbed Kirino by the back of her collar, and easily tugged her back from Negi. "Watch your hands, hussy!"

"Ah!" Saori here. "You still were here? I thought you'd wandered away!"

"I've been here the whole time," Matoi told her calmly, putting Kirino down.

"We'll split the purse evenly between all four of us," Kuroneko said stoically. She pulled a large stack of yen bills from the envelope she'd been given, counted them quickly, and began distributing them between herself, Negi, Chisame and Natsumi. "It's a big prize so there should be enough for all of us to be satisfied, even after dividing the result.
"
"This never was about the money," Natsumi said, accepting her part regardless. "But thank you very much! I had a lot of fun, actually! Did you, Chisame?"

Chisame groaned. "It's not the kind of fun I want to repeat anytime soon."

Natsumi looked at Saori, Kyosuke and Kirino. "That means she indeed had fun. Otherwise, she'd be screaming at us."

"We have a friend who is just like that!" Saori nodded, as a thought balloon with the face of Kurusu Kanako in it.

"Smartass," Chisame murmured.

"Language, please," Negi said.

Kirino said, regarding him with longing again. "It's a huge pity that you weren't born a girl!" she moaned. "I always wanted to have a cute, smart and responsible Imouto like you! Little sisters are the best!"

"Sometimes, at least," Kyosuke grouched.

"What was that?!" Kirino growled at him.

"Nothing."

She huffed, and then went over to play with the wig of an annoyed Negi. "Do you have a sister anywhere, Sensei?"

"W-Well, as a matter of fact, I do..." he admitted.

Kirino's eyes shone. "OHHH! That's wonderful! Please introduce her to us sometime! I'll give you my phone number, and my e-mail address, and my Twitter, and, do you still use Facebook?"

"I never used one at all, in the first place," Negi had to confess.

"No way! They really raised you sheltered, huh?" Kirino blinked before grinning evilly. "And even so, you're bold! Look at this, you even put on panties for the sketch!" she chuckled, flipping the shrieking Negi's skirt up with a hand...

And then there was a female scream, coming from a side, and the loud sound of a body hitting the floor.

Chisame, Negi and Natsumi whipped their heads around in that direction, and saw a wide eyed Haruna, still in her haunted house cosplay, standing next to a collapsed Ayaka, also in her Morrigan Aensland outfit. Ayaka had blood all over her face, leaking profusely from the nose, and her limbs twitched randomly, in every direction.

"I-IINCHOU-SAN!" Negi panicked.

"Omigosh!" Saori gasped. "We've just killed Ayaka-san! We aren't even human!"

Haruna blinked, and then waved weakly at Kirino. "Hey there, Kiri-chan. Should've expected you to be here! How's life?"

"We just won the first prize here, Paru!" Kirino said proudly.

"You didn't do a single thing!" Kuroneko said while Negi and Natsumi helped a comatose Ayaka back up, the blonde hiccuping rapidly.

"Hey, that was MY script you were reciting up there!" Kirino reminded her.

"We won DESPITE of it, not BECAUSE of it!" Kuroneko said. "There's a reason why those two episodes are widely regarded as some of the worst in the series!"

"Says who, you and your small band of haters?" Kirino shot back. "Most critics are favorable! I've got a steady Fresh in the Tomatomer!"

"The Tomawhat?" Chisame asked.

Kyosuke sighed. "Don't think about it, Hasegawa-san. Just take your teacher and flee with him before it's too late. There's still time for both of you to escape this world..."

"Nope, I'm going to be with them forever!" Haruna said peppily.

"Then all is lost for you," Kyosuke told Chisame grimly. "My condolences..."

"Duly accepted. Thank you, you at least tried," Chisame answered.

"Panties with bulge!" Ayaka said spastically. "The most adorable little bulge ever! And frills...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

But your Princess is in Another Castle.

---

"Aaaaaaand that's the whole story!" Jack Rakan grinned as his movie presentation ended, amidst the glorious fanfares of illegally appropriated John Williams music. "Nagi became a hero and a household name in the Magical World, and peace was restored! And we all lived happily ever after!"

"Bravooo! Bravoooo!" Aisaka Sayo clapped her tiny hands happily. "I'm so moved...! You, you people truly were the greatest...!"

"Gotta hand it to you, old kook, that was some really cool shit!" Natsu Dragneel said. "I've gained some mad respect for you today!"

Wendy Marvell sniffed, wiping the tears off her eyes with a fist. "I'm so glad Princess Arika was saved! I was very worried about her!"

Happy stopped snoring at a corner and blinked sleepily, sitting up. "Ah? Is it over already? Sorry, I always fall asleep through long movies...!"

But Negi himself, Chisame, Louise, Collet, Erza, Juvia, Yue, Nodoka, Kotaro, Rito, Skuld, 'Asuna', Tsukuyomi, Lucy, Carla, Haruka, Yukino, Gray, Juvia, and even Jean-Luc were only staring icily at the tall, tanned mercenary.

Rakan's ever present smile faltered. "... what? Not enough fanservice and explosions for your liking?"

"And what happened then?" Negi asked.

"Whaddya mean 'What happened then?'" Rakan asked. "Wasn't that enough?"

"No, of course not!" Chisame said. "It's obvious that that isn't the end of the story!"

"But it is!" Natsu argued. "It had the words 'The End' and everything!"

Erza planted her fist on his face, and then barked at Rakan. "You know perfectly well what we're talking about! Currently, Princess Arika is officially treated as a war criminal and public enemy! Why, this movie would be treated as glorification of a terrorist leader and would have you jailed!"

Rakan rolled his eyes back, starting to pick his nose. "Ah, the lil' girl aiding wanted terrorists is now lecturing me on not painting terrorists as heroes! Makes perfect sense..."

"That's not the point and you know it!" Lucy said. "That only starts explaining how we collectively got here!"

"There's still the matter of how Negi's father disappeared," Chisame began counting with her fingers, "and why Cosmo Entelecheia's still around if you allegedly wiped them out, and why that woman looks so much like Kagurazaka, and-!"

Rakan blinked innocently, putting his hands together. "They look alike? Seriously? I don't see any resemblance, past the colored eyes, and that's such a common trait...!"

"That's bull!" Asuna shouted. "Even here, I haven't ever ran into anyone who has heterno- heterio- this mismatched eye thing I've always had!"

Yukino blinked at her. "You've lived with that condition for fifteen years and you still can't pronounce it?"

"I can't stand people who can't even talk correctly and keep messing words up," Haruka said with a completely straight face.

"TSK! TSK!" Rakan wagged a mighty finger. "I'm not Zack Snyder, I wasn't going to make a bloated four hours long mess that couldn't even cover the whole epic anyway! This is just the first part! Watching the other two installments will cost you extra!"

"Put them on Makarov's tab!" Erza demanded.

Rakan laughed, with a hand behind his head. "I'd love to, but I haven't filmed them yet anyway! I was thinking of a Kickstarter...!"

"How about this for a Kickstarter!?" Chisame said, kicking him in the stomach while Louise kicked him in a leg. "Screw your home movies, just tell us what happened later, this is important!"

"I can't, even if you paid me," Rakan said very seriously.

"Why not?" Negi asked.

"I promised your old man and your mom," Rakan said. "You aren't ready yet. Still too young!"

"Oh, but he isn't too young to be put through life threatening training and constant abuse just so he can fight your battles for you, right?!" Chisame roared. "You almost got him turned into an inhuman beast!"

"To be fair, I did that to myself," Negi pointed out.

"Is that Arika woman Sensei's mother, then?" Yue asked.

"I'm not talkin'!" Rakan said, zipping his mouth up. Literally. Don't ask.

Nodoka frowned and pulled Diarium Ejus out.

Rakan unzipped his mouth. Again, don't ask, please. "Just try it, Cutie! I can't be forced to think into anything you want me to! Jack Rakan's willpower is unbreakable! I'll just think of the most unpleasant thing for you, instead!"

"We will see," Nodoka said, lowering her gaze to the open pages. "Rakan-san, is Arika-hime-sama Negi-sensei's- WHAT, WHAT IN THE WORLD?!" she shrieked, blushing. "Why would y-you have these kinds of thoughts?!"

Kotaro blinked, then hurried over to look at the pages as well. He blushed too, and then jumped ahead, punching Rakan in the midsection and sending him crashing against a wall. "ARE YOU NUTS?! HOW CAN YOU SHOW THAT TO A LADY?!"

Haruka leaned closer to Nodoka, blinking in curiosity. "What have you-"

"I, I, I won't let any of you see!" Nodoka said, slamming the book closed and shuddering. "I almost feel tempted to burn it now! My precious book will never be clean again!"

"Oh, for the love of- It's your world!" Tsukuyomi told Erza. "You still should know the basics of what came later, it should be public knowledge! Why do you need to ask this oaf?"

"Well," Lucy hummed, rubbing her chin, "the official story is that shortly after those events Princess Arika seized the throne of her country, disposed of the rest of the royal family including her father and her sister Vesperina, and then dragged it into a war that razed half of Ostia and its neighboring countries. There are several versions about her death, but most have her torn apart by demons. It's very clear that she is dead by this point, however."

Negi blanched in horror. "That, that is just plain awful!"

"It's in all school textbooks," Collet shrugged. "But I suppose that it's entirely possible that she was indeed a good person and she was framed for all those things."

"That, that only makes her fate more horrible and tragic!" Negi despaired.

Rakan nodded somberly, casually punching Kotaro aside when the dog boy tried to hit him again. "Yeah, that much I can tell. The Princess was one of the good guys. There wasn't a single evil bone in her body. She was framed."

"And where were you while that happened?" Chisame accused him coldly.

Rakan hewed and rasped loudly. "It's a complicated story! It's not a clean cut, black and white thing...!"

Everyone, now including Sayo, Natsu, Happy and Wendy, glared at him suspiciously.

Rakan sighed heavily. "What's wrong with today's youth? You're all so cynical! You shoulda been all happy and cheering after that finely filmed finale, like you were in Negima canon!"

"It's Chisame's influence rubbing off on all of us," Asuna said, "but fine, if you won't tell us, we'll find about it some other way!"

"Such as?" Gray asked. "We could try calling Makarov, but odds are he'll be just as unhelpful."

Asuna made a very serious face. "The Joker's been snooping around this world, after arriving at roughly the same time as us, and he knew enough about what's going on to know where he could find us and Sextum. So we're going to find him, beat the crap outta him, and then make him tell us what he has learned."

Everyone now stared at her in shock.

"Oh. ... oh!" Nodoka began laughing very shakily after a moment. "P-Please, Asuna-san! This isn't the time for jok-"

But Negi shook his initial shock off and nodded grimly. "Yes," he said, interrupting Nodoka without really meaning to. "His methods are merciless and cruel, but also faster than ours, I'm afraid. Already, he must have extracted a lot of key info from God knows how many victims, and he must intend it for use in nefarious purposes..."

"Oh, come on!" Chisame said. "You too?!"

There was a long, pointed silence then.

"Is it too late by now for me to leave this party and go back home?" Collet asked weakly.

Louise half-heartedly bopped her riding crop on the dog girl's head. "Yes. Yes, it is," she said blandly.

"Ah. I just wanted to make sure..."

 

[OverMaster]

They had parted ways with Kirino, Kuroneko, Kyosuke and Saori now. Negi, Chisame, Natsumi, Ayaka and Haruna sat under a tree, apart from the crowds.

Ayaka sighed, briefly closing her eyes. "Y-You keep pulling Negi-sensei into so many troublesome situations! Natsumi, I truly expected better from you...!"

Natsumi huffed, taking her wig off and shoving it down on her own lap. "Well, now that those people are gone, I can talk freely on this subject, Iinchou! Today's event was nothing, compared to all you've been pulling Sensei through over the last few months!"

"What do you mean?" Haruna asked.

Negi took a deep breath. "She knows, Haruna."

"What?!" Ayaka almost jumped out of her skin.

"Oh... Oh!" Haruna said. "How did you find out?" she asked the actress.

"I saw him jumping through time with... that thing," Natsumi grumbled, pointing at the Cassiopeia Negi was checking on, pulling it out of his breast pocket for a moment now that he was back in his regular clothes. "Then I made him tell me everything."

"So that's how it went," Chisame said. "It was obvious that you knew now, from the way you were acting."

"Natsumi..." Ayaka gulped. "S-Sorry over keeping you and Chizuru in the dark for so long. It's all for your own best interests, and also Sensei's..."

Natsumi frowned, avoiding eye contact with her. "Sure thing! I accept your word on it! What do I know about these subjects, after all?!"

"Hey," Paru grinned, "now that you know, you're welcome to join us too!"

"No, thanks," Natsumi frowned, hugging her legs against herself.

Chisame puffed out, stood up, and dusted herself off. "Sensei, why don't you just go visit Zazie now? It's clear that we've got to discuss a few things with Murakami here. It's a matter that must be settled between women."

"But-" Negi began objecting.

"You know what? Chi-chan's right, men are clueless when it comes to these things! Don't worry, it's not like we're gonna fight each other!" Haruna promised.

"Right, because how could I even start putting up a fight?" Natsumi asked.

"Oh, don't be so passive-agressive!" Haruna said, taking her by a hand and starting to lead her away, with Ayaka following them cautiously. "I mean, it's cute, but it's clearly making you suffer!"

"I'm not suffering at all, but you will be if you don't let go of my hand right now!" the uncharacteristically assertive Murakami said as she was led away.

"I'll catch up to you in a moment!" Chisame promised, staying behind with Negi. Then she looked back at him. "I need to thank you before I leave. What you just did, for my sake... nobody had ever done anything like that for me before. I know you didn't like it, and yet..."

"Think nothing about it," Negi shrugged. "You don't need to compensate me or anything."

"I don't feel well if I don't repay my debts," she said, crouching before him. She placed her hands on his shoulders, smiled a bit, rather awkwardly, and rasped. "It's just a matter of pride, you'll understand..."

He smiled back. She was so pretty when she smiled...

And then she placed a small, chaste kiss on his forehead.

Negi gasped, sputtered, choked mildly, and pulled back with a blush.

Chisame, blushed slightly herself, smiled again, half closing her eyes. "N-No... That won't do," she said. "Not after making a fool out of yourself just to bail me out..."

She slumped her shoulders, breathed in and out, and added, "What the heck, you're my Magister anyway."

"Eh?" he said, weakly.

And then she kissed his mouth. His eyes widened hugely. It was the first time she kissed him in the mouth since the excursion into Library Island, and overall the third one she'd done such a thing.

She didn't push her tongue in, but it was a deeper, longer kiss than any of their previous ones, although it also was relatively short and fast. She stood back from him, smiled a third time while unable to say something, and then just dashed after Natsumi, Haruna and Ayaka's trail, disappearing into the crowd.

Negi stared on after her, fascinated, just sitting there in complete silence.

Eventually, Chamo found him, still in the same spot. "Oh, Bro, there you are! I'd been looking for you everywhere! Haruna and Class Rep went out saying they'd go look for you hours ago, what have you been-"

"Life is wonderful," a mesmerized Negi said.

"Eh?" the ermine asked.

Negi jumped up to his feet and threw his arms up. "I can take on anything this world throws at me...!"

"Whoa!" Chamo recoiled in sudden fear. "Famous last words there...!"

---

Next: Zazie's Dead Moon Circus!

 

[OverMaster]

"Well, that was a huge waste of our time," 'Kojiro' said as he and 'Nagi' left the Komedy Klub in the East District. "That was the worst comedy act I've ever seen!"

"I think it gains a lot when one has a solid knowledge of ancient Latin," Negi shrugged. "But yes, I didn't get all those jokes about cuckoos and buck breaking. Were those related to monetary units or deer?"

"Beats me," Kotaro said. "Do you really think we'll find any clues about the Joker this way?" he lowered his voice as they walked down the street.

"His obsession with comedy and humor is too great, we're bound to find him if we keep visiting these places," his partner reasoned. "With your sense of smell, it won't be easy for him to disguise himself."

Then he stopped around a corner, pulling a Pactio card out of his robes and pressing it against his forehead. Kotaro came to a halt as well, looking back at him.

"Hello, Lena? It's been a while," Negi said. "Mmm! Mm-hmm! Well, yes, that's great!" He smiled, and then told Kotaro. "Lena, Webby, Twilight and Spike have found Chachamaru!"

"Seriously? That's great!" Inugami smirked, following Negi as he gestured for him to follow him into an alley, away from any listening passerbys. Kotaro waited until Negi was done with his telepathic conversation and pocketed his card back, and then urged him, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, the search party says she landed in Twilight's own homeland of Equestria, and she's on her way here," Negi said. "What a relief! I was starting to think Sextum or Quartum had captured her, and used her sensors to find us..."

"Well, this plan of yours is finally starting to pay off," Kotaro said, hands in his pockets as they left the dark alley. "I won't complain about the fights, but after Nodoka-neechan and Chisame found us, I was starting to think that nobody else would answer your clues on TV!"

"You're forgetting Sayo," Negi chided him lightly. "But yes, I was starting to get worried about its effectiveness myself. I'm afraid the rest of the team might be jailed or worse, in the hands of our enemies. I can't be at ease until they are here with us... safe..." he finished blandly as he found himself face to face with a long magical spear aimed at him.

Kotaro just sighed, closed his eyes and shook his head, as another armored Ariadne Knight also leveled another massive spear against him. "You can't even keep your own boxers safe! Look at this, all that snooping across town called attention to us!"

"Shouldn't you have smelled them before this?" Negi asked calmly.

"They must have magical defenses against that in these armors," Kotaro shrugged, "because I can't smell anything from them even now. It makes sense since they are supposed to hunt magical beasts regularly."

"You are under arrest in the name of the Coalition of Nations!" said a feminine voice from within the armor of the figure holding Negi hostage. Negi thought he recognized the voice, but the highly concealing helmet made it impossible to see the person's face, and also deformed the tone of her delivery. "They have called for Ariadne's womanpower to search for and apprehend you!"

"What are the charges against us?" Kotaro asked. "We're just honest gladiators fighting in legal colosseum battles! True, we had a street brawl last week, but we were attacked and defended ourselves, and the City Council found us-"

"You are under suspicion of being wanted criminals Negi Springfield and Inugami Kotaro," the other Valkyrie holding Kotaro at spearpoint said. "Please come with us peacefully."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard!" Kotaro laughed. "If we were those people, surely we'd be in hiding!"

"Yes! We couldn't possibly be that dumb!" Negi said, smiling. "This is only a misunderstanding!"

There were three other Valkyries standing behind the two leading ones, one as short as Yue, the other of mid-height and thin, and a tall, full bodied one, with large expanded breast plates. "If you're not Negi and Kotaro, then you'll be let go quickly after a questioning session," this tallest of the trio said, with a husky voice Negi thought to recognize, as well. "Come on, boys. What is so scary about coming downtown with us, hmmmm?"

Negi and Kotaro sighed and shared a jaded look. "Women, amirite?" Kotaro said.

"If they were men, odds are they'd have hit first instead of trying a rational approach," Negi said. "Why must you be like this?"

"Don't think less of us just because we are women!" the one pointing the weapon at Negi barked angrily. "Globus Captans!" she chanted, and a large bubble of glowing energy sprang from her spear, enveloping the boys and locking them inside of it.

"Well!" the lean and middle-height Valkyrie said. "That was easy!"

"You just jinxed it..." her shortest comrade monotoned.

"How can I jinx it?!" the other one argued, ponting at the trapped duo. "If that's indeed Negi, he can't escape something like that! He isn't that strong!"

"You know each other?" Kotaro hummed. "Of course you do, you know all girls everywhere."

"Maybe I do," Negi said, placing his hand on the bright inside surface of the bottle. "Let's see, I think I can pinpoint the weak spot here..."

"You can't, and you shouldn't touch that, you'll burn your hand!" the apparent leader of the outfit said before simulating a phone with a hand and talking through it. "Hello? Unit Leader Sevensheep here! We have just found two suspects of- GAHHHH!" she screamed, her blue eyes bugging out through the helmet's visor.

For Negi had just tightened his hand around a section of the bubble shaped energy net and crushed it into so many small shreds of energy fluttering down to the pavement.

"Magic cancel?!" the second Knight at the lead gasped.

"Hardly, just an application of reversing the magic's applied polarity so it would collapse on itself," Negi said, dusting his hands off. "Now, if you would please just listen-"

"Kirche, Tabitha!" the thinner of the bunch growled, rushing with her own, smaller spear and racing past the two at the lead to charge the young men directly. "Give them no quarter!"

"Oh, this isn't how I like to jump on men's bones!" the busty and tall one groaned, nonetheless joining the charge and trying to stab at a side of Kotaro- only to be flung back into the air, along her four companions, at a spin of Negi's arms, since Kotaro only stood back watching. "What the Haaaaaades?!"

"Rude!" Kotaro disapproved as the girls in armor hit the ground. "We should just split instead of hitting them!"

"They found us, so they can learn our location from just asking in the stadium," Negi said, assuming a martial arts position while the girls got back up very quickly. "Running only stalls an inevitable confrontation, but if we still can reason with them..."

"That does sound like something Negi would say," the tallest of the bunch told the others. "You sure you still want to hit him?"

"If it's Negi, then that's all the more reason to do it!" the squad leader insisted. "We can't let our feelings betray us! He betrayed Ariadne by kidnapping Collet!"

"And Master Louise?" Negi asked, frowning.

"Who cares about Louise the- Ahhh, it's you!" the squad leader gasped. She gave several small jumps back. "What have you done with Collet, you evil gateport blowing freak?! Answer before I call for reinforcements!"

"What a pain," Kotaro said, shaking his head. "Just do it already!"

"Should I?" Negi doubted. "That'll only make them madder at me!"

"We know it's how this will end up anyway!" the wolf boy rolled his eyes up. "We aren't going to pummel the crap outta them and like you said, running is pointless, so just do it and save us some headache!"

Negi sighed and aimed ahead, at the girls who were falling in line with each other, tentatively training their spears on him. "Flans Exarmatio!" he shouted as his whole right arm glowed a burning crimson...

And then Emily Sevensheep, Beatrix Monroe, Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt Zerbst, Montmorency Margarita la Fere de Montmorency and Tabitha all flew across the narrow lonely street, slamming against a wall and slumping down to the ground, stunned, spiral eyed, and completely naked.

"Just like I thought, I do know them after all," Negi sighed, taking his long coat off, walking over to Emily, and putting it on her first as a deference to her rank. "I spent around two weeks with them in Ariadne, they are classmates of Master Louise, Twilight and Collet."

"Color me surprised," Kotaro said blandly, taking his shirt off and putting it on a dazed Tabitha, since she looked the most vulnerable and in need of protection. "But in that case, you can convince them to listen to us, right? Since you were friends?"

"Friends is perhaps too strong a word," Negi said as Emily finally reacted; the first thing she did after regaining some awareness was stretching an arm upwards to squeeze her hand around his neck, as strongly as she could.

Much to her annoyance, she only hurt her fingers.

 

[OverMaster]

Someone knocked at the door.

Chisame closed the book she'd been reading. She had been forced to take book reading of late. Much to her surprise, it actually was somewhat like being reading in the Internet, but without the interactivity. She thought it kind of sucked, but it still was the closest thing to the Internet in this crappy world, so she was stuck with it for the time being.

"Who is it?" she asked Nodoka.

Miyazaki sighed, put her own book down, and summoned Diarium Ejus, pointing it at the closed door. "It's just Sensei and Kotaro-kun," she said. "But they brought guests."

"Then it's not 'just' them," Chisame said.

"There is no need to nitpick, Chisame-san. You know what I'm saying," the librarian said in a calm voice.

"Are those guests-" Chisame began.

"Kotaro-kun is grumbling inwardly about them and Negi-sensei is very nervous. So girls. They definitely have to be girls," Nodoka said.

Louise came out of the next room and stomped all the way to the door, whip well in hand. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! This bloody Don Juan can't rest idle for long!" She threw the door open. "Okay, let's see what kind of two-bit harlot you have-!"

Kirche threw herself on Louise, laughing loudly and hugging her tightly. "Bwa ha ha ha!" she said. "Zero, it's actually great to see you again! I won that bet against Petunia, who insisted you were dead...!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Louise kicked and waved her arms wildly, her head trapped between Kirche's melons. "It's the mother of all two-bit harlots...! Chisame, help meeeeee!"

Collet peeked out of another room, her nose twitching. "Girls? GIRLS!" she yelled, throwing herself with open arms towards the door, and then crouching down to wag her tail and ears before the group of newcomers Negi and Kotaro were ushering in, then to close the front door after them. "Girls, you found us! You finally found us!"

Beatrix smiled faintly, then pulled a bone shaped biscuit out of her breast pocket and threw it at her. Collet caught it with her mouth and swallowed it happily while Beatrix scratched her head.

Emily sighed. "You are all under arrest in the name of the Coalition of Nations," she said in a very weary tone. "Any of you willing to plead for mercy as a hostage should file a proper request to the effect..."

"Where do I sign?" Chisame deadpanned.

"Oh, dear, it seems that I forgot the forms back at our hotel," Emily deadpanned back. "You will have to wait for them in prison..."

"Chisame, please, I'm suffocating...!" Louise wailed.

Tsukuyomi walked in, adjusting her glasses. "Oh, but if it's the bunch of girls from Ariadne! What a pleasant surprise, said absolutely no one ever!"

"GAH!" Montmorency backed away, pointing a wand at her, her example being quickly followed by Emily and Tabitha. "It's you! The psycho attacker from that night!"

"It's okay, I have hired her as my bodyguard, so there's no reason to be wary of her as long as you keep your eyes on her and there's someone else in the room with you and her," Negi explained.

"That's not a reassuring sentence at all! Not in the slightest!" Montmorency said vehemently.

"Oh, girls, it's you. Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time," Yue said, blinking slowly while also walking into the room. "I trust that you'll be willing to listen to us, after all-" She paused, seeing Emily and Collet walking in circles and sniffing at each other's tail. "Good evening, Class Rep."

"Ah!" Emily said, straightening up, clicking her heels together, and sporting a remarkable blush. "Good evening, Ayase Yue! Just to remind you, you weren't in the actual Wanted List, so you're free to just denounce your kidnappers and then return with us to-"

"I'm sorry, but I'm as guilty as they are," Yue said evenly, walking to Negi's side and wrapping her arm around his. Louise made several muffled angry noises from between Kirche's breasts. "Thanks for your generosity, all the same."

"... you're welcome," Emily said, scowling in disappointment. She looked around. "Where are the Fairy Tail guild members? Negi said that you are cohabitating with several of them!"

"They don't spend their whole time here, they have their own living quarters in the city that they must keep to hold appearances," Chisame said. "How do you do, I'm Hasegawa Chisame..."

"And thanks for all the help, too!" Louise puffed bitterly, swallowing for air after finally wrenching herself free from the giggling Kirche's hug.

"Ah, the second in command of the conspiracy," Emily said, looking at Chisame. "The so-called Evil Queen of Scheming..."

"You must be mistaking me with Haruna to some degree," Chisame said. "Look, I'll admit that most of us aren't saints, but we were framed and, if you really have known Negi for any long, you'll have realized that he doesn't have the guts for any-"

There was a sharp loud scream from another room, in Skuld's unmistakable voice, of "AGAIN, YOU FILTHY FREAK?!" and then a naked Rito, fresh off the shower, flew into the living room through a closed door, and slammed facefirst into Montmorency's crotch.