Dear John (part 23)
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2016
- Messages
- 16,657
- Likes received
- 862,646
7th November 2012
11:20 GMT -5
Uncle Sam looks awkwardly at Zauriel.
"I shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, sir."
"Neither does the Most High. It is possible for an omnipotent being to remove the human capacity for moral failure, and yet the Most High would not countenance it. However, you have recently had considerable exposure to a substance Orange Lantern had called 'ground evil'."
Uncle Sam pats the left side of his chest with his right hand. "That what it was. Stung a little."
"I should be able to remove any lingering influence. This is something I offer freely, without requiring that you follow any particular religion or to encourage others to do so."
"You can?" I smile curiously. "How does that work? I thought that kaahuite accumulated around the one place in creation where God had no presence. That's why it works against angels."
Zauriel nods solemnly. "Yes, but the rest of Uncle Sam's body does fall within the auspices of Creation. It is simply a matter of excluding everything that I cannot touch."
I look around at the crowd gathered around the real Washington Monument, being politely encouraged not to approach closer by the local police. I awkwardly wave my right hand, and am greeted by a volley of clicks as tourists from all over make sure to get a picture.
"Go ahead, then. And make it snappy; I need to haul my ugly brother to jail where he belongs."
Zauriel nods and screeches a note
"Allow me."
A vacuum cleaner construct sucks it all up, and I get to replenish my reserves of kaahuite ammunition.
Sam nods. "Now, just one thing-"
The eagle flies out of the still-fuzzy Memorial, hat still in his claws. He slows as he approaches Uncle Sam, backwinging in order to deliver the hat into his outstretched right hand.
Sam looks at it, frowning.
"Now, why would anyone want to do a thing like that?" He raps his left knuckles against the stovepipe, causing it to invert once more. He smiles. "Much better. Now."
He carefully restores the hat to its place upon his head.
"Is there something I can do for you gentlemen by way of thanks?"
"Undo whatever Johnny was up to and give Boss Smiley a black eye."
"I was planning on doing that anyway."
"The only other thing is… You haven't seen John Constantine, have you?"
"I can't say I know who that is."
Drat.
I sigh. Still, Sam's back and hopefully Boss Smiley is… Whatever he's up to is set back a little.
Dr. Balewa considers the portal at the Memorial. "Should we not do something about that foul realm, or the beings who live within?"
Sam shakes his head. "Impossible. Every civilization has its failings. Pretending they're not there doesn't help. No, it's confronting them that reminds you why they have to be fought, and lets you build the will to fight them."
He scoffs.
"Hn. Do you really think that killing a bunch of worms would prevent dishonest politicians taking bribes? If it were that simple I'd have done it right at the start."
"Thet, I understand. But I could seal the doors with stronger bindings than occur naturally. It would prevent a great deal of the leakage thet has been occurring."
Sam nods. "That doesn't sound-. Do you fellows need to ask Johnny any questions?"
"Mister Reb, do you know where John Constantine is?"
He just glowers at me. The gag probably isn't helping, but I doubt that he'd want to share either way.
And… He's a magical being whose reaction to the orange light I can't reasonably predict, especially given that those chains of his could drain it right out of whatever touched it. And there isn't an urgent need in the way there was with Uncle Sam.
"His aid will not be necessary. The Demon Constantine became somewhat helpful after you left."
"You know where John Constantine is?"
"I believe that I know how to find him."
"And I doubt that he'll tell us anything about Boss Smiley. I don't have anything. Zauriel?"
Zauriel walks closer to Johnny Reb. "Would you like me to hear your confession?"
"'o."
"Alan?"
"I just wanna go home and take a shower."
He flashes blue for a moment, sweat and grime vanishing from his body.
"Oh. In that case, let's go."
Sam makes eye contact with Mr. Reb. "I've been out of the loop for half a century, but since we're locking the door anyway, is there a reason we can't just throw him through and forget about him?"
"It would violate the fifth amendment. We do have a prison for holding magic users, now. Though I admit it would be really convenient."
Sam smiles. "Time was, folks were a bit more rough and ready about that kind of thing. I approve. If we don't treat everyone equally before the law then we're not better than him." He thinks for a moment. "Though you're right about-."
A huge talon reaches through the portal, grabbing Johnny Reb and pulling him through!
"Mwu-?"
Alan's quickest off the mark but I'm right on his tail as we fly through the portal-.
Just in time to watch the gigantised vulture peck Mr. Reb's head off.
She tosses her head back to swallow it, then looks down at us.
"What? He was defenseless, and I was hungry. And you weren't going to die."
"That wasn't the point."
"I'm a scavenger. It's an important part of the ecosystem. I clean things up. And I've got a lot of worms to eat."
Alan and I look at each other, but I'm not exactly sad that he's finally dead, and I don't want to stay here a moment longer than I have to.
We walk back through the soon-to-be-locked portal as the vulture throws her head back to swallow the rest of him.
11:20 GMT -5
Uncle Sam looks awkwardly at Zauriel.
"I shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, sir."
"Neither does the Most High. It is possible for an omnipotent being to remove the human capacity for moral failure, and yet the Most High would not countenance it. However, you have recently had considerable exposure to a substance Orange Lantern had called 'ground evil'."
Uncle Sam pats the left side of his chest with his right hand. "That what it was. Stung a little."
"I should be able to remove any lingering influence. This is something I offer freely, without requiring that you follow any particular religion or to encourage others to do so."
"You can?" I smile curiously. "How does that work? I thought that kaahuite accumulated around the one place in creation where God had no presence. That's why it works against angels."
Zauriel nods solemnly. "Yes, but the rest of Uncle Sam's body does fall within the auspices of Creation. It is simply a matter of excluding everything that I cannot touch."
I look around at the crowd gathered around the real Washington Monument, being politely encouraged not to approach closer by the local police. I awkwardly wave my right hand, and am greeted by a volley of clicks as tourists from all over make sure to get a picture.
"Go ahead, then. And make it snappy; I need to haul my ugly brother to jail where he belongs."
Zauriel nods and screeches a note
Zauriel nods and screeches a note
And it's like the universe skips sideways for a moment. Sam jerks in apparent alarm as a cloud of dust drops out of him, but as far as I can tell he isn't harmed in any way."Allow me."
A vacuum cleaner construct sucks it all up, and I get to replenish my reserves of kaahuite ammunition.
Sam nods. "Now, just one thing-"
The eagle flies out of the still-fuzzy Memorial, hat still in his claws. He slows as he approaches Uncle Sam, backwinging in order to deliver the hat into his outstretched right hand.
Sam looks at it, frowning.
"Now, why would anyone want to do a thing like that?" He raps his left knuckles against the stovepipe, causing it to invert once more. He smiles. "Much better. Now."
He carefully restores the hat to its place upon his head.
"Is there something I can do for you gentlemen by way of thanks?"
"Undo whatever Johnny was up to and give Boss Smiley a black eye."
"I was planning on doing that anyway."
"The only other thing is… You haven't seen John Constantine, have you?"
"I can't say I know who that is."
Drat.
I sigh. Still, Sam's back and hopefully Boss Smiley is… Whatever he's up to is set back a little.
Dr. Balewa considers the portal at the Memorial. "Should we not do something about that foul realm, or the beings who live within?"
Sam shakes his head. "Impossible. Every civilization has its failings. Pretending they're not there doesn't help. No, it's confronting them that reminds you why they have to be fought, and lets you build the will to fight them."
He scoffs.
"Hn. Do you really think that killing a bunch of worms would prevent dishonest politicians taking bribes? If it were that simple I'd have done it right at the start."
"Thet, I understand. But I could seal the doors with stronger bindings than occur naturally. It would prevent a great deal of the leakage thet has been occurring."
Sam nods. "That doesn't sound-. Do you fellows need to ask Johnny any questions?"
"Mister Reb, do you know where John Constantine is?"
He just glowers at me. The gag probably isn't helping, but I doubt that he'd want to share either way.
And… He's a magical being whose reaction to the orange light I can't reasonably predict, especially given that those chains of his could drain it right out of whatever touched it. And there isn't an urgent need in the way there was with Uncle Sam.
"His aid will not be necessary. The Demon Constantine became somewhat helpful after you left."
"You know where John Constantine is?"
"I believe that I know how to find him."
"And I doubt that he'll tell us anything about Boss Smiley. I don't have anything. Zauriel?"
Zauriel walks closer to Johnny Reb. "Would you like me to hear your confession?"
"'o."
"Alan?"
"I just wanna go home and take a shower."
He flashes blue for a moment, sweat and grime vanishing from his body.
"Oh. In that case, let's go."
Sam makes eye contact with Mr. Reb. "I've been out of the loop for half a century, but since we're locking the door anyway, is there a reason we can't just throw him through and forget about him?"
"It would violate the fifth amendment. We do have a prison for holding magic users, now. Though I admit it would be really convenient."
Sam smiles. "Time was, folks were a bit more rough and ready about that kind of thing. I approve. If we don't treat everyone equally before the law then we're not better than him." He thinks for a moment. "Though you're right about-."
A huge talon reaches through the portal, grabbing Johnny Reb and pulling him through!
"Mwu-?"
Alan's quickest off the mark but I'm right on his tail as we fly through the portal-.
Just in time to watch the gigantised vulture peck Mr. Reb's head off.
She tosses her head back to swallow it, then looks down at us.
"What? He was defenseless, and I was hungry. And you weren't going to die."
"That wasn't the point."
"I'm a scavenger. It's an important part of the ecosystem. I clean things up. And I've got a lot of worms to eat."
Alan and I look at each other, but I'm not exactly sad that he's finally dead, and I don't want to stay here a moment longer than I have to.
We walk back through the soon-to-be-locked portal as the vulture throws her head back to swallow the rest of him.
Last edited: