Chojin Patriarch
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I see Mammon's doing quite well for himself. Putting on a pleasant show for his mortal colleague. Or for his rivals. Demons tend to be rather shallow in terms in perception, so playing the decadent fop might distract them from his intellect.21st October 2012
20:27 GMT
Trailing grape vines wrapped around pillars of white marble, freezes decorated in the classical style and a small band in the corner playing medieval music.
And a colossally corpulent demon sitting on a throne at the head of the room.
Cribbing a little from Erebus, and Hades' throne room, eh? Well, if you're going to steal, steal from the best."Illustres, m'boy!" Mammon smiles broadly, raising… In all fairness, relatively muscular arms, in greeting. "What can the President of Hell do for you today?"
I take a moment to look around. "I see that you've remodelled."
Also, it's the way OL would rule a place, if he were so inclined..."My power rests on the support of my subjects… But it's my power. I felt that the Greek model of an enlightened tyrant was better than anything suggesting hereditary.. kingship."
"And styling yourself as a king would suggest that you ultimately wanted direct control of all nine circles, whereas if you look fat and happy-"
Anyone loyal to the old leadership would be suspect, and anyone one new would have to be dangerously powerful to gain their new underlings' respect..."Which I do and am!"
"-it reassures the others that you aren't interested in the Crown of Horns. Though on the subject of expansion, have you appointed a ruler to The Odium yet? I imagine that putting one of the senior Renderers-."
I mean, while you don't have the Sword of the Fallen anymore, there's always angel-feather railgun rounds..."Ah." He actually manages to look a little awkward. "No. As it turns out, there was an outstanding candidate. So outstanding, in fact, that appointing anyone else would have looked ridiculous. And since my ruling council is consent-based…"
"Anyone I need to worry about?"
Which leaves so much room for speculation about unknowing dealings. That's going to itch at the Lords of Hell's suspicious natures.
Even more amusing when you consider the nature of a comic-book world, and the many writers that have shaped it..."And how do you feel about a cosmology ruled by a single, all-powerful, all-knowing and all-righteous divinity?"
"I'm against it. I'd rather that people be free to make a mess of things."
Nice to have that finally confirmed in-story."Then I imagine that the two of you would get on well enough. She was something of a Lucifer-loyalist, but that ardour appears to have been dimmed by him abandoning creation."
"He's gone? You're sure that he's actually left?"
Though I can't imagine Mr Zoat is looking forwards to writing her distinct speech patterns. The kind that come from having half her face be a burnt, rotted ruin..."With beings like Lucifer it's almost impossible to be completely certain. But Lady Mazikeen was his consort for a very long time. If she thinks that he's gone, then it's as good as true." He leans forward slightly. "Unless you know differently?"
I shake my head. "No. I'm just relieved that I've got one less arbitrarily powerful entity to deal with."
Though not too open. He's still sitting on the 'You're all fictional characters in my universe.' reveal. I expect that will come out someday."I ask because there's been a certain amount of… Idle speculation. Concerning your true nature."
"I've been fairly open about my origin."
Well, looking at it... Mammon does have a point, there are a lot of suspicious similarities and anomalies."Yes, but we're not known for honesty or faithfulness down here, and we're biased to assuming that others share our habits. Your appearance in the wake of his final vanishing act, your attitudes, your ascent in the ranks of power… Your mystically-obscured name, even your totemic bond with a great serpent-."
"You think I'm Lucifer?"
To be fair, how do you know you aren't? I mean, we know it's not so, but can you be absolutely sure in-universe?"The possibility has been mooted. In certain circles."
"You think I'm actually Lucifer, or just some creation of his?"
And honestly, what would it matter if you were or not? Would it make a difference to what you do?"Lucifer would be perfectly capable of granting an aspect of his character their own agency. Though it would be uncharacteristic for him to create someone purely as a pawn."
"To the best of my knowledge, I am neither Lucifer nor a creation of his."
And finally, he gets to the point of this little look-in. But, proprieties must be maintained..."But it's not as if we can check, is it? But…" He waves his right hand. "Idle speculation. And we've drifted away from the subject of your visit."
"I'm looking for the soul of a woman named Jill Carlyle. Died a few hours ago after murdering quite a few people."
Good, crossing the 't's and dotting the 'i's."If she came to Hell and retained coherence, she would have gone to Internecia. I will summon the lists."
"There are a few other names I'd like to check out as well." I fabricate an updated list of Crimson Avenger's victims and-. And pass it to a demonic flunky in robes who scurries across the floor and up the podium to Mammon's side with remarkable speed. "Would-be heroes who might have-"
No doubt running the mystical equivalent of a search engine on it.A huge book resting on an equally huge lectern appears next to Mammon, cover opening and pages turning as he looks over my list.
After a few moments the book stops.
...'Virtuous'? OL, you did include White Dragon's name on that list?"No. Nothing for a recent inductee named Jill Carlyle and nothing for any of these people." He smiles. "What a remarkably virtuous collection."
"Okay, do you have anything on their sins? I assume that those would be recorded even if they didn't end up coming here?"
"...What do you mean, 'no results found'? Ugh, this is worse than Lex-icon!""Yes, we're subcontractors for a variety of places that find it more efficient for us to do their legwork for them." He smiles. "Sloth. It was such a wonderful invention."
He claps his hands and another lectern with an even larger book appears on his opposite side. The pages don't move, prompting a mild frown.
Man, doing it manually? How medieval!"Strange."
He grips the cover with his left hand and starts flicking through it with his right, slowly at first by quickly gathering speed until the pages move in a blur, the back cover slamming shut a moment alter.
Well, that seems incredibly improbable."Problem?"
"Nothing. According to our records, not one of them so much as coveted their neighbours ass for even a moment."
...I find that highly unlikely."Is that possible?"
"The odds against it are steep, so say the least. Where they all warrior-saints raised in monasteries?"
Someone's mucking about in your business?"One was a nazi. Several of them were killers."
"Do you know what this means?"
I know, it sounds horrifying, right? It would cause the collapse of Hell's economy...
Oh, they are so doomed. I mean, if he wants to keep this secret... Or he can bring it to the other Lords and play the hero..."We'll be ruined! I've built my premiership on the idea that I'm a safe pair of hands, and I had no idea that someone was dodging-. People come up with ways of dodging Hell all the time, and some of them work for decades. This, we didn't even know this was happening!"
The musicians stop, cringing. Mammon notices and waves at them to carry on as he calms himself.
After all, if someone's nibbling at the wobbly pillars holding him up... It's either 'stop them' or 'come tumbling down'."I can trust you to investigate?"
He nods, the books and lecterns vanishing in a puff of pure white cloud. "For my own sake, as much as anything else."
Ah, demonic vocabulary. At least we can understand it, at least, unlike stuff like 'Kill Six Billion Demons' patter."Thank you. And don't feel too bad about it. You found out because of your alliance with me. The other Lords of Hell don't have anything similar."
"That you know about. But you're right; that might mollify them. Bless it, we need to get on this immediately. Do you have any idea what might have caused this?"
Hmm... But can you be sure of that? What if it were some off-the-books project? Or the work of the Silver City?"The murderer was using possessed handguns, but-."
"Wouldn't have been enough. Even if the demon in the guns got greedy, we'd still have a record of their sins. What gun was it?"
Oh-ho! This will be fascinating. I wonder what they'll have to say for themselves?"I don't know their names. The guns the Crimson Avenger used to use."
"Them? Yes, we know who they are." He heaves his bulk out of his seat and strolls down the podium. "Why don't we go call 'em up right away?"
...I'm getting a funny feeling about these Guns. Their victims don't show up in Hell, despite generally being prime candidates? And the Guns have seemingly bottomless magazines? Could whatever's inhabiting the Guns be claiming their victims as ammunition? I wonder... At any rate, it looks like checking in with Mammon was a good call. Perhaps he'll be getting to the bottom of this sooner than we thought.