With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

[Mr Zoat]

I feel the mechanics of civilisation
clank and whir about me

Canterlot is a city perched upon the peak of a mountain. It has no farming and no mining. I can feel the twisting effect its location and nature are having on the supply networks of the country. Only dimly; it would be far more accurate if I had roots here rather than simply being an interloper -and if I was sovereign I would already be ordering the place torn down- but the discomfort caused by the inefficiency is palpable. Too much fuel being consumed, too many train lines in the wrong places. And the stupefying effect it's having on governance is worse, if anything. Something to bear in mind when I become ruler: make sure that there are other sources of authority. Not in the sense of division of powers necessarily, but make it so that there are government officers that can make policy decisions on their own.

I wonder if that's what Cadance is? Why she's in charge of a single city, even though her special talent doesn't lend itself to that sort of work? Is Celestia planning on assigning alicorns to every major city, recreating the elector system of the Holy Roman Empire? I'd need to know more about how special talents work to be certain, but I don't think that's a good idea. Celestia can get by on experience, but having civil servants defer unquestioningly to someone who doesn't know what they're doing is a recipe for disaster. Putting them in charge of areas of national government relating to their specialities makes far more sense, once they've got enough government experience to actually do something useful there. In the interim, using Cadance as an ambassador and Twilight as a champion makes the most sense.

Where would be the best place for a capital? Ponies don't eat fish, and waterways are already decreasing in importance for the transport of goods. That means that the usual go-to of the largest coastal city isn't appropriate. If Canterlot were abandoned then mining the useful minerals from the Foal Mountains becomes far easier, and the existing railway nexus in Ponyville makes it ideal as far as that's concerned. Ponyville has lumber and agriculture, but no mining or heavy manufacturing. The land between Ponyville and Canterlot could be zoned for heavy industry, but it would have to be built up before it became the new capital.

I wonder if I can claim-.

The world shudders as somepony intrudes in my psyche. I should have seen this coming, really. Given what I've been up to it's only natural that she'd want to take a peek. And that knowledge is why I don't fly into a rage at the idea of someone getting inside my head, but I still need to stop her before she does something infuriating. The lower depths of my psyche will remain inviolate unless she tries brute forcing it in a way that would almost certainly wake a normal person up, so I don't think she'll risk it.

I look around at the industrialised reimagining of Equestria I've instinctively created.

And I imagine that this will be at least a little curious to her: the way I think about her country and how it should be. Good job I wasn't dreaming of Apokolips again. All too often those end up as a mishmash of Apokolips and some other place, and… I don't want to see Equestokolips.

So where is the little lunar sneak?

I look up at the moon. Hm. No, nothing there. No structures, no air, no infrastructure. Some resources, but nothing that wouldn't be far easier to mine on the surface. Nowhere on Equestria has special significance to me personally, her presence is too diffuse to track by simply looking…

No. She's a ruler. Her being here after a thousand years of autocracy under her sister throws so many things into disarray. I should be able to track her with that. Mother Box, boom tube to the throne room.

Ping.

Boom!

I float through, curious to discover that my dream-body is still a pony. An equine anyway; I'm sure that I'm big enough to count as a horse. I'm not sure if horses are a thing here…

Ah.

The throne room is decorated in Apokoliptian style. Not the neo-brutalist style of the throne's current occupant, but in the techno-medieval style of Queen Heggra. Though.. not an exact replica. It's not in her colours, and some of the stylistic flourishes are different.

I smile as I realise that I unconsciously redesigned it for Sunset.

Well, she is my investment in this world, isn't she? And all this 'alicorn=princess' business… No, focus. I can feel the pressure on the bureaucracy that comes from having a new and unpredictable master to serve. I can feel it come from the halls of government, but where does it go?

That way. Hm, naturally. Mother Box.

Ping.

Boom!

I walk through the tube and out into the cave containing the Tree of Harmony. The tree itself… Smaller than I thought it would be, but I suppose that it's just a representation. The shadows ripple slightly as the tube closes…

"My soul. My place of power. The place where my godhood shines most brightly."

The walls around me flare with light, denying Luna any shadows to hide in. She's ejected, tumbling forth to sprawl at my hooves!

"Did you think you could hide from me here? I'm genuinely curious."

She comes to her hooves, glaring at me.

"We felt-." She cuts herself off, looking concerned.

"You're cut off from magic until I choose to allow it. I've gotten very good at controlling intruders. What do you want?"

"We were hoping to learn more of your character. Who you are when you are not presenting a front. We see that We will not be able to, so We will simply ask."

I nod sarcastically. "It can save time."

"What have you done with the-? With 'Party Popper'?"

"Assuming I haven't moved in my sleep, she's lying next to me. I've got experience in comforting children, and apparently having someone big and nurturing next to her triggered her foal instincts." I narrow my eyes. "Naturally I will kill anyone who tries to hurt her."

"None will. Once Twilight Sparkle concluded her screaming and Pinkie Pie informed Us of the cause, We began making arrangements for Party Popper to become a citizen of Equestria in her own right."

"And the ones Twilight killed?"

"Despite what you thought that you knew, they truly were returned to the mirror pool."

Oh. Huh.

She studies my face, perhaps trying to see whether or not my deceit was deliberate or the result of ignorance. Guess I misremembered that episode. "Thou truly didst not know?"

"I knew that Twilight shot them and they went 'poof'. That was it." Hm. "What happens to them now?"

"They will be granted physical forms once more once we have prepared to receive them."

Okay, yes, good, but the important part…

"And am I getting shot with the Elements anytime soon?"

She looks around the still-blinding white chamber. "We were hoping to see some sign of your curse. If you are truly in need, We will see what can be done."

Hmmm…

"Alright. It should be safe enough to let you look at the thing. Don't touch it, don't touch the cage it's in. Am I clear?"

Her eyes narrow. "We are a Princess of Equestria. We do not need-."

"You BROKE INTO MY BRAIN. You are a SNEAK THIEF. You will follow my instructions because I know what I'm talking about."

She lifts her head up. "Very well. Show Us this curse."

I maintain eye contact for a moment, then allow the lights to dim.

Mother Box. Boom tube to Starswirl's Mirror.

Ping.

Boom!

I lead the way through, trotting into the palace corridor, through the mirror -our forms don't change, perhaps because we're not literally going through it- and into Sunset's laboratory. Luna glances around curiously as we head out into the corridor, and then into a lift that doesn't exist in reality.

"Going all the way down."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Down down down down
Down down down down
Down

The lift doors open… Heh. The room beyond looks like the place SHADE were keeping Lynne. In place of the machinery they were using is a series of coloured rings. Inner, mid and outer, one layer of each colour of the emotional spectrum, red at the top and violet at the bottom. And inside them a ball of… Grey. And I know it should be white. Several of the inner rings are afflicted too, dulled and.. slightly melted. I step out of the lift and cautiously start walking a circle of the room.

I find myself glancing at the place I killed Esak, and for a moment his body flickers into view.

Hm.

"What is it?"

Luna has taken a few steps closer, though thankfully she's got more sense than to actually touch the thing.

"The bands are formed from my emotions. Red, for hate and anger. Orange, for avarice. Yellow, for fear. Green, for will. Blue, for hope. Indigo, for compassion. Violet for love. A pearl of universal life force contains a fragment of the Anti-Life Equation."

"And what is that?"

"Nobody's completely certain, praise the Source. There are certain… Forms of suffering, which can… Take on a pseudo-life of their own. I suppose it's a little like how the abstract concept of 'loyalty' can, in the hooves of a profoundly loyal pony, become part of a harmonious Rainbow of Fixing. This is… A fragment, one my father chose to bestow upon me as… What I'm forced to assume was a gesture of respect and affirmation."

"What is it?"

"Have you ever wanted something, striven for something with all your might, and failed, failed completely and known a misery of a depth that you could not have known if you had never made that effort?"

She shivers, then nods.

"Imagine feeling that misery for everything. Imagine.. being convinced that even the successes were failures. Imagine being made incapable of thinking that things were otherwise, that they had ever been otherwise, that they could ever be otherwise. That is what this fragment does."

"And… The whole?"

"Father believes that it will cause the entire universe to become an extension of his being; that it will make him not a New God but simply God. Having known this.. piece, I shudder to imagine what he'd have to become to make that happen."

"And you believe that the Elements of Harmony could remove it."

"I hope that the Elements of Harmony will destroy it. But I'd take removing it. See how the cage is failing?"

"We see it." She takes a small step closer. "How long will it take?"

"Don't know. I actually used the blasted thing a little while ago and I think that's where the decay of the inner ring came from. But it's increasing and I don't know how to stop it. Because it's not just a matter of recreating the rings. It's literally eating the emotion I put into them. Making them part of it. Adapting, so that I'll come to see those emotional bonds as harmful to myself."

I stomp towards her.

"And this is just a fragment. Do you understand!? Your country may have a way to unmake the entire Anti-Life! Your entire species could devote their existences into doing nothing but fulfilling that goal and their lives would have been more worthy than they would had they devoted themselves to any other goal. And they don't need to. Six members of your species have to give me five bucking minutes. And then I'm out of their hair."

"That… Is a sound argument. And Sister's former apprentice?"

"Sunset wants to turn herself into an alicorn using a technique she discovered for herself while Celestia watches. She believes that doing so will conclusively prove Celestia wrong, and then Celestia will either admit it or prove herself unworthy of Sunset's devotion."

"She did not seem devout."

"On my world, Sunset has access to any arcane text she wants. Any arcane device she wants. She has a mentor who is delighted by her scholarship, students of her own, and tasks from me to keep her on her toes. She has everything she ever wanted from Celestia, and she bothered coming back. Why?"

"Because she is not as angry as she appears."

"No, her anger is genuine. But as much as she hates Celestia, she loves her too. In her mind, Celestia's rejection is an aber…" I look past Luna to… There's a small… Ball, like a hole to a starry sky, floating just behind her. "Aberration. What's.. that?"

The ball floats towards the cage, a pale blue aura-. She's bypassing my locks? Okay, yes, she's rather good at dream magic, that's expected. But I'm looking at it and I still can't feel it.

"No! Stop!" Luna's staring at it in fear. "We did not make you to torment others!"

"Luna, is that yours?"

It's getting closer to the emotional bindings, floating up past hope and will, slowing at fear and stopping at avarice.

The pearl within the bindings undulates.

"Luna."

"It is called the Tantabus. We made it that We might never forget Our misdeeds and failings."

"What does it do?"

"It makes Us relive them each night. We do not-."

I turn my head towards her. "Why would you make something like that?"

"It is what We deserve. We desired Our ponies' reverence so much that We were driven mad by its lack."

Oh shit.

"Your desire for something was strong, and you were hurt for it."

"We were driven mad for it. We became a monster-."

The Tantabus darts in, the outer orange ring shattering and failing! The greying pearl stretches out to meet it, the inner ring evaporating at its approach.

"Luna, run." Here I-.

I blink. Here I-.

My God Speech. I can't do it. Without that-.

"What horror is occurring?"

"You've felt it, the form of suffering this fragment relates to. And you invested that feeling in this Tantabus thing. The barrier's about to fail and there's nothing we can do to stop it. I'm no longer blocking your magic. Can you escape?"

She tilts her head slightly. "Neigh, We cannot."

The orange hoop fails first, the Tantabus floating through the gap and touching the misshapen grey mass inside. It.. flows over the shape's outer surface, giving it new definition and substance.

The other rings shatter in a blast that knocks us both into the wall behind us!

And a vaguely horse-shaped thing steps forth.

"Life = Pain."

 

[Mr Zoat]

We NEED
To LEAVE

"What-?"

I'm on my feet and dreaming a corridor.

"Run you stupid pony!"

"But-?"

I pound past her because while the Element Bearers have beaten Nightmare Moon before they've never faced anything like me. Luna comes to her senses a moment later, flapping her wings to catch up with me in the air. Shouldn't be a problem… I dream a wider corridor to give her a little more space.

"Grayven, this place does not literally exist! We cannot simply flee from that abomination!"

"I know! I didn't have any way of stopping it before you gave it purpose and I certainly don't now, but when I used it I could barely work up the motivation to do anything. I'm hoping I can slow it down."

"And then what?"

"If we're very lucky, Twilight's team will rainbow blast me in my sleep."

"Dost thou feel lucky?"

The end of the corridor comes into sight, and I gallop onto a small platform overlooking the maze I built into my mind as an anti-telepath measure.

"Yes. A little."

The way through essentially requires you to be me to find it, but that's a distraction in itself. I got the idea for this thing from a combination of Chester's pontificating and the plan the Green Lantern Marine Corps used to stop the Red Son version of Superman. Well, tried to, anyway. I hired a couple of mathematicians who Jean assured me could actually hold accurate models of extra-dimensional objects in their minds and created the trap at the centre of this maze by transferring it into mine. In theory, it should be able to hold any memetic being running on my brain. Unfortunately, Luna's put her hoof in it, so… Who knows.

But it's here, that's the main thing. And it wouldn't be if that abomination had full control of my psyche already.

"Get on my back."

Luna lands next to me and looks at the multidimensional maze. "What is this?"

"A trap. I can get through, but you're not me. Get on my back. I'll carry you through."

She flaps once, then I feel her weight on my back.

"Hast thou planned for this?"

"No. Not really." I step forwards onto what should be thin air, our surroundings twisting as the maze manifests its extra planar properties. "I always assumed that if it ever broke out I'd be unable to resist. This was for something else."

Saffron, elderberries, three four.

I step backwards and I'm in the field behind my parents' house on Earth Prime. It's part of the maze but also not. This memory shouldn't make any sense to anyone who has only been hearing the lies I've told about myself while allowing me to find connections out just fine.

Okay.

"Any ideas on what to do next?"

"Neigh, we do not. The Tantabus was never intended to exist within the mind of another. We-." An Earth Prime horse and two Earth Prime ponies walk across her field of vision. "-had.. not… What.. manner of strange creature-?"

"Not important. How do you destroy a Tantabus?"

Luna stares at the equines for a moment, then shakes her head. "We did not create a method by which it might be destroyed. Had We needed to, Our spellcraft would have been sufficient."

"Think you could take it now?"

"Neigh. We do not." She thinks for a moment. "Couldst thou reforge the containment cage with your emotions?"

"I didn't forge the first one. My brother did, and he's the New God of Freedom."

"The God of Freedom built a cage?"

"The God of Freedom helped me escape it. The Anti-Life is a mechanical expression of utter misery, not a geist. It has no consciousness."

"The Tantabus should not have one either. We created it to-."

"To remind you why turning into Nightmare Moon was bad, yes. In my experience, constantly being confronted by the same stimulus numbs you to it."

"We made it complex enough-" I'm nodding. "-to adapt-. Ah."

"Yeah. Ah." I take another look around. "But if emotional resonances are the best option we've got, we may as well get started." What's a good one-. Ah! And we won't even have to move.

I remember the scene… More or less, and the low moaning sound reaches us a moment later. This field doesn't actually have any trees in it, but for dramatic effect I suppose that sticking one in when neither Luna nor I were looking works well enough. I trot towards the tree, the texture of the ground changing under my hooves as my surroundings switch from Westham farmland to the fields outside New Camelot. Derek Kelly is lying against the tree, staring up in horror, his right hand trying to reach the knife still embedded in the back of his head.

Of course, this never actually happened. He was unconscious after our fight when the knife was in him, and the staring-in-mindless-horror is something he picked up in the secure hospital after I brought him back. Still, even Sinestro commented on how impressed he was at what I had achieved.

"Who is that?"

"A former enemy. He gave me a damn good fight, actually. Blindsided me, stole my equipment, was.. almost entirely invulnerable. He used a fear elemental to supercharge my yellow power ring. And…"

I look up as my memory of the Terror Thing appears in the sky and I remember what nearly being eaten by the thing was like.

Then I flick my right ear and realise that there's no ring on it. I try and picture just the mouth and tentacles, imagine them forming a circle…

Nothing,

"It's not working. Could try another emotion, can't think why it would work better. Any other ideas?"

"Perhaps the Elements of Harmony-?"

I turn and angrily press my face into hers.

"You think?"

She holds my gaze for a moment, then backs up slightly. "The Elements are not merely jewellery. They are the principles underpinning Equestrian civilisation. We know full well that they do not need a corporeal manifestation in order to bring their force to bear."

"Okay. You try."

"Canst thou fly?"

I flap my wings, and awkwardly rise from the ground.

"As long as I don't think about it."

Luna ascends into the sky, her wings beating as she flies towards the newly appeared forest.

"Follow Us."

Don't think don't think don't think…

My wings flap, and I wallow through the skies after her.

 

[Mr Zoat]

I'm basically living in a
prog rock album cover

The Castle of the Two Sisters looks to be in far better repair in my dream than it does in reality. It-.

"Luna, is this the pre-banishment castle?"

She pauses for a moment as she leads the way through the halls and takes a moment to look around. "It is."

"I don't know what that looks like. How are you inserting your thoughts into my head space?"

She tosses her mane, and starts walking again. "'Tis not an attack. 'Tis the nature of dreams to respond to the thoughts and memories of those who experience them. E'en now, thou couldst most likely change things if thou truly desir'd it."

"Okay. I know that you and Celestia used to use the Elements…"

"That is not why we are here." She shoves open the door to the throne room. "When We speak of the Elements, the first that comes to our mind is Kindness. 'Tis here that Sister showed Us the greatest Kindness after We were restored from the Nightmare."

"Wasn't that in the ruined castle?"

"Yes. But this is still how We remember Our home."

"Isn't it supposed to be a kindness that you displayed?"

"That… We hope not."

She turns, spreads her legs a little to improve her stability, then closes her eyes. The castle around us… Rots away, a thousand years of neglect appearing as I watch. Another wavering in our environment and Luna appears as she was immediately after the Nightmare was banished; small, weak and scared. Translucent images of the Bearers shimmer into being on the peripheries of the diorama but the focus is the statuesque form of Princess Celestia, towering over the cringing Luna.

Then the Celestia image lays down next to her, and nuzzles her.

"After all that We did, she was still willing to accept Us back." Luna shakes her head, her eyes remaining locked on the image. "If this does not work, then this approach is fatally flawed."

"Maybe you need something you did to demonstrate a virtue?"

"We-."

I can't read pony expressions well, but she looks decidedly unhappy. I walk over to her, standing alongside her and pressing my side-. Too tall. I crouch slightly and press my side into hers.

"You wielded the Elements. Come on. You confronted me to protect your nation. Wasn't that a display of loyalty?"

"Neigh. Pride, and frustration that We missed Sister's fight with Chrysalis. We sought confrontation to prove Our might. We were selfish. And frustrating though you are, We should not have attacked you without further investigation."

"Don't apologise. I enjoyed it. Now, come on: there must be something that sticks-."

"Wriggling!" Her eyes widen and she sidesteps away from me. "You were-! … Standing proud!"

"You're an attractive mare. Now focus. Virtues."

"I-. No, I know that I did, but-."

Oh no. "It's working on you, trying to make you forget, to cheapen your achievements. Come on, pick a memory at random if you must."

She nods, and the eight dream ponies disappear to be replaced by an image of a royal guard. He looks around fearfully, spear held under his right wing. Luna walks towards him. "This is Stalwart Spear. He assailed Us when We appeared in the Ponyville town hall as Nightmare Moon. We struck him down, and he had nightmares for days." She lays her right forehoof on his left shoulder. "His was the first dream we visited after Our return, and We were able to bring him comfort."

"See? Kind."

She backs off, and the image of Stalwart Spear fades. "We caused his terrors. A pony whose very cutie mark identifies their strongest desire to fight in Equestria's defence was confronted by one who effortlessly overpowered him. And Our Sister's student did not even call upon him to aid her in her journey to our castle."

"Yeah, but you made a point of trying to help him." I pause. "Did you know who the dreamer was before you went in?"

"No, We did not. Though We should not have been surprised."

"Yeah, you felt bad, but you knuckled down and did the job when you could have ducked out or hid away. You wanted him to feel better, and I want you to feel better about doing it." I bend my neck down and nudge her with my face, careful to make sure that I don't accidentally spike her with my horn. "Okay?"

She.. smiles faintly. "We accept what you say." Then she sighs. "But it appears that the Elements do not, elsewise-.

Pink light flares in the air, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Good, good, this approach can-

A pink gemstone appears as the light fades, and floats over to attach itself to my armour.

-not work as intended. And now I have Kindness, apparently.

"Thou hast shown me kindness, and been recognised for it. Mayhap thou can demonstrate each of the virtues for thyself, and achieve victory in that manner. Though we are still at a loss as to what We are supposed to do to aid in this endeavour."

Well, if I'm getting the Elements…

"What are you afraid of?"

"Huhuhahahahahahahaha!"

Nightmare Moon appears at the end of the room, throwing her head back as she gives her villain laugh an outing. A beaten Celestia lies at her hooves, struggling to move.

"We fear becoming that once more. A callous, cruel and petty creature who cares only for her own aggrandisement."

Nightmare Moon smiles.

"A strong, confident creature who revels in her own majesty, not the bumbling, hesitant mess that you are. I was always better at being me than you were."

"And We know that in Our heart of hearts that We believe that too."

Yellow light flares around her feet, and a moment later Luna's barding gains a new decoration.

"This is… Fear? You wore something similar on your ear piercing."

"Yes, that represents the yellow light of fear. So now we know what-"

I hear a stamp. An armoured boot striking a stone surface. And another. Something is slowly approaching.

"-we're doing."

She nods as Nightmare Moon fades into memory. Hm, to be relived in Luna's own nightmares. "What are the other emotions your spectrum contains?"

"Hate and anger, avarice, will, hope, compassion, and love. And I've got loyalty, honesty, generosity, laughter and friendship to go. Okay, this is manageable."

"Assuming that this works."

The boots are getting closer. Luna's ears prick up.

"We assume that We didst not imagine that?"

"No, not intentionally. But I mostly just focused on shutting mental intruders down, not doing anything entertaining. I was expecting that we'd be facing the Tantaquation by now."

Another trudging step and the creature comes into view.

 

[Mr Zoat]

What
now?

It's an armoured pony. A pony.. stallion, I think. His face is visible through his open helm, and though I can't tell whether it has the capacity for motion or not it currently makes him look utterly exhausted. He wears full plate armour in the same style as the suits lining the walls in some parts of the castle, though his has clearly seen considerable use. There are dents, nicks and a few rents over all the parts I can see. None appear to be concealing a mortal wound, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of an attack like he was. Strapped to his left shoulder is a large shield which he plants on the ground like a palisade when he stops, and on his back is a halberd which he awkwardly lifts into a guard position. Both are just as damaged as his armour.

"Someone you know?"

"Neigh, We know not this stallion. Soldier, identify thyself."

He slumps, leaning against his shield, his eyes fixed on Luna. "Forsaken Vanguard. Betrayal."

"Luna?"

"Neigh, We still do not-. Do.. not…"

She slumps, her eyes widening slightly.

"It… Our mind is.. consumed with thoughts of Our retainers. Those who were loyal to Us anterior to.. Our fall. We-We have not thought to ask what happened to them."

"They'd be dead by now either way."

"We had so few who stood with Us, when Sister had so many." She's crying, and I see illusory ponies flicker into being in a semicircle around her. "When We left them-."

"Luna, you had a demon-assisted psychotic episode as a result of years of neglect and social isolation. Nightmare Moon's fight with Celestia was obvious to everyone, as was the method she used to banish Nightmare Moon to the moon. There's no way any rational pony, confronted with that evidence, would have done anything foolish."

"But what if they did? We can see so easily how-"

I turn away from her, shoulder my way through the phantasms and walk up to Forsaken Vanguard.

"Moderately clever."

"-they may have misunderstood. Sister had to struggle to establish-"

"You make her think that loyalty is a vice. Of course you do. That's all you understand, isn't it? No real concept of value, only its negation."

"-control, and only a fraction of the nation knew what had truly transpired."

I lift my right forehoof and slam it down on Forsaken's shield, which-. Is entirely undamaged. Given how bedraggled it looks I thought that would do more.

"Ugh, a tiresome conflict of memories and morals."

I turn away, then throw my weight forward and buck my back legs into his shield. And stagger forwards when that does nothing of use either.

I stride back through the phantasms, who have closed in around Luna as she lies on the floor, head resting against the stone.

"Who were these ponies?"

She turns her eyes upwards. "They were Our-."

"No, who were they?"

She lifts her head slightly.

"Moonchaser, Mist Moth, Hie Away-."

I pick one at random and point to them. An earth pony with a grey-blue pelt and a grey mane.

"Tell me about this one."

"That is Soup Sponge. Our chef. Since we kept different hours to.. so many other ponies, it.. was not worth keeping the Great Kitchen open. He volunteered to prepare food for those who were awake overnight. He was married, with three foals. Sometimes when the castle was-. When it felt empty We would walk down to the kitchen and speak with him as he worked. After We-."

"He was probably sad for a bit, but kept the job for the other night shift ponies, and eventually got over it. And eventually died."

"We abandoned so-."

"Luna!" I extend my neck down so that my nose is only a short distance from hers. "It's the Anti-Life making you feel like this. It's what it does. Rationalising misery, making you inflict it upon yourself. Ignore it. Or if you can't do that, use the experience to strengthen your resolve to remain sane for the benefit of your new friends. To let them know when you feel lonely or ignored. Do you think that Soup Sponge would have any desire to see you destroyed by a magic monster?"

"We-."

"Do you?"

"N-. Nn-. No. He.. would not."

"Then stand and say goodbye."

She takes a moment, then awkwardly rises to her hooves.

"We…" I step out of the way, and she looks around the circle of expressionless phantasms. "We miss you. At Our weaker moments We still find ourselves looking around for each of you. The kitchen, the chancery, my.. escort. You made those days bearable and We know that We would have given in to the Nightmare far sooner had it not been for you. W-. I am sorry, that I was.. not strong enough to resist completely. You will always be in my thoughts and in my heart."

She bows her head slightly, and the phantasms fade away.

"Hah! How-?"

Forsaken's gone. Don't know why he didn't try that on me, but I'm not going to-.

"Hehhahhahhahhah!"

"We should l-"

"Leave, yes."

"-eave. You want to go first, or-?"

"We believe that We will need a moment before experiencing more emotional torment."

"Right then. So laughter, loyalty, generosity and honesty-"

"Haaaaaah heeheehee!"

"-and then the concept of friendship itself and we're leaving now."

I walk in front of her, so that my bulk briefly obscures her entire vision. Then I close my eyes, turn and open them… And we're outside an aircraft hangar, watching the end of the fight between Uncle Drax's Magic Robot and Intergang's goons. Or should that be peons; they clearly didn't have the skill that 'goons' implies.

"Is that your true form? That… Automaton?"

"That-? No, that's a weapon my uncle made for these children." And it's gone. "Those children, in point of fact."

She taps her forehooves against the tarmac, looking around a little more carefully.

"Why have you brought us here?"

"Laughter. I'm not big on laughter, really, but it seemed to me that this was probably my best demonstration of the virtue."

"How so? What-? Is that you?"

"The big grey guy with the orange ring? Yes, that's me in biped mode. See the small boy there?" She nods. "He just planted explosives all over those crates while I was busy with the fight. And in three, two, o-"

The hangar erupts, a little louder than I remember it.

"-ne."

"We do not see how that is funny."

"It wasn't. The materials in there would have been very valuable. But… I mean, look at the size difference." It's even more obvious from the third person. Richard is tiny compared to me. "Look at him. He's like a little chinchilla! And he's giving me a lecture like he can stop me."

I feel my own amusement as my former self cracks up, and a blue crystal attaches itself to my armour.

"Ah, good memories. Generosity next."

 

[Mr Zoat]

A race of virtue
against monstrosity

I dismissed the dream-image of my bipedal form so that my newly-palliated succupire children can cuddle up to my pony form instead. Oh, this was a good day.

"We do not understand. You put these.. young creatures in cages, and they embrace you."

"They're hybrids of two predatory species. The first subsists purely on human blood. The second feeds.. in a variety of ways, but mostly on the souls of their victims. These children were trapped on an island with nothing to feed on but each other." Luna looks increasingly perturbed. "Whenever one started puberty their starving younger siblings would devour them. I recovered the survivors and put them in cages so that they wouldn't be driven to either eat each other or anyone else. I left them in there until I learned enough about how they worked to create a potion to suppress their instincts, and then I enabled-"

There's a flash of purple as I gain a purple jewel from whatever mad process regulates Equestrian harmony magic.

"-them to live as normal children."

I press my muzzle into dream-Bethany's hair and snort, eliciting a dream-laugh. Then I stand, their images fading away.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'? Because I could. Because I had the resources. Because things like that shouldn't happen to anyone and I could fix it. As much as it could be fixed. Okay, loyalty next."

What's the best example of loyalty..? Actually, when.. have I acted against my own interests due to a freely accepted obligation? I generally try to arrange things so that I don't encounter that sort of conflict. Giving Talia to Batman? No, that was more because I didn't want to start a fight with him…

Ah.

I march down the corridor with Luna on my tail -metaphorically- and step out through the door into the gazebo of the Alan Scott Memorial Garden. As it will be once all of the plants have reached full size.

Luna spots the main statue even as I allow my memories of the visitors to cause the phantasms of playing children and sombre mourners to flicker in and out of being.

"Who was he?"

"One of my instructors. Good man, but… We didn't have much in common, and he was very old when we first met. I tried to secure the materials he needed to extend his life further, but regrettably I was a little late in returning. And to do that-"

A red jewel appears on my barding.

"-I had to confront the one who gave me the Anti-Life fragment."

"And defeat him?"

"And ask nicely."

I look back and the statue has changed to one of Darkseid.

"Darkseid. The Apokoliptian New God of Tyranny. He terrifies me." I concentrate and Alan's statue returns. "Kindness, laughter, generosity and loyalty."

"Honesty is next."

…

Yes, it… Is, isn't it?

"How about you take a turn?"

"You have but two to go. You can-."

"And you've got six to go and I don't need your help to be honest!"

"It's true! He doesn't! He said so-"

A mauve mare with cauliflower ears prances through the ghost-crowd, a snake-tongue flicking between her lips.

"-himself, so it must be true!"

I brace for an attack, while Luna merely blinks and then nods.

"We suppose that it is not in his interests to lie."

I reach up with my right forehoof and shove her in the left shoulder.

"Luna, I was obviously lying. I don't know what these things are, but they're affecting the way you think."

She shudders for a moment, focusing her mind and incidentally picking up her green sigil at the same time.

"We demand that you tell Us who you are!"

"Yelling Fool!"

Hah!

Luna scowls. "You will regret insulting Us, oh baleful fragment of malediction!"

"I will?! Okay!"

"No, Luna, I think that's her name. And she's a distraction."

"I thought I was a pony! Can I be both?!"

"Luna, pick-."

The ground -and Yelling Fool- drops away and the gazebo morphs into a chariot. Day turns to night as we descend through the sky and land in Ponyville.

"Nightmare Night." Fragments of the events of that evening flash before our eyes. "The first day 'pon which We dared to believe that We might one day walk amongst Our subjects without engendering fear or contempt. Except intentionally."

There's a brief blue flash on her peytral as the blue sigil appears, and we watch her phantasmal self getting seen off by the Ponyville crowd.

"This leaves love, compassion, avarice and hatred, doth it not?"

"Hate and anger." I frown. "Do these Anti-Life inspired pony phantasms mean anything to you, or are they just trying to get you to reject the Elements?"

"We are uncertain. But We doubt that it changes Our approach." She flicks her mane and flaps her wings, rising into the air and flying towards… Whitetail Woods. The non-monster-infested woodland abutting Ponyville. "We will attempt love next."

I flap after her. "I've got plans tomorrow evening, but after-."

"Thy tiresome lechery amuses Us not."

"Not even a little? I got my laughter badge."

"For laughing at a child when he resisted your threats."

"No, that wasn't it. I put a fair bit of effort into acquiring those weapons, took some risks… And I didn't get them because of something I didn't even take into consideration. The joke was on me."

She glances back over her shoulder for a moment before coming in to land. A small clearing and a small… Fort? Fortified house? I see a grey unicorn with a blue cloak and pointed wizard-hat. Both are decorated with stars and bells. Starswirl the Bearded, then.

"And why would you lie?"

"To encourage you to see things a particular way. To see me in a particular way. But in this case it's actually true. Heck, you can ask Richard about it once-"

The Starswirl phantasm glances back at the door as two fillies… Oh, that's what they looked like when they were younger. Young Celestia and Luna trot out and nuzzle him before dashing off into the woods. There's a small violet flare as Luna gets the violet sigil.

"-we're.. done here. Starswirl?"

"We were being taught how to use the strongest magics in ponydom, that we might fight and overcome Discord, and secure this land for all harmony-loving creatures. It was needful, but he was not blind to the fact that we were boisterous fillies. We felt much love in this house."

She shakes her head.

"Now, compassion."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Making progress with
no significant resistance

We look around a half-starved huddle of ponies, who shrink back as we look at them.

"Who..?"

"Discord's victims. They come from all parts of the world, speak all manner of languages, practise all manner of customs… He frequently broke up families or changed parts of the ponies' memories and bodies for his own amusement."

I watch one pony fire a chameleon tongue at a fly, wincing as she tastes it and trying not to gag. Another has teeth like a shark and doesn't appear to have eaten in some time. A third is making clucking noises, and I have no idea whether they're a chicken physically transformed into a pony or if Discord just rewired their vocal system. Or a pony given a chicken's mentality.

"And after he had his entertainment, he paid no care to whether or not they could survive as he remade them, or in the land to which they had been brought."

I nod. "No concept of supply chains. You were all just there for his entertainment." I frown. "I'm a little surprised that you're not getting the red sigil from this."

She shakes her head sadly. "Have We not done the same? Eternal night would have frozen the world, or frozen one half and scorched the other. We cannot hold another to a higher standard than We hold Ourself. But when We acted against him We were guided by compassion for Our citizens."

An indigo flare, and another sigil.

"Oh, these poor dears."

A mare wearing a crown of roses nuzzles a cyclops pony, who looks slightly happier.

"That Discord deserves what's coming to him."

I look at Luna in concern, but she shakes her head.

"You do not need to convince Us. We were one of those who administered judgement 'pon him."

"Were you really?" The mare comes a little closer, and I see that the rose stems are covered in thorns which are biting into her skin. "Do you think he suffered a lot while he was a statue? Do you think it was more or less than you did on the moon?"

"More, probably. And for longer."

The mare smiles. "And when you shot him with the Elements of Harmony? Did that hurt him more?"

"Why do you wish to know?"

"Oh, I just love helping ponies who are hurt. But I can only do that if there are hurt ponies around."

Luna considers that for a moment.

"What is your name?"

"Twisted Caretaker."

"And are you truly alive?"

"Of course! I'm getting a one sixth share of your body when we win. I wanna be there for Celestia, you know? It must be horrible for her to spend all that time trying to get you back only to lose you again right away."

"Avarice and rage, Luna. There's nothing to be-."

"You were the one who revealed to Us that the copies of Pinkie Pie were intelligent beings. We did not intend for the Tantabus to have such mental flexibility but clearly it does. Why would you have Us treat this creature differently?"

"Time constraints. If the Elements of Harmony hadn't been available, would you rather Celestia let Nightmare Moon win, or kill her?"

Luna's eyes dip. "She should have killed Us."

"Right. So either we're going about this the right way and they'll be.. purified or whatever, or they'll die and the monster we made won't get freed. So pick-."

She flaps her wings, the air buckles, and we fly through the air and land on a balcony of the Canterlot palace. Luna stalks off.

"We will show you what we want most of all."

I trot along behind her, letting her get a little ahead.

"Yes, yes, good."

I'm a little lost for a moment, but then I recognise where we are. I came through the mirror not far from-.

A phantasm of me steps out of an adjoining corridor-.

"HAVE AT THEE!"

Luna tears an ornamental spear from the wall and lunges at 'me', stabbing and slashing as the phantasm is forced to back up, clumsily trying to turn aside the point with his forehooves.

"WE FINALLY FACED AN ENEMY WE COULD ENGAGE WITH OUR OWN POWER AND WE WERE CRUELLY DENIED OUR RELEASE! BUT HERE IN OUR DREAM WE SHALL NOT BE-"

She rams the spear forward, piercing the phantasm through the chest and out through the haunches. She steps back as he weakly grasps at the spear shaft before collapsing on the ground.

"-DENIED!"

She takes a couple of panting breaths and then turns to give me an interrogative stare.

…

"Might be standing proud-"

"Ugh."

"-again."

She glares. "Even if We felt inclined to such behaviour, yours would be the last 'proud standing' that We would touch."

I smile saucily. "But you would get there eventually?"

She huffs. "Why do you insist on this behaviour?"

"Because you've still got anger to go." I look at her peytral. "And.. apparently I'm not making you angry enough."

"You are-." She exhales sharply. "A most vexing-"

"Hey, maybe you actually like it?"

"-individual."

Still no? Huh.

"Okay, so what makes you really angry?"

She hesitates for a moment, then regains her poise.

"What makes you afraid to be honest, Grayven? Thou hast not hesitated to speak of thine manifold acts of violence before. Is there some great shame that thou fears that thou must confess to gain Honesty's blessing? Art thou not proud but rather shrivelled in the manner of a raisin or prune?"

Damn, pony!

"Okay, not even joking now, but are you single? Because I like mares with courage and aggression, and you-."

The floor drops out beneath us and we plummet into the void!

 

[Mr Zoat]

Because
why not

Fortunately we both have wings, so while the initial surprise results in us dropping quite a way we both unfurl our natural parachutes and by the time we land on solid ground we're both fully under control.

"Any idea what that was supposed to achieve?"

"Neigh, we do not." Luna and I look around. "And this room doth not exist in Our Palace."

Well, I should hope not. It looks like a Dungeon Keeper's treasure vault in here. Piles of coins of various denominations… They look Wilsonian, so I'm going to assume that they're taken from Luna's memories. There are gem stones as well, and decorative ornaments which use them to contrast the colour of the precious metals that make up most of their mass. One or two paintings with regal-looking ponies and griffins and… One of a dragon.

"This place is a monetarist's nightmare. Why would-?"

"It is another distraction. We must-."

"It's home. For now."

A stallion with a purple pelt and golden mane and tail walks between the piles, smiling as he sees us. His cutie mark is an upended amphora, coins cascading from the opening.

"Though you're quite right, Prince Grayven. My banker has a fit whenever he sees it."

"Prince?"

"That statue earlier? He's the ruler of the planet Apokolips. I'm his son."

"And he cursed you with-?"

"It's a gift, including me in his grand project to eliminate selfhood. A rare favour."

"And you're so ungrateful to him." The stallion shakes his head. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is. And you, Luna-."

"You would name him 'prince' and yet deny Us Our rightful title?"

"A pity-prize granted you by Princess Celestia. Equestria doesn't really need you, as you know well."

"Yes. We do. Though that shall not prevent Us from placing Ourself in its service. We shall earn Our place once more."

I nod approvingly. "Good attitude. I'll help."

"I can as well."

"We doubt that."

"Oh, but I can. You see, each of the five of us want different things, and… Not all of those desires are best fulfilled by working together."

"Who are you, and what do you want?"

"Now we're getting somewhere. I'm Spoiled Prince, the most generous of us all. You.. want to get out of here with your minds and souls in one piece and I'm happy to help."

"We are somewhat sceptical. What are you?"

"Generosity. More or less. I would happily give away all that I have, and ask nothing in return but to be thought well of. And what I have for you is information."

"The first of you We encountered. The knight."

"Forsaken Vanguard. Our Illustrious Overlord told him to go, so he went. That's what he is."

"He is loyalty, then."

I snort. "He's mindlessly obedient. That's it, isn't it? You're the Elements with parts missing. Forsaken Vanguard can't… What, can't disobey, can't use his own judgement?"

"Our Illustrious Overlord doesn't care about us, obviously. It sends us out without much caring if we can do what it wants."

"Oh, I see. No one who treats those loyal to them that way deserves that loyalty. Having faith in the faithless is inherently self-destructive, which in turn undermines the appeal and value of loyalty."

"Yes, you see, it's rather sophisticated-."

"It's irrelevant. Luna, what do you hate?"

"We have always endeavoured to rise above-."

"Hehhahhahhahhah!"

"Oh.. dear."

Luna turns her head towards the sound. "Who is that?

"Broken Jester. He can keep laughing through any problem… But I'm not sure that laughter is what you need at the moment."

I snort. "Fine. You want to survive. What is your offer?"

"Our Illustrious Overlord won't let Luna leave. It can't; it literally exists to make her miserable. But I can. If you let me I can trot out of here into the dreams of another. I can alert whomsoever you wish. And then it would be a simple matter to alert Princess Celestia or have Prince Grayven conveyed to the Tree of Harmony to have any left within him purged."

"But thou wouldst be safe."

"Ain't that a gag?!"

The Broken Jester stumbles into sight. And I do mean 'stumbles'. His legs are badly burned and trembling and he appears to be having trouble moving them properly. Which is the least of his problems. His eyes have been gouged out, and the remains of his eyes are smeared around their orbits. He's also carrying some sort of wound in his abdomen…

Eyes. And abdomen. And burns.

"Luna, you're better at dream navigation than me." I scoop up the closest coin and hold it out to her. "What is this connected to?"

"It is simply-." She blinks. "A.. coin I saw upon one of the stands on the night of my return. It is literally-."

I scoop up another as Spoiled Prince scowls.

"And this one?"

"It was on the top of the coins in the chest given to us by Chief Æthelgriff by means of reparations. And-" She looks aside. "-this was next to it, and this…"

"Broken Jester is showing some of my more serious injuries. They're taking bits from us to make themselves."

"If they can do that… Granting him access to other dreams would-."

"How perceptive! Yes, yes, we'd strip them of every memory until we were strong enough to enter the real world. But oh well. We already have enough from you to-."

A coin pile to our left explodes as Twisted Caretaker leaps out, dozens of-. Ow, suddenly sharpened metal discs bite into my face and armour.

"Surprise! We're going to empty everyone out slowly, and I'll hold them and stroke their manes as their minds collapse!"

Behind us, a pile of coins is shoved aside, the Forsaken Vanguard wading into position with shield and halberd at the ready.

"I do as I am-"

The Elements of Harmony.

"-bid."

"You're actually compatible with the Elements of Harmony, aren't you? You could make a run at the Tree."

Another pile slides aside to reveal Yelling Fool.

"That's what I was told!"

Spoiled Prince smiles at his fellows.

"I could hardly deny them their ambition. And don't all ponies want to become more virtuous?"

"Luna-."

"In fact…"

Their eyes light up and rainbow lights dance around them.

"Didn't you want to be exposed to the Elements?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

I feel insufficiently levelled
for this boss encounter

"Deluded villain, that will not work! You have not the spark! None of you represent the perversion of friendship itself!"

Except… That the belief that any interaction with others results in pain for all involved isn't a terrible description of-.

The beams of light I once hoped would have purged me leap from the five Bearers and meet in the air above us. The beams are weak and wavering, but I-.

I can feel it.

"They're going to break it out of the maze, and it's going to be their sixth."

"Can we stop it?"

I look at her, as the sphere of darkness the Bearers are generating grows larger.

"Luna, all joking aside… I am the Apokoliptian New God of Conquest. Nothing offends me more than inefficient government. If you are concerned about your ability to function in modern Equestria, then I'm happy to help you find a place… To learn whatever skills you need, to help you get whatever knowledge you need."

"Dost thou believe then that aiding Us will convince Us to permit you to mount Us?"

"Luna, I'm twice as tall as you. I wouldn't mount you so much as stand over you. But no; it's a special talent thing. I want to help you become a more effective ruler far more than I want to copulate with you."

"Then… We suppose that having seen the nature of this 'Anti-Life Equation', We can see why thou wert so insistent."

"Colleagues-with-an-option-on-friendship-later?"

She smiles very faintly. "As you-"

The ball of light flows into a near-equine shape. Four legs and a central torso, but the head is a blank cone with a yellow-orange… Hole. Around the hole are.. dots of a darker orange, and on its rump is a inky blur of a tail.

"-say." Her face falls. "It.. is…"

I nod. "That's just a fragment. Combined with your Tantabus."

Four of the Bearers slump to the ground, while Forsaken Vanguard slowly forces himself to trudge towards his abominable master.

"If they could bring it here with five elements, mayhap we could banish it with five?"

No. No, that won't work. I can't for the life of me work out what she's hiding her anger for, but…

I'm going to have to-.

"Life = Pain."

I'm.. going to have to tell her, to say it, to give myself away.

I'm… Afraid of doing it. I might have just.. built it up in my mind, and… Realistically there's no way that Darkseid doesn't know already…

I glance at Luna just as she's glancing at me, and I get a momentary flash of intuition that she's thinking along similar lines.

"I'm not-." / "We feel-."

A sound… A moan? A scream? Like.. the end of the universe, like desolation and reality itself falling away. The treasure chamber fails and fades into the black, small spheres of colour shielding the Bearers and floating them into position around the Fragment.

And then it look at us, sees everything that's ever hurt us, thinks of us as receptacles for our pain, then fires the Elements at us.

The black-tinged rainbow strikes us both, and I feel it as I start to decay, the black burrowing into my skin and psyche. There's a weak glow from the gems attached to my armour, but I only have four and that's not enough! I need-!

"I'm not actually Grayven! Something stopped me being able to use my actual name and I.. didn't worry about it until the Forever People mistook me for someone called Grayven and I played along to try and get access to their technology! I actually-."

I look down at my body and I'm not.. completely surprised to see that I've regained the form I had when I first arrived on Earth 16. Pyjamas and all.

"Yes, I looked like this, and everything's rather gotten away from me since. I think I'm coping and I'm sure that Darkseid would have turned his attention to Earth before too long anyway, but I've got no idea whether I'm actually ahead on the deal or not and I'm constantly scared that my worst case scenario is happening all around me and I'm just not seeing it!"

There's a flash of orange and the oncoming blackness is pushed back a little, but it's still only five to-.

"Celestia!"

I look around desperately.

"Where?!"

"Before Our banishment-" The strands of black wrap around Luna's neck. "-We desperately resented her greater popularity and her easy way with Our ponies. And when We came back, everything was so strange and she was so.. different, and she fit in and We.. sometimes felt that same anger We did before. And We felt terrible about it but then she returned to her duties and We only saw the only pony We know for a few hours each day and there is no place for Us here! We love her but she makes Us so angry and We feel so guilty because she has done so much to aid Us!"

There's a red flash as the two-lines-and-a-circle form of the Red Lantern sigil appears on her barding.

"It's been a thousand years-"

Whole sections of reality-. No, that's just the black threads covering my eyes. I can't.. see.

"-and she doesn't understand. If you can't talk to her about it then let me help!"

Oh.

A hurricane of light surrounds both of us. My gems of red, pink, purple, orange, blue and green spin around us, the black lines covering our bodies being evaporated and the baleful rainbow from the Anti-Life creature being held at bay. Luna's sigils lift off her peytral and drift forwards, lighting up in turn and then firing, their coloured beams merging just ahead of her and the resulting white beam lancing forward!

The Anti-Life creature doesn't move as the beam reaches it.

"Life = Pain."

It's corny, but… Ah, who am I kidding?

"Friendship = Magic." / "Friendship = Magic!"

The beam hits and the Anti-Life creature melts and burns while its five helpers become translucent, spreading out as the stolen thoughts and memories that make them up return to their owners. And with them gone, Luna and I are left alone in the void.

"Huh."

"It has been some time since We hath used such a device."

"I've never used such a device. Did it feel like.. bits of your brain were being hotwired?"

"We have no idea what that phrase means… But We suspect so."

"Right." I fly over to her, dropping down so that I can look her directly in the face. Then I wrap my arms around her neck and press the left side of my face against the right side of hers. "Don't you ever make something like that Tantabus again, do you hear me?"

"We will not. Might We prevail upon you to conduct yourself with greater patience and forbearance in future?"

"I'll-."

I was going to say 'I'll see what I can do', but…

"Yes. I will."

I pull back, and for the first time in over a year smile with my own face.

"I'll see you in the morning."

 

[Mr Zoat]

27th March 2018
14:12 GMT -6

The dull rumble of the camper van's engine, the soft breathing of my new comrades in arms and rustling of their clothing all blur together in a wondrous symphony of existence. On those few occasions I bother to reflect upon it, I mourn the time which my former self spent without the benefit of my current ability set. I can't even really work up any sort of irritation about the situation which I find myself-

"Okay, I'm just gunna say it." I hear the slight creak of the table between us as Mr Harkness leans closer. "No way are you really an angel."

The slight pfsss of his seat exhaling air as he leans his weight against the backrest.

And I open my eyes, and smile at him. "That's quite alright. May I say that for the longest time I have regarded you as the bravest man in supervillainy?"

Over to my right Mr Turner is staring at me in a way which.. not too long ago would have made me uncomfortable. I get that reaction from a wide range of monotheists; usually those who haven't bothered keeping up with superheroic news.

"You what?"

"The Flash can move and think at the speed of light. You fight him armed with boomerangs. That is an extremely unequal struggle, and I imagine that it takes a man of considerable courage to take up such a challenge."

"Well… I don't like to brag or anything…"

Ms Frost slumps forwards a little, staring intently out of one of the side windows. "Yeeeeeah."

Mr Harkness' eyes dart her way for a moment, then return to me. "Just because you clearly appreciate my virtues, that doesn't mean I'm about to start singing kumbaya."

"I've heard you singing, Boomer." Mr Lawton keeps his eyes fixed on the road. "If he's convinced you to spare me hearing it again he might actually have been sent by God."

"No, I mean, he's probably one of those Thanagarians or something. And I heard a story in the news a while back about a crazy doctor in Nevada who stuck albatross wings on some woman's back. Something like that." He watches my face for a moment, waiting for me to respond. I merely smile beatifically. "I mean, why would an actual angel end up with us?"

"Doctor Waller has something which I want. I may have been able to take it by force, but I preferred to negotiate. Her terms were not too onerous, so I accepted."

"You volunteered?"

He looks around in an attempt to gauge the feelings of the room. Mr Park flicks out his tongue, but otherwise gives no sign of having been listening. Ms Frost tilts her head slightly, the back of her head leant against the window as she lazily looks our way. Dr Quinzel grins, though I'm not really sure what -if anything- she's grinning at. Mr Turner just glares at him, but he's been doing that for nearly the entire trip.

"I don't believe for a moment that anyone would work with Waller if they had an actual choice in the matter."

"May I say how impressed I am by your remarkable facility for throw-."

"Is that some kind of angel-thing?"

"I'm sorry, but I thought that you didn't believe-."

"Acting." His eyes move away for a moment. "That's what it is."

Mr Lawton sighs. "At the risk of sounding like I'm agreeing with Boomer, we do actually need to know exactly what you can do. Do those wings come with any special powers, or do they just make you a better target?"

"A most reasonable question. I have strength and endurance above baseline human norms, I am entirely immune to poisons, toxins and diseases, I am capable of flight and… Basic theurgy. Though I would caution you not to rely upon it too heavily."

"Hah." Ms Frost's laugh sounds decidedly unamused. "Last thing anyone here's gunna do is rely on anyone else."

Dr Quinzel nods. "It probably would be the last thing."

I raise my eyebrows slightly. "That was a bit obvious."

She shrugs. "Eh. You work with the material you got."

Mr Harkness squints and shakes his head. "And 'theurgy' is..? What, exactly?"

"The evocation of God to bring about a change in the world." Mr Turner directs a smouldering glare at Mr Harkness. "The magic of angels and saints."

I nod. "Given Task Force X death rates, I imagine that my healing abilities will be most in demand. That, and the fact that I should be able to.. hear the card once we are close enough. Since none of us have seen it, it will simplify things if we can tell the genuine article from a fake."

"Stubbed my toe earlier." Mr Harkness lifts his left leg up and drops his boot-encased foot onto the table. "Think you could take a look at-."

I open my mouth slightly, and a throbbing rumbling low note emerges from somewhere not even remotely connected to my vocal cords as I access that part of the underlying fabric of reality which corresponds to Mr Harkness' foot. There is a small amount of bruising, a minor deformity of the bones where they appear to have been broken at some point. A slight change of pitch and the harm is undone as if it never was.

I close my mouth. "Better?"

The rest of the squad is staring at me, Mr Lawton even glancing around from the windscreen. Mr Harkness' eyes are wide, and he puts his foot back on the floor at once.

"Huh." Dr Quinzel looks mildly curious. "I figured you was a fake too. Guess I was wrowng."

"No, Doctor Quinzel, I am a fake. But just as a fake of an Old Master can still be an excellent painting in its own right, I still have.. abilities of my own."

"This I gotta hear." Ms Frost actually looks mildly interested. "How do you 'fake' being an angel?"

"Not so long ago I found myself in a strange land inhabited by-" I look at Mr Park. "-all manner of strange and dangerous people possessing bizarre and powerful abilities. And so I decided that I'd quite like some of that for myself. There is a weak but exceedingly skilled magician in London by the name of John Constantine. I offered him a large sum of money if he could.. point me in the right direction." And I got him drunk after confirming that his confrontation with Gabriel happened here. "He had these-" I flap them slightly. "-in storage. Attaching them was a simple enough matter." And the reason why the power ring which I arrived with is completely dead. But that was going to happen eventually anyway. The wings are a good investment. "Learning to use them was-" A pain in the arse. "-a bit of a trial, but well worth the investment."

"You're a.. fraud."

I smile. "I don't tell people that I'm an angel, Mister Turner. And I don't claim to be acting on God's behalf."

"The card." There's a sharpness in Mr Lawton's tone that wasn't there before. "Are you saying it actually works?"

I nod. "I don't know whether or not the card we've been sent after is genuine, but there is such a card, certainly. It works exactly as described."

"You have it on you when die, you go to heaven."

"Hah! No, don't be absurd. The one who made it has no authority in Heaven. Why would God build moral law into the fabric of the universe and then instruct his creations to allow it to be bypassed by a card?"

"You said-."

"That it works exactly as described, yes. It gets you out of hell. You die and.. if you're damned, you can present it.. and.. you get to come back. Alternatively, another can use it on your behalf to bring you back."

Ms Frost look thoughtful. "Who made it?"

"A few years ago there was a series of coordinated attacks by supervillains. I believe that the newspaper headline was 'Underworld Unleashed'. Some of the participants were given… Enhancements. Ocean Master received a trident which-."

"I remember that!" Doctor Quinzel beams. "Jokah sold his soul for a box of cigaws!"

"Yes. And given that he was the only one who kept his gift after the Justice League won, that may have been a better trade than it sounds."

"Joker's soul, box of cigars…" Mr Harkness weighs it up for a moment, then shrugs. "So whoever made that trade made the card?" I nod. "Trades in souls, can let people out of hell. Demon, then."

I nod. "His name is Neron."

Ms Frost waves her right forefinger in a short circle. "Why does a demon want to let people out of Hell?"

"For the havoc they'll create fighting over the card. And because it's a one shot deal. If they don't buck their ideas up they'll go right back there when they die a second time." I shrug. "Why should he care about having to wait for a few more decades to get his prize?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Local morning
Probably still the 1st of April back home

I take a moment to look at my forehooves. They still look much the same, particularly given that I didn't take my armour off last night. I'm.. pretty sure that what I dreamt actually happened -for a given value of 'actually happened' but… I don't exactly know how to tell.

"Mhr?"

I glance down to where the self-renamed Party Popper is lying pressed up against my barrel. I don't think that she's fully awake-

She yawns, her eyes opening and then closing again.

-but she appears to be heading in that direction. What to say? I used her to illustrate a point, and-. Huh. I was expecting to feel a little guilt, but this is quite a bit more than I was expecting. Maybe it's because she's small and furry and adorable.

I mean… It might be because I don't have an Anti-Life fragment any longer, but I'm not going to gamble on that until Sunset and Scott have checked.

"Uhh."

Party Popper blearily looks around, notices my barrel and then pokes it with her left forehoof to check that it's really there.

"Huh. Mom always told me something like this would happen if I left the rock farm."

"She did?"

She turns her head towards mine. "Weeeeeeeell… Not this exact thing. But I think this is the sort of thing she meant."

"Party Popper, I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I-."

"Are you?" She blinks up at me. "Are you really?"

I nod.

"No one's more surprised than me. Normally the most I feel in situations like this is a mild obligation to the injured party. This is actually…" I sigh. "Bringing you here illustrated the point a little better, but honestly? From what Luna said, just teleporting Twilight and your primogenitor to the Mirror Pool would have worked just as well. I just wanted to break their resistance as fast as I could and didn't really care if I hurt you to do it. And I should have done. So: not just an apology. I do actually want you to organise Sunset Shimmer's party, if you're still willing. And obviously I'm in your debt in addition to that."

"Huh." She looks thoughtful for a moment, then brightens up. "Hey, you passed!"

"Good? Passed what?"

"Princess Luna told me that if you didn't apologise I had to buck you in the flank." She cranes her neck to bring her face a little closer to mine. "And unlike someponies, I actually know where the flank is."

"It's another word for 'haunches', isn't it?"

She shakes her head definitively, smiling broadly. "Nope!"

I snort with amusement. "Hey, you want to know what's funny?"

"Aaaaaaalways."

"Luna's my best friend in all of Equestria."

She leans back, squinting at me. "Really? Whaw."

"I know, right. So she visited your dream too?"

"Yep. So I know all the other mes didn't really die and they're all going to be let out soon and I can be Party Popper for real or even Pinkie Pie except that could get confusing when we're all together and I can even go back to Ponyville if I want to."

"Do you want to?"

"I…" She sags a little, looking away. "Dunno. I do kinda wanna see everypony again, but Twilight did try and sorta-kill me. And everypony else went along with it. And I've made a whole bunch of new friends in Manehattan. Wait a sec-ond." She turns her face back towards me, peering at me suspiciously. "Didn't your horn used to be orange?"

I briefly go cross-eyed trying to see it.

"Ah-."

Party Popper sticks her right hoof into her mane and pulls out a hoof mirror. She holds it up towards me.

"See?"

I look at my own reflection. I look… Pretty much the same. Which is good; if I'd turned into a white pony I'd be worried that Harmony was racist. But… I'm looking a little less sinister all round, and my horn is now a grey spiral face spear rather than a smooth orange face claw.

"Ah, could you please cover your ears for a moment?"

Party Popper stuffs her mirror back into her mane, then grabs a pillow and holds it over her head.

"Life… Equals… Pain."

…

It's gone.

It's… Gone.

I step off the bed, prompting Party Popper to slump into the depression I made in the bed. She drops the pillow and looks at me expectantly.

"I.. admit I've been a churl
Since I woke up over a world."

I take another look at my reflection in the mirror over the dresser.

"The day before was sour
And it left me feeling dour
I lost everything
Except a glowing orange ring
And though I fought in the good fight
I never did quite get it right."

I turn back to Party Popper, who's standing on the floor and looking strangely excited.

"And my allies, they were fine
Though not exactly of like mind
Played them false? Yes, I admit it
And I never seemed to quit it.
Tossed a coin, picked a side,
Because I'd rather fight the tide
And my rage meant that my friends
Were mostly just means to my ends."

Life… Doesn't equal pain. Life can be good, full of opportunities.

"And… Now… I'm… Free!"

I shove open the door and march down the corridor.

"I'm filled with glee!
There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!
And now I'm free!
I'm filled with glee!
There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!"

I open my wings and fly down the main staircase, Party Popper hot on my heels. I toss a bag of bits at the front desk attendant and head out of the front doors.

"Took a stand, won a prize
Cut my foes right down to size
One can rebuild from rubble
The rest weren't worth the trouble
Got a visit from my Dad
He took note of all I had
And he gave me as a prize
Something I truly do despise."

I march in the direction of the palace while Party Popper leaps onto my back and starts dancing.

"But now I'm free!
I'm filled with glee!
There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!
But now I'm free!
I'm filled with glee!
There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!"

I should probably question how I'm suddenly able to move this quickly on hooves, but… Ah. Who cares?

"Got helped out by my bro
He said I should take things slow
So I went on a few tours
And killed many evildoers
Did some building, got a plan
'cause I'm not a one note man
Then I went back home to see
What I would do with me."

Prance through the palace gates, Luna should be… That way?

"So now I'm free!
I'm filled with glee!
There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
I'm…"

Twilight Sparkle and I stare at each other. She looks… Rough. Worn out and generally miserable.

"A slightly contrite pony."

I stop, and Party Popper jumps down off my back.

"Twilight Sparkle."

She scowls. "What now?"

"I'm sorry. I let my fervour to destroy my Anti-Life fragment blind me to other approaches that I could take, and in doing so I caused you and your friends considerable emotional distress. I didn't take into account the.. now obvious fact that the elements of harmony aren't the jewellery that you and your friends wear, but fundamental parts of Equestria's magic that are available to anyone. I forgot that Nightmare Moon destroyed the previous manifestation of the Elements and that you reformed them from your own virtues, an option that was just as available to me as it was to you. I shouldn't have come after you in the way that I did that and I'm sorry."

"Oh. Well. Good." She sighs, then steps around me and looks at Party Popper. "And I'm sorry. I made assumptions about how the Mirror Pool worked based on other magic artefacts I'd studied, and I was.. so wrong and I didn't check that what I thought was true really was. I spent all night getting the other Pinkie Pies out and I said sorry to all of them. I've never wanted anypony to be as afraid of me as you were."

Party Popper thinks for a moment.

"I'd… Be lying if I said I was okay with any of what happened… But I know that you're telling the truth and… I guess you've really done all you can do to make up for it." She gives Twilight a quick nuzzle, then jumps back on my back. "Now go get some sleep. You look awful."

Twilight nods, takes one last look at me, then trots away. I watch her go for a moment, then continue down the corridor towards the gardens.

"So now I'm free.
Fairly happy.
There is no Anti-Life in me.
And everyone around can see
I'm a.. somewhat contrite pony."

I step out onto the manicured lawns and nod a greeting to Luna before heading her way.

"Followed Sunset to her home
Where the little ponies roam
Tried to Harmonise my strife
And destroy the Anti-Life
Though they were sadly unwilling
Speaking of their Pinkie-killing
Earned me a royal visit
Whose results were-"

I lower my head as if to sniff Luna's haunches, and am rewarded with a tail whip to the snout.

"-quite exquisite."

I walk around to face her as she rolls her eyes.

"Grayven. You seem somewhat less umbral this morn."

"I feel less umbral. Did a song and everything."

"We heard."

"How did it feel to use the Elements again?"

She thinks for a moment. "Satisfying. We feel… Cleansed by their presence in a way which being struck by their full fury does not match. Now, exactly how far does your contrition extend?"

"I'll repay every debt incurred and a little more besides. But I seem to remember making a promise to you. How-?"

She yawns. It lasts several seconds.

"We apologise. Our body entered your dream physically, and We have had little time for rest since."

I nod. "I'll-."

"Because of the great upsets you caused with the Bearers."

I nod, pausing for a moment. "I'll… Work something out, there. And I'll not keep you, but… I can remove your tiredness, if you'd rather not leave me unsupervised in your capital."

"Having seen what you planned for it, that may be wise. How-?"

Strengthen True Friend.

She shudders, coming to full alertness in an instant, her wings opening to their full span.

"Goodness."

"So why don't we head inside, and you can tell me what I can do for you, and for Equestria?"

She nods, smiling. "I would like that."

"'cause now we're free! / "'cause now you're free!
We're filled with glee!" / We're filled with glee!"

We march back towards the palace proper alongside each other, Party Popper still on my back.

"There is no Anti-Life in me!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!"

"'cause now we're free! / "'cause now you're free!
We're filled with glee!" / We're filled with glee!"

Luna beams.

"There is no Anti-Life in thee!
And everyone around can see
That I'm a jubilant pony!"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Equestrian Guise

Morning
Equestria

"Do.. you..?"

Luna looks away for a moment. We're sitting in her drawing room, the blues and purples not really being displayed to their best in the brilliant sunlight streaming through the windows. Party Popper came with us, then dashed off with a gasp when she realised that she still had to prepare Sunset's Ascension Party.

"Yes?"

She shuffles slightly on her… Fainting couch thing? Chaise longue? I've been a pony for less than a day and I already know that lying down or standing are both more comfortable than sitting. Our body structures aren't really designed for it, which has a knock-on effect to how ponies pose in social situations. Luna found a solid-looking couch for me to lie on, and so far it's bearing the burden of my considerable weight well.

"You mentioned that you found Us-."

Not a fluke, then.

"I'm a 'you' now?"

"We gained some comprehension of your society when We were studying your dream. You are the son of your people's ruler. 'tis improper to refer to you as Our social inferior."

I look down. "No. Well. At this point I think that I'm informally adopted or something, but as I said: I'm not actually… The original Grayven; the man most people think I am."

"And hast Darkseid granted you no lands or titles?"

"Okay… Yes, he granted me a fairly grand-sounding title, and he publically calls me 'son', it's just… You're the only person I've told this to. I haven't even told my children."

She nods.

"Verily, a disguise which exists in only one direction would in truth be of little value. We cannot offer you pardon for your deception, and We can understand why you maintain it. What plans have you made for its undoing?"

"Once Darkseid isn't a problem anymore I'll just confess to the whole thing. I doubt that my children will care much, and everyone else…" I try to wing-shrug but I mostly just get a twitch. "Sorry, I interrupted you; you were saying?"

"Do you truly find Us… Appealing?"

"I wanted to cuddle you the moment I saw you."

Her wings twitch again.

"Our world-."

"I call it 'Wilson'."

She frowns. "For what reason?"

"Sunset told me that this planet didn't have a name, just the individual nations. I picked 'Wilson' pretty much at random, which seems to me to be as fair a way to do it as any."

"Very well; our world of Wilson hath many intelligent species 'pon it, but… Intimate relations between them are usually limited to those which hath similar morphologies. You are naturally a balding bipedal. We are.. curious.. as to… What it is..?"

"Why I find a fur-covered quadruped appealing?" She nods. "It's not.. exactly.. erotic appeal. I… My original species was 'human', and while we're savannah-adapted apes, our distant ancestors were a lot hairier than us. And ponies have proportionally larger eyes than we do, in a way which.. in our species, is something our babies have. So some instinctual part of me is designed to find that combination of features appealing. But.. on a level with a rose bush in full bloom, or a willow tree gracefully arcing into a pond. While I find you physically appealing, it's not necessarily sexual."

"Were you lying about your…" She raises her eyebrows. "Pride?"

"No, that was a response to your behaviour. When I became a New God, some of my attitudes to certain things… Changed. I'm a lot more cerebral in my arousal these days. You're… My type. But I don't want to.. press my suit in a way which would make you uncomfortable. I do like you as an individual as well."

"We see." She nods again. "How do you intend to follow through on your offer to aid Us?"

"Okay, you're a thousand years out of date. What sort of lessons did Celestia arrange for you when you returned?"

"Lessons?"

"Yes." I nod. "You know, to start learning about all of the cultural and legal changes that have happened over the last thousand years so that you can carry out your duties as diarch from a position of knowledge?"

"Before your arrival last night I spent my time rearranging the curtains."

…

"Is that some sort of pony metaphor?"

"Neigh, it is not." She thinks for a moment. "It… May be one as well -Our use of the modern vernacular is imperfect- but We are not using it as one. Management of the royal household is one of the few areas where We are capable of acting."

…

"What?" I blink. "What? Why are-?" I shake my head. "No, no, a Princess Regnant should not be tending to draperies."

She looks down. "We are not able to-."

Okay, no. I put my right forehoof on the floor, and…

Um.

Wiggle my haunches across to the edge of the couch, lower my right leg into the floor, wiggle a little m-.

There's a burst of surprised laughter from Luna as I land on my back, legs waggling helplessly in the air. That'll do for now.

I pick myself up and put myself down on my four hooves, then walk around the table and lie down so that my face is close to Luna's.

Then I gently headbutt her in the face.

She blinks in surprise. "What dost-?"

"No moping, no feeling sorry for yourself and no feeling guilty. We're going to work to get you into position to actually function as half of the executive branch. And to start with: you should operate on the strategic level, the instructions given to the pony in charge of decorations, who in turn instructs the maids and stewards who physically change them."

"Such ponies do not operate at night. We are not even certain who those ponies are."

"Doesn't matter, because it's probably not worth your time anyway. What else do you do?"

"We.. visit the dreams of our little ponies, to keep them safe from their nightmares."

"Are these nightmares generally real, capable of causing death or physical injury, or manifesting into the waking world?"

"No, but-."

"Then it's not worth your time, either. At most, you should be gathering a group of psychologist unicorns and teaching them how to do it… Or perhaps your guard's information retrieval specialists. Unless somepony else is doing this already?"

"Not to the best of Our knowledge."

"Right then. One pony can't possibly reach everyone, but one pony can teach ponies who can teach ponies who can reach all of the most needy. Next… Legal and economic changes. How is your education coming along?"

"Slowly. We-."

"I have in my employ a species who can copy knowledge from one mind to another. If you can grab a few legal experts we can sort that out in a few hours."

"We see."

"Assuming that you want to?"

She stares at me for a moment, then smiles.

"Yes, Grayven. We want to very much."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Morning
Equestria

"Of course, all the knowledge will take a while to bed in, and my employees aren't used to working on pony minds. Then you've still got the problem of natural authority; ponies are used to obeying Celestia. It's inevitable that they'll still look to her for direction first."

"Yes, We had noticed that." Luna sits up slightly. "We assume that you have some suggestion on how to remedy that."

"The obvious one is switch to the day shift."

She frowns. "That wouldst… How long can you sustain this working of arcane wakefulness? And should We be concerned as to the eventual costs?"

"It's not a spell, exactly. I'm sharing part of my own nature with you. I can stay awake for at least three weeks without suffering any diminution of my mental faculties. And I could have managed longer, but I was worried about setting a bad example for my children. Particularly given that the younger ones could probably have matched it if they glutted themselves. Since the whole point of this effect is to help a friend I imagine that if there are any negative effects I'll be the one bearing them."

"Couldst you sustain it for years? Centuries?"

"No idea. I feel fine right now, but.. I suppose living in Equestria wouldn't really be practical." I move my head a little closer. "Unless you want me to."

"We begin to see that keeping Our eyes upon you at all times may perhaps be safest for all."

"Any part of me you want to keep your eyes on in particular?"

She opens her mouth to deliver a verbal slap down, then appears to reconsider. "In truth… We are curious as to what cutie mark Starswirl's mirror has crafted for you. We realise that it is not the same as a natural pony's cutie mark, but it wouldst serve to… Perhaps make you seem less alien. Less intimidating."

"Ordinarily I'd say that I'm all about intimidating…"

But… Actually, after something like that even most Apokoliptians would be prepared to remove their armour. So…

I take a step back and dismiss my armour. Uh, my body fur is.. all lying crossways… Ring, groom me.

By your command.

I take a moment to look myself over. Just… More of the same grey fur. The texture my skin has back on Earth 16 doesn't appear to have translated… Can't really see my cutie mark from this angle. My neck is flexible enough but I'm just too bulky. Guess that means that it's not a big design in the way Luna's is.

I turn sideways and wiggle my haunches at her.

"Well?"

"Hm. A bound bundle of sticks with an axe blade emerging betwixt them."

Hah!

I nod. "Blunt implements with a blade on standby if needed. That does sound like me." Luna looks puzzled. "I mean, I'm blunt, and I'm certainly not shy about violence-."

"It is a fasces, dolt, as well you know. A symbol used in ancient Pegasopolis as the staff of office of the presiding magistrate of the boule. The rods represent-."

"The strength of the unified community, and the axe blade represents the magistrate's right to issue death sentences." She nods, satisfied. "No laurel wreath?"

"Neigh. Mayhap that even your arrogance doth not extend so far."

"I'll work on it. But… If you join Celestia on the day shift it will give you the opportunity to actually take part in running the country. Alternately, you could focus on one project which would benefit Equestria and guide it to fruition, after first ensuring that at least in that area you knew enough to do a good job. Those reforms would be strongly associated with you, and there wouldn't be any conflict between Celestia's government oversight role and your reform role."

"Didst you have something in mind?"

"Sunset has developed a number of theories, concerning ways in which ponies could utilise their innate magics to greater effect. I have extensive knowledge of training techniques which could profitably be applied to improving Equestria's military. It.. hasn't exactly escaped my notice that your current services have been… Underperforming."

"And you would make these improvements in Our name, and thus gain Us credit."

"And make it clear that I was submitting to your authority. Besides, you wouldn't want me wandering about the place unsupervised, would you? All sorts of things could happen."

"I-."

I smile. "And since I've completed the business part of my trip, I wouldn't mind spending more time in your company."

She shifts awkwardly, giving her wings a small flap.

"Regarding Our sister's former student. What preparations doth she need for her grand working?"

"Not a lot, really. Just about any clear area more than six metres…" She looks puzzled. "About four times my length in diameter. She'd probably like an audience, which obviously has to include Celestia."

"That is all?"

"She's been working on a few things… I think she'd like an opportunity to deliver a lecture on what she's learned to Celestia's school. And-."

"No, we meant… Her ascension. It doth not require more sophisticated artifice?"

"Ah, not according to her. Apparently, that sort of stuff is only necessary if you don't really understand what you're doing and have to substitute power for efficiency." I regard her for a moment. "What was it like when you did it?"

"We-." She bows her head slightly. "We had been thinking of taking umbrage at your enquiry, but you hardly require our aid in the matter yourself and Sunset Shimmer believes that she already knows-."

"Um." I don't.. really.. care, but-. "Sunset made it clear that Celestia didn't want her pursuing her project and not only refused to tell her but forbade Cadance from helping her. I… Would feel bad about it if you deciding to help her harmed your relationship with your sister."

"Unless Sister forbade Sunset from studying ascension, knowing that doing so would inspire her to even greater heights."

…

"Duuaaaaaahhh… I… Don't-."

"Did Sister not inform Twilight to put the return of Nightmare Moon from her mind?"

"Yes, but she didn't banish her. I was just asking because I'm trying to work out why there aren't more alicorns around. Given the obvious advantages."

"Twilight Sparkle was able to trigger her own ascension by merging her innermost magics with those of her closest friends. Sister and I drew upon the magics of our mentors."

"A group evenly split between the three tribes? With whom-. No, obviously you had a close relationship with them, you showed me."

"Indeed. Two each of earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi. Ascension doth require all participants to possess vast arcane power in addition to their close fellowship, which We assume is the largest limiting factor on how many ponies have managed to ascend. If Sunset doth not intend to do the same, how doth her technique function?"

"Basically, the magics of the three tribes have made such an impression on Equestria's background magics that it's perfectly possible to use that rather than specific ponies. And sufficiently complex mana siphons can substitute for close emotional ties."

"We… See. It seems strange to Us that ascension couldst be achieved in such a way, but We assume that Sunset is confident in her arithmetic."

"Everyone familiar with the notation who checked it said it looked sound."

"We should like to talk to her Ourself. If only to discern what it was about her which so enraged Sister that she pronounced a sentence of banishment 'pon her. We refuse to believe that it was quite so simple as reading a history book."

She stands, dismounting her resting bench with considerable more elegance than I managed.

"And would it be helpful to you if we arranged to enable you to review our soldiery?" I nod. "That will take a time to organise, but I will give the order to Our captain."

"Thank you." I follow her as she trots towards the door. "Oh, and… One thing?"

"Yes?"

"Last night, when I was still trying to convince the Bearers that I was evil, I… Pranked some guards into thinking that alicornism was sexually transmitted."

She stops just ahead of me.

"Look-."

"'tis hardly the strangest rumour regarding Our status that We have heard. May We assume that you contracted it from Us, and Twilight from Our Sister?"

"Yep."

"We think that We will allow this rumour to continue its gallop." She smirks. "We think that We will derive no small pleasure from observing their reaction. Now, onwards."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Morning
Equestria

Sunset's acquired an unused room in the palace for checking her working. Well, checking her expectations concerning Equestria's magical constants. She looks focused but not flustered, which I assume means that everything is going more or less according to plan. Not sure where she found all this equipment-.

"Sunset, how did you get hold of all of this?"

"Celestia put all my old stuff into storage. Twilight got a lot of it, but she said she was fine with me using it. Have you seen her?"

"Yes, and I apologised for my attitude. I believe that she's going to get some much needed sleep."

Sunset nods, then looks over to where Luna is staring at her blackboard.

"Do you actually understand any of that?"

"Only a little. 'Tis truly a marvel. We had not realised that the thaumatic sciences had advanced so far. Prithee, what doth this segment mean?"

"They haven't. This is all Atlantean notation I learned on the other side of the mirror." She turns away from the machine she was studying. It looks a little like an oscilloscope, only the knobs are sparkling gemstones. "That segment describes the change in the subject's mana flows as they move from the start position to the… 'Unbinding' portion."

Luna glance back as Sunset approaches her. "You told Us that you were gone but a year."

Sunset face-shrugs. "Magic is my special talent. Usually I prefer a more hooves-on approach, but Atlantean notation just made everything make so much sense. This is the mathematical basis for everything I feel when I cast a spell."

She stands next to Luna as the alicorn stares at the equations.

"This is not the notation used in Equestria?"

"It will be now. I've written an introductory guide and I'm going to hand it over to the School for Gifted Unicorns."

"Couldst We prevail upon thee to furnish Us with a copy?"

"Sure, no problem. The other side of the mirror has really cheap printing technology. The only reason I didn't run off a bunch was because I know how slowly things like that get accepted."

"We have not yet fully brought Ourself up to date with modern thaumaturgy." She smiles at Sunset. "Perhaps in this instance We will be able to steal a march 'pon this nation's greatest experts."

"The ones who aren't me, anyway."

"You are confident, then, that your technique will function as intended?"

"Mostly. There's just one magic form that I can't fully account for." She sighs. "And I can't carry on with my ascension until I can isolate where all that chaos magic is coming from. I don't want to end up as a phelddagrif."

"Chaos magic?"

Uh oh. After I stopped The Changing Man turning an entire town into copies of his ex-girlfriend by killing him, I let Sunset study his remains. Which means that she was pretty confident of her ability to prevent chaos magic from interfering in the process. But with Discord still around and probably not all that happy about the sudden proliferation of alicorns…

"Could it be Discord that you are detecting?"

"Discord? That ugly statue-"

I brace for incoming draconequus.

"-out in the gardens?"

I hear a click, as if invisible fingers were clicking. I know he's supposed to be reformed now, but I can't quite suppress my desire to grab the Sword of the Fallen as there's a flash of white light which serves as the prelude to his appearance.

"Did I just hear my name? Hm?" He looks at me, blinks, and then there are two of him blinking at me as they float upside down in the air. Then they rotate their necks so they can look at one another.

"An alicorn stallion?"

"I didn't think they made those."

They blink at each other, then rotate so that their faces are level with mine. Their bodies are left floating up behind them in a way which –if they actually had hearts and blood- would swiftly leave them light-headed.

"How novel." / "How novel."

I smile faintly. "Discord, I presume. Planet Wilson's Lord of Chaos."

Another click and flash of white light and the two are one once more. "Well, I don't like to brag." His right forepaw covers the side of his mouth. "Actually, I do. I mean, 'Lord'? Really? Was that the best title you could come up with?"

"I met one of your colleagues. Klarion, the Witch Boy?"

Discord pulls back, amusement in his mismatched eyes. "Oh, that little scamp."

"And Mordru, the Dark Prince."

Discord strokes his chin. "Haven't heard from him in a while. Hmm. Come to think of it, Klarion's been uncharacteristically quiet as well."

"And Oggar, the Mightiest Immortal."

"Pff, mightiest."

He rolls his eyes. He rolls them down his arms and then holds them out to me. I don't react.

"And The Changing Man."

"Oh, he was always good for a laugh! Have to get back in touch." He clicks his right forepaw and a journal of some kind appears, floating in the air next to him. "Let's see... Huh." He pokes the journal a couple of times, then frowns. "Can't seem to locate them."

"No. Because, do you know what they have in common?"

He pokes the journal again, not looking up. "Oh, do tell."

"They all met me."

"Oh, don't be absurd, it's probably just on the fritz." He frowns, and clicks his fingers. The journal disappears and is replaced by a nineteen twenties era telephone. "Hello, operator? I need the current listing for The Changing Man."

The part of the handset near his ear moves like lips, a nonsensical warbling sound emerging from it.

"Oh. Okay, do you have Oggar?" Another warble. "Ah. I see."

I turn my neck, reach for my shoulder sheath and pull out the Sword of the Fallen.

"How about Klarion? … Or Mordru? … Huh. … How 'bout that."

As Discord looks up, I smile, making sure that he can get the best angle from which to appreciate the Sword. He looks at it, frowns slightly, then his eyes widen and his entire body turns into yellow custard. "I'vegottowashandhairmygo! Tata!"

Block Retreat.

He clicks his fingers and doesn't disappear. His eyes widen far beyond the borders of his face and he starts frantically clicking his fingers. On the fifth, I feel his magic overpowering my resistance and I let him go.

I smile at Sunset.

"That fix it?"

She glances back at her equipment.

"Actually… Yes."

Luna watches cautiously as I stow the Sword. "What manner of blade is that?"

"What I'd have stabbed him with rather than taking a chance on Fluttershy. What me and mine have used to kill every Chaos Lord we've met to date. I believe in permanent solutions."

She considers for a moment, then nods.

"We are not sad to see him go. Now, We believe that Our guards have had time to array themselves. Alas, We have other work which must occupy our time ere Sister returns, but We are certain that the Royal Guard will be able to assist you in full measure."

Sunset smiles. "Thank you, Princess. By the time we're done, the Guard will be unrecognisable."

Luna looks a little concerned at that, but nods anyway.

"We are pleased that despite your estrangement from Our sister thou art still devoted to the wellbeing of thine fellow ponies."

Sunset looks a little uncertain at that.

"Wellbeing. Yeah."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Morning
Equestria

I tap the armour covering the ponikin as the guardsponies file in behind me. Okay, the gold is only plating and the hardened steel beneath is of a reasonable quality. Considering the ponies' general technological ability. Oh, there's probably a metallurgy-specialist unicorn or something who can get modern quality steel, but this is… Reasonable. It wouldn't stop a crossbow bolt at close range, but it would turn aside a blade or arrow reliably.

On the areas it covers.

The helmet covers the top of the head and the back of the neck. It leaves the front of the neck completely exposed, along with the muzzle and most of the face. The barding covers the chest and back, but the underside is bare -even on the pegasus pony models- and the legs are completely exposed. I'm honestly not sure what they designed this to defend against. It can't be large predators; that would have required them to cover the windpipe and face. It can't be dragons because there are no wards against fire.

No wards at all, actually. A third of the species are capable of complex magic from childhood and they're wearing unenchanted metal armour.

Smaller dragons would use their claws on the exposed belly. And larger dragons would be easily strong enough to tear through it. Even other ponies… They'd either rear up and stamp -in which case the face and neck would again be points of vulnerability- or turn and buck. And that would be blunt force trauma which this armour wouldn't…

"Hey." I glance at the guard closest to me. "You wear some sort of gambeson saddle blanket thing under this, right?"

He freezes for a moment, checking that it's him I'm talking to. "Ah. Yes?"

"Does it go under the peytral?"

"No, just the back."

No blunt trauma protection at the front. I saw old-style pony armour when Luna took me through the dreamscape. That was far better in terms of protection. They deliberately moved away from that. That only really happened on Earth when guns that could pierce armour became common and ponies don't have those.

Why why why why why..?

"Grayven, if you are ready?"

Predatory animals, perhaps? A wild cat jumping onto their back would find themselves with no convenient avenue of attack, though again the lack of neck protection…

I shake my head and turn away from the ponikin and face the cluster of guardsponies and officers Luna called together. A mix of day guard and night guard, though the only real difference is that the plating on the night guard armour is a sort of blue-purple and a couple of them are bat ponies.

"Certainly."

I trot back to the front of the room to stand next to her. I'm still not wearing my armour. These ponies aren't my friends, but I can't take them seriously as threats.

"Loyal members of the Equestrian military! This is Grayven. He is a foreign dignitary who has come to Our nation as an escort to one of Princess Celestia's former students. He has a great deal of experience in military matters, and has requested the opportunity to review our training, equipment and doctrine."

A room full of tiny ponies stare up at me. And it really brings home again exactly how small they all are. I think of Luna as being equivalent to a normal sized woman, which makes sense as most people are shorter than me and she's still a reasonable size. These… Regular ponies are bite-size.

I nod politely.

"Extend to him every courtesy, for it is you who will benefit most from his expertise."

Luna steps aside, and I take her place.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Is Stalwart Spear in the audience?"

A pegasus pony in the second rank raises his right wing.

"Good show. This scenario may have particular significance to you, then. You and three comrades are waiting for Princess Celestia to put in her appearance to start the Summer Sun celebration. A little way behind you is a civilian crowd eagerly awaiting her appearance. The appointed hour arrives and nothing, nothing…"

I lift my right foreleg and then stamp it down hard.

"Then the curtain is pulled back and a cackling alicorn you don't recognise is standing in Celestia's place. You."

I lift my left foreleg and point to an audience member at random.

"What do you do?"

"I.. wait to see if she's an enemy or not."

I nod my head to the side.

"Okay. She cackles and boasts of defeating Celestia, and that she intends to keep the entire world in perpetual darkness. What now?"

"I attack her."

I nod. "The Stalwart Spear option." I nod again. "Brave. Stupid, extremely stupid, but certainly brave. What exactly are you expecting to achieve against an alicorn who just bested Celestia?"

"Ah…"

I make a dismissive motion with my left foreleg. "Stalwart Spear. You actually made that choice. I assume that you've had time to reflect upon it. Why did you do it?"

"To try and stop her causing eternal night." I bow my head slightly. "I knew there wasn't much chance of it working, but I had to try something."

"What are you doing about the civilians who are standing just behind you? Are you not doing anything to ensure their safety?"

"Nightmare Moon was the only thing threatening them."

"You don't know that. You don't know that she didn't have minions-. In fact, she later demonstrated the ability to create minions with her magic. You had a scared, panicky crowd, and you ignored them. You also didn't attempt to leave in order to notify your commanding officer or the country's other Princess."

I let that sink in for a moment.

"You attacked with a spear. Did you consider grabbing a cloud and blasting her with lightning?"

"That's.. not something I'm good at."

"Because you're not trained, or because it's not your talent?"

"It.. hasn't been a skill I've worked at."

I nod and look around the crowd.

"Would any of you have knelt to her as your new sovereign?"

There's a chorus of nos and shaken heads.

"So do you know for a fact that alicorns are immune to being stabbed in their sleep? Or having their food poisoned? Because if you gained her trust then both of those options would have been available. I appreciate that not everyone can take an alicorn in a fight, but… Did no one here think of taking the guile option?" Looks like no one did. "Or consider the fact that with Celestia out of the picture and Cadance -as far as I know- not knowing how to move the sun, that mare you just attacked is the only one who can reverse what she's done?"

Ignoring hearthwarming stories about teams of unicorns having done it in the past. Must find out whether that's true or not, because if so then there needs to be a team trained at once in order to prevent repeats of 'eternal night'.

"It is quite unreasonable to expect a pony in a new and unpredicted situation to respond to it perfectly. Where I'm from we would say that it is easy to be wise after the fact. In actuality, it isn't. It is in fact quite hard to be wise after the fact. In military matters, it takes a group of officers taking some considerable time to go back over everything that happened, examining everything, questioning everything, considering the outcome of every action that could have been taken and developing new policy in an attempt to ensure that if something like whatever happened happens again the soldiers confronted with it have been trained to deal with it. Those of you who are senior officers: that is your job. Those of you who are junior officers: you are likely to be the first decision-makers confronted with these situations. Those of you who are non-commissioned officers or privates: you're the ones who would be putting those orders into practice so you have a vested interest in making sure that they're well-informed ones."

"I am Grayven. I am the drill sergeant who took so many steroids that he became an alicorn. I will not be gentle and I will not be polite and when I am done you will all be better soldiers. Now: if pegasus pony soldiers don't know how to use weather as a weapon, who does?"

A little later
Equestria

Lightning Dust stares at me through the bars of her cell.

"Who the buck are you, and what the buck do you want?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Klugetown
Lunch time

And now, somepony who knows how unicorn ponies fight.

There are dive bars, where the customers go to drink as cheaply as possible. Nothing much for me there. A few ponies make Klugetown their home, but in a town where most people have hands ponies occupy fairly specialist occupations. They could probably handle themselves in a moderately threatening urban environment, but unless Luna wants soldiers who know how to do counterinsurgency work in occupied cities their skills aren't much use to me.

There are union bars, where people in distinct jobs go to drink with people who aren't part of a rival gang or company. Nothing much for me there. Probably pretty useful if I wanted to learn about stevedoring or construction or tanning, but that's not what I'm looking for. Maybe I can mention it to Luna if Equestria wants to get seriously involved in the export business. Newly industrialised powers can do that rather nicely in a mostly pre-industrial world.

Mercenaries were a little further uptown. There isn't… Exactly a wall between the slums and the middle class-ish districts, but there are security patrols. A group of armoured porcines in my case. All they required from me was a small payment, in exchange for which they gave me a small traveller's medallion. A report will probably go up their chain of command at the end of their shift, but a single large traveller isn't that remarkable.

Took a while to find a pony who could do what I want. Due to the nature of Equestrian society and the focused nature of special talents, ponies don't often reach the upper echelons of the mercenary business. Ponies who in more warlike societies might become battlemages or chargers instead become pyrotechnics experts or… Well, guardsponies. But one or two…

I sit down in front of the bar, next to my recruitment target. She looks me over for a moment, then makes a show of ignoring me.

"Might I buy you a drink, Commander Tempest Shadow?"

"No. You're not my type."

"That… Wasn't how I meant it. I have an offer of employment, and I understand that you're between patrons."

"I was." Rats. "But I'm considering an offer from the Storm King."

"Are you allowed to discuss the details? I'm perfectly happy to bid against him."

She rolls her eyes. "I doubt you can match the offer."

"You'd be surprised."

"It's payment up front. I don't sign up to treasure hunts for a share."

"Oh, no. I wish to retain your services to upskill a garrison. The soldiers are well-motivated, but… Green. The risks in the short term are minimal."

"Duration?"

"I'll guarantee two years. Whether it gets extended depends on how things go."

"Hnnn… Pay?"

"Equivalent to a Captain in the Equestrian Royal Guard. Bonus if you actually have to lead troops into combat, because as I said this is intended as a training role."

"Training's… Not really my style."

"You might enjoy this. A young thaumaturgist in my employ has recently developed a new generation of arcane weapons. But there's no doctrine for using them yet. You wouldn't just be training them to be non-incompetent, you'd be redefining the way warfare works."

"Could I bring along a training cadre on the same conditions?"

"Not the same conditions; I'm not paying the grunts what I pay the commander. But otherwise, sure. Two years, training, bonuses if sent into combat."

She turns slightly towards me, eyes slightly narrowed as she stares into my voluminous hood.

"What about medical?"

"Yes, I will see to it that the sick and injured are treated at no cost to themselves. The two years is guaranteed even if you're crippled; it's your brain I want after all. I'll even offer to pay the balance to your next of kin if you're killed if you-."

Her stare hardens. "That won't be necessary."

"As you wish."

She watches me for a moment, then relaxes slightly.

"There is one other issue. The Storm King has… Offered to help me with a particular.. personal problem."

"Could you narrow it down a little? I'm not trying to deceive you, but I can't tell you if I can match his bid if I don't know what I'm supposed to be bidding."

"My horn."

I take a moment to look at her horn, or what's left of it. It's snapped off about a third of the way up its length, cracks still visible to the naked eye on the jagged stump that's left. Pale blue sparks crackle sporadically from the broken end.

Scan.

By your command.

So I know the physical structure of unicorn horns. I should be able to fix those cracks without much difficulty, because I can deduce the structure of the material from the surrounding damaged parts. But the rest of the horn… I could guess. An educated guess based on the structure of other unicorn horns I've scanned… And given that those scans included Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Luna, Tempest Shadow might end up getting a power boost… Or she might end up with a head that's exploding because horns have to be just so and trying to use it caused critical feedback damage.

"I'm not an expert on equine medicine, but I can get hold of people who are. Failing that, I can have people look into ways to bypass the problem."

"Bypass a broken horn?"

"Some sort of functional prosthetic? Thaumoconductive crystal? I don't know; I hire people with that sort of specialist knowledge. I just read the summaries."

"The Storm King says he can fix it."

"Is he an expert on equine medicine?"

"I doubt it. But he's powerful."

"Power is nothing without application. If he can't do it himself, then the best he can do is call upon the same experts that I can. And I can do that. But if you want a down payment..?"

She thinks for a moment, then nods cautiously.

Alright, crack-mending it is. "You might experience a moment of disorientation and pain. Try to keep your horn activity to a minimum."

She goes completely still and my eyes light up under my hood. Ah yes, she wants this rather badly, doesn't she? Beams of orange light shoot from my eyes and pass over each of the cracks, reconnecting damaged segments. She twitches very slightly when I replace a chip, but is otherwise completely stoic.

Hm. And done. I blink as the beams cut out, and she turns to look into the mirror behind the bar. It takes her a moment to spot the difference and she hides her excitement quickly… But I spotted it. She tries channelling a little power through it, and while it's still sparkly she does manage a normal -if weak- aura for a moment.

"So? You onboard?"

She cuts off her glow and nods. "Yes sir. Where are we bound?"

"Equestria, naturally."

She frowns. "Eques-? Who are you?"

Well, I've found my mare and I'll be leaving shortly. I don't need to hide any longer. I take a step back from the bar and subspace my cloak, making sure to open my wings slightly as I do so. The barroom behind me goes silent and Tempest's eyes widen very slightly.

Then she snaps out of it. "Yes sir. My men and I will be ready to move within the hour."

"Good show. I'll arrange transportation. Assemble outside as soon as you're ready."

 

[Mr Zoat]

32nd Nachgeheim 2512
Mid morning

"Master? Why is everyone so quiet?"

Meister Glook spares the blind youth carrying his standard a kindly smile. "They're overjoyed that we've reached our destination, boy. The stonework here has to be seen to be believed; it's struck them quite dumb."

On the howdah behind me Aranei Soulflenser rolls her eyes, futilely fanning her face with her fan. "It's… Large."

I always thought that Dark Elf names were trying too hard, but apparently they sound better in druhir.

"Nothing compared to the slave-wrought wonders of Naggaroth, I'm sure."

"Slave-dwarf-wrought, slave-human-cleaned. This sand gets... Everywhere!"

"Hah!" Meister Glook holds his right arm high for his men to see, then drops it forward as he spurs his mount. His Desert Dogs take up his challenge, geeing their mounts to accelerate into the necropolis ahead.

Aranei sighs as they race away, then turns to make doe eyes at me. "My lord, might I prevail upon you to free me from this most distasteful sand? I would be…" She licks her lips. "Ever so grateful."

I take a look at the open gate ahead of us and command my mount forward. The Construct Lantern mammoth is nothing like as fast as the Desert Dogs' horses, but Meister Glook advised that if I wanted to be seen as important a stately procession was more appropriate than pure haste.

"There is little point until we are inside, but once we are I will make sure that you are presentable before our audience."

Aranei's attitude is hardly surprising. Since I rewrote the.. less than social desire-sets of my Dark Elf prisoners, they've been.. extremely eager to please me. Or maybe this is just a part of their culture? I've felt somewhat self-conscious about asking the few High Elves I've met so far about that sort of thing, particularly given what else I've asked of them.

"How jealous I am that the favour of a dead woman can compel you to cross continents."

"You know perfectly well why we're here."

"My own people have no love for the chaos gods. If you treated with them as you treated with Lord Barblash's reavers, your greatness would only be magnified by your possession of a people truly worthy of you." She looks up at the walls surrounding us, sighting the ranks of armoured skeletons staring blankly across the desert. "Unlike these... Mindless... Things."

"It will be some time before I am ready to treat with the Witch King." About the same time Thurgun finishes my gromril armour with that nifty anti-magic master rune we found in Karak Azgal. Or maybe later. "And I do truly appreciate your people's service to me. Yours especially." Her face lights up with delight. It's true that in combat I mostly use her as a scroll-caddie, but magic is one of the few things around here I can't just blast through and that makes her essential to my ongoing wellbeing.

Hm. The city of Lybaras is.. dead. Its people are -for the most part- animated skeletons with little to no will of their own. Not that any of this was supposed to happen; the Tomb Kings and Queens were self-interested but there's very little point ruling anything if there's no one around capable of revering you for it. Now, I watch a naked skeleton mime the actions of putting damp cloth on a washing line when in reality both cloth and line have long since gone to dust. Another sits at an empty market stall in an empty market, selling nothing to nobody. My limited understanding of the magics employed tell me that a Liche Priest or Tomb Prince could.. order them to 'wake up' from acting out scenes from their lives, to actually think about what they're doing. But in these troubled times they spend their time either with other intelligent undead or with their military forces.

Aranei carefully stands and walks across the howdah to sit at my side, following my gaze to look down at the later peasantry of Nehekhara. I wonder what she makes-?

"But how do they whip them if they can't feel the pain? The whole situation is completely futile."

Ah.

I can see the Grand Temple of Asaph up ahead, and.. since the gates were open I'm going to assume that someone intelligent is keeping tabs on our progress up the city's main thoroughfare. Hm. Looking up, I see a small flight of those undead vultures the Nehekharans like so much. A Liche Priest looking through their eyes, perhaps? Regardless, if I'm to establish myself as a powerful figure a full procession is probably in order and the half dozen construct mammoths forming my baggage train are hardly sufficient.

And this is one of the few places in the world I can do it without having anyone try to burn me as a necromancer.

Aranei's eyes glow in wonder as I raise my left hand and release my Construct Lanterns to form ranks before and behind me. Beastmen gathered during my purge of the Drakwald Forest appear first, followed by goblins and skaven from my campaign in the World's Edge Mountains. I compel them to march in perfect lockstep, entirely contrary to their nature. Closest to the mammoth I call a handful of daemons who didn't have the sense to flee from the material realm once their bodies started turning orange. Tidied up plaguebearers for the most part, with a small unit of steed-mounted daemonettes… Yes, that should be sufficient.

Aranei takes me lowering my left hand as a sign that she can press up against my right side. "It's a such a shame that you don't let them out more often, my lord."

"I do want people to see me as powerful. I don't want them terrified. Terrified people make stupid decisions."

She looks mildly exasperated. "Not even a little terror?"

"That's not how I'm choosing to work with my current group of allies."

She… I'm reasonably confident that she can disagree with me, but a combination of her ring-compelled loyalty and her upbringing makes her unwilling to flat out tell me to my face that she knows better. But these people have been long-familiar with tyrants and monsters. If I'm going to see my goals recognised, I need to be more than that.

Far ahead, a few of the Desert Dogs look back at the source of the stamping behind them and I see the fear on their faces as they dig their spurs in. Meister Glook sits up slightly as they ride past him and then looks back himself.

I can just about see him laughing. Public school in Marienburg must be crazy.

I sit back a little as the Temple slowly draws nearer.

On an upper balcony I see skeleton warriors march out from the temple's interior, carrying banners and musical instruments. Below, Meister Glook comes to a halt before the entrance and is directing his men around to the side of the temple, out of the path of my constructs' advance. An instruction which seems to relieve them greatly.

Boom. Boom-boom boom. Boom. Boom-boom boom.

The skeletons begin beating their drums in perfect unison as my vanguard moves into the plaza before the Temple and spreads out to the left and right. But it isn't until my mammoth steps into the plaza that the woman I am here to see steps out from the shadows.

I have the ring magnify my vision so that I can precisely judge her physical state. That's usually a rough guide to the mental state of a Tomb King; the more decayed they are the more out of it they're likely to be. In her case… Her wrappings appear to be in good repair, and her gold and blue ornaments appear to be intact. She's wearing a fan-shaped headdress, an ornate belt with a scarab belt buckle and a.. semi armoured ruff/shoulder armour thing. Her face is.. covered in a mask, but the mask appears to have been damaged on the left side. I can see her bare skull beneath it. Hm. A little worrying that she hasn't simply had it repaired… Her outfit is completed by a blue cloak which is attached to her shoulder armour and arms and a.. sort of open-at-the-front mini-skirt of the same material. She's also carrying her asp-tipped staff of office, which she hands to an attendant as she takes her seat at the front of the balcony.

In her wake, the lesser Tomb Princes, Princesses and Liche Priests file in. The Priest hovering on her left side must be the local Hierophant, as the other Priests stay well back. My mammoths are nearing the front of the plaza now, and I make a point of maintaining direct eye… Eye-to-enchanted eye socket contact with her. Though she no longer has the capacity for facial expression, her completely still pose gives me no way to even try and guess what she's thinking about this whole thing.

My mammoth stops at the front of the plaza, and I wait.

After a moment or two a Tomb Prince wearing more robes than armour steps up beside his sovereign.

"Bow, pilgrims, bow before the Wisdom of Asaph made flesh, the Voice of the Vengeful, the Lioness of the Hills, She Whose Legions Blot Out the Sun With Their Arrows, High Queen Khalida, Guardian of Damned Lahmia, the Watchful Soul and the Serpent Queen. Kneel, so that you might bask in her radiance!"

I stand, bringing Aranei up with me by taking hold of her left hand with my right. Next, I hold up my own left hand and command every one of my construct Lanterns -save for the mammoths- to kneel. Once they're all down, I bow from the waist and persuade Aranei to do the same with a slight tug on her hand.

"Your majesty. Thank you for receiving me."

 

[Mr Zoat]

32nd Nachgeheim 2512
Early afternoon

Prince Ahmose leads us towards the throne room, an escort of Tomb Guard marching in perfect time beside us. Meister Glook is taking the whole thing in his stride, though none of his men wanted to enter any of Lybaras' structures. For some reason Aranei can't seem to stop stroking the hilt of her dagger. I'm not sure what she thinks it would do; the locals don't have vulnerable points.

"Ambassador."

Before I arrived, I had wondered what the voice of someone without any obvious physical way of forming words would sound like. Would it be raspy? Whispery? Would their teeth click together as they talk? No, none of that. They don't move their mouths as they speak, and aside from a slight echo their voices are quite normal. According to Meister Glook, Prince Ahmose is speaking reasonable Reikspiel and as such is probably their official ambassador. It's all German to me, and I don't remember anything like enough of GCSE German to try conversing in it unaided myself.

"Your highness?"

"Explain the magic you are using upon your party."

The orange glow is rather obvious.

"A translation spell. Neither myself nor my colleagues speak High Nehekharan." Meister Glook does speak a couple of modern Nehekharan languages, but I doubt that the Queen would sully her lip-wrappings with them. "Will her majesty find it objectionable?"

"No. Some of Nehekhara's rulers would, but our Queen has stated that she is quite interested in your embassy. As such, I suspect that she will be more curious than offended. I will however caution you to do no more than that without her express authorisation."

"Of course. I thank you for your warning."

He leads us around a corner, turning away from the surprisingly intact guest quarters and towards the throne room. At the end of the corridor there's a thunk as the Tomb Guard protecting the doors to the throne room itself move as one from a 'rest' to a 'guard' position.

Prince Ahmose's eyes glow as he raises his right hand. "By the authority of our Queen, rest."

Their eyes glow faintly, then they step back to their rest positions. Prince Ahmose then strides up to the bronze-covered doors and knocks three times, the dull ringing sounding through the room. Another thing about the undead: they're a lot stronger than I thought they'd be. A living creature's strength comes from its muscles after all, and they don't have any. But Nehekhara's aristocrats derive their strength from the spells binding their souls to their corpses rather than any of their physical attributes; Prince Ahmose is far stronger now than he would have been in life.

A moment passes, and then the doors swing open.

Queen Khalida's throne is a.. relatively modest affair, though the wall behind it is clearly designed to draw attention to that part of the room. Designs in gold and bronze show scenes from mythology -or perhaps history- relating to the goddess Asaph and her champion. A small group of Tomb Guard stand in the corners of the room front and back, available but clearly not involved in the affairs of their betters.

Several skeletons stand near their queen as attendants. Though they're dressed they don't appear to have been granted mummification, so they were probably personal assistants, scribes and handmaidens in life. At her left hand stands the Hierophant, two lesser Liche Priests in turn standing a little back from him. In her right hand she holds her staff. Just before her throne stand her two personal guard… They aren't Tomb Guards; those are Tomb Princes. The wrappings and faintly glowing sigils on the armour and swords are a giveaway.

Towards the sides of the room the roof is supported by pillars, and between them stand large snake statues. They're patterned after the asp rather than the more common cobra design, but I've no doubt that if the queen ever came under attack that they would animate and smash the assailant to pieces just as surely. The 'animated statue' part of the Tomb King list came well after I stopped being interested in Warhammer so I'm not precisely sure how dangerous they are. Fortunately, I have no need to find out.

Prince Ahmose marches forward before coming to a halt a respectful distance from the throne. Then he falls to his knees before planting his face upon the floor.

"Rise, my herald."

Prince Ahmose lifts his torso, though he remains kneeling. "Oh High Queen Khalida, Wisdom of Asaph made flesh, the Voice of the Vengeful, the Lioness of the Hills, She Whose Legions Blot Out the Sun With Their Arrows, Guardian of Damned Lahmia, the Watchful Soul and the Serpent Queen. I bring to you the ambassador of the Reikland Empire."

I take that as my signal to bow, and Aranei and Meister Glook follow suit without prompting. It was interesting to know that most countries who have any dealings with the Empire call it that, much to the consternation of everyone outside of Reikland. Especially since 'reikland' literally just means 'empire place'. Which means that 'reikland empire' means 'empire place empire'.

"Paol, the Orange Lantern, cleanser of the Reikwald and scourge of the World's Edge Mountains."

Queen Khalida tilts her staff slightly, and Prince Ahmose takes that as his signal to rise fully. He then bows to the throne and carefully backs away and to the side.

"Ambassador. You may rise."

I straighten.

"High Queen Khalida. I bring you greetings from Emperor Karl Franz of the Reikland Empire-" Who is a surprisingly nice fellow. "-and from High King Thorgrim Grudgebearer of the Dwarfs-" Who is about what you'd expect. "-and King Louen Leoncoeur of Bretonnia-" Who is.. not the easiest person to have a civil conversation with, no matter how close a friend of his son you are. "-and Phoenix King Finubar the Seafarer of Ulthuan-" Or.. his ambassador to the Empire, anyway. "-and from Tzar Boris Bokha of Kislev." Ambassador again. Katarin isn't on the throne yet… Or.. perhaps I've already changed something? There is a Wood Elf ambassador in Altdorf, but after she ordered her bodyguard to shoot me I decided not to bother.

I take my scroll of authority out of my belt and hold it out. An attendant skeleton walks over, takes it with a bow and then takes it to the Hierophant. He inspects it for a moment -we included as near as we could to a High Nehekharan translation- and then nods.

Queen Khalida inclines her head very slightly to look at me. "I am surprised that such sovereigns would send an ambassador here, much less that they would do so together."

"Your majesty, in that part of the world… If something remains animate after its death, it is without exception due to the work of vampires or the disciples of.. He Who Shall Not Be Named. Though I know full well that such beings are your enemies as much of ours, that knowledge is not common. I came here because I wish to demonstrate the distinction to my masters, between intelligent beings such as yourselves and the monsters we have become all too accustomed to dealing with."

She doesn't move at all as she considers my answer.

"I thank your masters for their greetings and return them in kind. In particular, send my regards to the ruler of the Reikland, the heir of the man who struck down He Who Shall Not Be Named."

"It will be my pleasure to do so, your majesty."

"In your letters, you spoke of a grand alliance. Your masters have sent you to ask me to join. For what reason? There is no good route by land or by sea from Lybaras to their lands."

"Because of all of the rulers of Nehekhara, you are reputed to be the most… With the greatest respect to-."

"Because being undead has maddened me less." Something shows on my face. "The manias of my fellow kings and queens are not unknown to me."

"And while the mind of High King Settra the Imperishable is entirely whole, I felt that the chance of him treating with foreign rulers was.. minimal."

"An accurate judgement. But that does not explain why."

"There is something I want very much. And I believe that the best way of getting it is to encourage cooperation between all civilised people in the world. Nehekhara is the oldest human civilisation, and even now your learning in many fields outstrips that of other human nations. If we cannot aid one another with armies, we can aid one another with knowledge and agreements to respect one another's territory and property. I have -as a gift for you- books from the Imperial College of Engineers and from the Light Order. In addition, from me personally…"

I pull a small bag from my belt and hold it out. Another attendant walks over, takes it from me and then walks back to the throne before opening it and holding the opening out to its mistress. She turns her head slightly downwards, stares, then looks up at me.

"Vampire teeth?"

"I understand that you have a personal grievance against their kind. Their owners… I took measures which will make their future resurrections… Difficult."

With their souls bound to their bodies vampires can't be kept down permanently. However, throwing them into space certainly keeps them out of the way.

"Well judged." The attendant closes the bag and returns to her place. "Tell me, what is the goal which motivates you?"

"I want very much to kill the Gods of Chaos."

 

[Mr Zoat]

32nd Nachgeheim 2512
Early afternoon

"I doubt that you are unique in that regard. They are a blight upon the world, and their conquest would result in all things being undone."

And I can't tell whether she's humouring me or not.

"How do you intend to realise that goal?"

"My current plan has some.. fairly large holes in it. Initially, I intend to purge chaotic, vampiric and orcoid areas within the territory of the world's civilised peoples. Once the interior is sufficiently protected, I intend to commission a series of waystones to be built at sites of geomantic significance with the aim of controlling the winds of magic, stopping it flowing in ways useful to chaos and allowing my allies to prevent its use by such people. The elves of Ulthuan and the lizardmen of Lustria already use such techniques in their own territory, and Magister Patriarch Verspasian Kant of the Light College has expressed an interest in the creation of such a network within the Reikland Empire."

The leading Liche Priest stirs very slightly at that announcement.

"Obviously, the involvement of either the elves or the slann would be preferable, given the experience they have with such systems. However, the knowledge of the Mortuary Cult in the manipulation of hysh would be invaluable. I'm not sure that the Light College has quite gotten their heads around the idea of the undead being able to use it."

Queen Khalida turns her head slightly to her left. "Speak, Djubti, lest your ire incite our guards to violence."

"My queen, quite aside from the madness of attempting to slay the Gods of Chaos in their own realm, this is a transparent attempt to trick us into sharing secrets of the arcane with these primitives."

"Your reverence, there is no deceit here. I am directly asking you to share your wisdom with the ignorant so that we may all benefit from it. And then only on the subject of hysh manipulation; the secrets of life extension and reanimation are yours to keep and share only with the devout. We both know that the slaves of the Chaos Gods have come to Nehekhara before, and all too often have done so from the lands to the north. It is in all of our interests to stop this."

"Do not think that I did not see the daemons amongst your own host, charlatan."

"Ah, those." I turn my head towards Queen Khalida. "May I demonstrate, your majesty?"

"With caution, ambassador."

I hold out my left hand and call forth a daemonette. Without any way to transmit their hypnotic glamour they're a lot less physically appealing. It looks more like a skinny transsexual beastman than a succubus.

"This was once a daemon of Slaanesh. Then it faced me and tried to make me desire it. It failed, and the ring I wear converted every mote of magic in its make up into orange light. I take particular pride in destroying daemons in this way, since each daemon is a fragment of its patron and by doing this I permanently weaken them." Though in an equivalent period they're probably gaining more than that amount of power from their mortal servants. At least I'm reducing the net gain. "Test it, if you will. There is no longer anything of Chaos about it."

He looks to his queen. She nods. He raises his right hand, skeletal fingers half-clenched as he calls the wind of magic to him. For a fraction of a second bands of blinding white light swirl around his fingers, then they unify into a brilliant beam of white light which blasts into my construct.

And does precisely nothing. I'll give Djubti credit for not staring at his fingers.

I'm not sure exactly what spell that was. In my day you needed High Magic for Banishment, but Alric made it clear to me that that isn't the case in reality. If-.

Djubti raises both hands, and his acolytes do the same, all chanting words so magic-infused that the ring can't translate them for me. The general tone sounds like ancient Nehekharan, though the intonation is different to the versions I've heard before. This time I'm forced to shield my eyes with my hands as the light blasts forth… Again, to no effect.

"Satisfied, your reverence?"

His teeth click against one another. "Your majesty, it is free of all Chaotic influence. What it is, I cannot say."

"Could it be that he can do as he says?"

"It is conceivable. The sites of all cities in Nehekhara were chosen with geomantic considerations in mind; it does not surprise me to learn that the barbarians to the north were less discerning. Creating an alignment over a larger area would benefit all those who exist under its aegis. But it would not kill a Chaos God; merely reduce their influence."

"Of course not. That's just stage one."

The queen regards me curiously. "Then what would you do next?"

"Rebuild the Old One's polar gates, and so restrict the flow of the winds of magic to the world."

Djubti's eyes flare. "You do not have that knowledge!"

I hold up my hands in a placatory gesture. "True. Quite true. But I can hope that the slann do, and if they don't… Anything that can be discovered can be rediscovered. In the north, we're.. so used to thinking of the realms of chaos to the far north and south as being infinite, and their internal dimensions are. But measured around the sides, or from above? It's not all that big. I believe that they grew out from the site of the gates above the world, and that if we push them back far enough we may learn more. This is why the leaders of nations sponsored me to come here; they are used to fighting to survive a year, a decade… I have been able to convince them that ultimate victory is possible; that the permanent extinction-" The daemonette vanishes and the ring dims. "-of our greatest enemies is possible. That though it may be far off, there exists a path we may walk towards it. Peace, prosperity, and a world without monsters."

"Tell me, your majesty: what does ultimate victory look like for you? For the people of Nehekhara?"

"I would see vampire kind extinguished."

"You will find few in the north who would not see that as a good thing. The Lahmians, the von Carsteins, the Necrarchs and the Blood Dragons all assail the lands to the north, and I promise that any knowledge you share of how to fight them will be most eagerly put to use. Furthermore, all information collected by my masters would be available to you in turn. I-. The Emperor of Reikland has.. seen fit to grant parole to certain vampires living within his lands in exchange for saving his life. But they are very few in number. Certainly, Neferata's death would be met with nought but celebration."

"I would see all of the treasures looted from our lands returned to us."

"We can make that a part of any trading relationship. Not.. that you should have to trade for things stolen from you, but my masters don't keep track of everything brought into their lands. Locating artefacts will be a time consuming business, but well worth it to maintain an alliance."

"We would seek to be restored to the flesh which Nagash the Great Betrayer denies to us."

"I believe that all things are eventually possible. I can restore your-" Cross fingers. "-mask now, if you would like? And flesh…" This is tricky. "I will try and be as plain as I can. I have no idea how to transfer the magics binding your spirit to your mortal remains to anything else. However, it is well within my abilities to cover the bones of.. any of you, in flesh. Living flesh, as near as possible to what you had in life."

Djubti's eyes flare again. "Insane kings have wrapped themselves in stolen flesh before. All it does is draw carrion and the gods' wrath."

"Your majesty, it may be easiest for me to demonstrate? If I could have a volunteer, and if the venerable Mortuary Priest could watch closely?"

Queen Khalida raises her left hand, and one of her -check the shoulder to waist ratio- handmaidens walks forward and stops just in front of me. "Have a care, ambassador. My patience is not limitless."

I close my eyes, focusing on my desire to bring people together through my actions, to unify and strike back against the monstrosities using this world as their playground. My desire to heal the woman before me. I focus on the intact genetic code in her bones and how it compares to those of modern Nehekharans, the precise structure of her skull and how the muscles and fat and skin would lie on it. I float into the air, both hands held out towards her as the ring begins to create flesh from orange energy. Organs appear to precipitate out of the air, held in place by orange light. Next, connective tissues, muscle, fat, veins and arteries, blood, skin and-. Ah. clothes. A thought and a heart beats in her chest for the first time in centuries, another and her organs start oozing their enzymes. One last check… Good.

Not perfect. Her eyes are still vacant, her brain… It's in pristine condition but there's nothing going on.

I lower myself to the ground with a shrug. "That is the best I can do, majesty. Perhaps the priesthood or.. others, can improve upon my work, but-."

"Djubti, you are to begin the study of this at once."

"Yes, my queen." He raises his right hand again and the handmaiden turns and heads for a side exit, followed by him and his aides.

I look to Queen Khalida. "I hope I have not offended?"

"I am very far from offended. For the first time since I awoke to this new life I can believe that perhaps the promises of the Liche Priests may still be fulfilled in full. I will tell you now that I am most interested in pursuing an alliance with your masters. More than that, I wish to reward you personally as well. Is there some gift which I could bestow upon you?"

"There is… One thing, but… I don't know enough about Nehekharan culture or your particular religious oaths to know whether I can ask without causing great offence to you, which is the farthest thing from my desires."

"Ask. I will not be offended."

"Your majesty… Are you free to marry?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Afternoon
Equestria

"Grayven!"

I grin as Lightning Dust enthusiastically demonstrates the deployment of a tactical gale on the Canterlot guard contingent and Sunset struggles towards me with a flickering cyan bubble shield protecting her from the worst of it.

"Yes?"

"What…" She looks at me, then the guard, then the billowing clouds, then back at m-.

I step back as an earth pony guard sails past and slams into a wall. Quick check… No, just some bruises.

Sunset stares at his slumped and groaning form, then stares at me.

"What?"

"Okay, so Luna and I dealt with my Anti-Life problem, and-."

"You did? The-." She frowns. "Did Twilight-?"

"No. Luna broke into my dream, accidentally released the Anti-Life fragment, we found the harmony within ourselves-" Hah! "-as well as connections to the emotional spectrum... And we blasted the thing with giant beams of light and no more Anti-Life."

She's looking at me as if she's not sure if I'm taking the Mickey. Or possibly about to explode.

"I did a song and everything. Rhyming couplets verses and a rhyming quintuplet chorus."

She rolls her eyes. "Well if you did a song then clearly there's no more problem."

"Right, exactly. Oh, I meant to ask: can you move the sun?"

She glances up at as much of it as can be seen through the clouds. "Not.. yet."

"No, I mean… As part of a group effort or what have you. I heard the hearthwarming story, about how unicorns used to-" She's shaking her head. "-control the sun and moon without alicorn aid. I thought that you might know the theory."

"I never found anything that said that story was more than a myth. In.. theory? A group of normal ponies could do it. Alicorns are more powerful than regular ponies, but only by about two orders of magnitude. If they knew how and they could all work together perfectly… But I don't know how to do it, it would take a while to work it out if Celestia is as helpful as she usually is and… Frankly, I'd rather turn this system into a nice simple heliocentric system rather than get up before dawn every day."

I smile affectionately as a pegasus guard moonwalks past us.

"That's my girl. Looking for permanent solutions to problems everyone else treats as intractable."

"Agk." She closes her eyes for a moment and holds up her right forehoof and points it at me. "This. All of this, with the guards. Why is it happening?"

"I offered Luna my help in becoming Celestia's equal in fact as well as theory. I thought that helping the guard become relevant would be a good way to achieve that."

"And… How is them fighting a mock battle with the Canterlot Weather Service supposed to achieve that?"

"Oh, this isn't the Canterlot Weather Service. This is one pony." I generate a construct megaphone. "Okay, Lightning Dust! Give them all a break!"

The winds keep blowing for a moment, then the clouds start evaporating. It takes a good deal longer then ten seconds, but gradually the blustering dies down.

Moonwalking pony collapses, panting, as Lightning Dust drops out of the sky to stand smugly next to me.

"These guys are supposed to be the Royal Guard?"

I nod. "I know, right?"

"I mean, I wasn't expecting the Wonderbolts or anything-."

"The Wonderbolts are a display team who are currently zero for two in the major fights they actually turned up for. I hope to do a little better."

She cocks her head to the left. "Zero for two?"

"They fought an infant dragon who had a magical growth spurt and he trapped them in a water tower, and they-"

"Hah hah!"

"-charged Tirek head on and got drained just like everyone else who tried that." I look at her as she snorts in amusement at her former idols' failings. "How is it that you know so much about weather? I wouldn't have thought the subject had much to do with aerobatics."

"It doesn't, but I had to make a living somehow." She looks around to where the guardsponies are picking themselves up from wherever they ended up. "Think they're ready to go again yet?"

"This was more of a demonstration session. We'll have to work out a lesson plan before you go again."

She looks dubious. "I'm… Not really big on paperwork."

"Are you big on unemployment? Because after the stunts you pulled in Wonderbolt training you're unlikely to be invited back. And a conviction for a weather-related offence makes you returning to your former employment in brushland firefighting… Improbable."

Her eyes narrow. "Are you threatening me?"

"Gosh, no. You've upheld your end of the agreement; go with my blessing. If someone hires you or if you start your own enterprise, great! Maybe it'll keep you out of trouble. But if you want a job here then there's going to be paperwork. The aim is to force these ponies to improve, not merely to laugh at their ineptitude."

A degree of the fight appears to leave her. She looks away. "Yeah."

Tempest gets the rest of the guard organised and they start clearing away some of the debris around the training field.

Hm…

"Sunset, how's your setting up going?"

"All ready. I've gotten a few things I was planning on showing the guard." She looks around. "Maybe after they've recovered a little."

"When's Celestia getting back?"

"Late evening. I've got time to deliver a lecture before she gets here. What else are you up to?"

"Lightning Dust's presence is proving rather instructive as to the destructive potential of the pegasus ponies. I've got Tempest over there to handle unicorns. That leaves earth ponies."

Sunset shakes her head. "I told you: there aren't any earth ponies in Equestria who know how to use earth pony magic."

Hm. "How true is the hearthwarming myth?"

"Which part?"

"The migration. Luna implied that it was at least partially true, but…"

"Ah… Maybe? History wasn't really my subject, but as far as I remember there's a definite pattern of settlement from the north heading south. And there's no fossil record of cave ponies or anything like that, so unless we were created by some ancient wizard our ancestors probably came over the pole at some point."

I nod.

"So there could be other ponies on the other side of the planet?"

Lightning Dust frowns. "Wouldn't the windigos have just frozen them all?"

Sunset shakes her head. "There's never been a confirmed sighting of a windigo. And even if the Hearth's Warming story is true, the windigos followed our ancestors to Equestria. If there was anyone left behind and they survived the cold until the windigos were destroyed, they would probably have managed just fine." She looks at me. "You think there might be ponies over there who know earth pony magic."

"Yep. And it certainly can't hurt to check."

Boom!

"Wanna come with me?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Somewhere
over the rainbow

The three of us stare down from the stony ridgeline into the wide valley below. Actually, I'm not sure at what point a land formation stops being a valley and starts being a plain that just happens to have hills on either side. This was clearly carved out by the actions of the river: land worn away by the constant flow of water, then levelled by successive patterns of annual flooding. It would probably make for good farmland, but I can't see any of the patterns that I'd associate with ordered fields. On the other hand I can see plumes of smoke.

Lightning Dust flaps into the air, then half-closes her eyes.

"Wild weather. Not like the Everfree, but nopony's doing weather management."

I look up at her. "You know that's just pony obsessive compulsive disorder, right?"

She looks down. "Huh?"

"Most species don't bother regulating the weather. Outside of stopping tornados or the most powerful storms there isn't really much benefit to what Equestria does. Ponies just do it because they freak out if everything isn't just so."

Lightning Dust pulls a face at the insult, but after a moment she looks a little more contemplative.

"Huh. So what you're saying is, the ponies here would pay me whatever I want to fix their weather for them."

I smile. "You're pretty quick on the uptake. Of course, we don't know that there are any ponies-"

Sunset's horn glows for a moment, then a… Band of cyan races across the landscape.

"-here. Hm. Sunset, do we know if there are any ponies here?"

She nods. "Definitely ponies. And… I'm not sure… But I think this is Dream Valley."

"Was that a satnav spell?"

She rolls her eyes. "I tried studying ancient history to see if I could find anything about earth pony magic. I never found any maps, but there was a poem that was supposed to predate the Exodus and it had a.. poetic description of Dream Castle."

"And your spell found it?"

"I think we're standing on it." I look down and fail to see a castle. "What's left of it, anyway. The Exodus was at least twelve hundred years ago."

I frown. Now I look again there is a surprising degree of regularity in some of the stones around us. "A castle made of stone shouldn't completely collapse that quickly."

"It would if it went through an ice age. Or if it was frozen by windigos."

"Or if the locals pulled it down."

Sunset frowns. "Why would they do that?"

"Well, I'm only working off the oral history version here, but weren't earth ponies kind of the underclass? Exploited by the more martial pegasus ponies and unicorn ponies?"

"I always thought that was a dramatic oversimplification of…" She looks around. "Where'd Lightning Dust go?"

I look up and follow the turquoise and orange streak across the sky.

"That way."

"Buh-! Gkh?! Does she even speak Ancient Equish?"

"Probably not. Hang o-"

Sunset Shimmer glows cyan for a moment, then vanishes.

"-n." I spend a moment alone on the plateau. "Ring, scan for them."

"Subjects located."

And… Luna said that she and Celestia ascended post migration. That snapshot of her foalhood I saw strongly implied that they were born post-Exodus. And there weren't any older alicorns around, so.. it's possible that the local ponies haven't ever seen an alicorn before. They may well not know that they exist.

"Show me."

A construct image forms of… A tent settlement. It looks like they're either setting up or breaking camp. They have some large wagons pulled by.. other ponies, and some are laden with large logs. For trading, perhaps? Lightning Dust is flitting around, but none of them seem all that bothered by her. Then Sunset appears and that causes a few to back off rather sharply.

I should probably put in an appearance. Boom tube might be a bit loud, but I can't see…

Some of those ponies are armed.

Mother Box.

Ping.

Boom!

I trot through the portal as a couple of rough-looking types with crampon-horseshoes size her up. They're half a head taller than her, which means that if I stood over them then their ears might tickle my stomach. They lose interest in her as soon as the tube opens, and they adopt a noticeably more defensive posture when they see me.

"Mornin', lads."

"Hu 're yuh, jimmeh?"

Oh, by the Source, they're Scottish. Or.. rather, my rings have decided that their dialect is the equivalent of Glaswegian English. I could override it, but this way at least I can tell the difference between ponies who are speaking Modern Equish and the ponies speaking this dialect.

"Name's Grayven. My companions and I are new to these lands and we're having a bit of an explore. Might I ask your names?"

They both regard me cautiously for a moment, before the one with a dull green pelt decides that since I'm unlikely to be a fairy there's no harm in telling me his name.

"Hoof Stompah." He lifts up his right forehoof as if to demonstrate, then considers me and thinks better of it. He nods at Sunset. "What kinda gabbeh comin' oota har mouth?"

"That's not Ancient Equish." Sunset sounds a little disgruntled. "I don't know what language that is."

"She's speaking a form of Equish which I suspect is derived from the old unicorn dialect." Because the printing press was a unicorn invention and there's nothing like a printing press for enforcing linguistic consistency. Over a thousand years, a form of the language that was from a different dialect anyway could end up sounding very different. "Could you possibly tell us where are we?"

"Ware yeh tank?" Hoof Stomper looks around, and I notice that we're drawing a degree of curiosity. "Ponyland."

"Hey, Grayven." Lightning Dust lands next to me. "Ask them where the pegasi live. I wanna see if they've got cloud castles."

"Actually." Sunset looks around. "I don't see any unicorns, eith-. No, wait, there's one."

Hoof Stomper's friend steps aside as a senior-looking unicorn mare walks through the circle of rubberneckers. The two 'bruisers' adopt a deferential posture as she approaches, looking up at me.

"Yeh cam a wey, A'm thankin'."

About two fifths of the way around the planet, but only about a minute.

"Some way."

"A'll get a bru an. Yi'kin tell mah awol aboot at."

She turns and trots away, and Sunsets gives me an interrogative look.

"I think we're meant to follow her."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Probably
mid-afternoon by now

Scrivener passes plain clay cups filled with what smells like blackcurrant tea to Sunset and I, while Lightning Dust is walking around the large yurt and looking at things.

"Ask her why aren't there more unicorns?" Lightning Dust looks around with a raised right eyebrow at Sunset's question. "And.. pegasi. I just asked because she's a unicorn."

"You could just ask me yerself, gurul."

Still got an accent, but it's less strong. I'm going to assume that she's switched languages.

"Oh."

Scrivener smiles at her. "I'm the tribe's scribe, dearie. Learning other folks' languages is part o' the job. Now, where are-" She levitates a map out of a chest and floats it over to us before unrolling it. "-yuh all from?"

After a second or two I spot the valley we're in, but the scale isn't anything like large enough to encompass Equestria's territory. Sunset studies the map, then lights up her horn to cause a glowing point to appear.

"If we're here now, we came from-"

Another glowing dot appears, this one on the other side of the tent just in front of Lightning Dust.

"-over there. The other side of the northern pole. Our history says that our ancestors came from-"

Scrivener's eyes widen. "The Exodus!"

"-here-. Yes, exactly!" Sunset smiles. "Understandably, we don't have particularly good written records of that period of our history. I'm sure that our historians would be very interested in reading yours."

"Ah. Reading?"

"Yes, your history books." Her face falls slightly. "You do.. have books, don't you?"

"Ah… Yes, a few. But most of our history is kept in the spoken word. We move around too much to carry with us things we don't need to live."

"Oh yeah." Lightning Dust nods. "I totally get that."

Sunset appears to be having some difficulty with the idea. "… Okay. So… Our history says that the three tribes were fighting amongst-."

"Three tribes?"

"Unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies."

"Well I don't know about that. Our history says that the ole unicorn and pegasi were more internally unified than that. No tribes, just a breed, all together."

"Yes, that's-. You mean, earth ponies were divided into tribal groups?"

"I can't say fer certain, y' understand. I only know the groups who didn't go with the chieftain. Honestly, we mostly thought that the whole lot o' them died. How is et that they survived?"

"Ah, short version? Given the choice between working together and dying in a frozen wasteland, they made the smart choice."

"Golly. I think that maybe our history's a bit hard on 'em. Now, you wanted to know why there aren't all that many unicorns around?" Sunset nods. "Simple, really. When Princess Platinum decreed that the unicorns were leaving, they all left. Not alla them wanted to, but they knew that there weren't going to be enough left to lord it over us." She leans forward slightly. "And we're not above stickin' the hoof in, if you know what ah mean."

Sunset nods uncertainly.

"The pegasi were an army. They got an order, they went. But the tribes…"

"Some tribes just disobeyed Chancellor Puddinghead?"

"Chancellor? What's a chancellor?"

Time to contribute. "From Cancellarius, meaning a court usher or guard."

"Puddunhead was no' a guard. That is, she probably started as a guard, but by the time she led the Exodus she was Chief of the Tribes. But a lot of the tribes -particularly the ones who weren't settled in any one place- didn'a want to leave. No' permanently, anyroad."

"They disobeyed their chief?"

"The Chief is Chief at the sufferance o' the tribes. Most thought it was just a hard winter, or the pegasi being decks."

"'Decks'?"

Scrivener widens her eyes. "Decks. Making a whole pestle o' snow and droppin' it on us. So some tribes left and some tribes stayed, an' when the weather got bettar, we though we did the right thang."

Sunset takes that in, then nods. "So there aren't many unicorns or pegasi because almost everypony who stayed was an earth pony, and there would only be enough non-earth pony genes for a few foals a generation."

Scrivener nods. "Unicorns usually work as scribes and history-keepers. Pegasi work as scoots."

"That sounds boring." Lightning Dust tosses her head dismissively. "If you're still here after thousands of years then you've clearly 'scooted' it all before."

"And…" Scrivener looks up at me. "What breed are you, big fellah?"

"That's… A complicated one. Short answer: if you shove enough magic from all three breeds into one pony, they get really powerful and take on the traits of all three breeds."

"Are there a lot like you in this.. 'Equestria'?"

"Currently, five, but we're working on increasing that."

Sunset coughs and then clears her throat.

"She's working on increasing that. But the main reason why we're here…"

Sunset nods. "My special talent is magic, and-."

"And mine's flying fast and kicking tail."

I stare levelly at her. "And perhaps in future you'll remember to focus that aspect on enemies of the state, not its greatest heroines?"

"-AND I've always been interested in earth pony magic. But in Equestria, earth ponies don't really.. do anything? There's a small effect when they grow plants, but it's far less than a plant-growing unicorn would be able to do with their magic. I was hoping that some knowledge of how earth pony magic worked survived-" She looks over to the chests. There aren't a lot of them. "-here."

"Oh, it surely has. Earth pony magics are just the thang for lacertomancy, floramancy, geomancy and hex breaking. We've a journeyman lacertomancer with us now, if'n you want to meet him."

Sunset blinks, then smiles excitedly. "Lacertomancer?"

"Aye. Making themselves right strong and tough, yeh ken?"

"And.. they're a 'journeyman'?"

"It's like you seid; your special talent is magic. Mine is remembering things. All earth ponies know the basics o' the craft, but I dinnae think you'll be wanting that. You'll be wantin' an expert. We dinnae have one o' those with us now, but we've got a journeyman. He's been makin' himself useful all summer, then it's off tae Rijekograd for the wrestlin' season."

Sunset perks up. "Great! So what can he do?"

Scrivener stands and walks around to the entrance of her yurt. Then she sticks her head outside.

"He's strong. Let me jus'-. Ah, there's the fellah."

Sunset looks sceptical, but gamely gets up and follows Scrivener's gaze. "Strong? I'm not.. sure…"

I get up and go to see what the fuss is about.

Outside, a single thickset stallion with a dull green pelt and grey mane and tail is pulling a cart. The cart is far taller than him, and has multiple thick wheels-. No, rollers, in order to keep the colossal weight of the thick trunks it's carrying from causing it to sink into the ground. That weight… I could pull it, but any normal pony wouldn't be able to move it an inch. And he's pulling it without much difficulty at all.

Interesting. I wasn't sure how 'realistic' Cheerilee pulling a house was, but if this is something that earth ponies can do…

Sunset eyes him hungrily. "That's exactly what I'm looking for. What's his name?"

"We mostly call him 'Buckface'. Hey, Buckface!"

'Buckface' looks our way-.

Ah, 'Buckface'. Yes.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Ponyland
Afternoon

Buckface regards us with a look of profound disinterest. It's obvious where his name comes from. His muzzle is… Offset, twisted slightly to the left. Deformity, or the result of an injury? Not sure. Sunset's eyes switch rapidly between him and the load he was pulling, trying to estimate the weight that he was just pulling and perhaps comparing it to what his muscles should allow. Now that I get a closer look at him I can see the slightly uneven pattern of his fur in some places, where old scars and burns have prevented it from growing.

"Weyt yeh wint?"

Lightning Dust is looking at Buckface too, but I think she's just checking him out.

Scrivener frowns at him. "Come on, now. You kin speak their language jes' as weyl and I kin."

"What af it?"

"Hi." Sunset smiles. "I'm Sunset Shimmer. I'm from Equestria, the country on the far side of the pole." No obvious reaction. "To the north. Past the yaks."

"Oh, aye?"

"Yes! And we don't have anyone who knows earth pony magic. And you -apparently- do."

His cutie mark is a log-. No. A caber.

"Oh. Aye."

"So I was hoping you'd come back with us, and teach other-"

"No."

"-pon-." She frowns. "What? Why not?"

"Masters teach. I in't a master yet."

"Oh… Kay..? And how do you become a master?"

He looks at her. Then he looks pointedly at his load. Then he looks back at her.

"O-. Is that all?" She looks at me. "Grayven, we can get some weights, right?"

"Yes, I think we can manage some training weights. But Equestrian earth ponies drag trains for training. It saves on coal."

"Trains?"

I wouldn't say that Buckface-.

"Is Buckface your actual name, or is it more of a nickname? I can't believe that your parents actually-."

"This snoot not gi' yeh a clue, jimmeh?"

Lightning Dust sniffs. "If you're so tough, how come your muzzle got broken?"

"Dragon."

"How big a d-?"

"An' a moontain."

Lightning Dust looks thoughtful for a moment, then smiles. "This I gotta hear."

"Fought a dragon. He wus losin', 'til he got a hold a' me and slammed me int' a granite cliff. I thank it wus three ower four times. Then he flew owf."

"So are we talking a baby dragon, or..?"

"A mite bigger than that. An' yu." He looks at me. "Ma an' Pa named me Hearthguard. But 'til I get that dragon back but gud, it's 'Buckface'. Now wa's this aboot 'trains'?"

"They're giant metal carts that run all over the country. Also worth pointing out that there aren't any masters of earth pony magic in Equestria."

"Eh?"

"None. It's a forgotten art. There might be one or two who intuit parts from first principles if they're got the right cutie mark, but that's it. No teachers. No masters."

"How do they gat anythin' dun?"

Sunsets eyes narrow. "And what do you mean by that?"

"How d' they fight chaos beasties or move stuff? Nah wee pegapodes or unicorns kin dew at."

"Oh, can't we?"

"Ah han'na see it."

She smiles. "Unhitch yourself for a moment."

"Tchhaa! Twig a' a thang like yerself?" He jerks himself free of the hitch and steps aside. "Ha' a go iffin yah like, filly."

"And if I move it, you'll come back to Equestria with us?"

"Werl, I hafta finish moving it furst. But wance the deal's done with, aye." He nods.

"Grayven, open a boom tube to…" She frowns. "Where are you going with this?"

"West aways, teh the river."

Ring…

Location confirmed.

Boom!

A tube aperture large enough for the giant cart appears next to a rather stunned shipwright.

"Hm." Sunset nods and then returns her full attention to the cart. Her horn glows and the cart glows in sympathy. "You know, a year ago I'd have tried lifting this with pure force. Now?"

There's a small flash, and the cart… Floats a little way off the ground, no longer affected by gravity. Sunset walks around to the back of it, makes eye contact with Buckface, and then rears up on her hind legs and gives it a gentle shove. It drifts forwards, wobbling left and right as the rollers catch on the ground.

"See, while we don't know anything about earth pony magic, unicorn magic? We're kinda good at that."

"Aye. So ah see." He watches as the cart drifts through and Sunset cancels her spell. "Werl, I'll nah go back on mah wurd. Let's tek a luuk at these 'train' thangs, then."

I smile. "Scrivener, I imagine that an actual ambassador from Equestria will be along presently. In the mean time, a little something to remember us by."

I take a Wilsonian world map out of subspace and hand it over to her. Her horn glows as she opens it and looks it over, then cuts out as she gapes in shock.

The boom tube booms shut, then a new one opens back to Canterlot. A palace balcony with a good view of the whole of the city. Lightning Dust flaps through a moment later and does a quick loop over the city. Buckface steps through next, the aperture wobbling slightly as he passes through. He frowns as he looks around at the city, far larger than anything that my drones found in Ponyland. Sunset brings up the rear, and I close the tube behind her.

Buckface frowns as he walks to the edge of the balcony and looks out across the city. Canterlot is only mildly industrialised. The country's main industrial centre is Detrot, located near their largest coal deposits, and while Canterlot does have industry it also has harsh clean air laws passed by the landed gentry who have no interest in breathing smog. Magic pollution filters are available, but they do make it inefficient to do anything too heavy.

"Well?" Sunset smiles as she walks over to him. "What do you think?"

He looks at her in bewilderment.

"What nincomninny built a city hangin' off a mountain? One gud stomp an' it'll awl tumble down!"

Sunset blinks.

"Then.. please don't stomp?"

He snorts and goes back to taking in the sights.

Okay, got the one for each breed.

"Sunset, I think it's time to do your demonstration. Let's go and round up the survivors of Miss Dust's lesson."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Afternoon
Canterlot

"Bawhahahaha!"

The guards have by and large given up on looking offended as I steady myself by leaning against the wall.

"Hahahahaha!"

My eyes are staring and Sunset is trying to indicate by her stance that no matter what they may have heard, she's got nothing to do with me. Her eyes flick to me as the laughter stops, only to be rolled and turned away once more as she sees that I'm just trying to recover my breath.

Plucky Slugger's eyes narrow. "What's so funny?"

"Huh-huh." I take a deep breath as I try to get myself under control. "Huuurrrh. Ugh. Okay." I stand back on my own four hooves and face him, bending down slightly so that our muzzles are level. "What..." I cough. "What you just said."

He turns his head slightly to the right. "I just said that the Royal Guards are Equestria's premier fighting for-."

I hold up my right forehoof. "Stop, stop! You're going to set me off again."

He snorts. He actually snorts! "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

I invert my right forehoof -and isn't that weird- and press it to the underside of his muzzle. "Oh, you precious foal. You actually believe it, don't you? That's so sweet."

His eyes widen for a moment, then he knocks my limb aside. "I don't know what you think you're talking about-."

"I've met soldiers. I've fought against soldiers. You're not soldiers. You're.. tour guides at best. Living statues at worst. I mean-" I sit and spread my forehooves in the general direction of our escort. "-come on, be honest. When was the last time you ponies contributed meaningfully to the defence of Equestria? Count off the major incidents from the past few years. One, Nightmare Moon. Celestia's escort got knocked aside like they're not even there and the whole thing gets wrapped up in a few hours by Celestia's disciple. Who had no guard support while doing it." I can see their cheeks start to colour through their fur. I'm going to assume that this isn't the first time they've heard something like this. "Discord? ... Nope."

"Discord is a master of chaos magic! What could we do against him?"

"You did have over a thousand years to prepare. I'd have thought that you could have worked something out. Prepared something. Anything. At least arranged for the statue to have some flipping railings around it."

"We didn't know that's what the statue was!?"

"And the other statues?" His face freezes. "You have asked about those, right?"

Silence.

"You haven't. Okay." I tense the muscles in my jaw. "Then we had the Changeling Invasion of Canterlot. Not a malevolent deity this time. Changeling drones are generally worse fliers than pegasus ponies, their magic is limited to shapeshifting and basic thaumokinesis and they're not especially strong. Exactly the sort of thing a professional standing army might be expected to fight. And how did you do? You got your haunches handed to you."

"Next up was Sombra. Once more, Princess Celestia sent her disciple. Did she send her a retinue of guards? No. She sent the best young flier, a pony likely to join the Wonderbolts during their next recruitment session. Not sure why she didn't send the actual Wonderbolts, but maybe she couldn't get hold of them at short notice."

"Rainbow Dash is one of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony."

"Did they have the Elements with them?"

"Ahh... No?"

"Then how is that relevant?" I give him a moment to come up with something. Nope. "And in addition to that doughty duo, she sent... A seamstress, a farmer, a baker... And a veterinarian. Instead of? Any. Guards. At. All." I shrug, just about getting some motion out of my wings. "And that wasn't even the worst of it. Did the Grand Galloping Gala really get... Overrun by animals from the palace gardens?" Plucky Slugger's ears fall. "You ponies couldn't even take fluffy little bunnies in a fight!" I walk past him, carrying on in the direction of the training area. "I mean, at least that explains the veterinarian! Celestia must think that Fluttershy is the most deadly pony she has in her service!"

Then the friction disappears from under my hooves and my right ear glows pale turquoise. "Excuse me, gentlecolts." Pony or not, Sunset's grin is quite unsettling. "Grayven and I need a quick... Chat."

She drags me along behind her as she leads the way down the corridor a short distance and around a bend before shoving me against a wall. "What the heck are you doing?"

I'm not sure that it's healthy for her to grind her teeth like that, either. "Talking them down. What did it sound like?"

"I don't want to alienate everypony in the palace! I thought we were going to try and sell them the weapons I developed?"

"I'm not. You are. My words have caused them to ruminate upon their deficiencies and failures. Now is the time to talk up how much you can improve upon their capabilities. I will take a back seat and remain silent. This is your show." Her spell deactivates as she blinks at me in surprise. I turn around and try to put my membranous right wing over her back in a hug. Unfortunately, she's far too short. "Knock 'em metaphorically dead."

"Oh. I just thought you were being a jerk again."

"The Canterlot Royal Guard are low hanging targets. I have standards."

The cyan glow encompasses my side and gently shoves me away. "Right." She looks me in the eyes, her own eyes narrowing. "I can't work out whether you made that up as an excuse or if that was really why you did it."

"Why can't it be both?"

She sighs. "Just butt out and let me work, alright?" I make an expression of total innocence, eliciting another sigh before she walks back around the corridor to rejoin the party.

She needs to learn to lighten up.

I let her and the guards get ahead a little way before attaching myself to the rear of the party. Plucky Slugger looks around at the sound of my hooves, but he doesn't say anything. His head flops in what I suspect to be a sign of pony-depression and his hooves barely lift off the ground as he walks.

Perfect.

I follow them out into the training field. On one side, unicorn guards charge their horns and fire blasts of coloured magic at a target downfield, Tempest Shadow watching carefully. Where they strike, the targets blacken and smoulder. Pegasus pony guards fly around in formation, spears their weapons of choice, Lightning Dust flying literally circles around them. In another part of the field earth pony guards line up to charge into tackle bags held in place by Buckface, bouncing off as they fail to move him.

Two grey unicorns -who based on their insignia appear to be senior officers- have walked over to where Sunset stands in front of her escort. Wait, those are the prats who couldn't organise a simple search party when those plunderseed vine things grabbed Celestia and Luna. Oh, sure, a firm pair of hooves there, I don't-.

Where's that music coming from?

"Let me teach you of fighting and fury.
Permit me to tell you how to wage war."

Sunset prances up to a tired-looking Unicorn who managed three small burns in the centre of his target and shoves a mana siphon gun into his forehooves and points to the activation knob.

"A creature's might,
should exceed its plight,
Or what's a soldier for?"

He takes aim and fires, the rainbow-coloured beam punching a hole clean through the centre of the target, then the wall behind that and the wall behind that and the wall behind that before breaking out of Canterlot entirely and sailing into the air.

The soldier grins.

"I'll show you the way to take thought for tomorrow,"

Her horn glows and arcane armour appears around an earth pony, who runs through the bag and the wooden structure behind it. The structure collapses onto him and he isn't even fazed.

"To rea-lise your dreams and to hunger for more."

Another glow and a target finder helmet appears on a pegasus pony, along with a saddle mounted laser.

"A creature's wrath,
should protect its path,"

The pegasus pony swoops into a dive and fires, striking the centre of each of the unicorn targets in sequence. Sunset looks them over briefly, then turns to gaze up at Celestia's tower.

"Or what's a Princess for?"

I step forwards in a daze. I'm in a musical number. As part of the chorus.

…

Mine was first.

Sunset appears to be getting into her stride. The three ponies she just upgunned and their moronic commanders gather around her, and for some reason I find myself joining them. Her horn glows brilliantly, and then...

We're in a lecture theatre? I'm standing in the wings while the other five are in the front row.

"Taste of the fruit of the tree that is knowledge,"

Sunset's horn glows as seven different pieces of chalk dance around her before drawing arcane and mathematical proofs on the blackboard behind her.

"Of science and magic and all two worlds' lore."

The regular lecturer whom she just displaced looks at her with irritation. Then looks at what she's writing and sits down, his mouth falling open.

"A creature's thought,
must exceed what it's taught,
Or what's a scholar for?"

She takes a selection of books on Atlantean thaumaturgical notation from her subspace pocket and hands it to the lecturer, who immediately opens the first and starts reading. Good job she translated them first.

"So come let me help you become as the gods are."

She moves over to the second blackboard and starts drawing out the shape she showed Luna and I earlier, the one which is supposed to enable her ascension. I recognise the symbols for the three pony tribes and.. some of the other symbols, but the precise mechanics of how it's supposed to work are lost on me.

"For I've got a wonderful secret to tell!"

The doors at the rear of the lecture theatre open and Celestia herself trots in. No one looks around as Sunset pauses in her song, then hardens her expression and pushes onwards.

"A creature's reach must exceed its grasp!"

Sunset rears up as the audience stomp their forehooves in approval.

"Or what's an alicorn for?"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Afternoon
Equestria

Celestia takes a step forward, and whatever music-based magic was keeping everyone cooperating appears to fade away.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, could you please give my student and I the room?"

And unlike on Earth, not a single one of them takes the central gangway, with the attendant risk of accidentally pushing against their goddess-queen. They only dare try it if her downward path has already taken her past their row. Otherwise they file towards the sides of the room and then head towards the back. Aside from a couple who teleport, and the lecturer who grabs the books Sunset handed him and heads for the staff entrance. Only those guardsponies Sunset brought with us stick around, and they spread out towards the exits. None try to stay in their places.

Celestia casts a slightly wary eye over me, but otherwise keeps her attention on Sunset. Sunset in turn stares at Celestia like she's trying to bore a hole in her.

"I'm not your student."

"I can banish you from Canterlot if you like-."

I grin. "You can try." Cock of the Walk Stance

A slight exhalation and a small glance my way, before she returns her attention to Sunset.

"But I don't see how that would help either of us."

The leftmost guard captain looks at her and she nods. He taps his right hoof on the ground twice, and the spread out guard begin leaving the room to take up position on the far side of the doors. She ignored the Stance! How dare she!

Sunset walks to the front of the stage as Celestia reaches the front of the room. Sunset's head is a little higher than Celestia's in this position, but it's like… Yeah, a child sitting on the top of the stairs and claiming to be taller than their parent. Now… Do I want to involve myself or not?

I want Sunset to.. win something here. Putting Celestia off her stride helps with that, because however Sunset feels about Celestia personally 'obey the goddess-queen' has been imprinted onto the entire pony population of Equestria for a thousand years. She can break the conditioning, but that sort of thing generally makes people… Angry. Shouty. Stupid. They build up internal tension before breaking the taboo and then the fact that they've broken it becomes their sole focus.

Ah! Perfect! I turn and trot down the steps at the side of the stage, then stand on Celestia's left. She may be the tallest pony on the planet but she's still shorter than me. And far skinnier. I… Read a piece of fan fiction back on Earth Prime where one of the characters is viscerally disgusted by Celestia, thinking of her as some sort of alien monstrosity that real ponies unaccountably allow to lord it over them. And… Yes, I see where he was coming from. Twilight and Luna both have body proportions more like those of the regular ponies than Celestia does.

Anyway, since My Big Pony over there has Equestrian forward-mounted eyes rather than the real horse side-mounted eyes, me lurking in the periphery of her visual field should be just off-putting enough to give Sunset an edge.

Sunset looks down at Celestia from the edge of the stage, then turns her head my way.

"Grayven, you can open a portal to anywhere on this planet from Challenger Mountain, right?"

I nod. "Yes, though without Starswirl's mirror we wouldn't transform."

Sunset turns back to Celestia. "Then it actually doesn't matter if you banish me again. My ritual-" She tosses her head in the direction of the blackboard, though there's next to no chance that Celestia understands what she's written. "-will work just fine anywhere. I don't even have to be in Equestria."

Celestia nods slowly. "I take it that you believe that you've found a way to become an alicorn." I get another small glance. "I'm surprised that you were able to find someone who could help you."

"Yeah, it was amazing how far I could get with a mentor who wasn't lying to me, hiding things from me or ordering everypony not to help me. You know, actually mentoring me, rather than wasting my time."

Celestia gives me a slightly longer glance, with ever so slightly narrowed eyes. I smile back.

"But no. That's just how Starswirl's mirror made him look because he's so big and powerful on the other side that the only thing it could make him that made sense was an alicorn. I worked out how the alicorn transformation worked by myself."

"I.. see. And does that make you happy?"

Sunset goes to answer, then stops herself. Celestia notices and blinks.

"If you don't want to t-."

"I came back because I want to talk to you about it. But I remember a dozen times where you turned what I said against me to distract me from the fact that you'd taken me on as a student with no intention of teaching me anything."

"That's-."

"I spoke to Twilight. I know perfectly well that the only reason you took either of us on as students was to use the Elements of Harmony on Princess Luna."

"That's not-."

"Then why did you insist on giving me sociology lectures? I was the greatest magic user in the Gifted School including the teachers."

"I hoped that you could learn to have friends. I didn't want you to shut yourself-."

"I did. When I finally met people who shared my interest in magic, guess what? I made friends. Because we had something in common, because I liked spending time with them, because they weren't total wastes of my time. I agreed to become your student because I thought I'd learn more about magic from you than I could anywhere else and whaw was I wrong. I learned more in a year surrounded by.. talking monkeys teaching myself than I did in all my time in Canterlot."

She takes a deep breath.

"And you know what else I found out talking to Twilight? I was curious what sort of pony you'd pick after me. How she'd be different to me." She snorts with laughter. "And I'm not sure if I should find it funny or horrifying. You picked a classicist cultist."

Celestia looks at her sternly. "Twilight Sparkle is not a cultist."

"She once drove a town mad because she was worried about missing a weekly 'friendship' report. She's completely fixated on making you happy. You can't have missed that… Can you? Was that what you were trying to do to me?" Sunset snorts derisorily. "Lucky escape there. At least her complete lack of interest in original research makes her easier for you to handle."

"Twilight Sparkle is an accomplished scholar. She became an alicorn by completing an original spell, which-."

"She became an alicorn by completing Starswirl's poem that didn't require her to understand the underlying mechanism at all. Your replacement for a pony who challenged you was a total sycophant!" Sunset paces a little. "I know how it worked. I even know how Mi Amore Cadenza's ascension worked, something you deliberately hid from me. Literally everything you did since taking me on as your student drove me further away, and now I've got everything I wanted in spite of you."

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I was trying to help you-."

"You were trying to help Luna. You know, if you'd just done the sensible thing and told me that in the first place I'd have been happy to help. And don't.. try to give me any horse apples about it not working if I tried to make friends deliberately. I made my first friend when all I wanted was a research partner."

Celestia smiles.

"You're making friends now?"

"Yes, I'm making f-. No!" Her face twitches. "I'm not-! Grghkaaagh!"

Her horn glows and I get ready to lunge to knock Celestia out of the way, but-. With a pop Sunset vanishes.

Celestia bows her head with a sigh.

"Hey, look on the bright side: I thought she was going to take a shot at you."

"Graven." She turns her head towards me. "I want to know what you've been teaching my student."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Canterlot
Afternoon

"I'm pretty sure at this point that she's… Waaaay done with being your student."

Celestia breathes in… And then out again. "Yes, I did notice that."

"But you said it anyway. I don't really care, but Sunset's very angry with you and slips like that are just going to make things worse."

She considers for a moment, then nods. "I only meant to send her away from the palace for a short time, to allow her to experience more of life and hopefully gain some perspective on her obsession. My intent was to resume her tuition when she was in a more receptive frame of mind."

"Um. Okay? And… When she scoured the country for arcane lore and kept trying to become an alicorn anyway as the ultimate expression of her special talent and the destiny the mirror showed her, hating you all the while for having all the answers and refusing to share them… What then? Because… That's what would have happened."

"I have more faith in m-. In Sunset than to believe that."

"Faith..? Oh, sure, she wouldn't have tried causing eternal night or anything, but that pony lives for arcane study. You should see her work on Equestria's harmony field."

Celestia starts to smile, then frowns in confusion. "What do you mean by 'harmony field'?"

"That's a conversation you should probably have with her. It's fairly fundamental to your disagreement."

She lowers her head slightly. "I would appreciate it if you would tell me anyway."

"Magic is not something you passively use. It both acts on and is acted upon. Create a harmonious realm and that harmony can be a source of arcane power to those who embody it. But there's nothing special about harmony in that regard. My own.. father… Rules a world filled with something called the Anti-Life. And the world on the far side of Starswirl's mirror has a chaotically complex system with no overriding guiding ideology."

I shake my head.

"The point being: while there are good reasons for accepting the virtues of harmony for their own sake, and they do grant increased magic strength while in Equestria, the link is extrinsic rather than intrinsic."

"That is what you taught her?"

"I didn't teach her thaumaturgy. I just bought her books and a laboratory. She worked it out herself." I nod at the blackboard. "If you want a more detailed explanation, it's on the board. No, my lessons with Sunset were more about application. I would present her with a practical problem, and she would attempt to solve it."

Celestia nods. "What happened to Sunset when she passed through the mirror?"

"She came out in a small park in a major city. There isn't any sort of marker on the other side now… If there ever was."

She shakes her head. "I have not had cause to use the Mirror for many years. I have no knowledge of what lies on the other side."

"I'm more surprised that no one's come through from my side by accident. The portal wasn't on a major thoroughfare or anything, but it's not out of the way."

Or… Have people come through before, only to have their memories obliviated away? I checked Philadelphia's records once Sunset told me that the portal's end point was fixed, but I didn't find anything that fit what I think I know about Equestria. Didn't bother looking for amnesia…

"Have you taken measures to ensure that nopony will do so?"

I frown. "It was the middle of a major city. We do have equines, but they're more like your… Pre-sophoncy ancestors. They're kept as pets or beasts of burden." She seems to take that news with equanimity. Heh. "There aren't any in central Philadelphia. If you're talking about inadvertent human visitors, you don't need to worry. Sunset worked out how to move the end point and it's now in her laboratory, which is in a fortified area. That's not to say that a sufficiently clever physicist or wizard couldn't work out how to replicate the link, but…" I nearly-shrug. "There's no risk of a chance encounter."

"I'm glad. I imagine that it would be quite distressing for someone from an alien world to fall through and be stranded here."

"… Yes, because you.. couldn't just board it up from your side?"

Celestia gives her head a small shake. "I hoped that Sunset Shimmer would return one day. As the years passed I realised that that was increasingly unlikely, but still: I did not want to block her one avenue for returning here."

"If you think a couple of boards would have stopped her, you're really underestimating her."

"She was.. certainly always determined." She pauses for a moment. "She said that only a year passed for you?"

"Almost to the minute. Makes me wonder if the spell controlling the aperture opening was set to something on our side rather than yours. Though Sunset's fixed it now; one spell to keep it open and some mana siphons to ensure that it retains power. She really is quite clever."

"Sunset's problem was never her intelligence."

"Did you really kick her out for reading a history book? I realise that I've only heard one side of that disagreement, but I doubt that she told me a direct lie."

"No, I did not kick her out for reading a history book. The history book was simply the last instance of her disregarding my instructions before I banished her from the palace for repeatedly ignoring my lessons. I hoped that after she was forced to interact with other ponies for a time she would come to realise the error of her ways and learn the lessons in humility and compassion that I had failed to teach her."

"And you had no ulterior motive in the direction of your teachings?"

"I'm not sure what you're implying-."

"I'm not good at estimating the age of ponies. But I know a human teenager when I see one. Your newly alicornised acolyte isn't all that old. Probably too young to remember that you had another student just before her. If Sunset had stayed she'd be in her prime right now. Did you mean for her to confront Nightmare Moon?"

"Yes, I hoped that Sunset would develop the virtues necessary to wield the Elements of Harmony. I hope that for all my little ponies. Those virtues underpin our society, and encourage my little ponies' happiness."

"And it was pure chance that you took on two magic-talent unicorns as students in the run-up to your sister's return? Sunset's never mentioned her predecessor. If I were to examine your records how far back would I have to look to find one?"

"Quite.. some way." Her face hardens. "But I did not simply discard Sunset when she went against my wishes. She left through the mirror of her own volition."

"After you banished her. And after she came to you to learn magic and you spent years focusing on ethics instead. And you didn't explain why at any point."

"Should I take it then that the curriculum which you have been teaching her does not involve ethics?"

"A year with an alien magic system, and she's the most capable magic user her age on the planet. She'll be an archmage before she's twenty. You want me to waste that potential trying to turn her into a moral philosopher?"

"I want to know that you're not just using her as a.. device for research. Sunset is a pony, and whatever she thinks, she needs other ponies in her life."

"No ponies, but she has friends now. Two of them are other magic users who have the capacity to keep up with her on her favourite topic, and meaningfully contribute to her work. Like you used to. And a third… And I've really got no idea how they started relating to each other, but they voluntarily spend time in one another's company so I'm calling that three-nil. Grayven-" I hold my right forehoof up to my right ear-. No, wait, it's a little further backthere we go. "-I hear you cry, how did you achieve such a thing where I, with all my experience of and devotion to friendship could not?' And I will gladly-."

"You brought her into contact with people she considered to be her equals, and their friends. She spoke to them of their shared interests, and the friendship grew from there."

"And I didn't try and make her something she isn't. Her special talent is magic research. How could you possibly think that you could stop her doing the most important thing in her life and expect her to remain interested in anything you had to say?"

"I thought that 'magic research' might extend to the magic of friendship-."

"Hah, you're such a pony!"

Her expression hardens a little. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to provide moral support for Sunset when she ascends. And Luna helped me deal with a problem with my father's magic I was having, and in return I offered to help improve Equestria's military."

Should I mention that I want to date her? No, no, probably not.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and give Sunset someone to vent at."

 

[Mr Zoat]

Equestria
Afternoon

I trot down the palace corridor, fun sized ponies stepping out of my way. But it's more in wary deference than outright fear, and that's good. Both because it suggests that they're not stupid and because I… Don't really want tiny equinoids to be afraid of me.

"…resonance effect from having thousands of thaumically active individuals believing the same thing!"

Sounds like Sunset's made a… Person whom she tolerates?

"But that doesn't explain why they believe that in the first place!"

Twilight's awake, then. Not sure why she came here…

I knock on the door.

"Yes!" / "Yes!"

I push the door open and then trot inside. Celestia's current and previous students are standing in front of a blackboard covered in… Um, even more Atlantean thaumaturgical notation several levels more advanced than I can understand and what appears to be the far more primitive pony equivalents.

Though the meaning of 'F ≠ M' is clear enough, especially with Sunset's chalk floating next to it.

"Sunset, I need your help."

She glares at the blackboard, then at Twilight, then turns to me. "Well I'm not making any progress here."

"Am I attractive?"

"Ah." She blinks. "What?"

I shake my head. "I don't know anything about pony standards of beauty, do I?"

"I-." A mildly disturbed look on her face, Sunset gives my front arc the once-over. "Why.. do you even want to know?"

"I had that whole dream thing with Luna, but I don't know if she's just humouring me or if there's actually any potential there."

Sunset fixes me with a level gaze. "Grayven, I'm.. glad that you're enjoying yourself, but-." I do my best to look innocent. She doesn't buy it. "Grayven, this is my home. I lived here for most of my life, and I do not want you treating this as a booty call."

"I'm not. I like her."

"And… What about Kara?"

"Is constantly on guard to thwart my villainy. That's not a good basis for a healthy relationship. I don't want to have to constantly blackmail someone into spending time with me."

"Can we.. please.. focus?"

"Alright. How's it going?"

"Ah…" Twilight looks uncertain. "I'm still not sure this is going to work."

"Jgh!" Sunset gestures to the board. "I literally just finished explaining it to you. You know it makes sense. You're not that indoctrinated. You'd have to be some sort of total Starswirl fanfilly-."

"Wh-? What?" Twilight grins unconvincingly. "Pf! Nooo. I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation why your math seems to make more sense than Starswirl's Grand Thaumatic Theory."

Sunset rolls her eyes. "Looks like Celestia got to you early."

"Do you suddenly not want to study the magics that turned me into an alicorn?"

"Mmmm…" Sunset hesitates. "No..?"

"Nooooo..?"

"No, I would like to study the magical links between you and your friends please."

"Okay. So. I think-."

"Are you allowed to help me?"

Twilight looks at her and frowns. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I'm pretty sure Celestia banned Cadenza from talking to me about her ascension, and I never got given Starswirl's spell book."

"Caden-? Cadance?" Twilight smiles, this time less disturbingly. "You know Cadance?"

"Yeah, I was Celestia's student when she started living here." Sunset closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales to expunge her irritation. I can hardly believe that Celestia didn't realise how Sunset would feel about there being another alicorn around, particularly after what Starswirl's mirror showed her. "Where is she, anyway?"

"She's coming here! She and Shining Armor are taking the sleeper down from the Crystal Empire-."

"The Crystal what?"

"Ah…" Twilight looks around, her eyes alighting on a scroll. "The Crystal Empire." The scroll glows in the colour of her magic as it rises off a bookshelf and unrolls itself. "It reappeared when the spells-" Sunset trots closer and peers at it. "-Princess Celestia and Princess Luna used to keep King Sombra bound wore off."

Sunset narrows her eyes as she looks at the map's scale. "Looks more like a city. Why would you call a city an empire?"

"Tradition, mostly. It used to have a lot more territory, but when Sombra went to war with Equestria they got pushed back further and further, until they only held the capital city. When that vanished, the rest of their territory was annexed by Equestria."

I frown. "I've been thinking. Wouldn't using the Elements of Harmony have made more sense than rooting around for the Crystal Heart? I mean… That's basically what you use them for, isn't it? 'See unfriendly villain, rainbow cannon to the face'?"

"No, we didn't bring them with us."

I blink, then shake my head in bewilderment. "Why not? I would have thought that they would be the perfect counter."

Sunset rolls her eyes. "Because Celestia didn't tell her to."

"That's not why. The Crystal Heart powers the spells keeping the city warm. Without it, all the crystal ponies would have frozen. And if I hadn't had to find it then I'd have never confronted and overcome my worst fears."

I raise my eyebrows. "What was that, anyway?"

"Having Celestia rejec.. t… Me." She glances awkwardly at Sunset, who rolls her eyes. "Um."

There's a knock at the door, and Twilight sighs in relief before giving us another extremely fake grin.

"Let me just get that."

Twilight trots over to the door and opens i-.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake!"

"Ah. Cadance? I didn't think you were getting here until-?"

"Clap your hooves-" Twilight grimaces back at us as she sits on her haunches and plays a brief game of pat-a-cake with her former foalsitter. "-and do a little shake."

Sunset has gone very still.

"I didn't think you were getting here until later."

"I heard a ru-mour about you and Aunt Celestia." There's a momentary pause. "Twilight, are you hiding something?"

"Ah. No?"

"Is there somepony in there you don't want me to see?"

There's a definite eagerness in her voice. If she hadn't popped into existence with no build-up for the purpose of the series two finale, I'd be curious as to how exactly her charge ended up as socially isolated as she did. And how Twilight remained a bachelorette even after discovering the magic of friendship. But as it is-

"No, of course-."

-I just see a feed line.

I grin. "Yes!"

 

[Mr Zoat]

Equestria
Afternoon

Twilight turns her head-. Whaw pony necks are flexible. Turns her head back to glare at me.

"And you weren't going to introduce us?"

"Well-."

Princess Cadance flaps her wings and passes neatly over Twilight before landing just inside the room. "Hello, I'm-."

"Mi. Amore."

Cadance spots Sunset, her eyes widening and her body tensing.

"Cadenza."

Twilight pivots on the spot at the sound of discord, and goes into friending mode. "Sunset was just telling me that you two knew each other?"

Sunset grits her teeth for a moment. "Yes. Yes we did."

Cadance cringes. "I… Didn't know you were back?"

"Clearly."

Cadance backs up slightly and misjudges the angle, her haunches hitting the wall rather than going back through the door. As Sunset gets closer Cadance falls onto her haunches with a nervous grimace of a smile on her face, Sunset gritting her teeth and grinding them in what would be a bad idea for a human. But I guess it's fine for equine teeth? Or maybe becoming an alicorn fixes dental issues?

"M'm rryeh."

Cadance blinks. "Ah..? Pardon?"

"I'm-. Sorry."

Sunset breathes heavily, the glare of her eyes not quite matching her words. Though it does match their tone.

"You're… Sorry?"

The teeth grit again. "Yes. I'm.. sorry for how I treated you when we were living together."

"Oh, that's alri-."

Sunset raises her right forehoof. "No. No. No it's not."

"Okay?"

Sunset lowers her hoof. "I was-." She takes a look at Cadance's face and sags slightly. "And I'm scaring you again. And this time I'm not even trying to." She shakes her head and backs up a little in the hope that Cadance will feel secure enough to stand. When that doesn't work she shakes her head sadly and trudges back to the blackboard.

"Cadance?" Twilight looks curiously at her former foalsitter. "You.. knew Sunset Shimmer? You never mentioned her?"

"I… No. Um. Yes. She was living at the palace when Princess Celestia first brought me here. I didn't-."

"It's fine." Sunset turns around dejectedly. "Magic is my special talent, the same as yours. I doubt Cadenza wanted you to turn out like I did."

"Why? What happened between you two?"

"I wanted to learn magic. Celestia wanted me to learn civics. We argued, and Celestia -in her wisdom- decided that the best way to convince me she was right was to show me my future in Starswirl's mirror. I saw myself as a powerful alicorn."

"So you were jealous? You thought Cadance was trying to take your place?"

Sunset shakes her head. "Cadenza wasn't living in the palace at that point. But after that I spent all my time studying alicorns, trying to work out how the transformation worked... I spent months on that and didn't find anything. I bugged Celestia to tell me how it worked and got nowhere. In the end I started to think that I'd-" She glances at the blackboard again with a rueful smile. "-need to work it out from scratch all by myself. Which was.. fine. I like doing magical experiments."

"And then Cadenza happened."

Twilight frowns. "What do you mean 'happened'?"

With Sunset a safe distance away, Cadance gets back to her hooves. "I ascended. I didn't plan-."

"Oh, I know you didn't. I finally worked out how you did it, and if you never want to sleep again I'll show you my calculations for what would have happened if you'd been standing an inch to the left when the amulet exploded."

Twilight looks from Cadance to Sunset. "So you were.. envious?"

"A little. But when I met her she was so clearly clueless-" Twilight frowns a little. "-that it didn't really last. I just wanted her to give me as much information about what happened as she could so I could add a first hoof account to my data. And she wouldn't."

"Oh." Twilight looks at Cadance. "Why.. not..?"

"Because-."

"Because Celestia told her not to." Sunset shakes her head. "I can't believe I didn't work it out sooner."

"Aunt Celestia was worried about you! You were becoming obsessed! Everything was about becoming an alicorn!"

"And it didn't stop just because you were withholding information from me!" Sunset gives a humourless chuckle. "The funny thing is, telling what happened probably wouldn't have helped me all that much. All it would have done is made me stop hating you for obstructing me." She sags. "Because I couldn't bring myself to hate the mare actually responsible." She tosses her mane and straightens up a little. "So, yeah, I'm sorry for all the things I did to try and make you tell me. And now I'm putting the blame firmly where it belongs."

Twilights right ear twitches in a way which probably conveys all sorts of meaning to other ponies. "So… You've realised that your obsessive behaviour was self-destructive and you've come to apologise to everypony you offended and repair your old friendships?"

"No. I've come to prove that I was right all along."

Twilight frowns. "Ah-?"

"And that Celestia was wrong."

Twilight gasps in absolute horror!

I nod. "Yeah, I just got back from talking to Celestia. You… Kind of lost your temper, there."

"I know, I know." She sighs. "She just did it again!"

"I think she was trying to be nice."

"How is she this bad at it?!"

"A thousand years of ponies not wanting to get sent to the moon?" Cadance stares at me, her eyes wide. "Too soon?"

"Nopony's afraid of Aunt Celestia! I'm sure-" She turns her head towards Sunset. "-that she didn't mean whatever it was that made you so angry."

"Is it better that she's massively condescending by accident?"

Cadance starts to answer, hesitates to consider the question, then nods confidently. "Yes, it is. Because it means that she didn't do it deliberately to drive you away, and the fact that she's still reaching out to you shows that she really does want to improve your relationship." She takes a hesitant step towards Sunset. "The question is, do you?"

"I…" Sunset slumps. "Yes? I just-. I've spent a lot of time thinking about why I left, and I-. I know I could have handled it better. But so could she! I need her to.. acknowledge that, or something. And not just a generic 'I'm sorry you feel that way' thing, I need her to actually get what she did wrong." She huffs. "Maybe I'll go talk to her again before I ascend. But right now I just want-. Twilight, could you get on the-?"

"Celestia was wrong?!"

 

[Mr Zoat]

0 086 936.M41
Or thereabouts
Probably

I wince as the ork kroozer's magazines finally detonate, visibly blasting the lower part of the hull away from the more heavily armoured prow and… Um. Top? Then I wince again as the construct orks I had onboard return to the ring and I'm forced to feel their thoughts and feelings… I suppose if there were any species able to cope well with constructhood it would be the orks. They want nothing more than combat and expect to be reincarnated as orks after their deaths. In a way, I've just arranged things so that neither Mork nor Gork need to trouble themselves with arranging matters.

At this distance the size of the thing looks almost reasonable. For goodness sake, I boarded that bloody thing and I know that it's colossal. The little models Battlefleet Gothic use really make you underestimate it. Though far from the biggest ship in the Grim Dark Present, it's still four and a half kilometres long and home to hundreds of thousands of orkoids. I mean, I've seen bigger, and I'm very glad that I didn't get a closer look at any of those monsters I saw when I appeared back in the Sol system, but there's something about hundreds of bellowing lunatics firing at you with automatic scatterguns that makes you appreciate the scale of these things.

Or when their primary armament tries to aim at the little orange blip and you realise as one flies past that the shells they're firing at you are taller than you are.

Yeah. But-

Up and to my right the last Ork escort explodes and the squadron of Manta bombers that finished it off begin their return flight to their command ship.

-now that's dealt with, I can calm down to something approaching sane levels and make first contact with the least mental major faction in the setting. I gave the matter some considerable thought after I legged it away from 'Terra' with my non-warp based FTL ring, and appealing as the idea of finding an isolated, human-inhabited world somewhere safe is… It's the forty first fucking millennium! Where am I going to find somewhere safe?! I mean reliably safe, in a universe where daemons can enter some poor bastard's mind from the warp because he didn't realise he was a psyker, or there might be a sleeping Necron tomb under the ground ready to eradicate all life above, or a Hive Fleet might be about to turn inwards towards the Milky Way Galaxy from any part of intergalactic space.

So. Yeah. I try not to look threatening as I accelerate towards what looks like an airlock in the middle of the front half of the dull green Tau ship. And I try not to worry about the ion cannons which are almost certainly tracking me and are likely to be a little more accurate than the orks' gunnery. The Mantas ahead of me return to their launch bays located on either side of the third quarter of the ship. Though less massive, narrower and flatter than the ork Kroozer it's actually a fair bit longer. Which strikes me as odd; I seem to remember Tau ships having the same sort of wing shape as their tanks. Maybe… No, they're definitely using Tau transponders, but… Maybe they're auxiliaries? Armed merchantmen? Tau-aligned aliens? Not sure. I can also see the damage its hull has taken; though their damage control is better than that of the orks I can see dozens of hull breaches as well at the remains of ork boarding torpedoes where they struck the rear quarter of the ship from below.

I see a couple of smaller Tau ships turn and… Huh, they're not small-small, but in a setting where attack craft are jumbo jet size they're practically tiny. A single main gun plus wing-mounted turret weapons… Less well armed than the Manta, so I'm going to guess that those are interceptors.

I should probably contact the ship.

…

Ring, do it.

Ave, Lanterna.

No, see, that would be fine if I was joining the Imperium, but for the Tau-.

"This is the T'olku Lar'shi Vhel-." The speaker pauses. "Vhel'ua. Identify yourself."

I'd say the voice was female, but I don't know whether 'high pitch = woman' holds true for Tau. How.. best to begin?

"You're welcome."

Another pause. "For.. what?"

"I just destroyed the cruiser that was battering you. Naturally, your first response was to thank me. I have decided to be magnanimous. You're welcome."

"Ah-?"

"Who are you?"

"I am Kor'Ui Vey'ue. And.. I.. apologise for my lack of courtesy. Our diplomats are… Not available at present."

"I quite understand. It's hard to switch from battle command to negotiation. Look, I'd like to come on board. Could those fighters you're sending my way escort me to somewhere suitable?"

"For what reason?"

"I wish to request political asylum, with a view to studying Tau philosophy and eventually becoming a citizen of the Tau Empire. As you can see… I can make myself quite useful. Also… I've been awake for thirteen days straight." I think. "I need sleep."

"I will not allow you to board this ship until you tell me who and what you are."

"Fair enough. I'm a human, and I'm currently flying through space using an alien device known as a power ring."

"You're hu-? Stand by."

"Look, I know my whole species went insane some time in the last thirty nine thousand years. I was born in M Two, I wash my hands with the whole lot of them. I still remember when we looked forward to meeting other intelligent species."

"You.. do..?" A new voice, slightly deeper.

"Yeah. Want to guess what the first alien species we met was?"

"I do not know."

"Orks. And then daemons, because those come with the warp drives. Suffice to say that between the two of them they rather put us off." Those.. fighters are getting a bit close… "Look: if you're not going to let me on board just say so. I'll go somewhere else where the people are less ungrateful."

"No." Kor'Ui Vey'ue again. "I will authorise this." On the side of the ship I see a circle of light flicker around the airlock while the lights further away go out. "Please proceed to the airlock. I will send a party to meet you."

"Thank you. I look forward to meeting you in person." Ring, transition.

The universe… Is far enough away that it doesn't actually appear to move, other than the fact that a chunk of it is now obscured by a wall of ship hull. But the airlock is sized for a single person and-. Ah! A button! And even better, it isn't made of fucking skulls!

Ring, open it up.

Compliance.

The ring picks up a series of warning radio pings, then there's a slight vibration as the outer door unlocks and swings inwards and upwards. I transition inwards again and send the signal to close the outer door. Still no skulls! Curved edges, which is a little strange, but otherwise it looks pretty much like a science fiction airlock should, damn it!

I feel the vibration as the airlock seals behind me, and hear a very quiet noise as air begins to enter the compartment. Good show. Ring, show me what's on the far side of the inner door.

Compliance.

A small team of soldiers in dull green armour move into position around the airlock. Fire-caste marines with.. what are probably pulse weapons of some kind. Fully sealed armour, I note. Well done them. Their squad leaders motions with her hand and the guns are lowered slightly. Another tau, this one more slightly built and not wearing armour, hurries down the corridor. A diplomat?

Any threats I can't see?

Yes.

Oh dear.

The inner airlock opens inwards and I walk inwards towards my hosts, a strained smile upon my face.

 

[Mr Zoat]

0 086 936.M41
Inasmuch as it matters
I wonder how the tau dating system works?

The diplomat has skin a little more towards the blue end of the blue-grey spectrum. Tau… I was sort of expecting standard rubber forehead aliens, but the slightly larger eyes, lack of nose and the Y shaped facial cleft stretching from a point parallel with the bottom of her eye orbits up to a third of the way up her forehead… Her face is too… Off. Not creepy, exactly, but clearly something different.

But she's not a tau Brood Brother, and I'll take what I can get.

She's wearing a green skullcap with a glossy black thread decorating the rim, and what I assume to be a civilian spacesuit coloured a slightly brighter green loosely covers the rest of her body. Actually, I think it's designed to look a bit like a robe without impeding her motion too much. Two braids hang down from the back of her head. And she's… Is she baring her teeth? Is that something tau do? The fingers of the soldiers on either side of us are tightening around their grips slightly… What am I doing wrong?

"Hello." Still baring her teeth, the diplomat performs a shallow bow. "I am Por'La Lar'shi Tsua'm Raard."

I dismiss my construct armour. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Tsua'm. I'm… Hm. Gue'vesa'Saal Earth-" And this would be a good deal easier if I could say my own name. Just glad I was in a breathable atmosphere when I found out that I couldn't. "-Orange Lantern." I hesitantly extend my right arm. "I'm not sure how familiar you are with human body language…"

She starts to mirror my gesture, mildly hesitant as she carefully watches my hand. When our palms come together she doesn't make any attempt to grip it. I remember from reading Fire Warrior that tau reflexes are significantly slower than those of humans. I hadn't really thought about what that I2 would mean in terms of how they actually interacted with their environment. Should I..?

"N-nearly. Like this." I gently curl my fingers around her hand and shake it slightly. "It was originally a martial greeting which showed each party that the other wasn't carrying a weapon in their favoured hand."

"Oh." She looks up at me, still baring her teeth.

"Of course, since the ring is an empathic weapon and doesn't require any physical action at all it's a little misleading." I withdraw my hand. "Is there some-" I point at my mouth with my right hand. "-reason you're.. doing that?"

She closes her mouth slightly. "Smiling? Is that not a friendly human expression?"

"You weren't getting it quite right. I'll.. show you later." I gesture towards the marines with my right thumb. Ring shows… Two infected. "Am I doing something that's putting them on edge?"

She bows her head slightly. "We are… Not used to powerful human psykers being so polite. Your… Aura is a little… Strange."

"Hm?" I look down at my right hand. Right, the clearly visible orange glow. "Oh, no. I'm not a psyker. Honestly, I'm… Probably about as much of a psyker as you are. Since I predate human warp travel…" Though the shamen who created the Emperor did as well. Were their abilities purely sorcerous..? Don't know. "This shield is a product of this-" I hold up my left hand. "-ring. I don't think that it draws power from the warp. Because if it did I'd be-" I jazz hands. "-'hearing the voices' right now."

"I see. What does the force field do?"

I float slightly off the deck. "It's mostly for environmental protection. It protects me from external attack, lets me fly and deals with.. breathing and waste production."

"That is a remarkable device. Will you permit us to study it?"

I nod. "Anything non-destructive, but… It does a lot more than that, and I'll be happy to give your senior staff a-" Her nasal slit trembles slightly. "-full briefing, but… Your ship is full of holes and.. I've been awake for rather a long time. Perhaps now isn't the best-."

"Ah. Yes. Of course. I'm am sorry, but it will be some time before the.. senior staff can spare the time…"

"I quite understand. The needs of the ship come ahead of personal curiosity or pride."

"Just so. I can-" She presses a button on her spacesuit, and a small hologram appears in the air between us. "-assign quarters to you, if you wish to rest. I am afraid that we do not have anything designed with human aesthetics in mind, but please accept it until we can return to port."

"What, no skulls? What was your interior decorator t-." Huh. "Do tau have sarcasm?" She looks blank. I'll explain later. "As long as there's a mattress, it will be fine. But first, would it be possible for me to speak with your senior medical officer? I realise that most diseases can't cross the species barrier, but I'd hate to make my hosts ill because I was carrying something you weren't adapted to."

"As.. I said, the senior-" She dismisses the hologram. "-staff are likely to be occupied. We have many wounded, and the senior medical officer will be busy overseeing their repair."

I raise my left hand, generating a cut away of a tau body. "This ring has some quite remarkable medical functions as well. As long as the injuries are relatively simple, I should be able to aid their work quite considerably." I dismiss the construct and raise my-. No, there's no point doing that. She clearly doesn't understand human body language well enough.

"That.. would be his decision. But I see the value in making the request." She looks over to the fire caste warrior in charge of the detail. "Shas'Ui, would you please escort us to the primary medical station?"

I don't hear a response, but four members of the squad break away and march back down the corridor away from the airlock. Miss Tsua'm turns away from me to follow them, and I in turn follow her. And try to politely ignore the fact that the majority of the squad is now behind me, including one suborned by the tyranids. On the other hand, slightly fewer of them can shoot me at any one time now, and there isn't much advantage in shooting me further inside the ship.

And there isn't much advantage in me walking the length of one of these huge Warhammer Forty Thousand ships. Ring, interior map.

Map available.

Hr. Interior's… Okay. With a full interior scan the damaged areas are obvious. Multiple bulkhead doors are down around damaged sections and… The areas between where the boarding torpedoes hit and everywhere important. Doesn't appear to have completely saved the primary drive, but I'm not seeing any living orks. What else looks off? Hm, that's a lot of power and communication relays that don't go anyw-.

"They destroyed your bridge."

The orks totally destroyed their bridge. From the outside, it was so gone that I didn't notice that there was anything missing. I suppose that's what critical hits look like when it's real people. It also explains why I haven't spoken to any senior officers: they're a bit busy being dead. The senior air caste member at least, and probably the senior spirit caste member. And a dead Aun results in impeded inter-caste cooperation and a collapse of morale... And with medical too busy dealing with the wounded, any amount of opportunity for the Cult to spread. Can Brood Brothers spread the taint sexually, or do they need a purestrain?

Her facial cleft twitches again. "That.. is.. true. But once the engines are repaired, we can return to a friendly port."

"Then -and I do apologise- we need to move faster."

I envelop us both in orange light and transition us through the ship, the corridors now open to allow personnel and equipment to move efficiently reach damaged sections. We reappear by the room I tagged as 'primary medical', surrounded by a triage area of heavily injured tau. The more fortunate amongst the heavily injured are on antigravity beds, floating so as not to stress their injuries. The less fortunate are on the floor with whatever bandages they were brought in with keeping them from bleeding to death. The lightly injured are either keeping out of the way or assisting the medical technicians and their drones.

And while air and earth caste tau make up most of the injured, a small number are members of a reptilian species I don't immediately recognise. Well, the Tau Empire being a multispecies polity is why I'm here, I'll take that as a good sign. The one closest to me opens its right eye as I walk past and I give it a friendly wave before it passes out.

Ring, acquire biological data.

Compliance.

"What did-? Did you teleport?"

"Technically, no. Which one of these is in charge?"

A squad of fire caste soldiers have noticed us, but since Miss Tsua'm is clearly with me they're at least not opening fire right away. Right. My ship, my crew, my ticket to relative safety.

"Ah-? There." She points to a chunky earth caste tau in the middle of a small cluster of other medics. "Fio'Vre-"

Orange light blasts outward, veins and arteries reknitting, muscle regrowing and organs repairing, shrapnel evaporating and infections being scourged from existence. Yes YES!

Guh! Stop! Stop. Stop.

"-Lar… Shi…"

Miss Tsua'm trails off as all eyes turn to me, aside from those checking their bodies for the now vanished wounds.

"You're all welcome. Fio'Vre, I really need a moment of your time."