[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -

Free periods between classes at Beacon were for studying. Jaune admittedly had struggled a bit with focusing at the start of the semester, but thanks to Pyrrha's training in combat, Nora's training in weights, and Ren's training in meditation and Aura had seriously improved his discipline. So at the moment, he was going over an essay he had written for Professor Oobleck's class. So far, it covered all the main topics and the spelling was good.

Still, it was hard to focus on it as he looked out the library windows. He smiled a bit at the clear, warm summer weather and the other students out just relaxing in the sun.

Okay... A few more minutes, then I'm out of here, he resolved. He turned back to the essay... When the doors to the library were slammed open. He looked up, and his eyes widened. A blue haired woman, a few years older than him, stormed right in and scanned around. When her eyes locked onto him, she sprinted right at him. She leaped like a tiger, as tears burst from her eyes.

"JAUUUUNE!"

"AQUAAA-?!"

She tackled him right to the floor, slamming him down hard enough to knock the wind out of his chest. He coughed and struggled to catch her breath as the woman sobbed over him.

"IT'S BEEN SO LONG! MY BELOVED BABY BROTHER! HOW ARE YOU?!" She cried.

"Urk... I-I'm... Fine," Jaune managed.

Ruby Rose, his best friend, appeared out of a burst of rose petals. She gave the blue haired girl a disbelieving look.

"Um... Jaune? Who's the girl sobbing over you?" She asked.

"This is Aqua," Jaune wheezed, "My big sister."

- - -

It took some time for Aqua's hysterics to die down. Long enough Jaune could drag her off to the RWBY/JNPR Common room. Ruby followed, though not before sending a message to Professor Oobleck's class that they would be late.

Jaune set his sister down on a couch, and sat down next to her. He patted her on the shoulder and smiled.

"Now now, Aqua... I'm sure it's not that bad? I mean... Did you lose another horse race?"

"Horse race?" Ruby asked in disbelief. Aqua shook her head violently.

"Okay... Did you lose at the card table-?"

"Card table?!" Ruby inquired, more alarmed. Aqua shook her head again. Jaune sighed.

"Are you in debt to some mobsters... Again-?"

"IT DOESN'T INVOLVE DEBT!" Aqua wailed. "WHY IS MY OWN BROTHER SUCH A JERK?!"

"I-I'm just going through the standard possibilities!" Jaune protested. Ruby stared at him in disbelief. Jaune sighed, and patted Aqua on the shoulder.

"Okay, so... Did you and Kazuma fight again?"

Aqua sniffled, and shook her head.

"I... Not exactly," she mumbled.

Jaune spread his arms out.

"Okay, so... What happened?" He asked in exasperation.

Aqua sniffled.

"... I'm pregnant," she mumbled.

Jaune blinked. Ruby gasped. Jaune then grinned.

"W-Well that's wonderful! It's Kazuma's baby, r-right?"

Aqua sniffled and nodded.

"Y-Yes..."

"So, what's the problem?" Jaune asked.

"WE AGREED NOT TO LET FEELINGS GET INVOLVED!" Aqua wailed. "BUT THEY DID! AND HE'S NOT GONNA WANT TO MARRY THE GODDESS OF DEBT AND ALCOHOLISM!"

"You did give that up, right? For the baby?" Jaune asked urgently. Aqua sobbed.

"OF COURSE I DID! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M IN SUCH A BAD MOOD?!"

Jaune sighed and hugged her. He patted her back.

"It's okay, sis, it's okay. We're going to work this out..."

Aqua sniffled again, and looked up at Jaune hopefully.

"While I am, can I crash on your couch? Or bunk? I am pregnant, after all. You wouldn't toss your pregnant sister out into the cold, unfeeling world, would you?"

"You could just go talk to Kazuma," Jaune said, "I mean, I'm pretty sure he'd marry you if you'd ask-"

"I CAN"T ASK HIM THAT!" Aqua sobbed. "HE THINKS I'M NO GOOD! AND HE'S RIGHT! I WENT AND GOT PREGNANT AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM! WHEN HE'S INTO PETITE GIRLS OR BLONDE BOMBSHELLS!"

"You are technically blonde, Aqua," Jaune sighed, "You just dye your hair-"

"UWAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"OKAY OKAY OKAY! We won't call Kazuma yet," Jaune said, waving his hands. Aqua sniffled, and hugged him tightly.

"Can I get some pickles and ice cream? Rocky road please? For your big sister?"

Jaune sighed heavily.

"Yes, I can," he stated. "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He guided Ruby out the door, and closed it behind them. Ruby worried her lower lip.

"Um... Does Beacon let you have your relatives stay with you?"

"No idea, which is why we're gonna have to resolve this fast," Jaune sighed. "I love her to pieces but she's... Well... Difficult is the best way to put it."

"How long has she been with her boyfriend?" Ruby asked.

"About seven years," Jaune said. Ruby's eyes widened.

"Wait, and they're STILL not married?!"

"The guy has two or three other girls in their group and they're all, uh..." Jaune searched for a kind word.

"Dysfunctional," he decided on. Ruby winced.

"How dysfunctional?"

"Hopefully you won't find out," Jaune stated flatly. "Anyway, you go get some pickles and ice cream. Me? I'm gonna have to figure out a way to get in contact with Kazuma."

"How? I-I mean, without lying to your sister," Ruby asked.

Jaune sighed.

"If I know my hopefully future brother-in-law? He's already trying to track down my sister... Though if he doesn't know she's pregnant, he'll have a few false starts before he figures out how to find her."

- - -

Kazuma Satou, the leader of the mercenary/adventurer group KDAM (Kadmium), stared down a LOT of thugs with guns in a hideout in northern Sanus. At his sides were Megumi, a Huntress who could cause massive explosions with her Semblance, Dust, and gunpowder (which she was no longer allowed to have), and Darkness, a washed out Huntress who could tank better than anyone else... Though unfortunately she rarely hit anything with her sword.

"So," Kazuma stated slowly, "You haven't seen Aqua around?"

"No!" The head gangster growled, "She actually PAID HER DEBTS before she ran off!"

Kazuma blinked rapidly.

"That... Doesn't sound like her. Holy shit... Is she sick? Is she dying?!"

"Can we blow them up anyway?" Megumi asked. "I mean, we came all this way and I didn't even get to blow anything up!"

"Or fight them in a valiant last stand?" Darkness asked, already panting, "These lusty, dirty, filthy men overwhelming us and taking us prisoner-"

"No, no, none of that, serious mode guys," Kazuma stated. He hummed. "If she paid her debts and ran off... Where could she be?"

Kazuma then snapped his fingers.

"Of course! She went to get more money!" He said cheerfully. "And since her mom and dad cut her off... Saphron's in the wrong direction... Tanya wouldn't do it unless she was dying..."

He grinned.

"She'll go bum money off of Jaune at Beacon! Of course!"

"Ooh! Jaune's grown up so handsome!" Darkness sighed happily, "Though I wonder if he has a sadistic streak like his sister? That might be interesting to-OW OW OW HURTS SO GOOD~!"

Kazuma rolled his eyes as he twisted Darkness's ear.

"We'll deal with that later, Darkness. Anyway guys, thanks for the intel!"

"Are you going to fix our door?" The head gangster demanded.

Kazuma looked at the smashed open doors to the casino, and then back to the gangster.

"We could... But it would mean we'd stay longer, and Megumi might get impatient for another explosion..."

Megumi grinned and held up her Dust powered staff. The head gangster held up his hands.

"That's fine! That's fine! You do you, man! Hope you find your girl!"

"Thanks!" Kazuma said brightly, dragging his companions out the doors. The mobster sighed and rubbed his face.

"I thought the crazies stayed in Mistral... What the hell happened to this country?"

- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

As for how Tangy/Tanya and Aqua Arc ended up how they are in this universe? Without them being transplanted? That's fairly simple.



Aqua Arc wanted to be a doctor like her mom, and when her Aura was unlocked her Semblance, Water Control, was breathtakingly powerful. She seemed guaranteed to succeed her mother... But medical school and being a prodigy with her Semblance (but nothing else) burned her out and she wanted to chart her own course. She had a massive argument with Isabel and then left when she was 18 to forge her own destiny. Her father let her go, as he felt that there wasn't anything he could do to dissuade her. Being rather sheltered but very powerful, Aqua ended up drinking, partying, and gambling a lot in the wilds of Mistral. And having to keep one step ahead of gangsters and other debt collectors thanks to her power. She was always a bit of a crybaby as well, and definitely took after her father when it came to common sense. It wasn't until she saved some idiot from the island nation of Fuujin who fell off a boat and nearly drowned named Kazuma Satou that her life began to turn around. She remembered that she wanted to become a doctor like her mom to help people, and to go on adventures like her father. Kazuma helped remind her of that. She still drinks, gambles, and spends too much but she's slowly getting back on the right track in life. She was always closest to Nick, her daddy.



Tangerine "Tangy" or "Tanya" Arc has always been an ambitious girl. There were concerns she might be autistic or a high-functioning sociopath, but she does have basic empathy for others: She's just always been very analytical and serious. She had a knack for finance, philosophy, and strategic thinking and was going to become an investment banker in Atlas. However, she got caught up in a White Fang hostage situation and managed to negotiate herself and the others hostages out of it... Before blowing up the White Fang terrorists. This was a RUSH to Tangy, and she got her Aura unlocked, some military training with Atlas, and then struck out on her own to found her own PMC. She's on fairly decent terms with her parents, though Isabel is unhappy she's in such a dangerous profession. Tangy definitely takes after Isabel in her intelligence and ruthlessness-There were times as a Huntress Isabel was very cold, calculating, and brutal, and this may be why Isabel and Tangy have such a difficult relationship at times while still being close. She loves her father of course, as he has deep emotional intelligence and recognized she wouldn't be happy making a living behind a desk.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The Beowulf snarled at its prey, its red eyes burning furiously. On this open sandy plain in the mountains on the Vale/Vacuoan border, it had a straight line to its target. There was no cover, no protection to be found.

It charged, opening its jaws...

BANG!

And down it went, the Dust bullet going right through its masked head. It slammed into the sand, and began to dissolve away. Jaune sighed, spun his weapon around his fingers per his habit, and holstered his trusty revolver.

"I think that's all of 'em," Jaune stated, tapping his earbud, "Nora? Ren?"

"We're clear on our end, Jauney!" Nora chirped.

"Good, we'll meet you back at town," Jaune said, looking around. "Pyrrha?"

A gunshot rang out. Jaune looked up and saw a Nevermore falling from above. It slammed into the sand only twenty meters away from him. He grimaced, then traced the sound back to the place of origin. A familiar redhead was on a rocky outcropping up above. She waved.

"Up here!"

He smiled back as Pyrrha jumped down and gracefully landed next to him.

"Nice. Didn't notice it through the glare of the sun," he complimented her, adjusting his hat. Pyrrha smiled modestly.

"You would have gotten it," she said. Jaune shook his head as they scanned the area carefully.

"Gotta get better at that," he sighed, "Feel like I'm gettin' soft."

"It's not like one person can do everything," Pyrrha consoled him, as they turned and began to walk the dusty road back towards the nearby town.

"No, but missin' a great big Nevermore, ugh," Jaune grumbled.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," Pyrrha again said with a warm smile.

"Yeah well, Mister Duke and Pa would be harder," Jaune huffed. He adjusted his hat again.

They made it to the gates, where the guards checked them over and then let them back inside. The town itself was rough and tumble, as was typical of most frontier settlements. White colored adobe buildings interspersed with light wooden buildings. A few holoscreens were scattered here and there, and horses were tied up alongside trucks. The local casino had loud music that was audible even out here.

Pyrrha noticed the look on Jaune's face. A soft, nostalgic smile.

"You, uh... You seem comfortable here," she observed, "If-If you don't mind me saying so?"

"Huh? Oh, well..." Jaune rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Just kind of familiar..."

"HEY YOU! ARC!"

Jaune paused. The relaxed look on his face vanished. His eyes narrowed. His jaw was set. Pyrrha turned with him, eyes locking onto three men in dark clothing. The lead, a man with curly red hair, beard, and a black hat glared from the porch of the casino. He sneered as he advanced, his two goons following alongside. Violence was written in their every movement, and Pyrrha tensed a bit.

"That's me," Jaune stated. The curly haired man sneered.

"Your Pa wrecked my business!"

"What business would that be, sir?" Jaune asked politely, despite the tension in his body language.

"The mining camp at Branston Bridge!" The man sputtered.

Jaune slowly nodded.

"You mean the one using Faunus slaves? Yeah, he told me about that," Jaune said calmly, "Said you turned tail and ran the moment he brought out his sword."

The man snarled.

"Well! I'm going to make him pay! I'll kill his son, and his son's whore!"

Pyrrha's green eyes narrowed. Jaune sucked in a breath, and held out hand in front of her. He shook his head at her questioning look, before looking back to the three men.

"Mister, I believe you should just walk away," Jaune stated, cold and hard. The man sneered back, hand twitching near his revolver.

"No, I don't think I will," he shot back. "I don't think I-!"

His hand went for the gun. He had it halfway out of its holster... When Jaune's revolver rounds struck home. The curly haired man's gun was shot out of his hand first, and his thugs' weapons followed a split second after. They all grabbed onto their hands in pain and shrank back.

Pyrrha stared at Jaune, holding his smoking revolver. His eyes were hard and cold as flint and steel. A few people came out of the casino to see the commotion.

"Yes. I think you will," Jaune stated coldly. The curly haired man growled.

"You-You think you're hot shit you little punk-?!"

"I said, you're going to walk away," Jaune repeated. "You got hearing problems, old man? Beat it!"

The three men turned and ran off, even as the crowd murmured. Jaune watched them go. Pyrrha's entire attention was on Jaune, how the breeze made his poncho wave a bit, how heroic he appeared… Before another shot rang out.

BANG!

Pyrrha had her weapons out in a split second and turned… Just in time to see another man in black fall from the rooftop behind them into the water trough. Pyrrha immediately locked onto the shooter-And started.

Wha…?

It was a hard looking man in a red poncho and a brown flat hat. His hair was dark blond, his eyes weathered and narrowed. A rough beard encircled his strong chin and cheeks. A revolver was held in his right hand, smoking. He walked up to Jaune and Pyrrha, shaking his head as he smoked a cigarillo.

"Very sloppy, Kid," he stated, "Very sloppy." He looked past Pyrrha and Jaune and held up his revolver. He fired three more shots in quick succession.

BANG! BANG! BANG!
And all three of the fleeing men dropped like flies despite the distance.

The man scanned around for one last moment before he spun his revolver around on metal fingers and holstered it.

Jaune's own eyes went wide.

"Mister Blanco?!"

- - -

It took some time for the chaos to be sorted out. All four bodies were dragged back, laid out, and covered-Though only after Blanco shot some photos on his Scroll and took a few scans. Nora and Ren showed up a bit late, but did keep their distance once Jaune waved his hand that everyone was okay.

After this, Blanco let the city undertaker gather the bodies and cart them off. Only then did Blanco lead Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora and Ren into the casino. The music was much more subdued, as a lot of eyes were directed towards the party. Blanco sat down and the teenagers joined him. Blanco lit up another cigarillo, before his Scroll beeped loudly. He nodded.

"I'd prefer the hard stuff, but the electronic transfer works fine… Long as it's all above board," he stated in his gravelly voice.

"Y-Yeah… Thanks, Mister Blanco," Jaune said. The man looked intensely at Pyrrha.

"Your girl should have picked him up. She was distracted."

Pyrrha flushed. Jaune glanced at her.

"I'm sorry…" She said quietly, her eyes down in shame.

"We're learning," Jaune insisted to Blanco.

"Yeah, and you might have been dead from learning," Blanco stated. He shook his head. "Offer's still open, Kid."

Jaune sighed. He shook his head.

"I'm good… Thanks again."

Blanco sighed. He nodded, and motioned to the waiter. Jaune's Scroll beeped, and he opened it up.

Jaune gaped.

"Wha-That's-!"

Nora leaned over and gasped.

"Fifty thousand lien?!"

"You did help out with the bounty," Blanco stated with a shrug, "You deserve a fourth… Though next time? I'm not gonna be there, Kid. Remember that."

Jaune nodded slowly.

"I know. We'll get better."

"You'd better," Blanco stated flatly, "I'm not telling your ma and pa how you got yourself killed." He took a mug of beer from the waiter, and downed it slowly, savoring every drop. He finished it, wiped his face, and set the mug down on the table.

"Also… If you've got a tip on any bounties-?"

"I'll pass it along, don't you worry," Jaune stated. Blanco nodded, and stood up.

"Take care of yourself, Kid. That's the only person you can count on in this world," Blanco stated, his eyes lingering on Pyrrha for a bit. Pyrrha grimaced and stared down at her hands, while Nora glared and Ren frowned. The man walked out, the casino goers giving him a wide berth as he walked out through the swinging double doors. The noise and music returned to normal levels, as Jaune's friends all stared at him.

Jaune sighed.

"Mister Blanco worked for Mister Duke on a few jobs. He uh… He even taught me some shooting. Mister Duke paid him."

"You… You got taught by the scariest, most badass bounty hunter in Vale?!" Nora gasped. She scowled at the doors. "He's still a jerk-!"

"No. He's right," Pyrrha murmured. "I…" She looked over at Jaune in distress. "I-I just… I wasn't focused, I didn't-!"

Jaune reached out, and took her hand. He shook his head.

"You made a mistake. Nobody we care about got hurt. Sides, tournament fightin' ain't exactly gonna have a lot of sniping involved, right?"

Pyrrha shook her head.

"No, but… I'm still sorry," she murmured. "I… I was just too-I should never have-!"

Jaune smiled back.

"Hey. If I don't get to beat myself up? Neither do you. We both made a mistake. We'll both get better. Promise," he said.

Pyrrha smiled softly, and nodded. The doubt was still on her face, but Jaune's smile did help how she felt.

"What was that offer Blanco made to you, anyway?" Ren asked. Jaune turned away from Pyrrha and shrugged.

"To be his partner. His old partner got rich and ran off on him. Apprentice to him and all."

"It would have been a great honor, to be the apprentice to Blanco," Ren stated. Nora grinned.

"Yeah! Sure he's a jerk but WOW! He took down the Golden Ecstasy Gang! The Rojo Baxters! The Angel Eyed Bandit! The Gran Torinos-!"

"I know, I know," Jaune said with a nod, "But me? I've always wanted to be a Huntsman. And that's what I'm gonna be."

He grinned.

"Sides. If I had joined up with him, I wouldn't have met all of you."

"You still could have!" Nora insisted. "Like in this one dream of mine, when we were pirates! And I was rubber and you were a reindeer…!"

Jaune laughed a bit, as Ren smiled indulgently at Nora's epic tale. Pyrrha for her part still felt her worry. She glanced back at the double doors, then back at Jaune.

He caught her gaze even as he laughed at Nora's outrageous dream, smiled, and patted her on the hand under the table. She smiled back.

It was… Nice to be comforted. Nice to be told a failure wasn't the end of the world.

Nice to not need to be perfect.

For once.

- - -

Naturally, Mister Blanco is The Man with No Name with a bit of influence from McCree from "Overwatch", who himself is basically a Man With No Name expy. He is a notorious, near-legendary bounty hunter in Vale and Vacuo. He's not able to take, say, Raven in a fight but he's definitely formidable. Jaune copied his style because it was awesome and he was one of his teachers, but he didn't choose to go his path.

Because hell, Remnant should have bounty hunters. To quote "For a Few Dollars More":

"Where life had no value, death, sometimes, had its price. That is why the bounty killers appeared."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Blake was a fairly light sleeper. It's what came of being a terrorist, she supposed. Even Ruby, the little reaper queen of the nightowls, would fall into a deep slumber when she had exhausted herself over her latest game or gadget.



Blake also had the best hearing. So it was no surprise when she was the only one to perk up at the sounds of someone in the common room. Stealthy as a shadow, she got out of her bunk and padded silently to the door. She slowly opened it up a crack, and narrowed her eyes in the dark.



They widened in surprise. There was Jaune Arc, in his ridiculous bunny onesie and a pink apron... Cooking fish?



She blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes. She checked again: No, they were not deceiving her.



The scent of the fish soon filled the room. Blake shut the door behind her and crept up behind Jaune. The knight flipped the fish, and her eyes followed its progress.



"Fishy fishy, tasty fish, so delish..." Jaune sang under his breath, before he snored. Blake peeked around at his face. Her jaw dropped.



His eyes were shut!



"Zzz... Tasty fish, so delish," he mumble-sang again, shaking some powdered garlic over the trout filets.



He's... Sleepwalking? Sleep-cooking? Blake thought incredulously.



The situation was so bizarre that Blake could be forgiven for her distraction. Jaune flipped the cooked fish onto a plate, and then turned to hold it out to her with a dreamy smile.



"Here Kitty... You deserve num nums..."



Blake's jaw dropped. She scowled at him.



"I... I do not...!" Her stomach growled. She looked down at the cooked fish. He'd used a lot of butter and delicious spices, all to enhance the aroma coming off of it. She licked her lips.



"I... Well... Sure. Thanks," she muttered. She took the plate and a fork. She scooped up a piece of the fish-It flaked off perfectly. She brought it up to her mouth, and took a bite. Her eyes widened.



Oh... My...



How long had it been since she had delicious river fish, so lovingly prepared? It took her back to her childhood in Menagerie. Fishing trips with her parents, where they would cook their catch right on the side of the river. She swallowed and moaned happily.



"Mmm... Ack!"



Jaune's hands had gone up to her head in her distraction. His fingers dug in behind her cat ears, and began to scratch.



"Good kitty... Good kitty shouldn't be sad," Jaune mumbled, his fingers finding her nerve clusters and giving them a vigorous tending to. Blake's eyes crossed.



"Nnn... Nnnn...!"



She wanted to say no. She wanted to say no so badly, to tell him off... She could just push him back, knock him away. It wouldn't even hurt him...!



"N-Nyyyaaaahhhh~," she moaned in bliss.



"Eat up your fish, kitty, before it gets cold," Jaune said gently, smiling down at her with warmth and kindness. She blushed.



"I... I will... Oooh... Nyaaahhhh~...!"



As nice as it was to get fish and her ears scratched, doing it while standing up was a little awkward. So she guided the sleepwalking Jaune over to the couch. She sat him down, and then plopped herself in his lap.



"Good kitty... Nice and warm... Good kitty," Jaune mumbled, as Blake pulled off her bow. She pulled his hands up to her head, and purred happily as he resumed scritching her ears.



"Nyaaahhhh~..."



Another bite of her trout, and she was back in heaven.



She had initially dismissed Jaune as just another bumbling human. True, he was nice and fairly handsome, and he did help Ruby with trying to find her and ohhhhh... He had magical hands...!



"Nyaahhhh...!"



Maybe she would take a closer look at him from now on-!



"Nyaaahhhh!"



"Be a good kitty," Jaune mumbled, "Don't run away so much... We all miss you..."



"I-I won't! I'll be a good kitty, good kitty, nyaaaahhhh~!"



- - -



The next morning, Teams RWBY and JNPR came upon a curious sight: Jaune sleeping on the couch with a blanket over him, still in his bunny onesie.



"Hey, VB!" Yang shouted, shaking his shoulder, "Wake up!"



"Hwauh huh?!" Jaune shook his head and looked around. "Ah? OH... Geez..."



"How did you get out here, Jauney?" Nora asked in concern. "Did aliens take you? Did they float you through the window?!"



Jaune shook his head, and smiled at his concerned team.



"Nah... I just sometimes sleep walk. I did it all the time as a kid: Stress made me get up and wander around. Doing all sorts of weird things like milking the cows or going fishing..."



"Ha! Sounds crazy," Yang giggled. Ruby frowned in concern.



"Oh geez... Should we wake you up when you start doing it?"



"You're not going to 'sleepwalk' into our beds, are you?" Weiss asked with a glare. Pyrrha blushed at this.



Jaune shook his head rapidly.



"N-No! No! I'm a perfect gentleman, I swear! Just uh, guide me back to bed and I'll stop moving... Eventually."



Jaune sighed.



"Well, since we're up, I guess I'll-"



"I'll handle breakfast," Blake said quickly.



Everyone turned to stare at her. The hidden black cat Faunus cleared her throat.



"I do actually know how to cook, and uh... You were up sleepwalking, after all."



Jaune blinked. Ruby stared. Yang reached over to touch Blake's forehead.



"You feeling all right, Kit-Kat?"



"I'm fine!" Blake said quickly. "I'm just, you know... Trying to be good-Nice. Nicer. After all, if Weiss can do it, anyone can."



"Oh stuff it!" Weiss growled, as Ruby and Yang giggled. Nora shrugged with a bright, perky smile.



"All right! But if you mess up my pancakes, you'll have to die!"



"Understood," Blake said, giving Jaune a soft smile. One he returned, despite his obvious confusion.



- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Breakfast in the RWBY and JNPR common room had begun to play host to a strange display. One that had begun to dominate the usual light conversation and teasing of Blake over her choice in erotica.



Which Blake had been thankful for. At one time.



"Ruby, come on, you need more fiber," Jaune encouraged, "And fruit tastes just as good as cookies!"



Yang scowled, and shoved the plate over in favor of blueberry pancakes with chocolate chips in front of Ruby, who was wincing at the spectacle. Nora was watching the argument as it had unfolded in a similar fashion over the last few weeks: Like she was watching a particular aggressive tennis match, and she was following the ball. Ren for his part was meditating, though his eyebrow twitch gave away that he couldn't block out the entire argument.



"She's worked hard this week! She deserves a treat!'



"You give her so many 'treats' it's amazing she's not a diabetic," Jaune shot back, glaring over Ruby's head at his fellow blonde, "Seriously!"



"Her Semblance is literally superspeed! She can eat anything she wants and she'll be fine!" Yang insisted, glaring back, "What would you know?!"



Weiss and Pyrrha watched the spectacle with a sort of morbid fascination. The idea that Jaune Arc would stand up to Yang Xiao-Long over anything was a ridiculous thought, and yet? Here he was. He hadn't hit on Weiss once in weeks: Something both ladies were grateful for, though for different reasons.



"Oh gee, besides the fact my mom's one of the greatest doctors in Remnant?" Jaune asked sarcastically, "Even an Aura enhanced body still needs vital nutrients! More of them, in fact!"



"Well why don't you butt out and let me worry about that?!" Yang demanded, leaning in dangerously, "She's not your little sister!"



"She's my best friend!" Jaune growled back, leaning in so close their noses were practically touching, "Is it wrong for me to worry about her?"



"Of course I worry about her!"



"Sure fooled me!"



Yang's eyes began to blaze red. Jaune's Aura, while still untrained, began to flare around him.



"Maybe you should worry more about yourself, Vomit Boy," Yang growled, "Before I say something with my fist."



"Say it all you like! It doesn't change facts!" Jaune snarled.



Ruby groaned, and slapped her hands over her face.



"ALL RIGHT! That's enough!" She shouted. She glared at both of them as she stood up. She grabbed the surprised Yang and Jaune's wrists, and dragged them off to the RWBY dorm room. She kicked the door open, and shoved her big sister and best friend inside.



"You two solve this RIGHT NOW!" She shouted, before she slammed the door shut.



Yang and Jaune gaped at the door, similarly in disbelief.



"What the-What the hell does she think she's doing?!" Yang demanded.



"I'm not on her team! She can't order me around!" Jaune growled.



The two blondes glared at the door... Then glared at each other. An awkward silence fell. Jaune sighed, as Yang looked away.



"... Look. I'm sorry," Jaune said.



"I... Me too," Yang muttered. "Jerk."



"Jerk?!" Jaune demanded, glaring at her, "You're the one being unreasonable!"



"I'm NOT unreasonable!" Yang shouted back, "You're the one who butted in and started acting like-like her big brother-!"



"Well I wouldn't have had to if you stepped up-!"



"I'VE BEEN STEPPING UP SINCE I WAS SIX!"



Silence fell. Jaune stared in shock at Yang. She breathed hard, her face and eyes red. She clenched her fists.



"What?! She didn't tell you?!" She demanded.



"... No," Jaune said, quieted by the shock, "She didn't... What?"



Yang stared at him. She sighed, and crossed her arms under her chest.



"... My... Bio mom ran out on us before I could walk," she mumbled, "Summer... Ruby's mom... She married by dad soon after. I... She's the one I..."



She bowed her head slightly. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to look non-chalant. Her anger was still simmering in the air around her.



"She... She was our Mom. My Mom. And she died when I was six... Maybe seven, I don't fucking remember," she muttered. "And Dad... He shut down. I... I had to cook. Clean. Look after Ruby because he..."



She trailed off. Jaune stared. Yang shot a venomous glare.



"So... You gonna tell me I did a shitty job?"



Jaune shook his head.



"No... No. I... Yang. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't know. I... I can understand why you'd want to just... Cut loose, after having to be her mom and her big sister. I... I get it."



"Do you?" Yang asked sarcastically.



He sighed, and shrugged.



"I just... I do care about her. Really, I do. I didn't... I didn't think you were doing a bad job, just... My sisters looked after me and... I-I was thinking like a sibling."



He looked intently into her eyes.



"For what it's worth... I think you did a good job with her. If we fight over it... It's only because we both care so much about her."



Yang stared at him for a bit in silence. She wiped her eyes, and coughed.



"Y-yeah... Um... Dust in here," she mumbled, "I-I'll have to make Weiss vacuum it up or-or bring her butler or... Or something."



Jaune smiled and nodded.



"Or something," he agreed.



Yang sighed, and looked directly into his eyes.



"I... I appreciate that you care about Ruby," she said quietly. "I'm... I'm really glad. She uh... Back in Sanctum? She... She didn't really have any friends. Just mine. And they just hung out with me. She... She was the kid sister. So... So thank you. For being her friend."



"Well... I-I mean... I'd like to be your friend too," Jaune said with a shrug. "Can... Can we do that?"



Yang stared for a long moment. She nodded and gave him a smile.



"Sure... Just as long as you never vomit on my boots again."



"It was one time," Jaune sighed.



"Once was enough!" Yang snickered.



Jaune rolled his eyes.



"You know, when you have an embarrassing bodily function, I'm gonna be the bigger man and not make fun of you for it."



Yang smirked and leaned in.



"Oh? And what kind of embarrassing body functions of mine are you imagining, hmm~?"



Jaune's face turned bright red... But he held his ground.



"I dunno, you wanna go through the list?"



Yang's cheeks turned red, and her smirk became a bit sharper.



"Oho? Vomit Boy wants me to write them out? You're a real perv."



"You're the one offering," Jaune shot back.



The door opened and Nora stuck her head in.



"Hey! Mom? Dad? If you're done flirting, the rest of us want breakfast too!"



Yang's face went bright red. Jaune sputtered.



"Wh-WHAT?!"



"We were all thinking it!" Blake added, turning another page in her book.



"N-No we weren't!" Pyrrha cried.



"I was," Weiss smirked, "Oh, to be tossed aside for Xiao-Long! I suppose my heart will recover from your rejection, Arc."



"EW! GROSS WEISS!" Ruby groaned.



- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Well, here's a potentially new reason for Pyrrha's shyness and whole deal. Her family is dysfunctional but in a slightly different way:



She's a mob princess. Her family is all about organized crime. Her father does actually want her to pursue a life outside of the criminal lifestyle, much like Vito Corleone. And encourages her.



Godfather Nikos is trying to go straight himself, to reform the family into something to be proud of. But it's not easy, and some habits die hard.



Pyrrha: "See Jaune? You go for the ribs or fingers first when you're interrogating someone. You only escalate to breaking kneecaps if this doesn't work."



Jaune: "Ohhh, I see!"



Nora: "But breaking kneecaps is fun!"



Pyrrha: all smiles "It certainly can be, but it can take longer. Meaning we get less time to just go and chill out after."



Nora: "Huh! I never thought of that! Who wants breaking kneecaps to turn into work? It should be fun!"



Pyrrha: "Exactly!"



Ren: "What else would you like to share with us, Pyrrha?"



Pyrrha: "Well, if you get REALLY good at it, you don't even need to hurt anyone! Which is less fun, I'll admit, but easier on your nails."



Team RWBY is just staring at this exchange. As is the terrified White Fang operative Pyrrha is holding hostage.



Yang: "Um... What did you say your family was into, P-Money?"



Pyrrha: brightly "Waste management and construction!"



Yang: "Riiiight..."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Jaune Arc gaped at the Ursa that had been in his path... Or rather, what was left of it. The monster had been demolished by one blow from the stranger who stood before him. He turned to Jaune, panting a bit.



He was tall, taller than Jaune. A bit wiry but obviously well built. He wore green combat trousers and black boots, along with a long sleeved black shirt over tactical gear. And over all of that was a heavy, worn, but cared for white doctor's coat.



He wore sunglasses and a wide brimmed hat, but the hair poking out from under it was blond and Jaune caught a glimpse of blue eyes in a face covered in a neatly trimmed beard.



"Idiot," the man sighed, "What were you thinking?"



"I uh..." Jaune winced. It felt like getting scolded by his father. "I um... I was just thinking I could hitchhike my way to Beacon?"



"You're better off taking the train, moron," the man scolded him. Jaune scowled up at him.



"Well I would, but I forgot my cash and can't access it here in the sticks!"



"Yeah, I suppose signal strength still isn't great just outside of Radian's walls," the man muttered. Jaune frowned.



"Huh?"



The man sighed and shook his head. He reached into his pockets, and pulled out some Lien notes.



"Here," he stated, "They're old, but they should be good. Go buy a train ticket. Also?"



He grabbed Jaune's Scroll, and pressed it against his.



"Hey!" Jaune growled. "What's the big idea-?!"



The man handed it back to Jaune. Jaune looked through his files.



"What did you add to...?"



His eyes widened.



"Atlasian and Mistralian combat guides," the man stated blandly, "Combined with your mom's training and you should be able to manage the initiation at Beacon."



Jaune gaped up at the stranger in utter disbelief.



"I... Huh?! How did you know-?!"



"Don't. Ask," the man growled. He shook his head. "All you need to know is that you need to get to Beacon, and you need to get in. All right?"



"I... But why-?"



The man glared at him from behind his sunglasses.



"Your dream is to be a hero, isn't it?"



Jaune stared back. The way the man said it carried a... A sadness. A nostalgia. A regret that touched him deep in his soul.



"It is," he confirmed.



"Well then... Go to Beacon. Get in. And you will be a hero. I promise you," the man stated firmly. Jaune nodded seriously.



"All right... I will."



He turned, began to walk away... Then stopped short. He looked back and coughed.



"Uh... Which way to the train station?'



The older man groaned and facepalmed.



"Let me guess... You don't even have your Aura unlocked, do you?" He asked.



Jaune coughed.



"Er, well..."



The man walked up to Jaune and placed his hand over his chest. A surge of Aura energy raced between them, and Jaune's world changed. He felt stronger, lighter, and more energetic.



"There you go," the man stated.



"Isn't... Isn't there a ritual or words you have to say?" Jaune asked as some distant memory tried to shake itself loose in his head.



The man shook his head.



"Abrakadabra. There you go, kid. Now get going!"



"I... Thanks!" Jaune said. He frowned.



"Er... Will I ever see you again?"



The man laughed without any humor.



"Oh... The ways things go in my life? Probably..."



"What's your name, anyway? Are you a relative of mine?" Jaune asked.



The man grimaced as though in pain, before he shrugged.



"Uh... Sort of... Just call me..."



He paused in thought, before he finished his sentence.



"Doctor Knowall."



Jaune squinted.



"That sounds... Extremely fake."



Doctor Knowall smacked the back of Jaune's head.



"OW!"



"Don't talk back to your elders, kid!"



- - -



Doctor Jaune Arc, Age 26, watched his younger self wave from the train window as it set off on its journey for Vale. He managed a quick wave back, while staring intently at his hand.



So far, nothing was happening. He wasn't fading out of existence. And yet...



He sighed as he recalled the words of the mysterious woman in the future... His future.



He'd been in the ruins of Atlas and Mantle to try and help any survivors after Salem devastated it. He'd found what he had thought was a mirror, but... It had taken him somewhere else.



Somewhere time did not behave properly.



Now? Now he was here, in the past. In his timeline, he'd run back home when the Ursa attacked and his parents had caught him. His mother had practically frogmarched him to the university and there he'd studied. He'd gotten his doctorate, just as mom had wanted...



All while the world around them fell and burned. The Grimm ruled. And all hope seemed to be lost.



The woman in the other world had told him... Told him he was one of many keys. Keys that could save Remnant, save all life.



His past self going to Beacon was one of those keys... But there were many others.



Others Jaune Arc had to find.



"Which means," he sighed, "I've gotta get to Beacon, too."



He held up his Scroll. The hacking programs he and his team of survivors had used to get into the old networks did just as good a job at hacking today's fully functional CCTNet. In moments, he was in Beacon's databases.



Let's see... Transcripts for Jaune Arc? Cleared and accepted. Test scores, cleared...



He had aced those exams in his own timeline, after all. As scatterbrained as his younger self was, he wasn't a total idiot.



And... Let's see... Applications for new medical assistant?



He frowned, but mentally shrugged. It wouldn't do to look a gift horse in the mouth.



All right... A little touching up and... There we go. Doctor Knowall is all set to have a job interview with Professor Goodwitch in Vale.



He sighed and rubbed his ragged clothing.



Gonna need to dress up... Wanna make a good first impression.



- - -



In the grand tradition of Professor Arc (but with a twist), I bring you: Doctor Arc/Knowall. Sent back in time from the Ever After to fix the disasterous turns the timeline took because Jaune Arc didn't get to Beacon Academy.



Now this older Jaune Arc has his mother's skill set: Incredible healing abilities with his Aura Amp and the ability to boost his strength and other physical attributes with Aura to massive amounts. As well as very extensive medical training.



And while he has a few clues as to where he needs to intervene from the Blacksmith, he's still got to piece them together himself.



In the meantime, there is now a VERY hot male doctor on staff at Beacon that all the young ladies take a keen interest in.



His alias is based on Grimm Tales 098: Doctor Know-All.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

When Isabel Arc takes over as the substitute combat teacher to give Glynda a vacation...

Isabel: Watching Jaune and Cardin fight, she sighs "Time out!" She walks out between the combatants "Honestly Jaune, what are you doing?"

Jaune: "Er... Fighting?"

Isabel: "Yes, I can see that. You're using Miss Nikos' fighting style, which is good for the basics. You've done well to learn those."

Jaune: "I uh, I had a good teacher."

Pyrrha: Smiles

Isabel: "However, going beyond the basics in that fighting style isn't going to work for you, Jaune. You're a close range tank and support, she's a multiple range high mobility damage dealer. Honestly, don't you remember anything I taught you?"

Jaune: "Mom-Er, Professor, what does medicine have to do with this?"

Isabel: sigh "Honestly... You need to stop overthinking things and use your aggression and your knowledge. For instance... Mister Winchester!"

Cardin: "Yes ma'am?"

Isabel: "Good technique, good strength, good zoning! You will make a formidable tank for your team."

Cardin: smug "Thank you ma'am."

Isabel: "However... Would you swing at me?"

Cardin: "Uh, ma'am?"

Isabel: "Humor me."

Cardin swings his mace. Isabel easily dodges out of the way, and then holds Cardin's mace. She points at his elbows

Isabel: "See, Jaune?"

Jaune: Blink blink "... Ohhhh!"

Isabel: "Yes, we only went over it a hundred times!"

Jaune: "I-Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed-"

Isabel: "Don't be sorry, do it properly!"

Jaune: "Yes Mom-Er, Professor!"

Isabel: "There we go! Sorry about that, Mister Winchester."

Cardin: "Uh, no problem ma'am."

Isabel steps back and smiles.

Isabel: "Resume!"

Cardin swings aggressively at Jaune... Who sidesteps and rams his sword up against his elbow, nearly snapping it

Cardin: "GAHHHHHH! OH SHIT AAUUUGH-!"

Isabel: "While Aura does protect you from many injuries and regenerates them, there are places on a human or Faunus body that can be overstressed with the proper application of force. More experienced fighters will avoid taking hits like this, because having to heal such injuries burns through your Aura faster and really, really hurts."

Jaune continues to press his advantage, beating the CRAP out of Cardin by hitting his joints and nerve clusters

Isabel: "And clever fighters can take advantage of this. But be warned! Just as clever fighters can counter this and turn it back on you."

Jaune gets slammed back by a wild swing of Cardin's mace

Isabel: "Sometimes the only way to win is to be more determined and aggressive than the other. You can't let your opponent dictate the fight, you have to take the initiative. If you can't though? There's no shame in retreating, training harder, and coming back again. And it always pays to fully understand your strengths and weaknesses."

Jaune barely ekes out a win against Cardin, knocking him out of the ring. He pants hard.

Isabel: beams "Very good, Jaune! Though your form is still very sloppy, you did manage to win. This round. Don't get cocky."

Jaune: "Yes Mom... Professor."

Pyrrha is so proud. The rest of JNPR and RWBY are very impressed.

Isabel: "Mister Winchester! You did fight well. You just got taken by surprise, but you tried to adapt so that's good! Next time, hit him even harder."

Cardin: glares "Oh, I intend to."

Jaune: wince

After the rest of the class goes and fights...

Isabel: "Now... I think it would be good for you all to have combat training buddies you don't normally fight with outside of class! Your assignment this week will be to meet with your training buddy at least twice for a sparring match. I want you to write or record your fights and find your strengths and weaknesses, and help each other come up with ways to overcome them. Jaune Arc?"

Jaune: "Yes Professor?"

Isabel: "You'll be paired with..."

Pyrrha waits in anticipation.

Isabel: "Yang Xiao-Long!"

Pyrrha: "Huh?!"

Yang: "Woohoo!"

Jaune: "Er, Professor?"

Isabel: "Hm? Oh, the reasoning is very simple, Jaune. You're both close range tank fighters, but Yang needs more balance in her aggression and you need more aggression. You'll help shore up eachother's weaknesses very well."

Yang: "And I want to learn those nerve strikes, Stud!"

Jaune: "Stud? What happened to Vomit Boy?"

Yang: grins and sidles up to him "You just got promoted!"

Pyrrha: Twitch

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Nick leads his class out to Emerald Forest to study some Grimm in the field.

Nick: "I survived in the wilds with my master for about ten years, fighting Grimm! So, we're going to go find some Grimm and you guys will tell me all about them and how to kill them!"

Jaune is tense.

Ruby: "Are you okay, Jaune?"

Jaune: "J-Just fine..."

Pyrrha: "Are you sure?"

Jaune: twitch

Nick: "So! The girl who does best in class today gets a date with my son!"

Jaune: "DAD!"

Weiss: "I thought we were supposed to be rewarded for trying our best."

Jaune: "HEY!"

Nick: "All right, the girl who does worst gets a date with my son!"

Jaune: "DAD!"

Nick: "Or boy. You know son, going out with a bro on a man-date can be fun too!"

Even Cardin can't help but feel some pity for Jaune, as the blond boy's eyes twitch dangerously.

The students work together and kill some Grimm. Yang and Jaune are paired up again, and work well together.

Yang: "Sooo... That's your Dad?"

Jaune: Groans a yes

Yang: "So that's where all the dorkiness and height came from?"

Jaune: sighs "... Yes."

Yang: "Aw, cheer up Stud! My dad's pretty embarrassing too!"

Jaune: "Yeah, but he's not here."

Nick heads over to Jaune and Yang and smiles.

Nick: "Hey you two! Great job! You make a good team!"

Jaune: "Thanks Dad."

Yang: "Thanks, Mister Arc!"

Pyrrha and Ruby are glaring nearby.

Yang: "So, how much like you is your son, Mister Arc?"

Nick: "Actually he takes more after his mother in temperament and smarts! Which is great! You know he always read the instruction manuals for anything we put together! That was really great for the tractor! HA! I put the engine in upside down, can you believe it?"

Jaune: haunted look "Yes Dad. I remember."

Nick: "Boy your mom wasn't happy about that!"

Jaune: "No. No, she wasn't."

A gigantic Nevermore, twice the size of the one RWBY fought in initiation, dives upon the students with a shriek. Everyone gets ready to fight. Nick scowls.

Nick: "Oh, hang on..." Swings his sword, unleashes an Aura enhanced Slash/railgun blast that annihilates the Grimm. He then resumes smiling. "There we go! Now, back onto the class topic...!"

Weiss: "Wha... HOW...?!"

Cardin: "Holy shit that was awesome!"

Yang: "Super awesome!"

Nick: "Thanks! Hmmm... You know son, I wanted to teach you how to do that. Your mom wouldn't let me, but since you're here... You want to learn?"

Despite his embarrassment, he smiles in awe and respect at his father.

Jaune: "Yes Dad. I have wanted to learn how to do that forever."

Nick: "Don't worry son, you'll learn! I have every confidence in you!"

Jaune: beams "Thanks Dad."

Nick: "You're welcome son." Manly father hug!

Jaune: "URK! D-Dad... Not in front of my friends!"

Nick: "Oh come on, what's wrong with a dad hugging his son in front of his friends? Everyone likes hugs!"

Nick sets Jaune down and chuckles.

Yang: "Sooo... That date thing still grand prize for doing our best, Mister Arc?"

Nick: "Absolutely!"

Yang: Red Eyes, Aura Flares like a Bonfire around her "Super."

Jaune: Gapes as Yang charges in and starts annihilating Grimm

Pyrrha: "Oh no you don't!" She charges in after

Ruby: "You won't beat me!" And ditto

Nick: "Hahaha! Careful son! You don't want to be a heartbreaker!"

Jaune: groans

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Isabel and Nick would also help a few students with their hand to hand combat skills. I figured Isabel's combat style is a mixture of a few disciplines:



-Kickboxing and Muay Thai since she can use all her limbs for maximum damage, high speed movement, and she can boost her strength to monstrous levels.



-Some jujutsu for takedowns and redirecting force, as well as grabbing opponents to inflict "status effects" on them with her medical knowledge.



-Some taekwondo, especially the focus on "relaxing" the body between movements. This allows her to regenerate her injuries and then power up for another round of combat.



Her main weakness is range: Other than throwing objects, she can't hit anything that isn't in melee range. While she can sprint very quickly, she can't outrun bullets. So despite her impressive ability to regenerate from damage, you hit her enough at range or pin her down with heavy ordnance, you can take her down.



Nick Arc's fighting style is definitely different:



-German Longsword is his primary fighting style with his railgun sword: Kunst des Fechtens: The Medieval Art of Longsword Combat. It relies on a few basic forms of attack and guard that the user extrapolates and builds upon with experience and creativity. It is a very fast, very offense focused combat style, that makes use of the sword's reach, mass, and the user's armor. It's meant to end fights fast, and in combination with the railgun and his Aura slashes, is utterly devastating at close range or against massed enemies.



-For hand-to-hand he relies on good old boxing, the sweet science, and like any swordsman has very good footwork. He also uses wrestling moves for takedowns to neutralize enemies with superior strength.



Like his wife, his main weakness is range: His Aura Slashes and Railgun blasts are devastating at short to medium range, but aren't very precise and are very destructive. He also is at a disadvantage against small, very fast and agile opponents who can get inside his guard, or in enclosed spaces where he can't maneuver very well. He also can't regenerate as easily as his wife, though thanks to his armor and Aura he can tank more whereas she is much more maneuverable.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Ruby stared at one of Jaune's sisters, Orchid. Orchid stared back through her glasses. She reached up and adjusted her frames.

Orchid: "Would you like to help me do maintenance on a Galatine 233 Autocannon?"

Ruby: "... Does it have the auto-targeting upgrade system?"

Orchid: "Yes. It also needs calibration."

Ruby: sparkling eyes "I would love to!"

Orchid: "..." small smile "Good."

- - -

Lilac: "Would you like to learn how to cook, Pyrrha? I taught Jaune and he really loves it when I cook-"

Pyrrha: "Y-Yes! I mean, um... I've never learned. And I would love to!"

Lilac: "Certainly! Let's start off with something simple: Eggs!"

Five minutes later... The kitchenette is on fire.

Pyrrha: "OH NO!"

Lilac: "Oh dear... Aqua!"

Aqua summons water to douse the flames... And everyone else.

Lilac: "Well... Thank you Aqua. Can you please remove the water now?"

Aqua: "Is this the thanks I get for saving your life? The Great and Powerful Aqua, Goddess of Healing, deserves better than-!"

Lilac glares pure DEATH at Aqua. She squeaks and all the water is removed and flies out the window.

Aqua: "No problem, dear sister! Just glad you're okay!"

Lilac: all smiles "That's my wonderful sister!"

Pyrrha: stares "Wait... You're sweet and kind... And yet... Assertive?"

Lilac: "Would you like to learn?"

Pyrrha: "YES."

- - -

Weiss confronts Tangerine "Tanya" Arc.

Weiss: "You're a murderer!"

Tanya: "No, I run a paramilitary operation to protect valuable settlements, facilities, and caravans from being attacked. Killing bandits is just part of business."

Weiss: "Well what about these assassinations, huh?!"

Tanya: "What? Remove the crime lords ordering all this nonsense and people who just want to make money can do that freely!"

Weiss: "And what about THESE killings, huh?! You didn't target gangsters!"

Weiss holds up a holoprojection. Tanya reads it, thinks about it, and nods.

Tanya: "Oh. Those were scam artists peddling NFTs and Crypto-currencies."

Weiss: "... Well... Huh."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Yang was stalking back and forth in front of Blake in the otherwise empty RWBY dormroom. She growled and shook her fists in the air.

"UGGGGGGGHHH! What the hell am I doing wrong?! I am literally the hottest girl here! A blonde bombshell!"

Blake turned a page in her book, and slammed her fist down on the desk in anger.

"And yet he can't take a damn HINT!" Yang growled.

Blake turned another page as Yang continued her rant.

"What do I have to do, jump him while naked?!" She glared over at Blake. "Blake! Aren't you going to say anything?!"

"I'm not going to interrupt your rant," Blake said dryly. Yang pushed her book down. Blake scowled back.

"You've had a boyfriend!"

"And you don't want my experience, it won't help," Blake stated, pulling her book back up to her face. Yang pushed it back down.

"Well who else am I gonna go to? Professor Goodwitch?" Yang demanded.

Blake heaved a long sigh. She closed her book and thought about things.

"One, he's very conservative and old fashioned. Two, he probably doesn't want to be torn apart by all the other girls with an interest in him."

Yang slammed her fist into her palm confidently.

"We could take 'em!"

Blake raised an eyebrow.

"Including Pyrrha?"

Yang faltered, but got herself back together as she scowled.

"... Cross that bridge when we come to it. But seriously?! Is him asking me out on one date too much for him?!"

Blake hummed, holding her book to her chest as she considered things. In a moment, an idea flashed in her yellow eyes.

"You know... He's been out on the frontier. Probably ran into a lot of aggressive prostitutes trying to take advantage of a young, inexperienced boy. You should try something he'd feel more comfortable with."

Yang scowled at her… But her eyes were curious.

"Such as...?"

Blake wore a little smile.

- - -

Jaune woke up early, as he always did. He eased out of bed, taking care not to wake his friends up. He walked to the door, opened it, and made it to the common room. He could smell breakfast being cooked. He could hear Yang humming, and see part of her blonde hair.

"Good morning, Miss Xiao-Long. Thought I was supposed to cook-?"

He went around the kitchenette… And stopped cold. His jaw dropped. His cheeks went bright red at the sight.
.
"Good morning Sweetie!!" Yang was in a yellow house dress... With an apron... And her hair up in a red bandanna. She beamed like the sun at the slack jawed Jaune.

"Just sit right down, Jaune. Your food will be ready soon."

Coyly, she walked up and pushed his jaw closed. Her fingers lingered only for a moment, before she turned and went back to the stove.

"I-sure, Miss Xiao Long. I-I thought it was my turn to cook today?" He mumbled. "I-I mean uh, I-I said that…"

Yang looked back over her shoulder and tossed him a wink.

"I just decided I'd give you a break. Now sit down, I'll pour you some coffee."

Numbly, he sat down at the table. His eyes just wouldn't break contact from Yang.

"T-Thank you," he stuttered.

It wasn't like Jaune was sexist or anything, he's met plenty of ladies who fight just as well as the menfolk and he would never disrespect them. Hell, his mom was strong enough to smash a tractor flat with her fist. However… A woman choosing to take care of her man and show her affection in this way?

Well... It was mighty hard to ignore.

Yang bustled back over with the pot, and bent over slightly to pour the coffee right into his waiting mug. He could see sweat sliding down her perfect neck into her dress…

He gulped.

"I uh… I-I 'preciate it Miss Xiao Long but I'm not one to shy away from honest work. Let me make it up to you."

Yang smiled sunnily at him.

"Oh? How would you do that?"

"I-I uh… I uh…"

She leaned in again, and reached out to rest her hand on his palm. The contact was electric as their Auras interacted. It was warm and his heart was beating a mile a minute.

Yang cutely reached up and adjusted a lock of her hair, putting it behind her ear. He couldn't remember seeing a woman look so beautiful before.

"Uh… Um… Wh-What… What would you… L-Like me to do?" He stuttered.

Yang's warm sunny smile gained the hunger of a dragon.

"Well-"

The doors to the RWBY and JNPR dorms slammed open, and the rest of the teams filed in. Ruby led her team, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Pyrrha led the other, yawning a bit while still in her pajamas.

Both groups stopped short and stared at the scene before them.

"Morn…Ing?" Ruby managed. "Yang, what are you wearing?"

Yang pulled back from Jaune, still smiling warmly.

"Oh, I just felt like a change," she said with a chuckle, "My little sister's growing up and I'm feeling like an empty nester!"

She walked up and hugged Ruby, which the smaller girl was extremely annoyed by.

"Yang! Cut it out! I'm not a kid anymore!" Ruby whined.

Pyrrha's gaze was fixed on Jaune, whose gaze was locked on Yang. She cleared her throat… Then cleared it again.

"Jaune?"

"Huh?" He started and looked over at Pyrrha. "Oh, uh, g-good morning Pyrrha! Nora! Ren!"

He looked over at RWBY, where Weiss was glaring death at Yang while Blake covered up her mouth to hide her smirk.

"G-Good morning Ruby! Weiss! Blake!"

"Good morning," Weiss said sourly, eyes narrowed at Yang, "How nice to see you looking almost respectable, Yang."

"Well," Yang tossed her hair back and smirked, "Jaune seems to like it. Don't you Jaune?"

Jaune felt like a lightning bolt was about to strike, given the female ire that seemed to electrify the air around him. Pyrrha's smile was utterly terrifying, as Weiss and Ruby's glares seemed ready to burn him alive. Yang's smirk was utterly unrepentant, and only grew worse when she saw his eyes were still locked onto her.

Ren looked like he was praying for Jaune's soon to be departed soul, while Nora had gotten popcorn from somewhere and was eating it messily.

Well… If I am to die, I'll die an honest man, he thought.

"Um… Y-Yes, I think you look very pretty," he said carefully.

"Aw, aren't you sweet?" Yang gushed, bustling back over to hug him. She made especially sure to press his face into her apron covered bosom. "Such a gentleman!"

The female ire only seemed to increase. Yet Jaune could not escape. Her warmth, her smile, and her domestic goddess nature were all a perfect trap.

"And don't worry about what I want," She murmured to him, "I'll definitely let you know~."

"Uh… Uh huh," Jaune managed a slow nod.

- - -

 

[The Sleepless One]

So, here's part 1 of 3 a write-up for Oz and Salem's backstory I've been putting together to replace the backstory given in canon.
Please read this in the voice of Logan Cunningham as the Narrator/Homer from Hades.

---

The Lost Fable: Soulmates

Long ago, before this world was ever known as Remnant, there lived a boy who dreamed of being a hero. A cunning child with a gift for magic, he desired to be a Spellblade in the service of the God of Light, a wandering Paladin who protected the innocent and destroyed the guilty. He trained for years, passed the trials, and became the youngest to ever swear the Oaths. A boy no longer, the young man wandered the world, going wherever his heart pleases and righting wrongs as he went. He slew dragons, negotiated peace, broke curses and so much more. Years passed, his legend grew and soon taverns, mead halls, and tea houses all across the world rang with the tales of Ozma, the Great and Powerful.

Long ago, when magic still suffused this world, there lived a girl who dreamed of freedom. The only living child of a Mad King who had lost everything, she was kept under lock and key in tower for her own protection. All she had ever known were the walls of her home, but the stories in her books and the tales told to her by her caretakers ignited a longing in her heart, to see the fantastical world she had only ever heard of. So, she hatched a plan. Using her magic, she spread the tale of a princess imprisoned by an evil king, who awaited a hero to rescue her. Whichever kind soul succeeded would be worthy of the hand of Salem, the Girl in the Tower.

Many would-be heroes stormed the prison, but none succeeded in freeing the princess, struck down by her zealous father and his guards. Salem had all but given up hope when a hero, a true hero, appeared.

Ozma, the Great and Powerful, had come.

First, he tried to convince the Mad King to let his daughter go, but was rebuffed at every turn. He struck down the gates of the keep, and beseeched the Mad King once more. Instead, the monarch summoned his Royal Guards to kill the interloper. For hours, Ozma, armed with staff and blade, clashed with the King's elite and proved their better. The King, incensed beyond reason, engaged the hero in a duel of gramarye that could be seen and heard for leagues around. For three days and three nights, the Mad King and the Hero fought, until, on the dawn of the fourth day, Ozma cast the sovereign down from the skies and stood victorious. But Ozma was yet mortal and soon succumbed to exhaustion, falling into a deep slumber at the foot of Salem's Tower.

The princess had not been idle during the battle and as soon as the fighting subsided, had made to steal away from her prison. But, as she stepped foot outside of her tower, Salem's eyes fell upon the sleeping countenance of Ozma, and discovered that all her plans were for naught, for something happened that she could never have anticipated.

She fell in love.

When Ozma awoke, it was to the gently smiling face of the princess, who had spirited him away from the ruins of her erstwhile home. And Ozma, the Dragonslayer, the Peacebringer, the Cursebreaker, who had traveled the length and breadth of the world many times and experienced more in a single lifetime than most men experience in a dozen, found himself doing something he had never expected.

He fell in love.

The two clasped hands, staring deeply into each other's eyes.

"Why did you rescue me?" Salem asked. "Was it for the fame? The riches? My hand?"

"No," Ozma answered. "For none of that. I rescued you, because it was the right thing to do."

"Then... what do we do now?" Salem asked, fearfully.

Ozma smiled. "Whatever you wish."

With the defeat of the Mad King and the rescue of the Girl in the Tower, Ozma's legend grew to even greater heights. His deeds were sung in the haunts of the low and the palaces of the high alike but they were only the prelude to a greater story.

Free to explore the extent of her magic for the first time and with the tutelage of the greatest wizard of the age, the former Princess's powers grew tenfold and soon eclipsed those of her husband, just as her legend grew intertwined with his.

For the tales that followed spoke not only of the Wizard Ozma but also his fair companion and wife, the Good Witch. She who shattered a castle and built a city from the rubble. The queller of storms and the liberator of slaves. The one who fashioned an oasis as thanks for the assistance of the desert tribes and the one who eradicated a royal bloodline for crimes against humanity.

She was Salem, the Just and Kind.

For years, the Sorceress and her Wizard wandered the world, righting wrongs and taking solace in their love. Despite the strife inherent to their way of life, they were content and it seemed that they had found their happily ever after.

And yet, it was not to be, for the fate of all mortals came to pass.

Ozma, the Wizard, the Great and Powerful, the Bane of Evil, and the Champion of Good, sickened and died.

And Salem despaired.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

It wasn't often Yang cooked anymore. It had sucked really, being the only one able to make meals when Dad just shut down and Ruby was hungry. Still, she'd gotten pretty good at it and she couldn't say she didn't appreciate the skills she'd gained. Beacon meals and some fast food were sufficient, but sometimes a gal just needed to cook some comfort food.

Rather than spoil her fashionable clothing with grease, she donned an apron and tied her hair back. She cooked the hamburger steaks with the ease of long practice and enjoyed the smell as they sizzled in her custom sauce.

It wasn't a very complicated recipe, but it was comforting.

The door to the common room opened. She jumped.

"Hey, what smells so good-Oh! Oh, hey Yang..."

Yang looked over and smiled at Jaune. The resident dorky knight stared intently at her.

"Hey VB. Thought you were headed out to Vale?"

"I uh... J-Just... Um..." Jaune stuttered. Yang frowned.

"What?"

"You look uh... Um..." Jaune gestured a bit. Yang shrugged.

"What? I can be domestic."

Her eyes narrowed. Jaune looked nervous. More nervous than usual, honestly.

"Something wrong with me dressing like this?" She demanded.

"No! No, no, of-of course not!" Jaune said quickly, waving his hand, "Ah, it's just... Um... Unexpected! Th-That's all!"

His voice cracked a bit. Yang snickered.

"What, do I look like your mom or something?"

"Uh... Um..." Jaune shrugged. "I-I mean... Kind of... In a good way."

"So, I look good?" Yang asked, smirking at him. She checked her hamburger steaks-Yup, just fine. She could tease Jaune a little, that was always fun.

"Y-yeah. Very good," Jaune confirmed. Yang sauntered up to him, swinging her hips. She smirked playfully.

"Oh? How good? Good enough to eat~?"

"Uhhh..." Jaune tried.

Oh this was priceless. The way he was staring and stuttering like some twelve year old with his first boner! And of course, there was some pride involved. After all, why would he crush on Weiss when she was right there?

"Or are you imagining me welcoming you home, darling~?" She crooned. "Would you like dinner, a bath, or...?" And here she scooted right up and pressed her chest against his, grinning up into his eyes.

"Me~?"

HA! Oh man he is going to faint! He is gonna run! He is-

His lips pressed against hers. Warmth flooded her body as he kissed her.

He... He's kissing me, her brain thought in a detached sort of way, He's... Kissing me... He's kissing me?!

And it was... Good?! His tongue was trying to batter down her lips. It just tapped for entry and instinctively, she opened up. Their tongues touched, she sucked in a heated breath through her nostrils and-

Jaune pulled away. They both panted.

"I uh... I um..." Jaune coughed, red-faced. "... Bye!"

He fled, leaving Yang staring after him. She panted for breath softly. She slowly reached up and touched her lips. They still tingled from the kiss.

"... Wait, what?!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Pyrrha Nikos had never been in love before. Not really. Oh she'd had crushes on boys from afar, admired a few of her male opponents, but this... This was different. She knew it deep down inside. Jaune liked her. Not the image of her, not her accomplishments, her. She in turn saw he was a good man, noble, brave, and kind.



It may have been her first love, but she knew what it was. It was not just eros, as her Hellenic forebears described it. They had fought together, laughed together, and sang together. It was deeper. It could be agape, true and unconditional love.



Not that Pyrrha wanted it to be agape only, of course! She wanted the eros part just as badly!



Therein lay the problem though: Jaune Arc was a desirable man. On Remnant, over fifty percent of the population was female, as males died with more frequency than females. This meant competition was harsh for such men.



Already, Pyrrha knew her opponents. This was an arena she couldn't simply bash her way through, or Jaune would already be hers.



(She did feel a bit guilty over thinking of Jaune as a prize, but... It wasn't like she was going to put him into a cabinet somewhere! She would be his prize as well! Their love would be a constant reward! Filled with love, laughter, tears, children!)



Yang Xiao-Long had changed the nature of the game. Boldly, she had made her intentions clear by playing the domestic homemaker for Jaune! HA! Like that would last with how flighty the girl was.



Weiss Schnee too was a contender. Pyrrha had originally written her off, but no! The white haired heiress too saw something in Jaune worth fighting for!



Blake Belladonna? She didn't know what her intentions were, but the Faunus Princess could not be discounted.



Finally, Ruby Rose was trying to connect with Jaune too. He still saw her as a little sister, but her tenacity could not be denied!



These were just the women Pyrrha knew about! How many others saw Jaune as a prize worth fighting for?!



This was a fight she was ill prepared for. She needed time to improve her game: Time she didn't have. She needed more, she needed to compete and ensure Jaune knew she was worthy of consideration!



But how?



She pondered this carefully, seeing the romantic as a battlefield. As a great Mistralian philosopher once said, win the battle in your mind and heart and the rest will follow.



"Hmm..."



The only ones she could rely on were Nora and Ren, who were too obviously involved to be a threat. Yet she hesitated. They were also friends with her competitors. She was their friend as well, she supposed, yet they were still in competition.



What did Pyrrha Nikos do better than they did in the arena of romantic combat?



"Hmmm..."



"Pyrrha?"



"Ah!" Pyrrha gasped, shaken from her meditation on her bed. She looked up at the object of her desires, standing in front of her in his usual get up. He smiled.



"Sorry, didn't mean t' interrupt yer musings," he said gently. Pyrrha shook her head.



"No... It's fine," she said, "Did you need something?"



"Well, I was hoping you would be free to train today," Jaune said with a smile.



Pyrrha smiled back, though inwardly she remained depressed. Certainly, she and Jaune trained extensively. He was a quick learner and she was glad to be his mentor. Yet it all remained so very platonic...



"I am, Jaune," Pyrrha said with a nod. Jaune sighed.



"Thank you for putting in so much effort. I know I ain't where I need to be, but your patience is amazing. Especially since I ain't helping you any."



"It's a pleasure to train with you, Jaune," Pyrrha replied with a smile. It was not a lie: Teaching Jaune gave her insight into her own combat forms, and his sheer grit and determination meant he had to be innovative. He hadn't beaten her, yet, but his tactical know how meant he could if he had the right tools...



An idea crystallized in her mind in a single, perfect moment. As though the gods had blessed her with insight. She smiled up at Jaune.



"Actually. There is a way you could help me," she said carefully, keeping her excitement under tight control.



Jaune raised an eyebrow.



"How so?"



- - -



Some time later, outside, Pyrrha and Jaune circled one another. She had Milo and Akuo out, and her keen eyes were locked onto Jaune. Jaune for his part had his trusty revolver in one hand, and his rope in the other.



Pyrrha charged, crossing the distance in next to no time to swung Milo for Jaune's head. He ducked and fired, blasting up a huge dust cloud with his powerful Blast Dust bullet.



In that brief moment, between the noise, the dust, and the shockwave, Pyrrha was stunned.



She felt rope wrap around her legs and yank her off her feet. She slammed into the ground with a grunt, and felt Jaune pounce on her. She struggled and thrashed, but his hands were too fast and her arms were bound.



The dust cleared... And Pyrrha Nikos, the Invincible Girl, was tied up and lying on the ground.



She grinned giddily into the dirt, before she looked up with a smile.



"V-Very good, Jaune!" She complimented him. "I can't sense the rope with Polarity at all!"



Jaune sighed, and nodded. He tipped his hat up as he looked at her thoughtfully.



"That's true Pyrrha. But you can still summon yer weapons with yer Semblance. Or lock onto the metal on me to use against me. Even that window of stunning you is short enough you could fight me off if we weren't training."



"No, but now we know how someone could bring me down," Pyrrha said eagerly, "And that's one step closer to figuring out how to counter it. You also shouldn't sell yourself short: I'm sure if we were in a real fight, you could figure out how to get around that, too."



Jaune smiled warmly.



"Shucks... Thanks, Pyrrha. I-I have some ideas. They'll be good counters if anyone else figures you out."



"They will," Pyrrha said demurely. She beamed up at him, her cheeks bright red. "Thank you... It's been a-a very long time since anyone made me feel... Vulnerable."



"Er, well," Jaune winced, "I'm awful sorry-"



"Don't be," Pyrrha said, "This is to help me get stronger and... And I trust you."



She blushed and looked aside. Yet a coy look came to her face.



"You could take advantage of me right now... And I couldn't do a thing to stop it," she said softly.



Jaune knelt down, and tugged her up into a hug. He shook his head, his face deadly serious.



"I would never do such a thing, Pyrrha. I swear," he stated firmly.



Pyrrha mustered all of her courage.



"... I... I know. Though um... I-I might not mind if... Um..."



Jaune gaped. His face turned as red as the setting sun. Pyrrha blushed deeply, and couldn't meet his eyes. Yet she could feel his heartbeat race, and that was very gratifying.



"Um... S-Sorry if that's a bit forward, but... I um..."



Hooves thundered on the ground. A familiar chestnut mare charged into view, grabbed onto Jaune's poncho with her teeth and yanked him away.



"ACK! HEY! ORLEANS! ORLEAAANNNNSSS!"



Pyrrha used brute strength to bust out of the ropes, and stood up. She glared after the galloping horse, who was absconding with Jaune. The horse shot her a side along glare back.



She had forgotten another rival. How sloppy of her.



She'd have to correct that.



In a way that didn't upset Jaune, of course.



- - -

Shyft Inspired this so I decided to give it a shot. Hope you enjoyed.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

After the final battle with Salem and the victory party...

Yang: "Blake! We won! We won and we're gonna... Gonna..."

She sees Blake kissing Sun.

Yang: "What... What is this?"

Blake: "Oh... Wow... Uh... Yang? This is what it looks like."

Yang: "What?!"

Blake: "Sooo... In order to become the ruler of Menagerie, I need to marry a man to give me children. And Sun's a Faunus so he won't be rejected! So I get the position and power and everything!"

Sun: "Pretty sweet, huh?"

Blake: "So... You can be my unofficial side piece? How's that?"

Yang: "Wha... I thought you loved me!"

Blake: "What? No! I thought it was just friends with benefits! That lovey dovey stuff-That was like, roleplaying, right?"

Yang's heart breaks. Her rage is about to break next.

Blake: "Oh hey, my mom's calling, later!" She and Sun flee

Jaune finds Yang drinking down booze in a shitty bar, looking morose and sobbing.

Jaune: "Yang?! What happened?"

Yang: "FUCK HER! I was... I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID!" sobs "She... She just... She ran away! SHE ALWAYS RUNS AWAY! WHY DID I THINK I'D BE DIFFERENT?!"

Jaune holds her. She struggles, but finally relents. Jaune pays the VERY large tab, and escorts her out.

Yang: sob "Everyone... Everyone leaves me... Everyone abandons me...! It's all my fault... It's me! It's all me!"

Jaune: "No it isn't!"

Yang: "Why haven't you left?! Why... Why haven't you gone back to Ruby? You... You and her... You're heroes... Weisscream's wet over you all the time...!"

Jaune: "They don't need me right now. You do, Yang." He hugs her "I care about you. All right?"

Yang: sniffle "... You... You'll never leave me?"

Jaune: "No. Not ever."

Yang: "How do I know that?!"

Jaune: "Because I'm here, Yang! I've always been here! I took you yelling at me when you lost your arm! I took it all! I did it... Because I care about you!"

Yang keeps crying, then nuzzles his neck.

Yang: "I'm sorry I was such a bitch... I'm sorry... I'm sorry about Pyrrha... I'm so, so sorry..."

Jaune: "Shhhh... It's all right, Yang. It's all right..."

Yang: "... I should have fallen in love with you... I was so stupid..."

Jaune: "... You still can, Yang. If you want."

Yang: "H-Huh...?"

Jaune: "I always admired you, Yang. I mean, I care about Ruby deeply but... But you make me laugh. You make me happy. You trained with me... I-I mean..." He shrugged "We've saved the world... We can afford to be honest, right?"

Yang: "... You would never leave me?"

Jaune: "You know me, Yang. I'll stick with you. No matter what you want to do. If you want to be friends? Well... That's fine. You want to be more? We'll do that."

Yang: "And what do you want?"

Jaune: "I want you to be safe and happy..."

Yang: "Then... Then be with me tonight... Fuck me."

Jaune: "Yang, you're hurt, you're drunk-"

Yang: "And I know what I want. Please, Jaune..."

Jaune: "... You might regret it-"

She kisses him deeply.

Yang: "Mmmm... We saved the world. Let's work out our regrets later..."

Later...

Yang: "And I'm pregnant."

Ruby: "What?!"

Yang: "With Jaune's child."

Jaune gapes in astonishment... Then hugs Yang and swings her around.

Jaune: "WOOHOOOOOOO!"

Yang: giggles

Jaune: "Marry me?"

Yang: "G-Geez! You're holding me up only to let me down with that lame proposal?"

Jaune drops her and kisses her deeply.

Yang: "Mmmm... That's more like it. And yes, I will marry you."

Jaune: "All right! We're gonna be siblings, Ruby!"

Ruby: "H-Hooray...?"

She watches them go happily and sighs.

Ruby: "Isn't there a nice man out there for me?"

Whitley: "Hey Ruby. Want to do some engineering on this particle beam cannon, then go have dinner?"

Ruby: gasp "DO I!"

- - -

I mean it is a bit Blake Bashy, but hell, sometimes you don't want to redeem the Shitty Kitty. Sometimes you just want to let the canon roll to its inevitable conclusion.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

-Nick, Taiyang, Qrow, and Arjun having beer and various conversations outside of the Arc farmhouse or Beacon Academy ala King of the Hill might be fun:

Arjun: "So. Qrow. Sure you don't want to work for my royal guard?"

Tai: "Why would you want an alcoholic with the power of bad luck?"

Arjun: "I'd pay him to stay away."

Qrow: "I do that anyway for free... How much?"

Nick: "Dangit Arjun don't pay him to stay away if he'll do it for free."

Arjun: "True, true."

Qrow: "No no, come on."

Nick: "Don't you get paid well by Ozpin?"

Qrow: "I could be paid better."

Tai: "In that case, I would take the job without all the baggage."

Arjun: "No, you just have different baggage."

Tai: "Look who's talking Mister Broody King!"

Arjun: "I'm not so broody now, am I?"

Nick: "Guys, come on, we were talking about something else. Something important."

Arjun: "Ah, yes... Who wants to engage their daughters to my son?"

Tai: "Me! Me!"

Arjun: "I heard Nick say 'yes'."

Nick: "You gotta talk to Izzy, Arjun."

Arjun: "You're more convincing!"

Nick: "Don't you think I've tried?"

Tai: "Come on, Arjun! My girls would be great!"

Qrow: "You're offering them both?"

Tai: "They're that expensive."

Arjun: "In that case? No deal. Marry them to Jaune."

Nick: "I dunno. That boy ain't right."

Qrow: "Neither are you."

Nick: "Am too!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune: "When I got out of the hospital after being born, my dad went and dragged a Deathstalker by the tail to town so the whole militia and anyone else could beat it up to celebrate. They then took photos with it after painting it pink to 'humiliate it'. They finally finished it off by blowing it up with Dust bombs and fireworks."



Yang: "... You have pictures?"



Jaune dutifully shows pictures of himself as a newborn, held between his happy parents... In front of a bound Deathstalker in makeup.



Blake: "... Why is dressed up like a whore?"



Jaune: "That's the only make up template my Dad knows."

 

[Fusion Blaster]

okay an idea I'd like to see someone tackle.

Nora notices Jaune and Ren get passed notes during class and both of them look at it then at each other nod and toss them to go off to talk tothe guy passing them the note.

Nora intercepts... and get surprisedby what it is. Team RWBY hotness ranking as noted by the boys of Beacon

Nora beiing the little shit stirrer decides to let team RWBY know about and thier somewhat suprpising rankings by thier peers.

A clear winner but a surprisingly close number 2 with 3 and 4 left in the dust.

Yang as the clear winner but commonly noted her overly compettive nature detreacts a bit.
Yang: I mean I am the obvious choice but overly competettive? WTF?

The surprisingly close 2? Ruby herself. She's just plain cute and a lof of the guys who picked her think she is just a growth spurt away from being as stacked as Yang, as they are sisters.
Ruby: EEEP

Blake lags far behind Ruby maybe by half as many votes. General consensus Hot but way too aloof with some sort of chip on her shoulder
Blake: .....
and in last even further back poor Weiss. The high maintance Ice Queen.
Weiss: HIGH MAINTANCE?! I AM REFINED AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS THE TREASURE I AM!

 

[Grrrrrrr]

White Knight Errant verse

If Aqua has been pushed into "Downriht livid", Kazuma gifts her one minute.

Specifically anything Aqua asks, Kazuma has to say "Yes goddess" to for one minute. And fulfill it.

(Based on a moment with Vtuber Vexoria and her husband Zolon. I'd link the video, but i'm pretty sure that it would violate something.)

With darkness and megumin mediating so things don't go too far

Aqua: Will you buy me a minibar?

Kazuma: Yes goddesss

Aqua: will you give me a massage tonight?

Kazuma: yes goddess

Aqua: Will you let me peg you?

Kazuma: *in tears* ye-he-hes goddess!

Aqua: Will you let me peg you in the maid outfit?!

Kazuma: *cringing* yes goddess!

Aqua: Will you take me to the Hot Springs for our anniversary?

Kazuma: Yes Goddess, *genuine confusion* why do you have to ask that?

Aqua: will you give me 100,000 Lien?!

Kazuma: gllrlrgh … yes goddess

Aqua: Can you say that again?

Kazuma: *in tears* ye-hehehes goddess.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Jaune Arc was the mild mannered (mostly) Beacon student by day... And sometimes by night.



But at night... Also sometimes the day... He was THE HUNTSMAN! Vale's number one superhero!



With his trusty sidekick, Wonder Zwei, the intrepid duo stealthily climbed through the window of the Old Vale Manse, now the Federal Records Building, and crept through the shadows.



Huntsman and Wonder Zwei made it to an intersection of halls. The Huntsman turned to Zwei.



"Well, Wonder Zwei? Which way?" He asked.



"Arf," Zwei said, pointing to the right. The Huntsman frowned.



"The server room? All right! Let's see what this cyber criminal has in store with the storage of sensitive secrets!"



They leaped into action, charging down the hallway, waving at the security cameras, before finding the server room door ajar. Dramatically, the Huntsman and Wonder Zwei burst through the door, capes waving thanks to their quick sprints.



(In the absence of dramatic wind or fans, it was necessary to convey momentum to your capes. It was just tradition.)



"Stop right there you felonious... Feline?" Huntsman trailed off in shock.



In the center of the main server room was a shapely female form in a tight black leather. A black whip hung from her belt, resembling a cat's tail. Cat-like ears poked out of the top of her black mask, which was also leather. Frankly it looked like it was suffocating to wear, especially given the weather.



Then again, the tempting trespasser didn't seem to be bothered as she turned a sultry smirk towards the Valean Vanguard.



"Why hello, Huntsman~. I was hoping to run into you," she purred.



Wait... This is... YES! MY FIRST SUPERVILLAINESS! Jaune thought happily. Well, second. Or third? Does Neo count? Also Red Huntress is out there. What on Remnant is driving young ladies to a life of crime? Oh right, focus.



"Surrender and come quietly, miss... Uh..."



"Eidolon," the woman smirked. The Huntsman blinked.



"Er... Are you sure?"



Eidolon scowled.



"What? What's wrong with my supervillainess name, hm?"



"Well, I mean," Jaune shrugged, and gestured with his hand, "You have a cat theme going on so I kind of assumed-"



"What, just because I'm a cat-themed villainess I need a cat name?" The young lady demanded. The tone of her moral outrage was somehow familiar, but Huntsman didn't let that distract him.



"Well... I mean, it would make things easier," Huntsman said with a shrug.



"That's so stereotypical! Are you also going to assume I'm a cat Faunus?"



"Are you?" Jaune asked. "I didn't assume that!"



"Oh... Well..." Eidolon calmed herself, and resumed her sultry smirk. She rested a hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows at him.



"So nice of you to drop by, but you're too late! Soon, I will erase all the browser histories from all the computers in Vale! No nosy government workers or judgemental friends will ever see embarrassing porn histories ever again!"



Ah. The villain explaining their diabolical plan. This was much more his speed. It was even morally ambiguous! This was so exciting!



"While I appreciate that you respect people's privacy," Huntsman said, "And share a love for people's freedom of choice, breaking and entering is still a crime. I'm afraid I'll have to take you in."



"Oh really?" Eidolon said, gripping her whip with a confident smirk.



"Don't make this any harder than it has to be, Eidolon," Huntsman stated, in his gruffest vigilante voice.



"Why Huntsman! How hard do you want it to get?" Eidolon purred, sauntering up to him with swaying hips. Jaune did his very best not to blush behind his mask.



Oh Breaker above... She's flirting! I mean, I think Neo does that sometimes and maybe Red Huntress too, but wow! She's really blatant about it! Jaune thought happily. He then shook his head furiously to clear his thoughts. NO! I am a superhero! I can't be tempted by worldly desires!



He reached out to grab her wrists and pulled her close.



"Sorry. Not going to work," the Huntsman growled.



Eidolon smirked and pressed herself up against him.



"Oh? How about this~?"



Ohhh Table Breaker ohhh this is bad! Jaune thought as his blush could no longer be denied. He cleared his throat.



"Ah... Wonder Zwei?"



The Pooch of Power was typing on a laptop nearby.



"Arf!"



Jaune scowled.



"What do you mean you're blackmailing members of the Council?"



"Arf!"



"No you can't do it just because you disagree with the zoning laws! Do it the proper way! Bad dog!"



"Arf!"



"No I'm not flirting with her," Jaune again growled. Eidolon grinned.



"Doesn't seem that way to me, hero~," she crooned. "Why don't you join me and become a more morally ambiguous crusader for justice~? Who needs Lawful Good anyway?"



"Ugh, they keep making Neutral or Lawful Evil characters and it's become so boring," the Huntsman groaned, "I don't mind grittiness but when it's the only thing around? It all becomes the same. Like Ninjas of Love the graphic novel."



Eidolon's eyes widened and she grinned.



"Oh! Personally I thought some of the characters were a little too strait-laced and needed more ambiguity!"



"Maybe some of them, but they turned Satoshi into a creep, where before he was just deeply repressed," Huntsman argued back, "That changes the whole tone of his relationship with Maki and Sakura. Now it's like he was gaslighting them when he was just dealing with his childhood issues."



"I didn't see it that way," Eidolon huffed, "Though I will admit it made the scenes with his sensei, Yurika, a bit awkward."



A pause.



"The foursome was an unexpected but pleasant surprise."



"Really? I thought it was unnecessary fanservice," Huntsman said.



"Arf," Zwei said succinctly.



"We are not nerds!" Huntsman protested. The other door to the server room burst open, and a redheaded Huntress in Hellenic armor with red goggles and red cape appeared. Eidolon snarled.



"Red Huntress!"



"HAHA! I'm here to steal your crime, kitty kat!" Red Huntress cackled in a less than convincing evil laugh. One she cut abruptly as she saw the position the two were in. She narrowed her eyes behind her goggles.



"Red Huntress!" Huntsman gasped. "Here to steal another crime?"



"Yes! Because I am your part-Er, nemesis!" Red Huntress growled. "How DARE you dally with a new villainess!"



"What?! No, we-we just met!" Huntsman protested, trying to pull away from Eidolon. The wily cat-themed burglar held on more tightly and smirked at Red Huntress.



"Don't think of it as dallying. He's trading up! There's a NEW supervillainess in town, Red Huntress! One with moral ambiguity and complexity which makes for far more interesting adventures! Isn't that right, Huntsman~?"



"Errr," Huntsman tried, but Red Huntress scoffed.



"PLEASE! You're a Janey-Come-Lately! You'll NEVER have what we have! Now go run along to your litter box!"



"That's racist!"



"Oh! I'm sorry, are you an actual feline faunus under that mask?" Red Huntress asked, looking very apologetic. Eidolon blushed brightly.



"N-No! Of course not! But it could still be offensive to Feline Faunus!"



"Well GOOD! I'm trying to BE offensive to you, you-you...!" Red Huntress's face turned red and she forced herself to say the next word.



"Skank!"



Eidolon gasped.



"WHORE!"



"BITCH!"



"SLUT!"



The two supervillainesses lunged at eachother, engaging in what could be a very literal catfight (if one of them was a feline Faunus, of course). Huntsman just gaped in astonishment at the leather clad violence. Wonder Zwei trotted up and watched this conflict.



"Arf."



"Oil? Chocolate sauce?!" Huntsman demanded. "No Wonder Zwei, come now! That's demeaning to women everywhere!"



"Arf."



"Well no, I didn't ask if it would be demeaning-" Huntsman sighed as he heard police sirens. "Hey hey! Break it up you two!"



Both supervillainesses stood up and glared at each other.



"You can't keep him to yourself, Red Huntress," Eidolon growled, "I'm gonna steal him and do things you'll have to clear out a hundred browser histories to remove!"



"Like hell you will, you WHORE!" Red Huntress snarled. Eidolon threw down a smoke bomb, filling the room. Huntsman and Wonder Zwei donned their trusty air filter masks and scanned down as the smoke died away. Huntsman sighed-Eidolon was long gone.



"Well, guess we'll have to pick up her trail again, Wonder Zwei," Huntsman stated, his mood grim but determined. He turned around. "We'll start with-BWAH!"



Red Huntress stood in the doorway, glaring at him. Huntsman scowled.



"Why didn't you run off?!"



"Because... I mean..." She hesitated. "Am... Am I still your number one nemesis?"



She sounded so concerned over that. Huntsman did feel a pang of compassion. Perhaps Red Huntress was just... Lost. In need of guidance to return to the path of righteousness.



"Bringing you to justice and turning you to a better path than crime is my number one priority, Red Huntress," he growled, "You're always important to me."



Red Huntress... Squealed, before she threw down a smoke bomb and ran off with a happy smile. Huntsman and Wonder Zwei coughed-They had pulled off their gas masks too soon.



"Geez... What's with her?" Huntsman gagged.



"Arf."



"You said it, Wonder Zwei. Women are indeed crazy."



"Arf."



"Well no, it's not offensive when you call them that, but it is when I do!"



- - -



Because this silly idea wouldn't leave me alone until I'd shared it. Hope you enjoyed. And what are other adversaries the Huntsman might encounter with Wonder Zwei at his side?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune thought through his options as he ran through Beacon's campus. Some seemed more appealing than others.



He could always become a doctor, like his mom wanted. Run away and go on to medical school. His mom might not even be too mad with him.



He could go work with his sister Tangy. He could fight now, and she ran a paramilitary company. Though for tax purposes it was a private security and merchant banking firm.



He could join his sister Aqua. Her little company always needed extra muscle, right? He could hit something with a sword, unlike their main tank!



Though it seemed like it was some kind of harem thing and while Kazuma seemed cool? Jaune was just not into that sort of thing. Jokes about being a femboy had taken their toll growing up and he might have been... Super straight or something?



He was very comfortable in his masculinity, enough that he could wear a dress and do other 'girly' things without batting an eye, but still! A man had to have his limits!



"Jaune!"



Of course, all of that relied on him getting to a Bullhead before Yang caught and killed him. Given he heard her yelling behind him, that was not a sure bet.



"Crap crap crap!"



He sprinted for the ruins just outside the grounds. Maybe he could hide there. Live off of squirrels like a mountain man! Yeah! His Uncle Robin had lived on a deserted island for years living off of seals! He could do the same! But with squirrels!



"JAUNE!" She roared again. Jaune gulped and looked over his shoulder. There she was, boosting her jumps with Ember Celica, her eyes burning red as her hair glowed like fire. She was still wearing the apron, too.



Oh Breaker I'm gonna die to my fantasy! His mind wailed. He dove for cover behind a fallen marble pillar, just as she landed nearby with a boom!



"JAUNE ARC! GET OUT HERE!"



There was murder in her voice. Jaune gulped. He reconsidered his options.



He could A: cower behind this marble pillar until she found and killed him, or B: Meet her head on like a man.



Well... If I am to die...



He very slowly stood up. He turned to face the raging Yang. He took a deep breath. And another. Breathing really was underappreciated. You didn't realize how important it was until you were about to stop. He looked Yang right in the eyes.



Knowing that death was imminent and there was nothing he could do was... Strangely freeing. A kind of calm fell over him, even as his brain was filled with frantic thoughts.



All right... You're the tactical genius, His brain said, What do we do?



"I'm not sorry for kissing you," he stated.



WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! His brain shouted. YOU MORON!



THAT WAS YOUR IDEA! Jaune thought back furiously.



Yang's cheeks... Turned bright red.



"I... You...!" She sputtered.



"I am sorry for being too forward," Jaune continued, "I should have asked you to dinner first before I got that familiar with you."



Yang's jaw dropped. Her eyes turned back to lilac and her hair died down.



"I-I uh... Um... It was... Surprising," Yang managed, sounding nervous.



Jaune blinked.



"Wait... Was that your first kiss-?"



"LIKE HELL IT WAS!" Yang denied angrily, eyes glowing red and hair blazing like the sun's corona, "I-I'M VERY EXPERIENCE IN KISSING!"



Jaune flushed. Yang's blush got brighter.



"N-NOT THAT I'M A SLUT!"



"I-I didn't think that!" Jaune insisted. "Y-You look super pretty and wholesome when you're in an apron cooking! Th-That's why I kissed you!"



Yang gaped.



"SUPER pretty and wholesome!" Jaune added. "Like, the most wholesome-!"



"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Yang shouted. She breathed hard, as Jaune stood petrified.



Silence fell for a moment, only the sound of Yang's aura blazing in the air. After a moment, she cleared her throat.



"So... Um... Dinner, right?"



Jaune blinked.



"What?"



"Dinner... You... You said you'd only kiss me... If I got dinner with you... Right?" Yang asked quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. Jaune blinked.



"... Yes?"



"Well... You owe me dinner. You're paying!" Yang growled.



"... Saturday night?" Jaune asked.



"Yeah! That... That works for me," Yang managed. She turned away with a blush. "You'd better dress nice."



"I-I will," Jaune said with a nod. Yang nodded back.



"Good..."



She walked off. Jaune watched her go in silence.



When he could no longer see her, he slumped to the grass and shook his head.



"Wait... What?!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Hrm... Well, now there's a bit an issue. If Isabel Arc is an incredible doctor, and Nick Arc is an incredible knight, and they're both monsters in combat, why hasn't Ironwood recruited them?



The rational answer is that Remnant is a very big place and Nick and Isabel are not the only such monsters out there. And they may be leery of working with Ozpin, and thus leery of working with Ironwood. After helping Arjun and Saia retake their throne, they basically retired from Hunting and stayed in Radian to have lots of children, run the hospital and the family farm, and train the local militias.



That said, after the fall of Vale and Beacon, Ironwood would definitely try to recruit them. So you could have interesting stories about them meeting up with our heroes in Atlas or working with Atlasian forces to retake Vale or other such stories.



The extremely silly take on this of course is that Ironwood had a major crush on Isabel but just couldn't spit it out. And was frustrated she fell for some hobo idiot instead of a war hero like him. Alas, Nick's natural rizz won the day with Isabel.



Isabel, much like her son, was utterly oblivious to Ironwood's feelings and just thought he was a friend.



Later on, he still has... A few issues.



Ironwood: "Jaune Arc, right?"



Jaune: "Er, yes sir?"



Ironwood: "... Son of Isabel Arc?"



Jaune: "Yes sir?"



Ironwood: "Is she by any chance... Single?"



Jaune: "Um... No? Why do you ask?"



Ironwood: Very quickly "Just making sure you aren't Neopolitan or Sustrai in disguise, son. We have to be careful given the situation."



Jaune: "Oh! That makes sense."



Ironwood: "Yes. It does."

Alternatively, when talking to Pyrrha about becoming the Fall Maiden, Ironwood would be able to bond with Pyrrha over pining after oblivious Arcs.

Ironwood: "I'm going to give you what I didn't have: An adult willing to lock you in a room with your beloved with soft music, candlelight, and a neon sign saying 'I LOVE YOU, LET'S MAKE BABIES' as big as can be fit into said room."

Pyrrha: "... I'm in."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune: "Miss Belladonna, why did you want me to hogtie you again?"

Blake: "Um... No reason?"

Jaune: "I reckon there is a reason to it, Miss Belladonna, though I don't think I should say it."

Blake: "You're very polite."

Jaune: "Yes miss, I am. Still not gonna do it though."

Blake: "Why not? I'm perfectly willing to be a practice target!"

Jaune: "Well, I am not romantically involved with you, which makes engaging in such... behaviors very questionable."

Jaune: "I'm an old-fashioned kinda fella, Miss Belladonna."

Blake: "What if we went on a picnic lunch together? You'd like that, right? It'd be nice and romantic. And then you could tie me up!"

Jaune: "That seems to be movin' a bit fast. I wouldn't do anythin' like that until we were well courtin'. I'd have to meet your parents, make a good impression. Lots of things involved there."

Blake: "So why don't we start training then?"

Jaune: "Trainin' for capturing a person-sized target? I would be entirely willin' to accept the offer, Miss Belladonna, if I didn't know why you really wanted this."

Blake: "And what is that reason, Mister Arc?" Coyly "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean~."

Jaune: "... I'm not sayin' it. But we both know what it is."

Blake: "Oh? However will I know unless you say it~?"

She walks up and rests a hand on his chest

Jaune, blushing like a tomato: "I-Uh, Miss Belladonna, I'd really prefer to not-" gulp "I don't think it'd be appropriate."

Blake: "Mm? How do I know it's appropriate or inappropriate? I can't read your mind~."

She leans in closer

Jaune, having an epiphany: "Wait a second, I'm just playin' into yer hands!"

Blake: "Am I?"

Jaune, steeling himself: "Miss Belladonna, I will not assist you in any kind of sexual gratification unless we're a courtin'!"

Jaune manages to blush even harder.

Blake: Gasp "Sexual gratification? What kind of girl do you think I am, Jaune Arc?!"

Jaune: "A very depraved one. I've seen the kinds of books you read!"

Blake: "You're saying I'm a dirty slut then, Jaune Arc?"

Jaune: "Wha- I, no! That's a horrible thing to say!"

Blake: "A naughty kitty you have to punish? Ooh, punish me, Jaune! Make me a good girl again~!"

Jaune can feel his soul leaving his body.

Later...

Pyrrha: "Jaune? Are you all right?"

Jaune: "No. No I am not."

He stares into the distance.

Pyrrha: "Um... Do you need a hug?"

Jaune: "I had to use my good rope today. I don't think I want it back."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Weiss walked up to the stables, a determined scowl on her face. The hot wind whipped her hair up behind her as she beheld both her greatest nemesis (after her father) and her potential greatest ally.

Orleans was standing in the shade, guzzling down water from the trough with great enthusiasm. The Aura-unlocked horse gave her a glance, before resuming her guzzling. She then pulled back, sending up a spray of water that flew up into the air and covered Orleans. It was rather majestic, Weiss thought, and the fact the horse didn't spray her (for once) was encouraging.

"Orleans," Weiss said quietly and tried very hard not to feel silly about talking to a horse, "I do care for Jaune very much."

Orleans snorted. Weiss shook her head.

"I mean it. He... Means a lot to me," she said. "But that doesn't mean we have to be enemies, right? We both want Jaune to be happy, don't we?"

Orleans looked considerate... For a horse. She neighed in agreement. Weiss smiled and pulled out the package she'd been hiding behind her back: A stack of magazines.

"Now," Weiss said, holding up the pages, "You see all these stallions? Racehorses. I could get any one of them to stud for you."

Orleans examined the magazine dutifully. She looked rather skeptical and snorted.

"What? These are the finest stallions in the world!" Weiss insisted. Orleans snorted again and turned her nose up. Weiss sighed.

Well, that was expected, she thought to herself. Fortunately, she was prepared.

"I see. You're like me, then. You prefer someone more down to Remnant. More of a blue-collar horse than some stuffy elitist," she said. Orleans scowled as well as a horse could and nodded. "Very well."

Weiss swapped the racing horse magazine for one about draft horses. She opened it up to page 12.

"See? This is Luscombe Nodram. The tallest Shire breed horse in the world. Now he's a prize winner, but he's a hard-working farm horse at heart," Weiss said with a smile, "See him? He doesn't look stuck up at all, despite his fame."

Orleans snorted again but did seem much more interested. Weiss smiled.

"You two would make beautiful foals," she said encouragingly, "And you know Jaune would love them. He loves baby animals, and so do I!"

Orleans leaned in a bit closer and examined the picture carefully.

"I will throw in these muffins my butler made," Weiss added, holding out a basket of the warm, delicious pastries Klein had sent her special delivery.

Orleans sniffed the muffins, then chomped down on them. She chewed them thoughtfully, paper and all.

She then nickered. Weiss beamed.

"So... You help me with love, and I'll help you with love. Sound good?"

Orleans huffed and again looked haughty as she considered it. She then neighed and nodded. Weiss nodded back, a smile growing on her face.

"Oh of course Jaune would always be first in your heart. Isn't that always the way?" She reached out tentatively. Orleans watched her intensely for a few moments... Before she relaxed. Weiss patted her on the back of her neck with a happy smile.

"Ahem."

Weiss froze and looked over her shoulder. Pyrrha stood there with a terrifying smile that did not marr her usually pleasant features in the slightest.

"Um... Hello Pyrrha," Weiss said, her smile becoming nervous.

"You know Orleans," Pyrrha said conversationally as she walked up next to Weiss, "The Hellenic citiy-states became very good at horse rearing."

She held up her Scroll and presented an image of a magnificent black stallion. Orleans' eyes were glued to the screen instantly. Pyrrha then pulled out a vial and popped the top.

"His musk, for your perusal," Pyrrha said, still smiling in a scary way. Orleans sniffed, and nickered happily.

"There, see? You help me, you'll get him," Pyrrha said, "We're both happy."

She held out an open box filled with dried fruit.

"I also brought you a sample of fruits my mother tells me is raised on a farm we own," Pyrrha said.

Orleans neighed happily and chowed down as Weiss gasped at her former idol.

"You're trying to bribe Orleans?! But Pyrrha, you're-"

"I'm not as good at this field of battle as others," Pyrrha said firmly, "But I am a fast learner... And I aim to win."

There was a pause. Pyrrha allowed herself a smirk.

"Besides... Orleans is clearly a horse of taste. She wouldn't go for some celebrity horse like an over-eager fangirl. Would you, Orleans?"

Orleans nickered again. Weiss's eyes narrowed.

"I see," she stated, "So be it."

The two young women glared at each other. Orleans went back to drinking water, happily sniffing the musk.

- - -

Yang walked up to the stable, her stride confident. Orleans was again drinking deeply of the water trough.

"Listen Orleans," Yang stated, "I don't do this for a lot of people. Or horses."

Orleans looked up skeptically. Yang held up a bucket of warm, golden oats. The horse nickered happily as she sniffed it.

"Yup. Honey and brown sugar baked. Highest-grade cut oats," Yang said with a smile. Orleans leaned forward, but Yang pulled the bucket back.

"But... Quid pro quo," she stated firmly. Orleans snorted. Yang nodded.

"Come on. You want to be pandered to?"

Orleans huffed.

"Well, I suppose we all like to be pandered to a little from time to time. But not all the time."

Orleans glared at her. Yang sighed.

"Okay look. I really like Jaune and I don't want to fight you. All right? So yeah, have this bribe... And don't screw things up for me. Or, horse or no horse, I'll kick your ass!"

Orleans snorted... But then nodded. A bit of respect was in her eyes. Yang smirked.

"There you go."

She held out the bucket. Orleans bowed down and began to eat happily.

- - -

"... And he took shop class! Shop class is so amazing! He's so cool! He helps me at the forge and even fixed up the bunk beds! So could you please help me out, Orleans? It would be great of you!"

Orleans looked at Ruby incredulously. Ruby beamed and held out a cookie.

"Aw, you look so cute: Have a cookie!"

Orleans took the cookie happily. She then shrugged and whinnied happily.

"Aw! Thanks Orleans!" Ruby hugged her happily. "You're so sweet!"

- - -

Nora stole into the stable, Ren keeping pace a few steps behind her. Nora beamed and held up a bag of sugar cubes.

Orleans nickered happily, throwing her head back with a dramatic flourish.

"This is the good stuff, Orleans! You know I always get the best to share!" Nora said cheerfully.

Orleans considered this truth, and then nodded.

"Open wide!" Nora cried. She tossed the sugar cube, and Orleans chomped it out of the air. "Good on you, Orleans!"

Ren sighed.

"Why am I here?"

"You're hot when you're watching me feed Orleans sugar cubes," Nora chirped, tossing Orleans another sugar cube.

"You say I'm hot when I'm not watching you feed Orleans sugar cubes," Ren deadpanned.

"Am I wrong?"

Ren was silent, and then a bit smug.

"No."

- - -

"Who likes carrots?" Velvet asked cheerfully, holding up a bushel of orange roots. Orleans happily chewed on the treat as the rabbit Faunus girl brushed her mane.

"So, um, I was thinking maybe... Maybe you could put in a good word for me?" Velvet asked eagerly. "Maybe... Tell him I like him?"

Orleans stared at her as she chewed. Velvet sighed.

"You're right... I have to do it myself. Another carrot?"

- - -

Jaune walked up to Orleans. He reached out and patted her on the side of her neck affectionately.

"Howdy Orleans. How you doing? Not too hot, are you?"

Orleans shook her head.

"Are you sure? I can get the rectal thermometer-"

Orleans bit him.

"YEOW! Geez, fine, sorry!" Jaune grunted. Orleans neighed, then nuzzled him affectionately. Jaune sighed and patted her on the back of her neck.

"You're lucky I can't stay angry at you. For too long, anyway."

He frowned and looked back at her haunches.

"We're going for a ride as soon as it gets cooler: You're starting to get fat."

She bit him again.

"OW!"

- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune Arc had more than a few harrowing memories in his brain. Becoming a cowhand for the Duke Ranch was not for the fainthearted, given they had to move thousands of cattle through bandit and Grimm infested lands. He'd seen men and women die in horrible ways. He'd killed men. Maybe one woman, he wasn't too sure about one bandit's gender.

Probably the scariest moment in his young life was going with his dad and Duke into a village of locals Indendepents called the Blue Sioux. They'd lived and survived on their own in the Valean wilderness for hundreds of years, and killed anyone who intruded on their land unless you could negotiate with and appease them.

They walked into that heavily reinforced village. Spikes covered in preserved Grimm Masks and human skulls decorated the concrete-reinforced walls. Machine gun nests rested on the top of the wall, their shiny barrels pointing out. All the Blue Sioux were dressed in leather and scrap metal armor with blue face paint and heavy weapons pointed at them. Every one of them wore a scowl on their pale faces.

They entered a concrete longhouse, filled with furs and tapestries. There was a throne that appeared to be a very well-upholstered Recliner. There was some plastic wrapping still on the sides. A few TVs hung from the walls, playing informercials.

They walked up to their chief, an old man with long white hair wearing a white robe and a crown of aluminum over a red and yellow beanie. He seemed much more relaxed than his tribemembers. Mister Duke was up in front, while Nick and Jaune flanked him. The chief rose.

"Hello Rooster!" He greeted him.

"Hello Joseph, King," Mister Duke had said, "We again seek to cross your lands with our cattle." He looked around. "The courtesy of your hall seems a bit lessened of late, Joseph, King."

Joseph shook his head and shrugged.

"Sorry. Things have been tense lately. Your Rangers shot at us a few times. The Branwen Tribe has struck too." Joseph frowned and looked around at his people, before looking back to Duke. "They want war."

"War is in no one's business, Joseph, King," Duke replied evenly, as calm as an Atlasian glacier despite all the guns pointed at him. His father was equally unperturbed, even smiling, though Jaune could tell there was a tension in his sword arm. Jaune himself was just trying really hard not to freak out with all the guns pointed at him.

Joseph, King nodded.

"True, true. The younger braves want to start raiding like the Bandits. Take what we want. We did that long ago. Didn't work out well for us." He sighed. "I have to take a heavy tithe for you to pass."

"What's the number, Joseph, King?" Duke gritted out. Joseph looked Mister Duke right in the eyes.

"Half your herd."

Jaune grimaced in disbelief. Half? He was going to shout in protest: They couldn't afford half the herd!

He felt his father's hand on his forearm. He glanced at him. Nick Arc shook his head, and Jaune tried to calm down.

Mister Duke didn't even twitch. His eyes did get a bit more dangerous though.

"Joseph, King, we've been friends a long time. When I was a Ranger, I treated you and your people with respect."

"That is true, Duke, you did," Joseph replied.

"If some low down Atlasian prospector demanded half your assets or he'd kill you, what would your response be?" Duke asked, his voice level but filled with warning. Joseph nodded slowly.

"I'd kill him right back and display his skinned body as a warning."

"Same goes for me," Duke growled. "Now I'll trade with your people fair and square, just like always. You'll get fresh cattle for your herd and a few other items you've been needing. All at fair prices. But if you insist upon trying to cheat a friend because of politics, well... Joseph, King? It will end badly for you."

"HA!" One of the braves shouted in mockery, "You're an old man with a dumb swordsman and a boy! We would kill you in an instant!"

Duke just slowly turned and stared him down. Jaune had no idea what Mister Duke's Semblance was, but being able to fill people with mortal terror might have been part of it since the guy shrank back in fear.

His father was also unperturbed, though there was a small smirk on his face.

"Joseph, King," Duke stated wearily, "We're too old for young man's foolishness. So we'll trade with you fairly, and then we'll leave."

Joseph King stared at Duke. Duke stared back. The silence stretched on for a time. Jaune's heart beat like a drum in his ears. All the braves around them had their weapons ready. His father's hand rested over his sword. Jaune felt the urge to go for his gun, but a look from his father stopped him cold.

At long last, Joseph, King held up his hand. The braves lowered their guns, though they all looked unhappy.

"We trade fairly, old friend."

The tension evaporated. The trade deal went well, though plenty of the braves kept their weapons close by. Which was fine by Jaune, they all did too.

The dread and terror of that moment seemed almost insignificant as he sat in the RWBY/JNPR common room, strumming his guitar listlessly.

Ruby popped up onto the couch next to him with a concerned look on her face.

"Hey Jaune? You okay?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, sure as shootin'," Jaune said with a smile. Pyrrha and Weiss were across from him, doing some homework. Yang was back in her apron again, cleaning some dishes with Nora's help. Ren was meditating on a nearby pillow. Blake was flipping through one of her books as she laid out on another couch.

"Cardin's not giving you any more trouble, is he?" Pyrrha asked gently. Jaune shook his head, strumming out more random tunes.

"Oh, no. We uh... We have an understanding of sorts," he said. "Hmmhmm... Hmmm... How'd it go...?"

Nora popped up on Jaune's other side with a grin.

"You took a while in the locker room! You usually take a lot less time! How much time does he take, Ruby?"

"After combat class? Fifteen point two minutes on average," Ruby chirped.

Much staring. Ruby blushed and found her boots very interesting all of a sudden.

"I-I was bored so I did the calculations...? You wanna know how long you spend in the locker room, Weiss?"

"No," Weiss stated flatly.

"Oh, well..." Jaune coughed. "I had to talk to Cardin."

"He doesn't want to join our movie night tomorrow, right?" Nora asked with a pout.

"Um, no," Jaune managed. Nora beamed.

"Also, you haven't chosen the movie! What's it gonna be, Jaune-Jaune? Ooh! Another war movie?"

"Uh..."

Nora's eager smile filled his vision. Ruby squeezed in and shook her head.

"No no no! We're gonna see GunGun Mecha Prime: The Return! The mechanical design on the giant robots is superb! It's pure gear porn~!"

"Ruby!" Yang growled. "Don't say 'porn'!"

"So should I just say 'Blake's reading material'?" Ruby deadpanned. Blake scowled. Yang hummed.

"No, that would take too long."

"Hey!" Blake protested quietly.

"So! What are we watching?" Nora asked again, very eagerly.

Jaune sweated. He felt Blake's curious eyes upon him.

Damn her Faunus senses, she can tell I'm nervous, he thought to himself. Crap crap crap...

He could see it in his mind's eye. His admission about Velvet, and all the ladies in his life donning war paint and stringing him up without his skin!

Should he lie? He was no good at lying! He could bluff but that wasn't exactly the same as lying!

Could he go to the Frozen Hell for bluffing? Did the White Witch own his soul now that he played cards?!

"Jaune? Are you all right?" Weiss inquired gently. "You're extremely off tune."

"O-Oh, uh, sorry Weiss," Jaune apologized. Everyone'e eyes were on him, Nora and Ruby's especially. He grimaced.

Okay... Come on... Honesty is the best policy... Just... Stay cool. Be like Mister Duke, and be cool, calm, and collected.

"Well... You'll have to choose the movie for movie night, since I have another engagement," he said, as calmly as possible. Pyrrha smiled.

"Oh? What kind of engagement?"

WHY DID I SAY ENGAGEMENT?! Jaune thought frantically. THAT IS AMONG THE WORST WORDS I COULD HAVE USED! MA WOULD BE ASHAMED OF MY LIMITED VOCABULARY!

Right. What did Dad always say? Keep it simple, stupid. Stupid smart folks loved to make things complicated, when smarter dumb folks kept it simple.

"Miss Velvet Scarlatina invited me to a friendly dinner to thank me for standing up to Cardin for her," Jaune said, slowly and carefully.

Much staring. Nora blinked and laughed.

"Oh, that's all? I thought it was serious! Friend dinner, yay!"

The tension seemed broken. Jaune relaxed a bit as his friends did too. Ruby slid back next to him and grinned.

"Oh! That's all? Neat! So, when are we going?"

The tension was back. Jaune resisted the urge to cough.

"It's just me and her. To some place called Minerva's."

Silence fell again. Only broken when Weiss dropped a stylus on the coffee table.

"She got reservations to one of the most exclusive and romantic restaurants in Vale?" She asked, slowly and dangerously. Pyrrha's smile became very brittle, as Yang's smile grew angry.

"I uh... Through her friend, Miss Adel," Jaune went on, "It's just a friendly dinner. I'll be a little late for the movie night, but I will be there."

The silence resumed. Nora again beamed and laughed.

"Oh! Okay!" She then frowned. "Wait... You don't think she's gonna steal your kidneys, do you?"

"Why would she want my kidneys?" Jaune asked, grateful for the distraction. He was gonna buy Nora that cowgirl hat she had been desperate for. As many sparkles as she wanted.

Pyrrha relaxed a little. Ruby's frown remained, but was less tense. Yang laughed and walked up to him. She bent over and winked.

"Well, if you wanted someone with a love of carrots, I would happily oblige, cowboy. I'd even let you use the stick on me~."

Jaune turned bright red.

Weiss sputtered.

"Don't you dare you slut! Stop acting like that-Jaune! Are you absolutely certain you want to go? I-I mean, if you wanted to go to Minerva's, I could have gotten us a table! Two tables!"

"It's not like that," Jaune sighed, doing his best to not look directly into Yang's cleavage. "She's just taking me out as thanks. It's nothing special. I'll be back in time for movie night."

"Oh... Y-You will?" Ruby asked with a smile. Jaune smiled back and patted her on the head.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

"See? He wouldn't miss it," Pyrrha said with a smile, "It's good that Miss Scarlatina is thanking Jaune."

"Why is she just thanking him? We did work too!" Nora pouted.

"I'll ask her about that," Jaune said carefully. He plucked the strings of his guitar nervously, then frowned. No wonder he hadn't been able to relax.

"Dang it. I gotta tune her up. Be right back."

He got up and left for his dormroom. He and Ren shared a manly glance. Yup, things could have gone worse.

Getting skinned and beheaded worse. No need for his friends to know about the kiss on his cheek. He was sure Miss Scarlatina was just overcome with emotion.

Everything would be fine.

- - -

Jaune shut the door behind him. All eyes turned to Weiss.

"The most romantic restaurant? It really is that, Weiss?" Ruby asked, looking worried.

"Yes," Weiss seethed, "That little Faunus slut!"

She coughed and looked over at Blake.

"Sorry Blake-"

"Oh no, rabbit Faunus are all the same," Blake stated calmly, turning another page in her book, "Total man stealing sluts. They can't wait to get knocked up and pump out a dozen babies to claim any attractive man who isn't theirs. That's why it took so long for Menagerie to give them the vote."

"They do?!" Pyrrha gasped in horror.

"We're not letting that whore take our... Team Leader," Yang growled, slamming a fist into her palm.

"Absolutely!" Weiss insisted.

"M-Maybe she's not stealing Jaune away?" Ruby suggested.

"She totally is!" Weiss insisted. "Did you see the way she looked at him? Like a ravenous she-wolf!"

Ren looked over at Nora. Nora shrugged with a smile.

"I see this as a win. Fearless Leader is getting a free meal and I get to choose the movie for movie night!"

"We didn't agree to that!" Ruby shot back.

- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Blake is scowling at Cardin and Velvet having a happy lunch out on the quad. Team RWBY is nearby at a picnic table, relaxing.

Yang: "Blake? You still got a bug up your butt over those two?"

Blake: "Of course I do! Cardin obviously bullied her into being his girlfriend!"

Ruby: "They look happy to me."

Blake: "I'm much more worldly and experienced, Ruby. Clearly, Cardin psychologically broke her into dating him! And now he'll break her into his dutiful, obedient bunny bride! Pumping out dozens of children, his own personal brood bunny! He'll chain her to the oven and make her walk around in nothing but an apron!"

Yang: *covering Ruby's ears* "Would you PLEASE stop that shit around Ruby?!"

Ruby: haunted look "I can read lips, Yang, it's too late."

Yang: "SERIOUSLY?!"

Weiss: "Look, I'm no fan of Cardin Winchester, but they seem perfectly happy. He hasn't done anything racist to her. Look! He's even stroking her ears affectionately."

Yang: "Maybe Cardin's just no longer a jerk, have you ever considered that?"

Blake: "HA! Racist humans never change their minds about Faunus! Besides, rabbit Faunus are especially prone to being abused like this!"

Weiss: "What? How so?"

Blake: "They're all weak, demure herbivores! They bend to the slightest pressure and run off! And they can't help their breeding instincts to just give in to any strong male who dominates them! Most single Faunus mothers are rabbit Faunus and they betray their own kind with humans! That's why we feline faunus run things! We're not so easily overpowered like those dumb cottontails!"

Hex Skvader, an upperclassman rabbit Faunus glares as he was walking nearby.

Hex: "Hey! That is OUR word! You can't use it!"

Blake: "I can use it all I want! Cottontail!"

Hex: "Alley Cat!"

Blake: "Bunny Buns!"

Hex: gasp! "That is a slur, Mittens!"

Blake: "THAT'S AN EVEN WORSE SLUR!"

Ruby: "But... I like mittens."

Yang grabs Ruby's hand and pulls her away: "Okay Ruby, I think we'll let them sort this out themselves. Come on Weiss."

Weiss: "But this is hilarious!"

Yang: "I said come on!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune gets up in the middle of the night to get some water from the common room. He enters it... Turns on the light... Walks past Blake to the sink.

Jaune: "Hey Blake."

Blake: "EEP!"

Jaune turns back. Blake has her ears loose and is... Playing with a ball of yarn.

Jaune: "... Oh. So that's where that went."

Blake: "Jaune... You've discovered my secret! You evil, wicked human!"

Jaune: "That... You're a Cat Faunus? Blake, we've known that for months now. I'm pretty sure everyone knows now. Velvet passed you an ear brush at lunch a few days back-"

Blake: "Which means, to keep my secret, I'll have to do any depraved thing you human males can think of to do with feline Faunus! We're the most desirable kind of Faunus, after all! Way better than rabbit Faunus!"

Jaune: "Ummm..."

Blake: "What will you do to me first?! Put a collar on me? Make me 'nyah'? Make me go on a leash and be your obedient pet?!"

Jaune: "You don't put leashes on cats. I know. There are many cats on my farm. None of them took a leash."

Blake: "Oh just get it over with and make me into your slave, you depraved human!"

Jaune: sips his water... And heads back to his dorm

Blake: "Wha... Jaune? JAUNE!"

Jaune: "Goodnight, Blake."

Blake: "What are you, gay?!"

Jaune: "No, I'm just very, very tired."

- - -

Jaune also being the One Sane Man at Beacon is a fun plot. He was a civilian and everyone else has been in training for most of their lives to fight soulless monsters for a living. Him being the most exasperated at everyone else's drama and just trying to get by could be very funny.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Ruby: "Jaune? I need you to do something for me."

Jaune: "Sure, what?"

Ruby: "Take Blake on a date? A regular, non-sexually depraved date?"

Jaune: "What?"

Pyrrha: "What?!"

Ruby: "You dated a cat Faunus before, right?"

Pyrrha: eyes narrow "You did?"

Jaune: "Well sure, but Katy Sith was a childhood friend! We broke up amicably! Also, she wasn't crazy."

Ruby: "Blake isn't crazy!"

Weiss: "HA!"

Ruby: "... Okay so she is. But! You can make her NOT crazy! Or at least show her that not everything is about racism and sexual depravity! You're perfect! You're like... Normal!"

Jaune: "I literally snuck into Beacon Academy with fake transcripts, no Aura, and no clue what I was doing."

Ruby: "Didn't you ace the entrance exams?"

Weiss: "Wait, he did what?!"

Jaune: "Well of course! Every time I made a stupid lie about Aura or the Vytal Festival I was panicking and saying stupid crap! I do actually study hard and I got in!"

Weiss: "YOU DID WHAT?! NO WAY! HOW COULD YOU-?!"

Yang: grins, holds up Jaune's Scroll "See for yourself."

Weiss: looks "... They told me someone else got a perfect score! I ONLY GOT A 99! HOW DID AN IDIOT LIKE YOU BEAT ME?! YOU-YOU DOLT!"

Jaune: "I-I just test well! And freak out in situations where I might be killed!"

Weiss fumes.

Ruby: "See? You're an absolutely normal person, Jaune! And Blake needs normality!"

Pyrrha: "Does she? Maybe she could date Sun? Wasn't she already dating Sun? You know, SUN?"

Yang: "Apparently he's not human enough. He's a primate and so he's close to humans which would annoy her dad, but not far away enough it will piss him off."

Everyone tries to sort that out.

Jaune: "... How...?"

Yang: "Don't ask. That was the least taxing part of the conversation with her." sighs "If I ever decide to date her, please, cut my arm off?"

Jaune: "Agreed. Also? You're getting another case of beer from my sisters' next aid package."

Yang: "Hey hey! Good on you, Stud!"

Jaune: "What happened to Vomit Boy?"

Yang: "You got me beer! And you're going to take my neurotic partner out on a date! Two step promotion!"

Jaune: "Ruby, I mean, I don't know-"

Ruby: "Pleasssse?"

Jaune: sighs "... All right. For you, Ruby."

Pyrrha: "But-Jaune-Don't we have training?"

Jaune: "Relax Pyrrha. I'll just take Blake out on a nice, normal date to a bookstore coffee shop. Lunch or brunch." He smiled "It's no big deal, just like how I would take Katy out."

Pyrrha: twitch, scary smile "Oh?"

Jaune: "Pyrrha are you okay? You seem tense. Do you need another massage?"

Nora: "HEY! You've been holding out on us, Jaune! We all want massages!"

Ren: "I don't."

Nora: "Then you give me one!"

Ren: "All right..."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Pyrrha tries to inquire about Jaune's relationship with Katy Sith. In a subtle way.

Pyrrha: "Um... So... You had a girlfriend?"

Jaune: "Hm? Oh, yeah. Katy Sith! She was great!"

Pyrrha: "Was she?"

Jaune: "Yeah! We were childhood friends! Heh! I actually thought I'd marry her."

Pyrrha: "Did you?"

Jaune: "But we decided we weren't going to. We wanted other things out of life, ya know?"

Pyrrha: relieved "Oh! Oh... Yeah..."

Nora: "So! How far did you two get?"

Jaune: "..." blush

Pyrrha: "... Jaune?"

Jaune: "I uh... I really shouldn't say."

Pyrrha: "Oh, you're being so polite and gentlemanly!"

Jaune: "Yup! How I was raised!"

Much laughter.

Pyrrha: "... So... Um... How far did you two go?"

Jaune: "Um... Well uh... It's not important, right?"

Pyrrha: "Of-Of course not!"

Jaune: "Right, right..."

A beat.

Nora: "You totally fucked didn't you?"

Jaune: bright red "NORA!"