Ganurath
Apologizes For Nothing
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2014
- Messages
- 2,535
- Likes received
- 20,798
-
The site has now migrated to Xenforo 2. If you see any issues with the forum operation, please post them in the feedback thread.
-
Due to issues with external spam filters, QQ is currently unable to send any mail to Microsoft E-mail addresses. This includes any account at live.com, hotmail.com or msn.com. Signing up to the forum with one of these addresses will result in your verification E-mail never arriving. For best results, please use a different E-mail provider for your QQ address.
-
The rules regarding NSFW links have been updated. See here for details.
With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)
- Thread starter Mr Zoat
- Start date
-
- Tags
- self insert young justice
Gantradies
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2019
- Messages
- 329
- Likes received
- 1,410
URGH! NO! NO! DONT EVEN MENTION THAT GENESTEALER-LUST RIDDLED BOOK!
Ian Wattson gains more of the strength to escape his banishment to the warp every time its quoted as a serious source!
if he gets free, he'll publish "Orgasmachine 2", and Slaneesh will reign!
(if you really want to know the context, here's a good chunk of the "if the emperor had a TTS device" current cast suffering through the book In-charicter so you dont have to alone: )
Vaermina
Well worn.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2015
- Messages
- 6,112
- Likes received
- 66,482
Which means his ring has been corrupted by Chaos.
By interesting you mean you would have to massively nerf the orbital defenses to keep them from instantly obliterating him like what happened the last time someone/something just randomly appeared in orbit of Terra.
What Zoat seemingly forgot here, is that the Emperor's throne room is warded.
Sceptic
Critical Irrationalist
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2016
- Messages
- 1,499
- Likes received
- 10,063
Before or after Jaq Draco dug his way in?
Vaermina
Well worn.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2015
- Messages
- 6,112
- Likes received
- 66,482
Before and After.
Further, something Zoat forgot to mention, was that "Jaq Draco" did his thing 2000 years ago and after revealing the Ordo Hydra's plot helped fix the holes in the Throne Rooms security.
Gantradies
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2019
- Messages
- 329
- Likes received
- 1,410
also that the ......reliability of the record/book (from an in universe AND Real life viewpoint both) is...even ignoring the....issues with the authors tastes in pornography bleeding over into whats meant to be a "serious"/"bleached underpants-style" (read: someone who usually does porn making a shot at something non-fap oriented- like the Webcomic "Girl Genius" compared to...ahem.. some of the Foligo's previous works...) book, is.... all over the place.
i mean, as several of the VA's in that cast implied (simultaneously IC and OOC), there's a pretty good chance Wattson was writing one-handed,among...other things (the purple prose is almost physically painful at times- as well as the world in the opening having a STC for fully-functional battle automata that was never shared/stolen by the C'tan-worshiping, treasonous Magpi- err, Admech despite openly operating entire units/battalions of said Battle-automata, at a time when for the imperium at large, they were UN-reproducable archeotech barring a handful of exceptions...)
-
not to mention it was prettymuch the first 40k book- there's been DOZENS/hundreds of retcons since then- GW cant even make their minds up if it was a humble guardsman who took the metaphorical bullet for the Emperor when Horus had him crippled,a SM,a custodies,one of the forgotten/missing primarchs
(that ones sarcasm/snark on my part) or another increasingly-overpowered superhuman that undermines/completely MISSES the intended impact of the original scene (that Horus was, for all intents and purposes, GONE-past the event horizon- that the difference in strength/ability between him and Olleanus was LITERALLY so extreme it was like a Soldier shooting a helpless,crippled toddler) to the point of absurdity...
i mean, in the same era, the Smurfs- uhhh, the Ultramarine's chief Liberian was a fucking Elder-Human Hybrid.....
Last edited:
Gantradies
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2019
- Messages
- 329
- Likes received
- 1,410
*blinks* wha?
i was...agreeing with your point- that it was absurd for him to SURVIVE the injection point, let alone for a Random, "plucky baseline" inquisitor to effortlessly slip past the entirity of the Imperium's garison on Terra (considering the High Lords are there,i.e protecting someone actually important/said high lords actually care about, thats one hell of a fucking achievement), and the Fucking Adeptus Custodes-as in, the purpose-rebuilt/engineered army of mini-primarch bodyguards
im saying an Injection into 40K in High Terra orbit is as nonsensical (barring a joke with a punchline of "he was vaporised about 12 seconds later as he tried to gather his barings) as Draco's entire Story >.<
Vaermina
Well worn.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2015
- Messages
- 6,112
- Likes received
- 66,482
My apologies, I totally misread what you said.
Chaoswind
Lord of nonsense
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2019
- Messages
- 1,539
- Likes received
- 10,671
This is a massive derail.
Anyways I am honestly blue balled because i prepared myself to get flooded with pony updates (that where getting interesting thanks to troll grayven) only to get these meh updates that hardly raise my interest instead... Its like getting ready for a hurricane only to get a heatwave instead.
Anyways I am honestly blue balled because i prepared myself to get flooded with pony updates (that where getting interesting thanks to troll grayven) only to get these meh updates that hardly raise my interest instead... Its like getting ready for a hurricane only to get a heatwave instead.
Ardy
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2017
- Messages
- 747
- Likes received
- 3,775
Who are you and what have you done with the real Vaermina!
In all seriousness I wonder what Grayven will consider both evil and adorable enough to trigger an attack from the elements
Coda
Versed in the lewd.
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2019
- Messages
- 1,084
- Likes received
- 4,211
But what about Gundam X?
Handlewithcare
Versed in the lewd.
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2019
- Messages
- 1,289
- Likes received
- 13,045
Omake time!
Roughly 999.M41
I bob and weave almost lazily around the incoming shots.
I had considered this a truly imaginative dream at first, but I find myself doubting that hypothesis.
A projectile many times larger than my house blows past me, the ring keeping me easily away from it.
I'm a small target and it turns out that Imperial targetting systems...well, suck.
Ring, charge?
RING CHARGE AT...ERROR
Well, that is honestly not very surprising. The Warp is made from desire, the way I understand it. The side-effects are kinda annoying, though.
WHO ARE YOU? She Who Thirsts screeches at me in outrage.
It is not exactly like hearing a voice, more like a...thought that comes out of nowhere. But it still feels…
The ring lets me evade an energy beam of some sort.
Ring, malthusian cloaking tech would be nice about now.
I've been trying to generate constructs. And I haven't got...the first instinct was to try to force my imagination into existence, but my Ring is orange of course, not green. All I need to do is want something and it happens, but that sounds a lot easier than it is. Focusing desire like this is not something you just do, without training.
LOCAL PHYSICAL LAWS ARE SUFFICIENTLY DIVERGENT THAT GIVEN TECHBASE IS UNUSABLE. Wonderful. Wait, how does the ring itself work, then? WORKING ON ESTABLISHING NEW PHYSICS BASELINE. That's better.
YOU ARE VERMIN!
No, I don't think so. I answer that internal Not-Voice.
HOW? I CAN FEEL YOU! YOU ARE A SLAVE TO YOUR DESIRES!
Yes, I kind of am, aren't I? The ring makes it so. I am far more...aware of what I want. Distractedly so, but...fortunately it turns out my two main desires right now are staying alive, so evading incoming fire is easy and keeping a cool, rational head to work out what is going on.
I OWN YOU!
This is getting more annoying. Mostly because I can tell that S/He's sort of right. I can...feel the Warp, I think, flowing through me and and around me but while it is filling me it...sort of isn't me?
I struggle with vocalising what I mean. Until about five hours ago I never had extra sensory perceptions after all, so this is all kinda new.
YOUR FLESH SHOULD BUCKLE AND EVOLVE!
You and I have different ideas of evolve.
But again, S/He is kinda right. In fact...Ring?
CONTINUOUS PHYSICAL REPAIR PROTOCOL IS STILL IN EFFECT
Good show.
The Not-Voice is an issue though and another mystery. It's blatantly obvious that this is Slaneesh, God/dess of excessive desire, my orange ring and S/He are practically made for each other.
And yet, despite that...or maybe because of it...S/He sort of...can't...reach..me?
I hear Her/Him, the Warp infuses me, I just don't...react to it.
Maybe...hm.
I think I've figured it out. I think cheerfully at the Not-Voice.
EXPLAIN!
Where I come from, there is no Warp. Therefore, I don't think I have a 'Soul' you can effect.
IMPOSSIBLE! I FEEL YOU! YOUR DESIRES! YOU ARE UNSHIELDED, YOU WILL…
Aaaand now this has gone on long enough that I can feel the difference between the Not-Voice and my own thoughts and I think I can...twist…
...AND CARRY OUT MY WILL…
Better.
The Ring gives off a melodious sound.
ADAPTATION TO LOCAL ENVIRON SUFFICIENTLY COMPLETE FOR STEALTH FUNCTIONALITY.
Great. Do it.
A complex orange construct appears around me, surrounding me in a rough, fractured sphere with sharp edges and fractal machinery reaching out everywhere and the incoming fire stops.
The broadcasted demands "in the name of the Emperor" which I had pushed to ignore hours ago stop as well. Instead, frantic communication happens between the ships as well as various ground stations, trying to reacquire me.
Problem solved, for now.
I turn with a thought, facing the planet that has been the backdrop to this pointless battle.
I barely recognise it. It is a horrid, dirty sphere of greenish-black with clouds that are swirls of grey and matte black instead of white.
Unlike canon, the oceans still exist (since 'boiling' doesn't actually remove water from a planet), but they are considerably smaller then they should be, much of their content being pumped through millions of miles of piping and storage tanks instead.
What is left is a dead, toxic sludge of black, surrounded by pumping stations.
Despite that, my ring tells that me that the planet is bursting with people. All of them heavily mutated to cope with the ridiculous pollution.
Transition to the imperial palace.
The air is filled with scanner energy, so much so that it alone could have seriously harmed my unprotected body. Yet none of the almost comically oversized gun placements swivels to acquire a lock on me. I am still invisible.
Ring, can we transition into the interior?
AFFIRMATIVE, LOCAL DEFENSIVE SHIELDING DOES NOT IMPEDE TRANSITIONING
Huh. How does that work? Transitions work in this universe, so there must be some local equivalent. But the imperial palace being open to it would mean that the center of the Imperium is vulnerable to any attack using this technique. And in 10 millenia of constant warfare, someone should have thought of using it, right?
Are there any hidden traps, perhaps?
Wearily I transition into one of the larger rooms in the outer areas of the palace.
I appear, without problems, in a room roughly the size of a London borough. Clouds lazily move under the ceiling. The distant, badly illuminated walls look vaguely golden.
The ground, far below me, is littered with...machines? Heaps of debris? Organic growth?
I could ring scan them, but honestly I don't care enough about them.
Instead, I transition directly to the throne room.
It's like materialising in a sun.
The psychic power both emanating from and contained in this room should have turned me to cinder.
I can feel its impossible power pouring through me without touching me. I offer so little resistance to it, or the Warp, that neither are interacting with me at all. It's like standing inside a nuclear explosion that isn't harming me.
How can the Custodes standing guard here handle this…? Oh. They aren't. Ring scans show me almost zero brain activity. The people here are functionally brain dead, souls burned away under the psychic golden fire.
Feeling depressed I take off from the ground. There is no way I'm walking all these stairs.
The 'throne' is so much more than that single word could describe.
A massive, stepped pyramid, step sizes fit for Astartes, mind you, not normal humans reaches from the floor to meet an inverted pyramid reaching from the ceiling.
Both are massive, dozens of meters at least and where they meet...a Skeleton on a throne, a mass of cables and tubes sneaking out of the golden seat it is reclining in, less an actual chair and more like a pod surrounding it, ending in the desiccated remains of flesh still clinging to the bony remains. The result reminds me a bit of the Navigator from the Alien franchise.
The psychic might focused here would straight up kill anyone unprotected.
Ring. My own mental voice sounds involuntarily subdued. The atmosphere really is like a tomb here. I am uncertain if the Emperor is aware of my being here.
Ring, can you restore the entity on the throne?
WORKING...SUBJECT POSSESSES AN EXTENSIVE META-PHYSIQUE THAT IS CURRENTLY BEYOND THIS RING'S CAPABILITY TO ANALYSE.
Okay, that wasn't so surprising. What about the throne, the machinery?
WORKING...ATTEMPTING TO ANALYSE. ATTEMPTING TO ACCESS LOCAL DATA STORAGES...PARTIAL SUCCESS. MACHINERY IS DESIGNED AS LIFE SUPPORT AND PSYCHIC META-PHYSIQUE ANCHORING SYSTEM. PRIMARY, SECONDARY, TERTIARY, QUATERNARY AND QUINTARY SYSTEMS ARE HEAVILY DEGRADED.
Is a repair possible?
POSSIBILITY IS HIGH. WARNING. REQUIRED RING CHARGE WOULD BE...ERROR...PERCENT OF CURRENT STORAGE
I smile.
Begin.
WORKING
Last edited:
Sockmonkey
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2016
- Messages
- 611
- Likes received
- 3,281
Wait, so there are still places in Fallout that can manufacture big modern machines brand new?
Chojin Patriarch
Veteran Lurker
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2019
- Messages
- 2,381
- Likes received
- 36,129
Not a bad Omake, despite so many errors in the text. English is not your first language, I can tell. Here's something that might help:
easily away from it.
Imperial targetting systems
made from desire,
The side-effects are
She Who Thirsts screeches
The ring lets me evade
tell that S/He's sort of right
and around me
Where I come from
Aaaand now this has gone on
and my own thoughts
The Ring gives off a melodious sound.
LOCAL ENVIRONMENT SUFFICIENTLY
demands "In the name
of grey and matte black
water from a planet)
Huh. How does that work?
both emanating from and contained
I can feel its impossible
that neither aren't interacting
take off from the ground
CURRENTLY BEYOND THIS RING'S
the throne, the machinery?
Greydragon
Making the rounds.
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2018
- Messages
- 29
- Likes received
- 317
The Enclave and Brotherhood certainly do, with access to massive numbers of vertibirds and vehicles. As seen in Fallout Tactics, 3 and 4. NCR could have access from any of a variety of sources, including US army gear that survived the EMPs of the bombs and simply making them in small machine shops from schematics. Most of the tech they would need to build these things still exists, even if it is guarded by insane robots, etc.
Equestrian Girls (part 8)
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
- Messages
- 15,977
- Likes received
- 817,752
2nd April 2012
06:27 GMT -6
Except it's not
Four minutes is an hour.
That means that while it feels like I've been here for around seven hours, it's actually been about half an hour. It's not half past six in the morning, it's eleven the previous day… Or thereabouts.
I sniff the air and.. take a left. I think that my sense of smell is more acute as a pony.
Which means that this is still the first of April. So what I'm about to do is completely in character.
I take a moment to review the footage I'm getting from my spy drone. Twilight's herd was here to set up a surprise 'Congratulations on Coping with Canterlot' party. Apparently, Celestia's spending a few days in Manehattan and left Luna in charge, which explains why we haven't seen her.
And that suggests that her ability to sense the arcane is somewhat limited. And that she didn't have any sort of detection spell set up on the Mirror.
I sniff again and here we are! A pony Indian restaurant! I have no idea how that's even a thing! But I don't care! I guess India has ponies too, though… I don't know how that maps onto Equestria. Maybe they're from outside Equestria? Pass. And the door is just about big enough to let me in, so…
"Ahoy the restaurant? Sorry I don't have a res…" Huh. Empty. Great! I walk all of the way inside and make eye contact with the portly waiter. "Reservation, but I eat like a-" Um. "-hippopotamus."
The thick-set stallion waiter doesn't seem troubled by my entrance. "We can seat you, sir. Is there anyone else in your party?"
Hm. "Let me just check."
I turn around and stick my head out of the door.
"If you three have been told to keep an eye on me, you might as well do the job on a full stomach." My shadows don't move from their places of concealment: one on a rooftop, one behind a barrel and the third behind a weak chameleon spell. "My goggles are enchanted to bypass concealment attempts and these ear rings are empathic weapons."
A giant yellow arrow marks each of their locations, and the one with the chameleon spell glances upwards before slumping and giving up.
"I'm buying?"
The batpony peeks over the roofline, then drops down onto the street. The unicorn dismisses their spell and the earth pony undulates out of the barrel in a way which.. doesn't look natural for the equine body. I smile and back up into the restaurant.
"Table for four."
"Just here, sirs and madam."
Madam..? Oh, yes, the batpony is a mare. Lunar armour on her and the unicorn. The three of them take their seats while… Yeah, that's not going to work. I'll just sit on the floor. I'm still taller than them, but at least it's not quite as ridiculous as it would be if I joined them on the bench.
As the waiter heads off to pick up some menus I lean closer. "Why are you following me?"
Their eyes each flick to the other two, and none answer.
"Okay, you're wearing night-themed armour and the sun is down. You're night guards. Luna has supreme autocratic authority so if she wanted me arrested I'd be arrested. Your officer take initiative?"
Seems unlikely, but it would be nice to know that those two total nitwits from the day shift aren't the sum total of the guard's officer corps.
"Come on. If you were ordered not to directly contact me then you've already-." A menu is deposited in front of each of us. "Thank you. Already failed that part. What's the harm in telling me who ordered me monitored?"
"We've got standing orders to monitor anyone who uses dark magic." Batmare blows her fringe out of her face. "We're still waiting for orders on exactly what to do about you."
Earth pony looks around. "Do you know this restaurant?"
"Took a walk down the…" I wave my left forehoof in the general direction of outside. "Main.. restaurant row, and they appeared to be serving… Cardboard? I don't think I'm a cardboard-eating pony. But here-" I open the menu and take a look. "-they serve actual food." I turn to the waiter. "It all looks great. I'll just have one of everything."
"I think sir may be ordering too much."
"Look at the size of me, I'm built like a rhino." I take a small crate out of subspace and push it over to him. "And I have unlimited storage, so I can just doggy bag everything I don't get through. And-" The bit is a commodity currency, so stamping a load of my own gold was an easy way to secure fungible resources. "-if I'm paying-" I flip open the lid and his eyes light up. "-cash, who cares?"
"Sir makes a good point."
The crate vanishes as he heads to the kitchen and starts shouting orders.
"Anyway, if you're following me… Is there anything you want to ask me?"
The unicorn frowns. "Are you working for the Princesses? I mean… You're an alicorn. Have you..? Fulfilled some sort of prophecy, or… Studied the magic of friendship-." I raise my eyebrows incredulously and he looks away. "Yeah I didn't think so."
"No, no, I mean…" I shake my head. "Prophecy? Friendship magic? Are.. they still telling people that? That's not how alicorns are made."
"It isn't?" The earth pony tilts his head slightly to the left. "Then how are alicorns made?"
I take a quick look around and then lean in, prompting the three of them to do the same.
"Alicornism is sexually transmitted."
Their eyes boggle and their bodies freeze.
"So magic of special friendship, maybe. I wish Celestia and Twilight felt they could be open about their relationship, but…" I wrinkle my nose. "I guess after so long without an official consort Celestia's got a hang-up about it."
They keep staring.
"Duh." Batmare flaps her right wing twice, then points it at me. "Y-you..?"
"Well, after going without for a thousand years I imagine you'd be a bit pent up too, but looking at Luna you'd never think she'd be quite that… Vigorous. Heck, I'm lucky I was an earth pony; the other seven guys are still in hospital." They're still staring. "Oh, they'll be fine. Alicorns have the magic of the three tribes, so now they've got earth pony endurance too. Guess we'll just… Each take a day of the week or something."
"Eight?"
"Covering holidays and illnesses, you know. And team events. And maybe she'll calm down once she's got it out of her system. Or, you know, in her system, heh. You want anything to drink?"
The unicorn unsteadily levitates his menu up in front of his face. "I wonder if they have an alcohol licence? I hope they have an alcohol licence."
"Wait wait-" The earth pony shakes his head. "-wait. Captain Shining Armor isn't an alicorn. How-?"
"Ah… I don't really know the fellow, but I'm guessing that with all the work the Crystal 'Empire' needs, they don't think it's a sensible time to have a foal and they're using barrier contraception. Barriers are his special talent, after all. No intimate fluid contact-."
"Okay!" He holds up his forehooves. "Okay, that's…"
The unicorn fidgets. "Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle… They're really hiding their relationship?"
The other parts of evil plan phase one are nearly in place… So I nod.
"Huh. I hadn't really thought about.. that sort of thing before. She's just.. so… Above us all. I hadn't thought of her as being.. normal. Wanting… I guess.. it must be kinda lonely. I mean…. I know…" He looks at the other two. "We'd all be totally supportive..?" Two stunned nods.
I nod. "Maybe you should say something."
"Oh, I couldn't."
"Or drop her an anonymous note, or… Maybe have one of Shining Armour's friends send him a letter about his sister's relationship?"
A couple of reluctant nods. Well, if that doesn't convince them that I need to be shot with the Elements of Harmony…
"Are you ready to order drinks, sirs and madam?"
I turn my neck and smile at the waiter. "Oh, yes. Sarsaparilla for me, please. Oh." I turn back to my dinner companions. "Canterlot police and palace guards are separate organisations, right?"
Batmare nods. "Separate commands, yeah. Why?"
"Oh." My smile grows. "No reason."
06:27 GMT -6
Except it's not
Four minutes is an hour.
That means that while it feels like I've been here for around seven hours, it's actually been about half an hour. It's not half past six in the morning, it's eleven the previous day… Or thereabouts.
I sniff the air and.. take a left. I think that my sense of smell is more acute as a pony.
Which means that this is still the first of April. So what I'm about to do is completely in character.
I take a moment to review the footage I'm getting from my spy drone. Twilight's herd was here to set up a surprise 'Congratulations on Coping with Canterlot' party. Apparently, Celestia's spending a few days in Manehattan and left Luna in charge, which explains why we haven't seen her.
And that suggests that her ability to sense the arcane is somewhat limited. And that she didn't have any sort of detection spell set up on the Mirror.
I sniff again and here we are! A pony Indian restaurant! I have no idea how that's even a thing! But I don't care! I guess India has ponies too, though… I don't know how that maps onto Equestria. Maybe they're from outside Equestria? Pass. And the door is just about big enough to let me in, so…
"Ahoy the restaurant? Sorry I don't have a res…" Huh. Empty. Great! I walk all of the way inside and make eye contact with the portly waiter. "Reservation, but I eat like a-" Um. "-hippopotamus."
The thick-set stallion waiter doesn't seem troubled by my entrance. "We can seat you, sir. Is there anyone else in your party?"
Hm. "Let me just check."
I turn around and stick my head out of the door.
"If you three have been told to keep an eye on me, you might as well do the job on a full stomach." My shadows don't move from their places of concealment: one on a rooftop, one behind a barrel and the third behind a weak chameleon spell. "My goggles are enchanted to bypass concealment attempts and these ear rings are empathic weapons."
A giant yellow arrow marks each of their locations, and the one with the chameleon spell glances upwards before slumping and giving up.
"I'm buying?"
The batpony peeks over the roofline, then drops down onto the street. The unicorn dismisses their spell and the earth pony undulates out of the barrel in a way which.. doesn't look natural for the equine body. I smile and back up into the restaurant.
"Table for four."
"Just here, sirs and madam."
Madam..? Oh, yes, the batpony is a mare. Lunar armour on her and the unicorn. The three of them take their seats while… Yeah, that's not going to work. I'll just sit on the floor. I'm still taller than them, but at least it's not quite as ridiculous as it would be if I joined them on the bench.
As the waiter heads off to pick up some menus I lean closer. "Why are you following me?"
Their eyes each flick to the other two, and none answer.
"Okay, you're wearing night-themed armour and the sun is down. You're night guards. Luna has supreme autocratic authority so if she wanted me arrested I'd be arrested. Your officer take initiative?"
Seems unlikely, but it would be nice to know that those two total nitwits from the day shift aren't the sum total of the guard's officer corps.
"Come on. If you were ordered not to directly contact me then you've already-." A menu is deposited in front of each of us. "Thank you. Already failed that part. What's the harm in telling me who ordered me monitored?"
"We've got standing orders to monitor anyone who uses dark magic." Batmare blows her fringe out of her face. "We're still waiting for orders on exactly what to do about you."
Earth pony looks around. "Do you know this restaurant?"
"Took a walk down the…" I wave my left forehoof in the general direction of outside. "Main.. restaurant row, and they appeared to be serving… Cardboard? I don't think I'm a cardboard-eating pony. But here-" I open the menu and take a look. "-they serve actual food." I turn to the waiter. "It all looks great. I'll just have one of everything."
"I think sir may be ordering too much."
"Look at the size of me, I'm built like a rhino." I take a small crate out of subspace and push it over to him. "And I have unlimited storage, so I can just doggy bag everything I don't get through. And-" The bit is a commodity currency, so stamping a load of my own gold was an easy way to secure fungible resources. "-if I'm paying-" I flip open the lid and his eyes light up. "-cash, who cares?"
"Sir makes a good point."
The crate vanishes as he heads to the kitchen and starts shouting orders.
"Anyway, if you're following me… Is there anything you want to ask me?"
The unicorn frowns. "Are you working for the Princesses? I mean… You're an alicorn. Have you..? Fulfilled some sort of prophecy, or… Studied the magic of friendship-." I raise my eyebrows incredulously and he looks away. "Yeah I didn't think so."
"No, no, I mean…" I shake my head. "Prophecy? Friendship magic? Are.. they still telling people that? That's not how alicorns are made."
"It isn't?" The earth pony tilts his head slightly to the left. "Then how are alicorns made?"
I take a quick look around and then lean in, prompting the three of them to do the same.
"Alicornism is sexually transmitted."
Their eyes boggle and their bodies freeze.
"So magic of special friendship, maybe. I wish Celestia and Twilight felt they could be open about their relationship, but…" I wrinkle my nose. "I guess after so long without an official consort Celestia's got a hang-up about it."
They keep staring.
"Duh." Batmare flaps her right wing twice, then points it at me. "Y-you..?"
"Well, after going without for a thousand years I imagine you'd be a bit pent up too, but looking at Luna you'd never think she'd be quite that… Vigorous. Heck, I'm lucky I was an earth pony; the other seven guys are still in hospital." They're still staring. "Oh, they'll be fine. Alicorns have the magic of the three tribes, so now they've got earth pony endurance too. Guess we'll just… Each take a day of the week or something."
"Eight?"
"Covering holidays and illnesses, you know. And team events. And maybe she'll calm down once she's got it out of her system. Or, you know, in her system, heh. You want anything to drink?"
The unicorn unsteadily levitates his menu up in front of his face. "I wonder if they have an alcohol licence? I hope they have an alcohol licence."
"Wait wait-" The earth pony shakes his head. "-wait. Captain Shining Armor isn't an alicorn. How-?"
"Ah… I don't really know the fellow, but I'm guessing that with all the work the Crystal 'Empire' needs, they don't think it's a sensible time to have a foal and they're using barrier contraception. Barriers are his special talent, after all. No intimate fluid contact-."
"Okay!" He holds up his forehooves. "Okay, that's…"
The unicorn fidgets. "Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle… They're really hiding their relationship?"
The other parts of evil plan phase one are nearly in place… So I nod.
"Huh. I hadn't really thought about.. that sort of thing before. She's just.. so… Above us all. I hadn't thought of her as being.. normal. Wanting… I guess.. it must be kinda lonely. I mean…. I know…" He looks at the other two. "We'd all be totally supportive..?" Two stunned nods.
I nod. "Maybe you should say something."
"Oh, I couldn't."
"Or drop her an anonymous note, or… Maybe have one of Shining Armour's friends send him a letter about his sister's relationship?"
A couple of reluctant nods. Well, if that doesn't convince them that I need to be shot with the Elements of Harmony…
"Are you ready to order drinks, sirs and madam?"
I turn my neck and smile at the waiter. "Oh, yes. Sarsaparilla for me, please. Oh." I turn back to my dinner companions. "Canterlot police and palace guards are separate organisations, right?"
Batmare nods. "Separate commands, yeah. Why?"
"Oh." My smile grows. "No reason."
Last edited:
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2014
- Messages
- 3,675
- Likes received
- 36,903
Take notes. This is how one does Evil with class.
Khettien
Perpetually confused
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2016
- Messages
- 475
- Likes received
- 4,173
I can't help but imagine that Celestia's reaction will be something along the lines of "Of course you realize, this means war!"
Vaermina
Well worn.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2015
- Messages
- 6,112
- Likes received
- 66,482
This seems more like minor annoyance territory then Evil.
And heck, there's no way this is the first time that particular rumor has surfaced.
thebishop8
Umm, ackchyually...
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2019
- Messages
- 403
- Likes received
- 2,467
Remove "the".
Change "head" to "heads".
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2014
- Messages
- 3,675
- Likes received
- 36,903
Hardly; consider, no male Alicorns until now to make it exceptionally plausible.
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
- Messages
- 15,977
- Likes received
- 817,752
Thank you, corrected.
Chojin Patriarch
Veteran Lurker
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2019
- Messages
- 2,381
- Likes received
- 36,129
Ah, Time dilation. Always handy for making things away from home take next to no time at all.
Oh, that must open up a whole new world of trolling opportunities...
What convenient timing for Celestia. You'd almost think she planned for this...
Remember the Mantra: "It's just a TV show and I shouldn't worry about the details."
Because of course there are ponies watching him covertly.
Yes, I doubt most ponies would be so perceptive. They tend to be a little oblivious when it's funny.
I can just see them thinking, "Might as well get a good meal on the mark's bit."
The joy of being a real horse in a Pony's world.
Oh, god, it's a Siberia detail isn't it? What did these three do to end up watching the giant bat-alicorn?
In for a bite, in for the whole apple.
Does he look like a local, Chuckles? I rather think he'd stand out in any crowd...
...Have you seen the size of him? He could probably eat you and have room for more.
Ah... One more crime for the list: Counterfeiting currency. Or maybe devaluing currency? Who knows what laws they have on the books?
And the floodgates open. Half expecting all three of them to start babbling.
Oh, boy. Grayven is about to up his trolling game, isn't he?
...
...... Oh, this is going to result in hilarity. So much hilarity, Pinkie Pie will consider the hilarity excessive!And in another world, Trollestia is taking notes. As is Molestia.
"Oh, not just me. Do you have any idea how pent-up someone can get after one thousand years of solitary exile? No one stallion could survive that long."
Bwahaha! That's what I said!
"You know, if you feel the need to spit-take or something. I understand that pink pony Princess Twilight Sparkle knows swears by it."
Heh, that Unicorn needs something stronger than they serve here, I think.
"Way too much information? Yes, I wish I could forget about that detail myself..."
Oh, boy. And the Mane Six thought Discord was a prankster? They have no idea...
I love that they're buying this. At all. Grayven must have an 80+ in Speech!
I don't know... They've been trolled before...
Now why would a fine, upstanding stallion need to know that?
Yes... I feel the Troll rising... Equestria is going to be very confused soon...
Oh, boy, the Sisters and the Mane Six are in for a confusing few days. And Grayven's still only at phase one. I wonder how far he's going to have to escalate?
Rebu
hey, little Anna, you're the one
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2017
- Messages
- 205
- Likes received
- 1,408
And this is the part where I laughed out loud.
ForeverShogo
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2016
- Messages
- 487
- Likes received
- 2,922
I suppose, then, the question would be where the first Alicorn came from if Alicornism is sexually transmitted.
You know. If you were to take Grayven's trolling seriously.
You know. If you were to take Grayven's trolling seriously.
