RedDragonEmpress
Getting some practice in, huh?
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2025
- Messages
- 5
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- 32
It is a bit rough, true. But it's also well constructed and I liked the character moments. I also appreciate you not making Bumblebee a thing. My own personal views aside, I think Monty Oum's desire that they be sisters should be respected and them being friends is more interesting and realistic than them being lovers.
I also like that you had Yang confide in Blake about this. It did feel very natural. And her conversation with Jaune was also very nice.
And finally, I would like to see more of this if you could write it? I am going to write another chapter of In the Family Way and it might be nice.
It might also be nice if Isabel Arc were to give Yang some advice, on love and life.
So in order:
- In what ways is it rough? Critique me, and don't hold back, I need to improve at this if I want to deliver even better stories in the future.
- Here's the thing, I also don't like Bumblebee as a ship because any romantic relationship these two would have is doomed from the start. Now that's just my belief, could this ship work, yes, but it would take a lot of work. Blake triggers one too many of Yang's abandonment issues by simply being herself, but even moving past that, you run into the problem that they are too dissimilar from their wants in life, how they act, and even their beliefs. Again, you could make that work, that's fine, I've seen worse starts to relationships in fiction, but it would take time, and the way it was handled in the show not only felt rushed but also somewhat forced. The best way I can describe their relationship is one of two opposing flames that, while they do complement each other, are destined to burn one another out rather than form one larger fire if combined. That's how I see it, so no judgment here.
- Also, Rea11 left OG Team RWBY's journey through the Ever-After very open-ended. My headcannon is that everything stayed roughly the same until the group got to Lilypad Market, where instead of escaping the army of Jabberwocks, they end up captured by them. This leads to Neo psychologically torturing Ruby as she did in canon with Ruby inevitably drinking the Tea that sends her to the Great Tree. The Curious Cat still possesses a shut-down Neo and races to the Great Tree to escape the Ever-After. The rest of the team are too overwhelmed and shocked by the events to move on, but are eventually found by Juniper who leads them to the Genial Gems and the Rusted Knight's former home, though they still don't know it's Jaune yet. The Genial Gems help them understand what they couldn't before about how the Great Tree works, and eventually the group makes it there. OG Team _WBY fight the Neo/Cat hybrid with Ruby eventually joining in later to help defeat the beast. They make it to the Blacksmith as usual, and the rest is history. Also, they can track Jaune through Ruby because despite everything he's still carrying Crescent Rose.
- In what ways do you want to see more of this? We're talking about a direct sequel following the aftermath of OG Yang's collapse, or a time skip following OG Team RWBY's departure where the characters of this universe talk about what just happened, what they learned, and what they are going to do about it?
- Or something entirely different, like say a conversation between OG Yang and Jaune's mom Isabel?
- Or both? Dealer's choice, I'm game.
- That said, do you think this story would get me banned if I posted it on SpaceBattles? Based on the conversations I've read so far, I figured the big issue over there was with the subject of pregnancy implying sex occurred, so I left that word out and just implied it. However, if you still think I'm going to get banned I won't post it there.
- Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but I'm working on a Ladybird x Jaune story. Just wanted to be sure if you were cool with that?