Some time ago on Earth 12
Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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Earth 12
12th December 2001
18:43 GMT -6
As the claws press up against my neck I realise that I may have made a rather serious mistake.
"And who.. are.. you?"
Doctor Minerva's face is so close to the back of my neck that I can feel her whiskers as they brush against my skin. Instinct. She wants to be able to tear out my throat if she doesn't like the answer. I would have thought that a woman of her intelligence would realise that a gun would be a better-.
Her claws tighten slightly.
"My name is Peter Wynne." I don't think she has a magic lie detector so I don't need to explain how it's only sort of my name. At this point I've… Sort of gotten used to it. "Are you hungry?"
"I haven't eaten British before."
"Our food culture's come a long way since the eighties. But…" I gesture to the preservation crate on the bench in front of me. "I brought this as a sign of my honest intentions."
"What's inside?"
"Springbok."
I feel whiskers and fur move as she shifts her head to take a look. And I feel the air move as she sniffs. "Why?"
"Your physiology is a mixture of human and cheetah. I'm not sure exactly what you can eat… How your… Splicing has affected your digestive tract, but… I know that predatory animals get their vitamins from organ meat. I… Thought you might like it."
Or maybe you'll be incandescent with rage at me implying that you're an animal. Or you might be incandescent with rage at me implying that you're not a good enough biologist to understand your own digestive processes.
Another sniff. "Is it fresh?"
"Killed a couple of hours ago. The.. box is designed to keep food fresh without freezing it. It should be perfectly palatable."
"Open it. Slowly."
I cautiously reach forward and deactivate the stasis field, then open the lid. The smell of blood immediately fills the air. I then pull the crate a little closer and tilt it so that she can see the meat inside.
"That smells good."
"I'm glad that you-."
Ow! She just… Licked me? Cheetah tongues are barbed and do not feel nice. At least she's removed the claws.
She pulls back enough that I can't feel her any longer. "Step aside."
I sidestep to the right, looking around at the rest of her laboratory setup. Some of the equipment is stolen, and the rest is either old or damaged in some way which caused it to get thrown out. Power comes from a cable which runs to a nearby junction box and I've got no idea what she's doing for water.
The glamorous life of a supervillain.
I feel her tail rub against my leg as she softly and silently approaches the crate. I turn slightly to face her and her slit-pupilled eyes flick to my face for an instant before fixing back on the meat.
"So we're clear: if this is drugged I will kill you before it can take effect."
"It's not drugg-" Her right hand darts forwards, grabs a still-bleeding liver and brings it up to her muzzle. "-ed." She sniffs it deeply twice, then tears into it with her teeth, pulling, ripping and then jerking her head back and swallowing, blood and liver juices dripping down her mouth and onto her fur-covered chest.
She's… Her fur is thick, but she's still clearly mostly shaped like a human woman. There are very clearly fur-covered mammaries under there and I'm going to move my eyes back to her face now. She's eating at quite a pace, not really chewing at all as she gulps the meat down. As she eats I get a good view of the altered structure of her jaw and her decidedly nonhuman teeth, sharp for cutting and stabbing, the grinding function of human molars abandoned as a result of her ill-advised auto-experimentation. She swiftly finishes the liver and breathes lustily in pleasure before turning to face me.
"Are you an autograph hunter?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Autograph. Are you here for my autograph?"
I frown. "Do people do that?"
"You'd be surprised." Her tail curls from left to right behind her. "But that's not why you're here."
"No. I.. want to offer you a job."
"What kind of job?"
"Biological research." She narrows her eyes slightly. "I have a prospectus-" I gesture to my coat with my right hand. "-if you don't mind me reaching for it?"
Her eyes narrow, and she makes a small shrug as she starts cleaning her right hand with her tongue. I reach into my jacket and pull out the booklet with 'Schizo Applications' emblazoned on the cover, then put it down next to the crate.
"Essentially, my business makes its money by acquiring the rights to… Unusually advanced technology and finding civilian applications for it. I'm aware that this… Wasn't what you originally intended, and I see definite commercial potential in your work."
Her face relaxes slightly, her eyes widening. "Y..?"
"Obviously, you have.. certain.. legal difficulties which we'd.. have to work around. My company is based in Britain and I.. don't think we're going to be able to get you indefinite leave to remain. But that's okay, I've been thinking about opening a branch in the United States for a while. There's so much.. stuff to work on here. Do you.. have much experience with project management?"
"It's.. been a while. When you're a supervillain it's.. hard to.. find willing collaborators."
"I imagine. There are a few other scientists I'm going to be trying to recruit, but it's unlikely that you'll be working with anyone in your speciality.. quite on your level."
"Why?"
"Because high-end scientists with criminal records are cheaper to hire than scientists without criminal records. Oh, and I'm afraid that compulsory counselling will be part of the employment contract."
"I'm not crazy."
"No, but you've been living in isolation and in constant conflict with all of those around you for a prolonged period. Humans don't work well in those circumstances. And.. then there's the-" I gesture to her face with my right hand. "-risk-taking."
She sighs. "It was my life's work. I couldn't just abandon everything I'd been working on."
"In point of fact: you could. You could have gotten a job in a related and more commercial field while you applied for grants, or worked on 'splicing' in your spare time. Instead, you tested a.. demonstrably unsafe mutagen on yourself. Now, that might have been a risk you decided to take because you carefully weighed up the risks and decided to take a chance… But just in case-."
"Let me guess: it's a condition of your insurance."
"Oh." I shake my head. "They don't do insurance for people who employ supervillains. I just put money in escrow and cross my fingers. So far so good, but I haven't cracked the American supervillainy scene just yet and I'm told that some of your contemporaries are fairly hardcore."
"Do you want me to make introductions?"
"Not at.. this point. There's a fairly narrow… Sane-enough-to-be-employable and crazy-enough-to-be-useful… Margin for error, and I'd rather focus on a small number of individuals and.. use them to encourage future waves of employees."
"So you're not forming a supervillain team with this as cover."
"Either 'no' or 'yes, and I'm having them work within the law', depending on how you look at it." I think about the dying power ring sitting in a safe back in England. "I've never really gotten into the more flamboyant sort of criminality. Should I take it that you're interested?"
"Yes. Yes… Definitely."
I smile. "Good show. I've procured the services of a removal agency to…" I look around. "Assist you in shutting this place down. They know better than to ask questions, but if you could avoid directly telling them anything they might have to claim the fifth over in court..?" She nods. "Much appreciated."
I reach into my jacket and hand her some paperwork and a pair of keys.
"One contract of employment, a debit card linked to a prepaid account and a key to an apartment for your use until.. things are settled and I've got a location for you to move to. And a contact number in case you have any concerns or queries." I smile and nod deferentially. "I'll leave you to your meal."
12th December 2001
18:43 GMT -6
As the claws press up against my neck I realise that I may have made a rather serious mistake.
"And who.. are.. you?"
Doctor Minerva's face is so close to the back of my neck that I can feel her whiskers as they brush against my skin. Instinct. She wants to be able to tear out my throat if she doesn't like the answer. I would have thought that a woman of her intelligence would realise that a gun would be a better-.
Her claws tighten slightly.
"My name is Peter Wynne." I don't think she has a magic lie detector so I don't need to explain how it's only sort of my name. At this point I've… Sort of gotten used to it. "Are you hungry?"
"I haven't eaten British before."
"Our food culture's come a long way since the eighties. But…" I gesture to the preservation crate on the bench in front of me. "I brought this as a sign of my honest intentions."
"What's inside?"
"Springbok."
I feel whiskers and fur move as she shifts her head to take a look. And I feel the air move as she sniffs. "Why?"
"Your physiology is a mixture of human and cheetah. I'm not sure exactly what you can eat… How your… Splicing has affected your digestive tract, but… I know that predatory animals get their vitamins from organ meat. I… Thought you might like it."
Or maybe you'll be incandescent with rage at me implying that you're an animal. Or you might be incandescent with rage at me implying that you're not a good enough biologist to understand your own digestive processes.
Another sniff. "Is it fresh?"
"Killed a couple of hours ago. The.. box is designed to keep food fresh without freezing it. It should be perfectly palatable."
"Open it. Slowly."
I cautiously reach forward and deactivate the stasis field, then open the lid. The smell of blood immediately fills the air. I then pull the crate a little closer and tilt it so that she can see the meat inside.
"That smells good."
"I'm glad that you-."
Ow! She just… Licked me? Cheetah tongues are barbed and do not feel nice. At least she's removed the claws.
She pulls back enough that I can't feel her any longer. "Step aside."
I sidestep to the right, looking around at the rest of her laboratory setup. Some of the equipment is stolen, and the rest is either old or damaged in some way which caused it to get thrown out. Power comes from a cable which runs to a nearby junction box and I've got no idea what she's doing for water.
The glamorous life of a supervillain.
I feel her tail rub against my leg as she softly and silently approaches the crate. I turn slightly to face her and her slit-pupilled eyes flick to my face for an instant before fixing back on the meat.
"So we're clear: if this is drugged I will kill you before it can take effect."
"It's not drugg-" Her right hand darts forwards, grabs a still-bleeding liver and brings it up to her muzzle. "-ed." She sniffs it deeply twice, then tears into it with her teeth, pulling, ripping and then jerking her head back and swallowing, blood and liver juices dripping down her mouth and onto her fur-covered chest.
She's… Her fur is thick, but she's still clearly mostly shaped like a human woman. There are very clearly fur-covered mammaries under there and I'm going to move my eyes back to her face now. She's eating at quite a pace, not really chewing at all as she gulps the meat down. As she eats I get a good view of the altered structure of her jaw and her decidedly nonhuman teeth, sharp for cutting and stabbing, the grinding function of human molars abandoned as a result of her ill-advised auto-experimentation. She swiftly finishes the liver and breathes lustily in pleasure before turning to face me.
"Are you an autograph hunter?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Autograph. Are you here for my autograph?"
I frown. "Do people do that?"
"You'd be surprised." Her tail curls from left to right behind her. "But that's not why you're here."
"No. I.. want to offer you a job."
"What kind of job?"
"Biological research." She narrows her eyes slightly. "I have a prospectus-" I gesture to my coat with my right hand. "-if you don't mind me reaching for it?"
Her eyes narrow, and she makes a small shrug as she starts cleaning her right hand with her tongue. I reach into my jacket and pull out the booklet with 'Schizo Applications' emblazoned on the cover, then put it down next to the crate.
"Essentially, my business makes its money by acquiring the rights to… Unusually advanced technology and finding civilian applications for it. I'm aware that this… Wasn't what you originally intended, and I see definite commercial potential in your work."
Her face relaxes slightly, her eyes widening. "Y..?"
"Obviously, you have.. certain.. legal difficulties which we'd.. have to work around. My company is based in Britain and I.. don't think we're going to be able to get you indefinite leave to remain. But that's okay, I've been thinking about opening a branch in the United States for a while. There's so much.. stuff to work on here. Do you.. have much experience with project management?"
"It's.. been a while. When you're a supervillain it's.. hard to.. find willing collaborators."
"I imagine. There are a few other scientists I'm going to be trying to recruit, but it's unlikely that you'll be working with anyone in your speciality.. quite on your level."
"Why?"
"Because high-end scientists with criminal records are cheaper to hire than scientists without criminal records. Oh, and I'm afraid that compulsory counselling will be part of the employment contract."
"I'm not crazy."
"No, but you've been living in isolation and in constant conflict with all of those around you for a prolonged period. Humans don't work well in those circumstances. And.. then there's the-" I gesture to her face with my right hand. "-risk-taking."
She sighs. "It was my life's work. I couldn't just abandon everything I'd been working on."
"In point of fact: you could. You could have gotten a job in a related and more commercial field while you applied for grants, or worked on 'splicing' in your spare time. Instead, you tested a.. demonstrably unsafe mutagen on yourself. Now, that might have been a risk you decided to take because you carefully weighed up the risks and decided to take a chance… But just in case-."
"Let me guess: it's a condition of your insurance."
"Oh." I shake my head. "They don't do insurance for people who employ supervillains. I just put money in escrow and cross my fingers. So far so good, but I haven't cracked the American supervillainy scene just yet and I'm told that some of your contemporaries are fairly hardcore."
"Do you want me to make introductions?"
"Not at.. this point. There's a fairly narrow… Sane-enough-to-be-employable and crazy-enough-to-be-useful… Margin for error, and I'd rather focus on a small number of individuals and.. use them to encourage future waves of employees."
"So you're not forming a supervillain team with this as cover."
"Either 'no' or 'yes, and I'm having them work within the law', depending on how you look at it." I think about the dying power ring sitting in a safe back in England. "I've never really gotten into the more flamboyant sort of criminality. Should I take it that you're interested?"
"Yes. Yes… Definitely."
I smile. "Good show. I've procured the services of a removal agency to…" I look around. "Assist you in shutting this place down. They know better than to ask questions, but if you could avoid directly telling them anything they might have to claim the fifth over in court..?" She nods. "Much appreciated."
I reach into my jacket and hand her some paperwork and a pair of keys.
"One contract of employment, a debit card linked to a prepaid account and a key to an apartment for your use until.. things are settled and I've got a location for you to move to. And a contact number in case you have any concerns or queries." I smile and nod deferentially. "I'll leave you to your meal."
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